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Here's what happens when everyone gets Drunk...complete crack I tells ya

Part one:
When Xenosaga Character get Drunk

Matthews: Give me another bear!

Waiter: Okay

Shion: *Leaning over the counter* wine strawberry wine *Giggles*

MOMO: No you b***h peach wine *Smack Shion head*

Shion: *Drools* oww

Jr.: Martinis

Ziggy: NO VODKA!

Jr.: MARTINIS!

Ziggy: VODKA!

Allen: why not both?

Ziggy: okay

Jr.: Yay baby Martinis and Vodka! We rule!

Helmer: UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO *Sitting on a chair drinking his 50 bear* OH UUUUUUUUUUUUU-DOOOOOOO has been naughty he needs a spanking

Chaos: Hey God *Talking to Hammer*

Hammer: YO, YO what up hommie?

Chaos: *Pours wine on Hammers hair* I want to lick you over, meet me on the ceiling . . . *falls over*

MOMO: Bitchin?

Jr.: Yeah Babykinns *Drools*

MOMO: Naughty boy go to your room!

KOS-MOS: ummmm. . .*falls over* hehehehehehehe

Chaos: Holy **** what a sexy b***h come to my ceiling girl let's get it on!

Hammer: **** is holy

Chaos: Bow down to this **** b***h *Smacks Hammers a***

Ziggy: men porno is good to look at

KOS-MOS: Hi mummy *Looks at Shion*

Shion: Good girl *Pats her on the head*

Allen: Two vodka's for me

Shion: damn you're sexy!

Allen: get away b***h! *Pushes Shion off him*

Shion: Let's get it on in your room

Allen: NO! KEEP THE HELL AWAY b***h!

Chaos: Hey good looking how bout you and I get on each other baby?

MOMO: GO STRAIGTH TO HELL! *smacks chaos*

Chaos: oh baby give me more

Jr.: I'm waiting my sweet

MOMO: Oh what a naughty, naughty boy *Runs after Jr. as Chaos try's to lean on her*

Chaos: *on the floor* ehehehehehehe

KOS-MOS: Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee *Lands on Chaos*

Chaos: oof!

KOS-MOS: oppsie -_-;

Tony: Hey Baby how's a goin? *Talking to a mirror*

Hammer: I AM GOD PRAIS ME

Tony: Holy ****! *bows to Hammer*

Hammer: WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHEHE HEHEHEHEHEHEHE

Helmer: UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Shion: you're sexy how bout you and I get it on? *turning to Helmer*

Helmer: UUUUUUUUUUU DOOOOO?

Shion: Let go baby

Helmer: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll llllllllllllllright

Matthews: Another bear

Waiter: Okay

The end

SPOILERS FROM EP3 Await you

When Xenosagacharacters get drunk!
The Final conclusion to the epic trilogy has arrived.
The passing out of one, awakens the path to more beer

Part 3

It's been a long journey as the Elsa keeps going around in a circle and Tony is laughing manicahly still holding a beer in his left hand. Sure everything's going great right?

Albedo: *Dies from alchol poisoning*

Wilhelm: Muwahaha evil plan for world domination...or universe...or WHATEVER *Reserects Albedo as White Testament*

Albedo: Sweet, where the Peache wine?

Wilhelm: *Points to the other Testaments* Do my biding and create an extra sexy Andriod!

*Five hours later*

Kevin: I'M SO F****NG DRUNK!!! *Waves his mug around*

Voyager: These are the voyages of the starship VOYAGER!!! *dances dressed in Star Trek clothing*

Wilhelm: Where'd you get that...I want one...

Albedo: Now this b***h is danm sexy

T-elos: *Gets up and hits Albedo causing his head to fly off*

Albedo: OH YES YES, GIVE ME MORE *His head explodes against the wall*

T-elos: ....*looks at Virgil crotch and points* p***s!

Virgil: WHERE!? *Looks down*

Wilhelm: Enough drunken madness we're going to destory Kos-Mos and her friends...or at least the ones that aren't important like Allen

*And so they head off to kill Kos-Mos and her friends*

Back with the Elsa

Jr.: Where's my beer?

Matthews: WHERE'S OUR BEER!?

Shion: After waking up in the same bed as Helmer I decided to destory all containts of Alchol

All the guys ((Yes even chaos)): NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! !

Tony: WOAH GUYS WE GOT A HUGE ROCK INFRONT OF US

Hammer: I landed us there already

Tony: Wait isn't there supose to be a plot?

Allen: *Falls through plot hole*

Matthews: Is there beer in there?

Allen: YES!

Matthew: *Hops in hole*

Shion: *Sigh*

*Later*

T-elos: *Give Kos-Mos a lustful grin* Become one with me

Kos-Mos: ...

T-elos: There's free beer

Kos-Mos: Done *Goes with T-elos*

Shion: Hey How come I'm not invited!

T-elos: Fine Maiden come

*The trio get wasted*

Momo: Isn't there supose to be a plot to this fan fic?

Jr.: I dunno but those three are making out and it's hot *Goes to watch T-elos, Kos-Mos and Shion making out*

Momo: *Slaps forehead and looks down at Albedo's head looking up her skirt again*

Albedo: Hello my beloved Peche

Momo: *Kicks Albedo's head* PERVERT!

*Meanwhile on the Durandal*

Yuriev's soliders: 99 bottles of beer on the wall 99 bottles of beer, you take one down youy pass it around 98 bottles of beer on the wall! *Singing loudly*

Citrine: I'M A DRUNKEN YOUTH!

Yuriev: Fool you aren't even a youth

Canaan: LET'S PARTY!! *Dances in happy face boxers*

Yuli: *Day dreaming of Ziggy in a thong*

Alright so everyone got blasted to the past and Jin and Shion get wasted with their father and Shion finds out the horrible truth, SHE'S HER OWN MOTHER!? Okay maybe not but Jin sure fell for it. Then their parents get killed by druken ugly creatures who wanted to steal Shion's father's beer. Hell was to pay and Shion summon Noah's Ark...I mean Abel's Ark. And God said in a Drunken manner, "LET'S GET 2 MALES AND BREED!" and that's how Yaoi was created. Anyways the Elsa headed back to the Durandal to celebrate...for some reason.

Matthews: *Comes out of plot hole wasted* There'd *hic* better *hic* be more beer *Hic*

Jr.: Danm you missed some action Matthews

*They reach the Durandal after getting fired at for no reason*

Jr.: WTF? What was that for Dad? And why the hell are you in my bro's body?

Yuriev: I was bored, Here drink some beer *Hands him some beer*

Jr.: GAH! *Holds out arms like a baby and sucks on beer*

Yuriev: That'll put him to sleep like a baby *Goes to do his dirty work*

*Menwhile*

Shion: Read em and weep boys and girls *puts down her cards revealing a Full House*

Allen: *In boxers* Danm...

chaos: *Looks at his gloves which is the only thing he wearing* aw..

Kos-Mos: *Trying to figure out how to take off her armor*

*Back with Yuriev*

Yuriev: MUWAHAHAHA YES I AM POWERFUL AS POWERFUL AS....UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Helmer: *Pops out of no where* YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU DOOOOOOOOOOOOOO????

Yuriev: *Grins* You betcha

*Yuriev goes to take on U-Do but loses and get sucked up by Gaignun for some reason and Albedo's mind gets melded with Jr.*

Jr.: SHUT UP

Jr.'s second voice: No you shut up!

Shion: BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP!

*They fly around for some odd days a find a funny looking thing floating there*

Matthews: Dude I bet we have to go there to get more beer

Tony: Good idea! *Lands*

Matthew: *Turns to our hero's* Get us our beer slaves!

And so the group heads out into their journey to find more Beer.

Jr.: This wasn't in my contract

They enter the world of Blue.

Kos-Mos: OMG SHION THERE'S BLUE EVERYWHERE I CAN'T SEE MYSELF!

Shion: Relax...*Hands her some alchol*

Allen: I thought we ran out *Holding a case of 24 in his right hand*

Jr.: yeah whatever...

*They keep walking for what seems like forever and then stop at a closed door*

Kos-Mos: SON OF A b***h *Takes out machine gun and fires but the door doesn't dent*

T-elos: Geez sis relax it's just a door

Kos-Mos: RELAX!? I AM RELAXED *shoots T-elos for no reason*

T-elos: b***h * Attacks Kos-Mos*

Shion: Oh FIGHT! 20 bucks on Kos-Mos

Jr: 20 on T-elos!

*And so the girls fight*

Shion: *Bored to death and faints for no reason*

Shion ends up in a weird graveyard looking place.

Shion: Danm I got drunk again and stumbled into some weird place...Jin's going to give me the lecture *Looks at the graves*

chaos: Yo b***h *Wearing ancient cloths*

Shion: Oh chaos...are you here to take advantage of me

chaos: Hell no, Kos-Mos is the only one for me *Daydreams*

Shion: Great where is she now, she's drunk again isn't She?

chaos: *Points to casket* She's going to be so pissed off at me

Shion: *Looks at casket and leans on it* Oh I opened it look chaos...if she's nude your dead *Looks over but chaos is gone* Jack a**...*Looks down at a woman who look similar to Kos-Mos only with Dark Brown hair and a blue robe on* Aw crap she dyed her hair without asking *About to poke her for no reason*

Woman: *Opens her eyes and tries to bite Shion's hand*

Then we go into the lovely flash backs of this woman getting drunk with chaos and watching Jesus preach but we all thought chaos was Jesus. chaos then is about to leave the woman and she pleads with him to stay. chaos then got wasted and collapsed and the woman is moarning his passing outness.

Shion: I understand now, you had a drunk boyfriend too...Let get the beer together

Woman: Shion....alright

*Back to reality*

Kos-Mos: *Destories T-elos with her boobs* NOW WHO'S THE b***h *Absorbs T-elos*

Shion: Yeah yeah what ever come on beer and partying awaits us!

*They head into the next room where Kevin is Singing Mr. Lonely and then stops when he sees them*

Kevin: Ahem. Now Shion come join the dark side...we have COOKIES!

Shion: CALL ME WHEN YOUR SOBER! *Shoots Kevin in the a** and he runs away into the next room*

Allen: Good job Shion have a beer

Shion: I love you Allen

Allen: Oh...

Momo: I seem to not have a major part...is it because I have no boobs?

So they all walk in to see...Domo wearing a Wilhelm wig

Domo: GRAAAAAAAAAAAGHA!

Kevin: *Translates* He says, "Welcome at last we meet, it is now time for your demise."

chaos: Wait where's Wilhelm

Kevin: Drunk in his office...

Domo: *Get angry and waves arms rabidly calling forth the E.S' and draining their Anima* GRAHHHHAHA!

Kevin: "Soon the final pieced shall fall into place."

Shion: *Walks foreward* YEAH SCREW THAT WHERE THE BEER!

Jin: *Drinking gin*

chaos: *casing chaos for no reason*

Domo: *Goes over to Shion* GRAAAAGHAHA! *Hands over a bottel*

Kevin: Drink up cause that's some powerful stuff

Shion: SWEET *Gulps it down and colapses completely drunk*

Domo: GRAHHA! *Reaches to touch Shion*

Kevin: Hey that wasn't part of the deal *chops of Domo's arm*

Domo: *Sobs and watches Shion as she squirm*

Shion: You should see you *hic* face...it's ugly *hic*

Kos-Mos: *Walks over and picks up Shion* Shion we must get the alchol from Domo *Grabs her pendant*

Domo: GRAAGHAH!

Kevin: He said "Give me I like Shinny."

Kos-Mos: Give me never gets *Destories pendant* Now give us the beer

Domo: GRA?

Kevin: So this is your will Mary?

Kos-Mos: GIVE ME THE BEER NOW!

Domo: *sighs*

Kevin: Okay *impails Domo for no reason and they fall into plot hole and beer come popping out of nowhere*

Jr.: SWEET JESUS!!

chaos: What?

Nephilim: *Appears* Hey we need to stop the Gnosis

Jr.: Danm can't we get drunk first?

Nephilim: You can do that later, first use your power to get rid of Gnosis, then we'll meet you at Earth okay

Kos-Mos: Kay see yah *Starts to leave with Shion and the others*

chaos: Hey we still need your power of Animus, please Mary, I promise we can get drunk together, like old times

Kos-Mos: *Grumbles* Fine

Shion: *Sobs* No Kos-Mos you can't leave

Kos-Mos: Blah blah, you know the teary speech and everything, just save some beer for me

Shion: Okay *Happily skips off with the others*

And so Kos-Mos release the power of Animus and then the Power of Anima both get some alchol and sing a song calling the Gnosis to come to the Zohar that appeared randomly from a plot hole. Chaos sighs sadly as all the beer gets consumed by Gnosis. Shion and the rest of the gang head to the Elsa But Jin stops them.

Jin: I have to go back

Shion: *Sobs* Why? I love you big brother?

Jin: It's to save the universe Shion

Shion: *Shrugs* Okay I'm over it See yah *Runs off with the others*

Jin: *Sweatdrop* why do I even bother

Jin goes back to help chaos and Kos-Mos.

Kos-Mos: *Attacks Gnosis* THAT'S MY BEER b***h!

Jin: Here I come to save the day, and by the way, I'm drunk on GIN!

Kos-Mos: *Shakes head* Oh Jesus...

chaos: What? Stop saying my name in vain!

So Kos-Mos fights off Gnosis trying to steal her beer but gets her arm ripped off. Jin get's impailed twice with a small wodden umberala from a Gnosis' martine.

Jin: It's all over *dies*

Kos-Mos: there's to many of them

chaos: We almost got it *Looks up at gaint drunk Gnosis fly towards them*

Gnosis: WEEEE!!! PEOPLE!!!

chaos: ****...

Kos-Mos: *Sighs* Fine here I go

Kos-Mos shows the Gnosis her boobs and gets destoried.

The entire place then blows up in a big sparkly gold light for a random reason that is unexplainable.

Conclusion:

Shion and Jr. get happily drunk and leave to find lost Jerusalum forgetting Allen at the fuel station twice. Ziggy models Thongs for Yuli and Momo tries to enter Alchol's Annoymonous.

Menwhile floating out in space is mostly destories Kos-Mos.

chaos: *In her head* Hit me baby one more time *Singing*

Kos-Mos: Shutting systems down....

THE END!

OMG! LOL! it took me forever to read it but it was hilarious!!! lol lol rofl rofl