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 Posted: Sun Mar 11, 2007 2:36 pm
Dusk was beginning to rise up on the somber hills, bringing a close to the day. The wind brushed lightly against the golden fields, sending waves of light across them as what was left of the sunlight hit the temporarily bent blades. The day had been pleasant enough, weather wise. Nothing bothersome about the mostly clear skies or the gentle breeze. That was, of course, if nothing else was on one's mind.
Blue and grey mismatched eyes stared intently at the ground as the large, adult male paced anxiously in his mother's den. Tafari paused in his movement for a moment only to shake his head and silver white mane in attempt to wake himself up more. It had been three days since he had met with Isoke on the hill. Three days he had tried figuring out what had happened. Three days since he had actually gotten any sleep. He paused again, this time lifting a paw up to rub his muzzle. He was exhausted, but that didn't matter because regardless of how hard he tired to get some sleep, constant thoughts of the Princess wouldn't let him. Was he wrong in what he did? Everything was so confusing to him.
The silver coated male glanced at the entrance to the den. His mother should be back at any moment. He had not wanted to involve her in his problems, but maybe she would not mind answering a few of his questions. Tafari frowned at himself as he picked up his pacing again, still unable to stop thinking about Isoke. What was wrong with him? He was worried about her, but why? She was fine, wasn't she? Hopefully his mother would be able to set him straight...
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Posted: Wed May 09, 2007 5:13 pm
Padding softly through the grasses, Tisha found a smile crossing her tired maw, her legs aching slightly from the work they got that day. Her belly was pleasently filled as she finished the hunt, a trying occurance thanks to the fact she had been spending too much time in her home. Since Nephthys had fled the lands, she had been so secluded, and it took a great effort for her to travel days like she had today.
As she neared her den, a soft scent wafted from inside, one of a very nervous male in fact. Slowing her steps, she tilted her ears slowly. Claws scraping and lips huffing, only one lion was there.
"Tafari sweety?" She called out in her soft, weary voice, as she walked into the dim cave, eyes quickly ajusting, "Are you alright?"
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Posted: Wed May 09, 2007 6:59 pm
Tafari let out a long, miserable sigh as he tried to shake the image of the younger female from his mind, only to fail miserably. It had to be something to do with his lack of sleep. No, that’s wasn’t quite it… Irritated with himself, the large, silver coated lion turned to pace once more across the ground of his mother’s den, but was interrupted by the familiar scent of his mother returning from her hunt.
Okay, this shouldn’t be too difficult… Tafari took in a large breath, exhaling slowly in attempt to calm his nerves. It was just a few questions he wanted to ask her, nothing too bad. His ears perked up in anticipation as his mother called out to him. “Mother,” he greeted excitedly, moving a step toward her, but stopped suddenly. “Are you alright?” he asked, eyebrows knitting together with worry, not intentionally repeating the question. She sounded older… Worn down… Not like he was used to hearing her…
A serge of guilt flashed in his eyes… He suddenly realized how selfish he had been, only thinking about himself… Only thinking about his problems alone. How did he have the right in asking her help with anything when he had purposefully stayed as far away from Nephthys? He had not even been there to watch her grow up, let alone be a good older brother. Had he even had an actual conversation with her, other than passing small talk? And now Nephthys had run off somewhere. Why didn’t he go and find her? Was he that terrified of hurting those he loved… that he was actually hurting them by staying away? Tafari drew back a bit, losing his courage to ask anything related to Isoke for the moment.
His eyes shifted down towards the ground. He didn’t deserve what he had… A light grey and soft blue orbs rose to watch the grey and black eyes of his mother for a moment before moving forward again. He didn’t come to a stop until he was right up next to her. He paused to nuzzle the top of his white-maned head against her jaw before lying down in front of her, head resting on his paws. “I’m sorry… I haven’t been a very good son, have I?” he mumbled mournfully, wondering just how much pain he had caused for her.
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Posted: Wed May 09, 2007 7:19 pm
Her eyes trailed upward from her paws, his smaller form catching her gaze. Smiling softly to him, she was about to reply to his question until she caught his gaze. It took only a second for her to realize something was wrong, because he was her son. Stunned a moment, she tried to read his posture. Something was wrong, and she had a feeling it wasn't just his worry for her.
True, she had grown tired since her daughter left, but she managed. Though, she too had no clue the affect it had upon her son, and Hasidi really wasn't a worry either in that case. But upon thinking back, she realized just how secluded she had become, and knew how it hurt her son. Maybe not hurt, but he needed the nurture of his mother, and she had lost her mind on that. When Nephthys was born, all attention went to her, and she painfully realized she forgot her son.
Guilt welled up her throat and little did she know how alike her son and her were at that moment.
Her thoughts were interrupted with the gentle nuzzle of a pearl white mane. Looking down to the bowed form of her son, she blinked at his murmer and moved to his side. Slowly curling down, she licked him upon his tipped ear.
"Tafari, you have always been an amazing son, don't ever doubt that." She whispered into his ear, "I have been niglecting you these past few months, and I should be the one to apoligize, but you are never at fault, my dear."
Curling closer, she let out a soft purr of a laugh, "I remember when you used to fit between my paws, and refused to leave my side no matter what..."
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Posted: Wed May 09, 2007 7:50 pm
Tafari blinked, having been caught off guard by words from his mother. How could she say that? He should have been there for her. He shouldn’t have left her alone the entire time. Mismatched eyes stared soberly at the ground directly in front of his paws. “Mother,” he started, feeling even guiltier as she mentioned her being the one who needed to apologize, but he couldn’t finish. Instead he had to force back a yawn that was trying to escape – the simple warmth of his mother’s body was comfort enough to make him want to fall asleep.
That’s right… He had sought out his mother for a reason other than admitting he being a pitiful excuse for a son to her. “Mother…” he started, the depression clear in the husky voice of his, “Mother!” he repeated, only more in embarrassed shock this time as she humored herself about when he was just a cub – the blush on his cheeks barely visible under his light fur. “I...” he began again, gloomy once more. It was true… He had stopped clinging so tightly to his mother as soon as younger lions made their way into the family. Was he really that terrified of them? Terrified of the possibility of hurting them? He didn’t want to hurt them… He didn’t want to hurt his mother… He didn’t want to hurt Isoke… Especially Isoke! Why had he been such a jerk to her? “Mother, I wanted to ask you some questions…” he finally blurted out, deciding to get it over with and to stop wasting his mother’s time and energy.
“I…” he started once more, not wanting to waste time… Until he realized he had no idea what he was going to ask her, “Uh…” he paused, searching past the image of Isoke plastered at the front of his mind to any questions he could ask his mother that might be helpful to him in, at least, the long run. “I don’t understand females…” he mumbled awkwardly, astonished that he actually had the courage to say anything, “I thought that staying away from…” he paused again, not sure if he should mention Isoke or not, “Wouldn’t it be better for…” No use… He had no idea what he was trying to ask without having to explain the entire situation to his mother… Which would take a while, especially since he wasn’t too sure of things himself. He glanced at her as if begging for help. He wasn’t used to talking like this… Asking about things… He usually just let the world go by as it did.
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Posted: Wed May 09, 2007 8:01 pm
She took the opertunity to get a good look at her son from his side. Lowering her head to her paws, she tilted it slightly to look softly with her bi-colored eyes. A whistful smile crossing her maw, humor danced in those tired eyes just at the sight of her son, and pure contentment warmed her blood. The most prominant emotion however, was the feeling of pride that pumped from her soul at how much her son had become.
Chuckling at his reaction to her comment, she watched the way his emotions splayed through his features until he finally got to his point, abit hesitantly, "Ask away, Tafari..." She murmered softly, not really needing to speak up from where she lied, though really she didn't need to say anything.
As he went on, she paitently sat and waited, not pushing him but listening to every word and studying them equally. After a long moment, and his long pause, she saw his begging gaze and took it as her cue.
"It appears we have quite a bit of catching up to do, don't we Tafari?" She asked with humor lacing her tone, "Well, first thing first, maybe it would be best we take a look at what is giving you trouble...females was it?" She asked pleasently, finally raising her head but still reclined.
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Posted: Thu May 10, 2007 8:35 pm
A frown appeared on the young adult’s maw, trying to decipher his already bewildering thoughts. What was giving him trouble? “Females…” he repeated, more to question himself than anything. Was that really the thing that was giving him trouble? He reflected for a bit; his mother hadn’t given him trouble and she was a female – obviously. Really, most females were fine, it was just Isoke that was giving him trouble… More like he was making trouble for himself regarding her. He sent a glance at his mother, chagrin apparent on his exhausted features. She was his mother… He should just go ahead and tell her everything, shouldn’t he?
“Isoke…” his voice was filled with a sorrowful undertone as he spoke her name – the rest of the words got caught in his throat. This wasn’t going to be easy… “I hurt her…” he breathed, quickly looking up just a moment after the words left his mouth, glancing over in panic at his mother, “Not physically! I would never do that, especially not her,” he explained, eyes wide in realization of his confession. “I didn’t know how to act… I was confused…” the words burned the back of his throat as he stared mournfully at the air in front of him, stretching and retracting his claws nervously across the cool ground.
“Her words confuse me…” he continued, going over the conversation once more in his head. He was sure he remembered everything; the way she spoke, the way she gazed at him with pain filled eyes… The way the fur around her cheekbones reflected the dim light of the night sky… The glow that radiated off of her dark coat… Her sweet fragrance – almost like she had rolled around in the spring flowers, except the perfume remained on her throughout the year… “She said… That she would have no one else…”
He let out a sigh when he relayed the words to his mother, obviously not fully understanding their meaning… “She called me her… Farasi…” he paused, thinking about his own reaction to Isoke’s words, “I told her I couldn’t… That I was sorry… But that’s fine, right? She would be so much better off with another – one who would be able to protect her… To keep her safe… To…” the sadness in his words thickened. Why did he say that to her? “I just wanted her to be happy…” he hesitated, then let out a dry chuckle, “I failed miserably at that…”
“Mother,” he looked up at Tisha, “I can’t stop thinking about her… I’ve tried everything. I… - I swam across the river… Almost a dozen times! You know I hate swimming… I can’t sleep, I’m not hungry… The anxiety I feel every time I look over my shoulder and she’s not there…” he stopped, blinking at himself in disbelief, “I’m losing my mind!” he laughed again, still as cold as the last, “I close my eyes and she’s there… It makes me think she’s really there in front of me, but when I open my eyes and she’s not… I feel like I’m missing a part of myself… I’m crazy, aren’t I, Mother??” he suddenly pleaded, hoping he wasn’t scaring her with his lunacy, yet wanting to be sure of himself in his madness.
“Why must I obsess over her?! I clearly hurt her, and yet here I am imagining myself lying on my back next to her, looking up at the perfect blue sky together… Doing nothing else! Just staring at the sky… The sky that matches her eyes… Perfect in every way…” he paused again to let out a sigh before shaking his head, staring once more at the ground in front of him, “I don’t have any right to think of her… I just don’t know what to do… I want to apologize for my behavior… But I don’t want to hurt her again…” A glance over to his mother, shame and embarrassment clear on his face, “There’s no hope for me, is there? And here I am wasting your time like I promised myself I wouldn’t… I’m sorry, I won’t bother you any more…” he mumbled, shocked that he had just spilled his guts to his mother… Had he ever spoken to her that much before?? He made a movement to stand up – a swift exit would be best… There was no need to bother her with such nonsense…
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Posted: Sun May 13, 2007 1:36 pm
At a loss of words, Tisha listened silently as her son spoke up, expressing feelings and worries she never knew plauged the gray lion. As he told of his story and his worries over Isoke, Tisha had a very deep feeling there was more missing, but Tafari just had no idea how to go on. Clearly, he didn't really know what was going on, but she knew she had to change it, and knock some sence into her sometimes slow son.
Slow wasn't it, just inexpirenced. Isoke would be good for him, that much Tisha was sure of.
"Sit down." She said in a soft demand, not angry but just full of a bit of force. As bad as it was, she was taking advantage of her son's obidence, but she only would do it tonight.
"Tafari," She started off softly as soon as he was down and settled, "I can't guide you forever through this life, and I know sometimes it is hard to realize that, but you are an adult now, and it is time for you to move on throughout your life. I wont be here forever..." trailing off, she turned away and hoped to miss the reaction in his eyes, "But it's the truth, soon enough I will pass on, and you need to have a new lioness in your life for you to take care of and start a family of your own...do you understand?"
Giving him a second once more, she thought over the situation, and tried to put herself in Isoke's mindset, "Tell me, Tafari, how would you feel if Isoke did find someone else, do you think that lion would be able to love and care for her as much as she deserves...?" It was a hard question, but Tisha was testing the waters with her son, to see how to go about this conversation.
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Posted: Wed Nov 14, 2007 8:08 pm
Shy, mismatched eyes gazed longingly at his mother as her gentle demand froze him from moving any further away. Reluctantly, he turned back towards her, doing as she told him and sitting back down, not wanting to do anything against his mother’s wishes. His white mane shook lightly with his head, opening his mouth to rebuke his mother’s claims of how she couldn’t be with him forever, but closes his mouth once he realized what she was really talking about. Confusion crossed his features, not wanting to believe what his mother was trying to tell him. How could she not be there for him…? How could she even think about something that wouldn’t come for years and years…? He didn’t want her to leave him… She couldn’t leave him… he needed her… Who else would he have?
A low, pitiful whimper emitted from the back of his throat, eyes sliding closed upon hearing his mother’s words. “If she found someone else…?” he murmured lightly to himself, melancholy deep in his eyes. He wanted her to be happy… he wanted to know she was taken care of, to be loved, to have someone devote their entire being, their soul and strength to her… “I… I don’t know…” How would he know…? How could he compare himself to someone he’d never met before?
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Posted: Fri Nov 16, 2007 10:03 am
Frowning again to herself, she watched and waited while he contemplated over her question, holding a breath and letting it slip when he hardly responded. Looking away a second, she thought it over, always being one to choose her words carefully to make sure everything worked and fit into the right tones and sentences. With Tafari, she had to be very conscious, mainly because she wished not to steer him into the wrong direction.
"Why would you wait than Tafari...you've grown up with her as a friend, and I can see in the way she looks at you that she sees you as something more than that. When it comes to...romance and love, you need to take a chance."
"It may hurt in the long run if it doesn't work out...and the risks are great, but so are the results when it all works out...all you have to do is take that first step and try...and not even I can tell you what to do...you know Isoke better than anyone, this is something you must do on your own, without thinking of the consequences."
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Posted: Fri Nov 16, 2007 10:44 am
Claws alternately stretched and retracted in frustration as the young adult listened to his mother, desperate to try and understand what she was telling him. Why would he wait? Wait for what…? His head shook lightly again, opening his eyes to stare somberly towards the ground at the marks his claws had made in the dirt, “I don’t understand, Mother…” How could he understand something he’d never experienced before? “I know nothing of romance… or what it means…” Was he supposed to know what it was…? Had he not been paying attention when a lesson like that had been taught…?
Curious eyes glanced up towards his mother, doing what he could to process everything. He didn’t want to hurt Isoke, not after what he’d already done… He’d already made her so upset that he wouldn’t blame her if she never wanted to see him again. How could he make up for something like that? He shook his head again, feeling his heart rate increase just slightly. “I don’t want to hurt her… I can’t… not again…” he breathed barely above a whisper, subconsciously sliding a paw backwards as if to try and retreat. He couldn’t do this… He didn’t know what to do, anyway… How did he know if he wouldn’t just make things worse…?
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Posted: Fri Nov 16, 2007 10:49 am
Looking to him with a stern gaze, it softened slightly at his admittance, and she lowered her ears just a bit in reaction, "I cannot teach you it Tafari, it is something that comes naturally, you need to not think, but do...follow your heart..."
Standing softly, she looked down to him and shook her head, "I am not going to ask how your hurt her, but you need to go apologize and make it up to Isoke. She is a lovely girl, and I'm sure very forgiving...Start with an apology, and go from there. And stop listening to your mind for once, and listen to your heart..."
With that, she waited for him to stand, eyes clearly demanding that he go right now and apologize to the girl.
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Posted: Fri Nov 16, 2007 11:14 am
Tafari watched her stand, though still confused as to what he had to do. He knew he should try and find her… to apologize… But he also wanted to better himself… If he wanted to make it up to her, then he had to know that he wouldn’t mess up again. He wanted to be there for her. He wanted to be someone she could count on. Anything less would hardly be worthy of her, and she deserved everything in the world.
He ducked his head, dropping his gaze from his mother’s eyes, but forced himself to stand, regardless. Yes, he needed to apologize… but that was hardly enough… he had nothing to offer her, so what was the point of promising her anything she wanted? Turning around once he was on all fours, he headed slowly towards the opening of the little cave, doing his best to hide his unsteadiness on his paws. No, he had to go… he… he had to do something. Bicolored eyes glanced back over towards his mother, giving her a small nod and light smile, “Thank you…” He was still confused… but he didn’t want to bother her any more with his petty problems…
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Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2007 4:43 pm
She watched with worn eyes as he walked away, her shoulders sagging as she let the day's tolls and the conversation finally hit. It was hard when she didn't have the answers, but in the end she hoped he knew what he was doing. Love was a delicate thing, and no one could really tell someone how to love.
"I'm sorry Tafari...I hope everything does work out..." She felt she failed yet again, first Nephthys, now this. Maybe if she slept on it, she could speak with Isoke and get a better feel for just what was going on. She had to help, if only she knew how.
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