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 Posted: Wed Mar 14, 2007 6:12 pm
i just recently found out im pregnant...im happy that im having a baby..but not so happy on being with my partner..im still kind of in love with my ex but in some ways i dont want to be with anybody,i want to be alone!! i dont want to be selfish and make the wrong decisions for my baby. im really trying to make things work between me and him but its getting no where....ive tried explaing to my bf but he refuses to let me go,and says im being stupid and selfish to him and the baby.. please help!!!! SHOULD I STAY OR GO???
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Posted: Wed Mar 14, 2007 9:34 pm
It sounds like you want to go and have tried to go, so it sounds like you already know what you want. You are not obligated to stay just because he is the baby's father. It is not necessarily selfish to go. In fact, sometimes it is very selfless. If you think he is a bad influence to your baby, then it might be in your baby's best interest to go. If he is calling you names, that's never a good sign.
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Posted: Wed Mar 14, 2007 10:18 pm
A lot of people who have/had parents who "stayed together for the kids" said they wished their parents had just gone ahead and seperated.
If he treats you like crap, calls you names, is that someone you want in your life? Is that someone you want as your baby's father? As Lorien said, you need to think about what's best for your baby. If you think your baby doesn't need him in its life, and you don't need him in your life, then maybe it'd be better to go.
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Posted: Thu Mar 15, 2007 11:48 pm
If you're having general "I can't be around this person" flight type of feelings, and it's not an abusive or problematic relationship (I was confused by your first post), I can relate.
I have always felt that if I ever got pregnant in a relationship, that the guy would leave me, so I always felt that I would just run away or something (to Canada! *echo echo echo*), to avoid the hurt of being left.
I've had a few pregnancy scares, myself, and each time I feel completely and utterly powerless; I start feeling like I want to run away from my partner (who I love very very much), and I feel like I should just run away.
In reality, these feelings are kind of normal. I just think that you need to maybe sit down, take a breather, and think things out rationally, especially if it helps you to talk with someone, with a good friend who is not your boyfriend.
After you feel comfortable, talk with him, and see if you can help make those insecurities lessen.
If you are experiencing abuse, on the other hand, you should get away ASAP. Abuse is not good for YOU or your pregnancy and it will NOT get better once the baby is born.
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Posted: Fri Mar 16, 2007 9:34 am
just because he isnt hitting you doesnt mean its not abuse. Emotional abuse over time becomes just as detrimental to you as physical violence is. If he is already telling you that you are doing bad things for the baby or you are going to fail the baby that is serious emotional abuse. I have been in that boat my last boyfriend before my husband was emotionally abusive. I still feel horrible about this but I felt I couldnt leave him after I got pregnant by him. I miscarried after 2 months and felt safer because I didnt have the child tieing me to him permanently. I realized later that I didnt have to be tied to him I could have just left him. SO be careful you dont want to end up like I was and resent your pregnancy because you are stuck someplace you dont want to be. Goodluck
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