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 Posted: Tue Mar 13, 2007 4:21 pm
Title: A Part of Me
Author: Meera Flame
Rating: R
POV: Third
Disclaimer: F to the A to the K to the E. FAKE.
Summary: When Frank puts an end to their relationship, Gerard gets hurt and decides to tell the whole world, in an attempt to get him back.
A/N: I know I said something about a Ferard High School fic, and it's coming. I just need to get this one out of my head first, because it won't stop bugging me.
Feedback means sex, and con-crit is welcomed; I always want to improve my writing skills.
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Posted: Tue Mar 13, 2007 4:24 pm
***NOTE: Some of the epilogue has been removed to fit with the no sexual content rule. If you want to read it, you can find it at my LJ: http://chemicalwriting.livejournal.com .Part Five: No Excuse It’s only been a day since Frank talked to Gerard, or rather, anyone at all. But it feels like an eternity as he has shut himself inside his room, refusing to eat and shower, pretending to have the worst life in the entire world. Because despite his far from empty bank account, fame, good looks and great friends, he feels like he does.
Having finally realized that leaving Gerard was a mistake, a part of him (the part that secretly belongs to Gerard) tells him to screw his pride and call Gerard again so that he can at least explain.
But on the contrary, he’s sure that Victoria girl was there to cheer his former lover up, and that’s not something he’s able to forgive in the nearest future. Who could forgive a cheating lover? Not that they are lovers anymore, of course. But Frank counts it as cheating anyway, because according to Gerard himself, Frank is his only one.
And according to Frank — single or not — you don’t mess around with other people if you have an only one. Not even if your pants are so unbearably tight they’re about rip apart (you were given two hands for a reason).
Not managing to ignore his shrieking stomach anymore, he heads for his fridge, only to discover that it’s empty. As he looks into its empty space, he wonders if his girlfriend emptied it out of cruelty when he kicked her out of his apartment this morning, not able to look at or listen to her anymore. But he knows better.
Realizing that he has to go out of his shelter if he wants food, he sighs heavily, but throws on a pair of shoes and a jacket anyway, and locks the door before heading out on the street.
As he walks down that same street he walked down yesterday, he prays to no one in particular that he doesn’t meet any fans on his way. And it looks like someone is listening to him, because someone has yet to recognize him when he walks out of a local grocery store, a bag of food in his hand.
"Hey — hey you! You in the pyjama pants!" someone screams behind him and he knows he’s screwed. "Frank Iero!" Not in the mood for a run, he stops, forces a smile upon his face and turns around to find three blond girls staring at him, grinning mischievously. "Would you mind giving us your autograph? We have a pen — and you could sign our t-shirts," one of them says and flashes a plain red t-shirt.
"Sure, no problem," he half sighs as he puts the bag of food down and grabs the pen she’s holding out for him.
After fifteen minutes of signing, posing for pictures and small talk, Frank decides it is time for him to go. "Hey girls, I really have to go now." Their smiles fade quickly, but they say their thanks anyway and start to walk away, much to Frank’s relief. But before he has the chance to grab his bag of food, one of them turns around again, muttering apologies.
"Sorry, I know you’ve got to go … but one last question?" He nods in defeat and the girl beams at him. "Who dumped Gerard?"
The question is like a slap in the face and all he can do is stare dumbly at the girl who earlier introduced herself as Rachel. She stares just as dumbly back, but is brought back to reality as a tall girl leans down and pecks Frank’s cheek. Frank frowns until he notices it’s only Alicia, to whom he attempts to smile at. She pushes his bag of food into his arms and throws one of her own over his shoulders as she leads him away from the gaping girl.
"Thanks," he mutters weakly.
"No problem," she replies softly and removes her arm from his shoulder.
"Why are you here anyway?" he asks, already missing the warmth of her arm.
"I was on my way to you, actually." Her voice is suddenly cold and distant, and Frank wonders why, but he doesn’t say anything.
They walk in silence back to his apartment, and he’s just taken his shoes off and placed the bag of food on his kitchen counter when he receives a real slap in the face.
"That’s from me," Alicia says harshly, "for being such an idiot."
Slap.
"That’s from Mikey," she says this time, "for hurting his brother."
Slap.
"And that’s from Gerard." Frank blinks and rubs his offended cheek. It’s the first time he’s seen her angry. "Although he would probably slap me if he knew I did that to his precious little Frankie and said it was from him as well." She rolls her eyes and smiles apologetically at him. "Sorry. But you deserved it."
Frank raises an eyebrow at her. "I deserved it?"
"Yes," she says firmly, crossing her arms. "You did. For being an idiot and breaking Gee’s heart. Twice."
"I broke his heart? He was the one who cheated on me!" Frank shouted, banging his fist down at the counter.
Calm as ever, Alicia looks at him with her eyebrows raised. "Cheated on you?"
"Yes, cheated on me," Frank mumbles. "As he probably told you already, I called him yesterday after having read Kerrang!. I wanted to let him know that I was sorry and that I wanted to give us another chance because I was starting to realize I had made a mistake." He looks at her and she nods, waiting for him to continue. "But then there’s this ******** slut answering his phone, giggling, and asking if she can take any messages because Gerard’s ‘unavailable at the moment.’"
"Did she say her name?" Alicia asks curiously, tapping her finger on the counter.
"No," Frank shrugs. "But Gerard did when she put him on. Victoria or something."
"You’re such an idiot," she manages to say before laughing out loud. Frank just stares at her and watches as she clutches her stomach and leans against the counter for support. He feels himself getting angrier by the minute, because ********, what’s so ******** funny about getting cheated on? Obviously she can see this too, because she tries to calm herself down as she says, "Frank … Vicky’s Gerard and Mikey’s cousin."
Five seconds later, he’s storming out the front door.
***
"Please open up, goddamn it," he mutters mostly to himself as he stands outside Gerard’s apartment, having knocked five times already. The door isn’t locked, so he idly wonders if Gerard knows it’s him and doesn’t want to open up. But then the door finally opens, bringing Frank back to reality.
Gerard’s a mess and Frank wants to hug him. His eyes are red (probably from crying, Frank notes), his face unshaven and clothes dirty.
For a while, they just look at each other. Then, Frank takes a step closer and says, "There’s no excuse for what I’ve done but I’m sorry. I’m sorry for leaving you in the first place, and I’m sorry for jumping too quickly to my own conclusions." It all comes out in a rush and he takes a deep breath. "I’m sorry for all the pain I’ve caused you lately, Gee."
Silence.
"Are you still sorry for having loved me?" Gerard finally whispers, staring down at his own feet.
"God, no," Frank says and finds the courage to drag Gerard into a hug. "I will never be sorry for loving you."
Then, for the second time that day, someone laughs at Frank. Gerard wraps his arms around Frank and just laughs like there’s no tomorrow. "Sorry," he chuckles as he lets Frank go. "It’s just so ******** surreal and cliché at the same time you know?" Frank smiles and nods, because it is.
"I should be angry with you," says Gerard and points an accusing finger at Frank. "But I can’t be arsed."
"So … I’m still a part of you then?" Frank asks hopefully.
Gerard just smiles and gives him a long kiss. "You will always be a part of me, Frankie, always."Epilogue: The Dirty Streets of New Jersey Frank didn’t realize how much he’d actually missed waking up with Gerard beside him until now. His lover’s still fast asleep, his naked, heaving chest sticky with bodily fluids from last night's activities.
They had jumped each other pretty quickly after that innocent kiss that was just a soft pressure of lips, Gerard ripping at Frank’s pyjama pants as soon as he’d closed that goddamned door and hauling his lover inside.
Frank closes his eyes and tries to erase images from his mind. That only makes the matters worse, so he looks around for something else to focus on instead.
And then, he sees it. It’s on Gerard’s bedside table. He stretches his hand out to take it, trying not to wake Gerard. He flips through the magazine quickly before he finds what he’s looking for.
"There are those who would kill to be with the front man of My Chemical Romance, Gerard Way…" the magazine says, and then, an idea hits him in the head fiercer than any other.
"Gerard?" he says, nudging him awake. "Babe?"
"Uh huh?" he replies sleepily after a while as moves closer to Frank, arms wrapping themselves around his waist. He cracks an eye open and looks at Frank, smiling, before giving his stomach a sloppy good morning kiss. "What is it?"
"I have an idea."
***
"Thought you’d like to read it first," Mikey says and throws the newest issue of Kerrang! onto his and Alicia’s bed. She blows him a kiss and shoos Bunny and Pumpkin out of the bed so she can read the magazine without their cats interrupting her. Mikey joins her on the bed, his head resting in the crook of her neck as she finally opens the magazine and starts to read.
The first five pages seems like a waste of space, but when she reaches the sixth, her mouth widens into a huge grin. "Baby, did you know about this?" she exclaims excitedly and flashes the page to Mikey.
"No!" he says just as excitedly and sits up. "Go on, read!"
"While reading this, millions of teenagers around the world will have their hearts broken, because My Chemical Romance’s front man, Gerard Way, and rhythm guitarist, Frank Iero, reveal they’re in love. But who knew it was with each other?
We met both men outside a local café in Newark, New Jersey for a quick interview. As we sit down, it’s easy to tell they’re having a hard time keeping their hands off each other. "Yes, it was Frankie all along," Gerard smiles and looks lovingly over at his boyfriend and band mate, when we ask if it was Iero he was talking about earlier this year when he had been dumped and was left heartbroken.
Asking what they are planning to do now, Frank says, "We’re just going to chill out and do what other couples do, until we head back on tour in a few weeks." We pretend not to see the hand Gerard’s sneaking onto Frank’s thigh. Frank smiles, "And we hope to see everyone there. Because the shows are going to kick a**."
As soon as we ask if there’s going to be an engagement announcement soon, they both look at each other and laugh. "We’ll see," Way says with a smile and squeezes Frank’s thigh (which we also pretend we didn’t see), "we’ll see."
Before leaving, Frank thanks K! personally for letting Gerard tell his story. "I would never have realized how stupid I was if it wasn’t for you guys, thanks a lot."
As cliché and cheesy it might be, we watch as the couple leaves, walking hand in hand down the dirty streets of New Jersey.
Congratulations Gerard and Frank for finding love from all at K!"The End
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Posted: Tue Mar 13, 2007 4:26 pm
Part One: What Hurts The Most
It had all begun with self-pity, tears and a bruised heart. Gerard didn’t find it ironic at all that it ended that way, too.
He’s feeling sorry for himself as his heart stings and body aches for the touch of his now former lover’s hands. He wipes his cheek and inhales the smoke that one day will most likely give him cancer. Stumping his cigarette, he rolls over on the bed Frank left him alone on only minutes earlier and sobs softly into the pillow.
It’s what made Frank break up in the first place that hurts him the most. Had Frank said it was because he was tired of his apple-shaped face, chubby figure and girly giggles Gerard would have understood — he could never expect Frank to stay interested forever anyway, despite the vows of love and commitment.
What hurts him is that he left him because of her. Frank left him for another person. His ex-girlfriend, the woman he almost married.
Six months after he called it quits with her, in a pathetic attempt to get him back she had threatened to tell the entire world about their secret relationship if he didn’t, because she knew Frank wasn’t ready to let everyone know — hell, he had just told his relatives and closest friends he was bisexual.
But as much as he wants to blame her for Frank leaving him, he can’t. Frank never had to leave, and he almost starts to believe Frank just waited for an excuse like that so he had a reason to leave. Because even he knows that she would never do that to Frank, she still loves him too much. And if he were in her shoes, he’d do the exact same thing.
The exact same thing.
A brilliant idea pops into Gerard’s head and his eyes are suddenly perfectly dry.
***
He knows it’s risky. Not only does he put his friendship with Frank on the line, but also the band’s future — his future. He dials the number anyway as he clears his dry throat.
“Hullo? — Yeah, hi, it’s, um, it’s Gerard — No, I don’t want to talk to Mikey, I want to talk to you actually — Yeah, I need to ask you to do a favour for me. Are you free tonight? — Eight should be fine, yeah. My place? — Good, um, I’ll see you then — Yeah, bye.” He hangs up and decides to take a quick shower. The clock has already passed seven.
The clock is five minutes to eight when someone’s knocking on his door. “It’s open!” he yells from the kitchen as he pours coffee into two mugs. He listens as the door creaks open, and a pair of feet approaches his small, cosy kitchen. He smiles. “Thanks for coming over on such a short notice, Alicia. Coffee?”
“Uh, yeah, thanks. And no problem, I didn’t have anything better to do anyways.” She flashes a toothy grin back at him as she takes off her coat which she forgot to take off in the hallway and hang on the rack, and sits down at one of the two chairs placed in the corner of his small kitchen. He notices that her eyes, for once, aren’t heavy with black makeup. Gerard decides she’s prettier without it. “So Gerard,” she starts, reaching out to take the cup Gerard’s giving her, “what can I do for you?”
Gerard smiles slyly as he too, sits down. “Well, it’s a little complicated, actually. Which is why I didn’t want to ask you over the phone.”
She smiles into her mug and says, “Spill, ********.”
He tells her about the break up, to which she gasps and says, “Oh my, Gee, you all right?” And when he’s assured her that he’s doing okay, he continues and let her know why.
“To be honest, Gerard, I don’t know what to say to that.” She smiles apologetically at him. “It was a really shitty thing to do.”
“Yeah …” Gerard agrees silently, taking a quick sip. “But this is where you come in.”
“Oh?” She raises a curious eyebrow at him.
“I want you to call Kerrang! anonymously and tell them that you heard I just broke up with my boyfriend. But don’t mention Frank.” He looks at her for any hint of disagreement, but she nods approvingly, although there’s concern in her eyes. “Hopefully, they will take the tip seriously enough to try to get an interview. Which, I’m going to give them. And I’ll tell them everything.”
It takes a lot of persuading before she agrees to do it; first off, she’s afraid Mikey and the rest of the band will be mad at her for doing it, but Gerard assures her that they’ll never know, and that if they were to find out, he’ll take all of the blame. And then she’s curious about why he’s doing it, but he tells her she’ll find out if his plan works.
So when she drinks up what’s left of her coffee, she picks up her phone.
Part Two: Prince Charming
It’s first when Alicia has left and Gerard’s alone that he gets second thoughts. If Frank misunderstands it, and thinks Gerard did it only for revenge, there will be no more My Chemical Romance. He knows it. Frank will leave the band. And the rest of the guys will blame Gerard for it (obviously), and call it quit because they all know they can’t continue without Frank.
Luckily though, he has yet to tell Kerrang!. If they call, that is.
But he can’t back out now. He has to get Frank back. If he can’t prove to Frank that they belong together, he’ll prove it to the whole world, and Frank will understand then, right? Right.
Even if it means the end of My Chemical Romance, he has to do it. Because he’ll sacrifice anything for Frank. Anything. And he needs to prove that, too.
He sighs as he heads for bed. “Hopefully,” he tells the bed as he removes his pants and crawls under the layers. “We won’t have to sleep by ourselves much longer.” And with that, he falls into a dreamless sleep
***
Ten hours of sleep and four cups of coffee later, Gerard’s sitting alone in his living room, watching old re-runs of Tom & Jerry, waiting for a phone call he knows is coming. Kerrang! called him around noon, but Mikey was over then and he didn’t want his baby brother to know anything about it. So he told them he was busy and to call again later if they still were interested in talking to him.
Which they were, hopefully
Gerard watch as Jerry walks around a Christmas Tree, looking at himself in the reflective decorations, and Gerard just has to groan, because that has to be the tenth time Cartoon Network has shown that episode this week. And the fact that he has already seen that episode at least a hundred times before, doesn’t exactly make it any more entertaining.
He decides to switch channels, but before he manages to reach for the remote, his cell phone is ringing. He jumps up from the chair, running for it, and tries not to sound too excited as he answers. “Hullo?”
“Hello,” the voice in the other end says politely. “This is Ryan Hale from Kerrang! calling. We talked on the phone earlier this evening?”
“Yeah,” Gerard replies, struggling to keep his voice steady as he speaks. “That’s, um, that’s right.”
“Would you mind to answer a few questions?” the man asks.
“Shoot,” Gerard says, slumping back into his chair.
“We talked to you half a year ago, and then you were kind enough to tell us that you had just ended a long-term relationship with your girlfriend. And now there’s rumours going you just ended another one, this time with another guy. Can you confirm this?”
“Um, yeah. Only it wasn’t me who ended the relationship. I had no intentions of ending our relationship. I had never been more content with a relationship before. But unfortunately, he didn’t feel the same way, and I had to take a step back,” Gerard blurted out, taken aback by the fact that he was able to talk about it so easily. With a total stranger, even. But he decides to keep up the honesty, because he wants Frank to know exactly how he’s feeling.
“How does it feel to be dumped?”
Gerard laughs at the question. “It downright sucks, especially when you love a person as much as I love him. It’s like, when we were still together, I was on the top of the world. And as soon as he left me, I started to fall. And I’ve been falling ever since.”
“Do you miss him?”
“I would be lying if I said no,” Gerard answers truthfully, sighing a little. “Because it’s like he’s a part of me, and I guess I will never be myself a hundred percent again, unless he decides to come back.”
“One last question. Who is he?”
Gerard wants to yell “FRANK ******** IERO DID THIS TO ME!” but he manages to stay calm and avoid to mention Frank’ s name. Because despite the fact that he wants to get revenge for what Frank did, he doesn’t have the heart to, cause mentioning Frank’s name will definitely put their relationship to a final end. “That,” Gerard finally says, smiling to himself, “I’m afraid I can’t answer.”
“Well, can’t blame a journalist for trying, eh?” the man named Ryan laughs into the other end of the receiver. “But thank you for your time, Gerard. The next issue — which is due to three weeks — will be sent free of charge to you and your band mates. Have a nice day.”
They say their goodbyes and hang up. Gerard’s heart beats fast. Now there’s no turning back.
***
Frank wakes up slowly, his hand reaching out to touch the side of the person lying next to him, and he utters a curse when there’s only an empty space to find. The body he’s gotten so used to wake up next to no longer there.
It’s been over two weeks now. Or is it three? He doesn’t remember. All he remembers is that he chose her over him. Maybe not for the right reasons, but he’s content with his decision. His relationship with Gerard would never have worked out anyway.
Sure, they were doing good, but it was just a fling. At least, that’s what he keeps telling himself. The love of his life isn’t Gerard, it’s her. It’s always been her. So why would it suddenly change?
Yeah, he left her for a while. But that was a mistake, he realize that now.
“Frank, honey, you awake?” her head pops into the room and she smiles her brightest smile at him when she notices that his eyes are open, trying with all her might to have him fall in love with her again.
And Frank forcing himself to do so.
“Yeah,” he says sleepily, smiling back at her. “I’ll be right up.”
She strolls over to the bed, hips swaying seductively. Bending down to kiss his cheek, she murmurs into his ear, “breakfast’s ready.” He turns his head and pecks her lightly on the lips, before dragging his small body out of bed.
They walk hand in hand out of the room, only untangling their entwined fingers when they reach the set breakfast table. They eat in silence, occasionally stealing glances at each other.
When he’s about to take another bite of his toast, Frank hears something drop onto the floor and he turns his head in the direction the sound came from; the door. “Mail’s here,” he announces and gets up from his chair.
Bill. Another bill. Yet another bill. A letter. The brand new issue of Kerrang!.
Frank grimaces at the magazine; he never ordered that. But instead of dwelling on why he got it, he shrugs and walks back into the kitchen, deciding that since the postman gave it to him, he could at least put it to use and read it.
He scans the magazine quickly, trying to find something interesting to read, but failing miserably. Well, that’s until he reaches one of the last pages anyway, where he finds a rather good picture of Gerard, accompanied by a small amount of text, the headline clearly saying, ‘Single again?’
His eyes widen, his mouth falls open, and all he’s capable of saying is, “oh my, Gerard, what have you done …”
“Frank? Frank?” his girlfriend asks worriedly from across the table. “Baby what is it?”
He ignores her, his eyes fixed on the magazine as he reads loudly:
“There are those who would kill to be with the front man of My Chemical Romance, Gerard Way, but obviously, there are people who’d rather the opposite.
The rumours are saying the thirty year old singer recently got dumped by his boyfriend over five months, whose name still remains hidden. We gave Gerard a call, hoping to get a comment or two … or three.
“It wasn’t me who ended the relationship. I had no intentions of ending our relationship. I had never been more content with a relationship before. But unfortunately, he didn’t feel the same way, and I had to take a step back,” Gerard confirms, and laughs as we ask how it feels to be dumped. “It downright sucks, especially when you love a person as much as I love him. It’s like, when we were still together, I was on the top of the world. And as soon as he left me, I started to fall. And I’ve been falling ever since.” Gerard continues saying he’d be lying if he said he don’t miss his ex-boyfriend. “It’s like he’s a part of me, and I guess I will never be myself a hundred percent again, unless he decides to come back.” When we ask who this man is, Gerard excuses himself; “that, I’m afraid I can’t answer.”
We wish Gerard the best, crossing our fingers and toes that he’ll find back to his Prince Charming.”
His heart thumps loudly, his breath quickens, and he’s finding it hard to keep his voice steady as he says, “Oh my god. What the <********> have I done?”
Part Three: Through With You
To Frank, it feels like hours has passed before any of them says anything at all, when really it is only a matter of minutes. Just to be sure, he re-reads the little article as one of his delicate, tattooed, thin fingers dances across the pretty picture of Gerard; it is a screenshot from the I Don’t Love You music video, and Gerard looks like he is about to cry. Probably not a coincidence, Frank notes wryly.
“Frankie,” she starts, reaching for Frank’s hand across the table. “At least he didn’t mention your name.” He looks up from his magazine, shooting daggers at her when their eyes meet. He doesn’t mean to; he still loves her (thinks he does, anyway), but there’s just something in the pit of his stomach that suddenly starts to twitch at the sound of her voice.
He quickly withdraws his hand, and she lets her hands fall into her lap. “I’m sorry, I just …” he says and his eyes soften. “I don’t — I … I think I need to go for a walk.” He raises himself quickly up on shaky legs, making his way towards the hallway.
“Shouldn’t you at least get dressed?” his girlfriend says hesitantly from the kitchen. He looks down at himself and notices that he’s still in his pyjama pants. He shrugs; he couldn’t care less about his clothing right now. Putting on his shoes and grabbing one of his jackets, he opens the door, then slams it shut as he heads out.
It’s rather chilly outside, but it doesn’t really bother him. He keeps on walking down the street, heading to nowhere in particular.
He doesn’t know what do or what to think anymore, and for the first time in three weeks, he’s starting to doubt his own decision.
Just like Gerard, he was content with their relationship, and had absolutely no intentions of ending it. But then, after six long months, she had called. Through muffled sobs, she’d told him she wanted him back.
“Frankie! Please! Just c-come back, I’m b-begging you. I miss you so much!” she sobs into the receiver and Frank wonders if it will give him a headache later on.
“I love Gerard, Jamia. And that’s the end of this discussion.”
“I’ll let everyone know if you don’t!”
Although Gerard was, he wasn’t ready yet to let everyone know. He didn’t think that his fans would abandon him if they knew he was bisexual and that he was dating Gerard, he just wasn’t ready yet. Also, he knew that some of his family members were still trying to get used to the idea that their son, nephew and grandson were into guys as well as girls, and that he was doing his best friend. He wanted his family to get used to it as well, before he told the whole world.
And that’s what pushed Frank over the edge: the fear of being caught. He knew it was a pathetic attempt from her side to get him back, but he was too afraid to refuse. Although he knew deep down she would never do that to him. But he couldn’t risk it.
So despite the good life he had with Gerard, he called it quits with him, forcing himself to believe that he was doing the right thing.
“I’m sorry, Gee, baby, but you know it would never have worked out. We see—”
“You’re going back to her, aren’t you?”
“I — she — I just. Gee, she said she’d tell everyone.”
“It’s alright, Frankie. I understand.” But Frank had known from the second the words slipped through those damp lips that it was a flat out lie.
He had left Gerard while he sobbed into his pillow that day. He felt bad for leaving him like that, but he couldn’t stand watching it, knowing it was his very own work.
The second she’d walked through that door, later that day, into his apartment, he’d convinced himself he was still in love with her, and that Gerard was just a fling. He told it to himself so many times he started to believe it.
But as he sits down on a bench in a park nearby, he starts to realize that maybe, just maybe, it was all a lie. That maybe in the past weeks he’s been lying to himself, forcing himself to believe that he was in love with her, when really, it was Gerard all the time. Maybe he isn’t in love with her anymore. Maybe he really did stopped being in love with her the moment Gerard had slipped his tired body into his bunk, telling him he didn’t want to sleep alone, because he’d had a nightmare.
“Frankie? Are you awake?” Gerard says, pulling the curtains on his bunk to the side.
“I am now,” Frank replies, his voice muffled by his fluffy pillow. “Is there anything wrong since you’re waking me up in the middle of the night, Gee?” He turns his head to look at Gerard, and he finds the older man looking right back at him.
“I had a nightmare,” he mumbles, and his cheeks turn a light shade of crimson. “Can I sleep with you? I know I sound like a baby, but it scared me shitless.”
Frank smiles slightly as he makes room for his friend. “Just promise not to jack off or something.” Gerard grins wickedly, although the grin doesn’t reach his eyes, and he climbs into his bunk and cuddles against Frank’s cotton clad chest, one of his hands reaching out blindly to pull the curtain back to its place. “Hey, you didn’t say anything about cuddling!”
“But I’m really scared, Frankie,” Gerard says honestly. “I just need to know you’re here.”
“Gee, I’m not going anywhere,” Frank replies as he runs a hand through Gerard’s short, white hair.
“I know,” Gerard mumbles as his hand clutches in Frank’s t-shirt.
“Then why are you still clinging to my chest?”
“I — I dreamt about you,” Gerard says hesitantly, and Frank raises an eyebrow at Gerard, although it is too dark for him to notice. “We were running through this huge field — like the Pelennor Fields in The Lord of The Rings — holding hands, like children, and then all of a sudden, something grabbed your leg and started to drag you into the ground. You screamed my name, asking for help. I tried to drag you back up, but the thing that had a hold on you was too strong, and in mere seconds you were gone …” Gerard trails off, digging his head under Frank’s chin. “Everything felt so real; the touch of your hand, your screams. So when I woke up I just had to make sure you were still here. Again, I’m sorry to be such a baby, but just let me hold on to you for a while okay?”
“Okay,” Frank says and kisses the top of Gerard’s head as he slides a comforting arm around his friend, humming softly into his hair.
“Thank you,” Gerard smiles into his neck before he raises his head and places a brief kiss on his lips, sending some kind of shock Frank hasn’t felt before through his entire body as he does so. “Love you. Goodnight.”
The memory of that night is still fresh in his mind, and he finds himself replaying it in his head as he leans back on the bench. He’s not sure why, because he knows the kiss was a friendly gesture, but that was definitely the night when his love for her started to fade, and his love for Gerard started to grow.
Still unsure of what to do, who to keep, he automatically fishes his mobile out of his jacket and dials Gerard’s number, even though he’s not sure what he’s going to say.
It takes ages before someone answers the phone, but when that someone does, it’s definitely not Gerard speaking.
“Hello?”
“Who is this?” the unmistakable voice of a female asks, and a pang of jealousy spread through him in no time.
“Um, this is Frank. May I speak to Gerard please?” Frank says hesitantly, not really sure why this random female is answering his boyfriend’s phone. Ex-boyfriend, mind you.
“He’s, um, he’s unavailable at the moment,” the girl giggles, and Frank is almost sure he can hear Gerard laughing in the background. “Can I take any messages, Frank?”
“Yeah, tell him to ********—” he starts, because he’s sure that girl is helping Gerard get over him, but he’s cut off halfway through his sentence.
“Frank!”
“Gerard?”
“Frank, sorry, that was—” Gerard tries to explain, but Frank cuts him off.
“Yeah I know who that was,” Frank growls into his end of the receiver, quickly jumping to his own conclusions. “Needed help to get over me did you?”
“Frank, that’s not true,” Gerard says, sounding hurt.
“Oh yeah? You surely would expect me to call you today, wouldn’t you? So why would you let that <******** slut answer the phone?” Frank almost yells, anger taking over him.
“Frank, I was expecting a call from you,” Gerard explains, trying to calm Frank down. “But I got an unexpected visit from Vicky, which made me forget all about it.”
“Yeah, I’m sure Vicky made you forget all about me. Look, forget I ever called, okay?”
“Frank, Vicky’s my—”
“Your new girlfriend, I know. Congratulations, Gerard.” With that, he hangs up, and he immediately knows it was childish of him not to let Gerard explain. But he can’t help himself. He was finally, after three long weeks, starting to realize that leaving Gerard was a mistake. And what do he do in the meanwhile? Finds himself a <******** girl.
When the phone calls again, just seconds later, he almost want to smash it to the ground so he doesn’t have to talk to Gerard, but he answers ******** off Gerard, alright? Go have fun with Victoria or whatever her name was. We’re done. You hear me? I’m through with you. And I’m sorry I ever loved you,” Frank says harshly, not giving Gerard a chance to speak up for himself. The phone slides out of his hand and he starts to sob silently as his own words replay themselves in his mind.
I’m through with you.
As he makes an attempt to dry away the tears rolling down his cheek, he’s sure he can hear Gerard cry into the other end of the receiver as he calls his name, over and over.
Part Four: Never Easy
Feeling like a baby now more than ever, Gerard wipes drool away from his chin. It’s been a day since Frank called, and it feels like he’s been crying ever since. How he managed to get his cousin to leave, he doesn’t remember, all he knows is that he is alone now. Completely alone. No Frank. No nothing.
He doesn’t mind being alone right now, because he doesn’t want anyone to see him this vulnerable, no one except Frank, anyway. But the future. He is going to be alone in the future, the future he wanted to share with Frank and Frank alone. His future is going to be Frank-less and that just shreds his heart into a million pieces.
Just the mere thought of it has him bawling like a baby again, drool running down his chin once more and snot sneaking its way into his mouth.
When the tears have finally died down, he makes his way towards the bathroom on shaky legs. He reaches for a small towel and wets it, before he starts to clean himself up, wiping away all the drool and snot on his face. When he’s done, he looks at himself in the mirror, and for the first time since August 2004, he wishes he had a box full of dangerous pills.
But before he gets to dwell any more on the thought, someone’s knocking on his door. He fakes a happy mood as he opens it and falls straight into his scrawny little brother’s embrace.
“Man, how did you come up with that?” Mikey laughs as he lets him go. “I bet it made Frankie think, huh?” Gerard sighs, relieved that Vicky hasn’t told Mikey about the call. Behind his brother he sees Alicia, smiling brightly as she giggles lightly. He smiles back at her, although the smile doesn’t really reach his olive eyes.
“Has he called you yet?” Alicia asks as he waves them into his apartment; he wants to be alone, but he doesn’t have the heart to tell them off. It’s his brother and sister-in-law after all.
“Nah,” Gerard lies, walking into the kitchen to find some coffee. He opens a cabinet and reaches for two clean mugs for Mikey and Alicia, and almost starts to cry as he does so, because there’s Frank’s Nightmare On Elm Street cup. Just waiting to be used.
“Get a grip, you ******** p***y,” he mutters to himself as he pours coffee into the two clean mugs as well as his own used one.
“I bet he will soon,” Mikey calls from the living room. “As soon as he realizes what an idiot he’s been. Leaving you like that.” There’s anger in his voice, and Gerard is sure that if he told Mikey about the call, he would head for Frank’s place and beat the s**t out of him. And believe it or not, there’s very much force in that small, scrawny body of his.
Yeah, Frank hurt him to the point of wanting to end his life, but that isn’t a reason for Gerard to let his brother do that. Because he still loves Frank with all his being, and wants him to be happy. With or without him. If he has to live the rest of his life in misery for Frank to be happy, then so be it.
“When you two get back together — because you will,” Mikey says optimistically as Gerard hands them their hot mugs. “You have to get married. Is it allowed for men to get married in Jersey? I mean like together. Man, I remember when you told me and the guys about you, you were acting like a married couple already, just after three weeks of dating.” Mikey lets out a content sigh when he finish his rambling, and Gerard just has to smile, despite the sadness, because he remembers that too.
They’re all sitting in the bus’s couch-area, watching the very first Nightmare On Elm Street movie, and Gerard reaches for Frank’s hand under the table and squeezes it, because now it’s time. He sees Frank nod approvingly in the corner of his eye, and coughs loudly.
“Man, you getting a cold or something?” Bob asks, not turning away from the movie.
“Nope,” Gerard states simply.
“Then why the ******** did you just cough?”
“Because I’ve got something to tell you.” He smiles as everyone turns their heads in his direction, and he quickly corrects himself and waves a hand at Frank. “We have something to tell you.”
“Can’t you ******** wait ‘til the movie’s finished?” Bob pleads with bright blue puppy eyes. “Because I’m watching it, and oh look, there’s Krueger—”
“Let’s just put the movie on hold, and listen to what Gerard and Frank have to say,” Ray decides as he reaches for the remote and puts the movie to a halt. <******** you, Toro, I was watching that!” Bob growls, but sighs quickly in defeat and adds, “This better be important, Way.”
Gerard reaches for Frank’s hand under the table again, and brings their entwined fingers to sight.
“Frank and I …” Gerard smiles childishly as he bites his lower lip, looking at Frank, who looks back.
“We’re dating,” Frank continues with rosy cheeks.
“And we’ve been doing so for the last three weeks,” Gerard nods as their fingers untangle and his hand finds Frank’s thigh.
“And we just thought you’d like to know,” Frank says before burying his head in the crook of Gerard’s neck in an attempt to hide his red cheeks.
There’s just the sound of heavy breathing for the next two minutes, but then Bob raises an eyebrow before saying, “Is it April first or something? ‘Cause this has to be a ******** joke. I mean, I know you’re close and everything, but dating?”
Neither Gerard nor Frank answers as they’re both too occupied watching Mikey’s expression. Both Ray’s and Bob’s opinions means a lot, but they can’t deny that it’s Mikey’s that counts the most. And Mikey seems to know this too as he just let’s out a soft ‘hmm’ in terror. But then he can’t hold it any longer and grins wickedly, very much to Gerard and Frank’s pleasure. “I knew this was bound to happen. I’m surprised I never noticed. I’ve been looking for hints ever since Frank joined the band. You are so his type,” he adds to Frank.
“You should have paid more attention, little brother,” Gerard grins back, stroking Frank’s thigh with his fingertips.
“Yeah,” Frank supplies, watching Gerard’s profile before giving his cheek a brief kiss. “We’ve been stealing secret touches and kisses when we think no one’s looking.”
“Not to mention the quick ******** in Bob’s bunk.” Gerard winks and all the guys make gagging noises before laughing out loud, but in an approving manner.
Gerard then turns his head toward his waiting boyfriend and gives him a long kiss, just to see how the guys will react and because he’s been wanting to show everyone that Frank’s all his ever since they started this relationship. And of course because Frank’s lips are always waiting to be kissed.
Bob looks at Ray, and Ray looks at Mikey, who looks at Bob, and they all grin widely. “Girls!”
Gerard doesn’t remember when he started to cry, or why he just told his brother and sister-in-law everything about the phone call, when he had told himself not to do that.
“Alicia, could you — er — leave us alone, I need to talk to Gerard alone,” Mikey says softly as he pats his brother’s back. She nods understandingly and is about to leave when Gerard closes his fingers around her wrist.
“Don’t,” he sniffs. “No need to. Nothing matters anymore. I’ve ******** it all up. ******** up between me and Frank—”
“Gerard—” Mikey starts, but is ******** up everything for the band. Frank won’t be willing to return now, and it’ll be the end of My Chemical Romance. We can’t continue without him. And I don’t want a new rhythm guitarist. No one’s able to replace Frank. And it’ll be all my fault. Everyone will be angry with me.”
“It’s not your fault, Gee,” Mikey says soothingly. “Everything will be all right. I’m going to go and see Frank later.” Again, there’s that hint of anger in his voice, and Gerard knows that if Mikey really does visit Frank, he will beat the s**t out of him.
Alicia obviously knows this too. “You probably shouldn’t,” she says to Mikey, stroking his thigh. “Because Frank will end up in a wheelchair if you do,” she adds quickly before he has the chance to reply. “I — I could go,” she suggests.
Mikey shrugs, and Gerard says she may do whatever she wants because as he said earlier, nothing matters anymore anyway.
They sit in silence for five pained minutes before Mikey says it’s time for them to get going if Alicia’s going to visit Frank before nightfall. Gerard doesn’t mind at all.
“Take care,” Alicia whispers as she gives him a quick hug. She smiles as she lets him go, and Mikey leans in to hug him too.
“Yeah, take care, bro,” he says, hugging him tightly. “It will be alright.”
Gerard watches as they walk out of his apartment, and as he’s about to close the door, he whispers, “I never should have returned from Japan, should I?”
He’s not sure if they heard it, but seeing the pained look on his baby brother’s face as he casts Gerard a last glance, at least he did.
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Posted: Tue Mar 13, 2007 4:36 pm
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Posted: Tue Mar 13, 2007 4:37 pm
I am interested need to know what happens!!!
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Posted: Tue Mar 13, 2007 4:42 pm
BREAK_down_CHILD I am interested need to know what happens!!! Hehee, I'll update as soon as I'm finished with the next part! Thanks for reading. heart
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Posted: Wed Mar 14, 2007 12:51 pm
Meera Flame BREAK_down_CHILD I am interested need to know what happens!!! Hehee, I'll update as soon as I'm finished with the next part! Thanks for reading. heart Yay!
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Posted: Thu Mar 15, 2007 6:57 pm
Revenge is a dish best served cold...with a side of bacon. okay, that was random, sorry.
anyway, I really want to know what happens. Keep writing, please!! mrgreen
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Posted: Sat Mar 17, 2007 11:59 am
moon_child_27 Revenge is a dish best served cold...with a side of bacon. okay, that was random, sorry. anyway, I really want to know what happens. Keep writing, please!! mrgreen Bless you for your randomness! I like random people. : D
I'm glad you liked the first part. And now that the second part is up, I hope you like that, too!
And please continue commenting. You'll get cookies. ninja
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Posted: Sat Mar 17, 2007 1:21 pm
OMG! I LOVE THIS STORY! I love all of your stories but this one may be my favourite!
Merci Pour Le Venin!
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Posted: Sat Mar 17, 2007 6:58 pm
Whooo! More please! heart
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Posted: Fri Mar 23, 2007 3:54 pm
BREAK_down_CHILD OMG! I LOVE THIS STORY! I love all of your stories but this one may be my favourite! Merci Pour Le Venin! I'm really glad you like my writing, and thanks for commenting, keep that up and you'll get cookies. heart
I have no idea what Merci Pour Le Venin means, but I think it's something nice. I should have known that means Thank You for the Venom, god, I've read that line like, a thousand times since I got Bullets!
Thanks for reading! heart
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Posted: Fri Mar 23, 2007 3:55 pm
12-String Pony Whooo! More please! heart There's more now. Thanks for reading, hon. heart
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Posted: Fri Mar 23, 2007 4:18 pm
OMG! SQUEE THEY MIGHT BE GETTING BACK TOGETHER! OMG! YAY! (sorry)
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