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 Posted: Sun Mar 11, 2007 7:04 pm
The night with Zaphiro had been pleasant. More than pleasant. Zaphiro's touches, nuzzling and words had made her feel like she had never felt before. Sharing their stories had brought her closer to him than she had ever BEEN to anyone before.
Her dreams were peaceful but when she woke up - before Zaphiro which was a feat in itself - she was hit with the severity of it.
HE loved her. Someone loved her and was willing to do anything for her. What was worse was she was pretty sure she loved him.
Something she had always been taught was a bad thing and while her mother was dead and gone her voice still nagged at her inside her head. She had seen her mother fall apart at the question of 'where daddy' was. She had seen her mother struggle through it all.
Hienna had dealt with the consequences of love her entire life and she'd be damned if anything like that happened to her. Slowly she untangled herself from beside the sleeping Zaphiro and stood up, "...I'm sorry. I can't."
And with that, she ran off, leaving her hoof prints in the sand. Once she was far, far away she stopped, closed her eyes, and cried.
Why couldn't she do this? What was so hard...
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Posted: Sun Mar 11, 2007 7:15 pm
Before the dawn was even hinting at its existance, Zaphiro was twitching slightly, indication of his state of near wakefulness. However, that wakefulness was holding off for a moment, a moment in which he was able to fully savor the last bits of what had been a truly beautiful dream. He couldn't remember the details, really, but he knew it was about himself and Hienna...
Hienna. The mere thought was enough to wake him up the rest of the way, with a smile on his face. He had found her, and she was here, with him...
However, as he became more awake, more alert, he realized something was 'off'. The warmth was gone...no, HIENNA was gone!
The suddenness of the shock was enough to jar him into a state of total awakeness, which he at first used to stare at the empty hollow in the sand beside him. Then it was registering...and he was seeing the tracks, seeing the space between them that could only have been achieved if she was running...
Running away. She had run off, and this time he had KNOWINGLY done it. This time, she'd left because of what he'd meant to do!
It was like deja vu all over again, only much worse. He felt as though he'd been gutkicked, unsure of what this meant. He had thought they'd acheived so much, and now...
He had to talk to her. That much was certain. She might have a head start, but this time he was fueled by even more determination than before. Rising to his feet, he took off in the direction the track lead, moving as fast as his legs would carry him into the dark of the trees. No more anguish, not if he could help it!
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Posted: Sun Mar 11, 2007 7:23 pm
Unfortunately for Zaphiro, she had run a good way before she had grown tired and had to stop. Hienna was a good way into the trees and it would be difficult for Zaphiro to find her without vigilant searching.
The unicorn leaned against a nearby tree and took a deep breath. She had to calm down. She HAD to calm down and think rationally about this.
"Why can't I, mom?" She muttered it under her breath, "Why couldn't you let me make my own mistakes instead of living with yours? Why can't I love him without this?"
Hie just didn't understand. Why was she stopping herself?
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Posted: Sun Mar 11, 2007 7:30 pm
~~~~
"Papa...you really like Mama a lot, don't you?"
"Of course I do, Zaphiro! It's not hard to tell, I'd hope, or else I might just have to step up my efforts! We don't want Mama to feel unloved now, do we?"
"No, a'course not...though, Papa?"
"Yes?"
"What'dyou mean, feel u'loved? Cause I mean, you an' Mama always tell me you love me and think I'm the bestest, but you ALSO tell each other you love each other, too, only you make weird googly-eyed faces and nuzzle each other a lot an' it's really DIFFERENT!"
"Ah, you are certainly not in any danger of being tagged as anything but bright, Zaphiro...and obviously, this means we need to start being more circumspect! But you are correct that the love your mother and I have for each other is different than the love we have for you, though not any more or less strong."
"...I don' get it at ALL, Papa! You guys are confusing."
"Well...grownups have different sorts of love, Zaphy; there's love for friends, there's love for children, and then there's the love that we have for our lifemate; your Mama is my lifemate, and I"m hers, so we have that special sort of love."
"Oh...will I get to have that too, when I get older?"
"You know, I have a strong feeling you will...when you're older. MUCH older."
~~~
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Posted: Sun Mar 11, 2007 7:39 pm
"Momma...?"
"What is it, Hienna?"
"Why are you crying? Did I do something wrong? Did I make you cry?"
"No, Hienna, I was just thinking."
"Thinking about what? Daddy?"
There was a long silence as her mother stared at her and her eyes narrowed, "Don't mention him to me, Hie, I've told you that before."
"...But why? Where IS daddy?"
"I don't know, Hienna, and that's what love will get you. You don't need anyone, you hear me, Hienna? Never need anyone."
"...I hear you, mommy."
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Posted: Sun Mar 11, 2007 7:46 pm
~~~
"But I don't WANT to play with her. She's a mean filly, you know; she ALWAYS tries to kick me, or bite me, or butt me, EVERY time I see her! I wish you guys weren't friends with her parents, cause she's a BRAT!"
"My silly little son, you should be taking it as a compliment that she tries to kick you! That's a very good thing, you know, for a little filly to do. That means she likes you, you know."
"Mama, people who like other people do NOT try to bite them! It really hurts, you know; she bit a whole PIECE out of my leg!"
"She did no such thing, and you know it. However, I'm actually telling the truth!"
"Yeah, right!"
"Cross my heart! You would not BELIEVE how many times I would kick or bite at or be otherwise mean to the little colts I liked when I was a filly."
"...Mama, you BIT people?"
"Such an appalled little face! Careful, or you'll get pruney, Zaph, and then you'll have real problems. But yes, I did; just ask your father!"
"...You even bit PAPA???"
"Not only did she bite me, I still have the scars to prove it! Girls are funny like that, Zaphiro, and the sad thing is that they never really begin to make sense-OWWW! See what I mean, Zaphiro? She just kicked me!"
"You deserved it and you know it. Anyway, Zaphiro, like I say, it's a good thing. Though maybe we'll ask her parents to talk to her about the biting, will that be ok?"
"...You just bit PAPA!"
"Zaphiro..."
"Ok, fine. But I STILL don't like her!"
~~~
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Posted: Sun Mar 11, 2007 7:57 pm
"Don't you GET it, Hienna?"
"...Not really, momma. Why is love so bad? The two leggers always seem so happy when they come here..."
"The two leggers are stupid, Hienna. I do not want you to be hurt. A mare does not need a stallion. Do I look like a need a stallion, Hie? Look at me. Do I look like a need a stallion?"
"N...No, momma. You don't."
"Good. Promise me, Hienna. Promise me that you'll never depend on someone else. The only ones you can trust are yourself and your momma. That's it, that's all."
"I..."
"PROMISE me, Hienna!"
"...Okay...I promise..."
"And don't stutter. Think before you speak."
"All right, momma...I will."
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Posted: Sun Mar 11, 2007 7:58 pm
~~~
"So...it's important to protect mares, right Papa?"
"Exactly right. And why do we try to protect mares, Zaph?"
"Because mares are smaller and weaker and not as fast or strong or smart or capable as stallions, right Papa?"
"Well, not quite to THAT extreme, but the gist is that yes, stallions are stronger than mares. So we need to always do our best to keep them from harm. That means that if you see a mare in trouble, you help her."
"What if I don't know her, though?"
"You help her anyway. Even strange mares deserve to be helped when they need it, and I hope you remember that. In fact, even if you know who's trying to hurt the mare and not the mare herself, you still help her."
"Cause that's what gentl'men do?"
"Exactly. And we always want to be gentlemen, understand?"
"You betcha, Papa! I'll be the bestst gentl'man ever, too!"
~~~
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Posted: Sun Mar 11, 2007 8:04 pm
Hienna took a deep breath and pushed away the memories from her past. "You're not alive, momma..."
In the back of her head she could still her yelling to promise her that she'd not trust anyone else. Already that promise was shattered. What was breaking the other promises? How many were all right to break?
Was it all right for her to take steps forward, live her own life? Or did she owe it to the dead to honor the promises made when alive best as possible.
She didn't know. Gods, she wished she knew.
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Posted: Sun Mar 11, 2007 8:13 pm
~~~
"Mama?"
"Yes, what is it, Zaphiro?"
"I was wonder'in; am I going to be getting a new Papa? Cause I don't WANT to have a new Papa, Mama, I really don't!"
"Zaphiro, what on earth provoked THAT question? Of course you're not getting a new papa; your old papa is all the papa that you'll ever need."
"Well, Miffy's mama was telling Miffy's papa when I was over there playing that since Papa's been...dead....for so long, that you would probably be lookin' for a new mate since you didn't have Papa anymore, but Mama I don't WANT a new Papa!"
"...Sounds like Miffy's parents are a bit too fond of speculating. Sweetheart, I'm so sorry you had to hear that. And I'm glad you don't want a new Papa, because you're not getting one. Your old Papa is the only Papa we ever could have needed, both of us."
"But WHY did Miffy's parents think you'd get a new mate, Mama? I thought that Papa was your mate, forever'n ever!"
"Well, you know that, and I know that, Zaphiro; but from the sound of it, Miffy's parents don't."
"But WHY?"
"Because for some, Zaphy, having a mate is important. And it is, it truly is. Having a mate is having someone to care about you, to protect you, to help you, to make you smile, laugh, all the good things in life. But some people think that you ALWAYS need to have one, and that if you lose one, then you should right away find another. Well...your Papa is the only mate I could ever want, Zaphiro, so even though I miss him, I couldn't never replace him because I love him that much."
"I unnerstand, Mama...and besides that, I'M here! I can protect you an' cheer you up an' all that stuff!"
"Of course you can, Zaphiro, and I know it. So let us both cheer up and forget what Miffy's parents said."
"Ok, Mama!"
~~~
"The only mate I could ever want...even in the face of adversity." Old words could either drift into obscurity or be locked away as memory; both had the chance of mouldering, but at least memory could be recalled. And now, bits and bobs of old conversations came floating back to Zaphiro, reminding him that no matter how confusing or complicated a situation was...there was always one all-important fact. And for him...well, apparently the apple didn't fall far from the tree.
"But what do you suppose I should think about this, hrm? A fine situation your son has achieved, and yet..."
A glint of something caught his eye. Sheen, and brightness amidst the trees. A sunbeam, most likely, nothing more.
But...he wasn't going to give ANY possibility the benefit of the doubt. Squaring his shoulders, he turned and moved towards the gleam.
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Posted: Sun Mar 11, 2007 8:17 pm
He was right to go after it - it was Hienna and she was staring blankly at the ground with tears in her eyes. Hell, she was even shaking a little bit which caused the light to waver with her.
Likely she looked a bit crazy, muttering to herself, arguing with herself. Every so often her tail twitched but she didn't move otherwise and she didn't even notice Zaphiro coming up behind her.
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Posted: Sun Mar 11, 2007 8:21 pm
Considering the fact that the last time he'd had her run off on his it had taken two weeks to find her, Zaphiro had more than a little reason to be incredulous when instead of the supposed sunbeam, the gleam turned out to be Hienna's markings, gleaming slightly in the meager bit of sunlight that was able to make it through the trees. However, after staring for a few moments, he realized that he (yet again) wasn't seeing things...it was her.
However, she definitely didn't seem to be in a good state of mind, if the mutterings and sniffles were any indication. His first instinct was to walk up to her and dry her tears...but given the bizarre circumstances, he decided that the cautious approach would be best.
So he simply said, softly, "Am I intruding?"
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Posted: Sun Mar 11, 2007 8:25 pm
The unicorn froze for a moment before she sniffled again and turned her head to look at Zaphiro. Her eyes were definitely red from crying and she was sure that she felt okay enough to talk to him.
..Okay, somewhat sure.
"N..no."
Back to stuttering? She cursed softly and took a breath, "No. You're not intruding."
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Posted: Sun Mar 11, 2007 8:28 pm
"Oh." Well, that was a positive, at least; but as she turned to look at him, Zaphiro was shocked by how red and puffy her eyes looked. How long had she been crying? For that matter, WHY had she been crying?
For the moment, his own confusion and upset was forgotten, focused as he was on her. Stepping up to close the space between them, he gently dabbed at her wet cheeks with a wing. "Hienna, are you alright? What's wrong?"
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Posted: Sun Mar 11, 2007 8:29 pm
For a moment, she lost her words. At his touch, she trembled more and she really had no idea how to answer that question. What was wrong? So many answers to that. For now, she supposed, the simplest would be...
"I love you. That's what's wrong."
And she promptly closed her eyes tightly and tried to stop crying.
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