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 Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2007 4:53 pm
i had something very interesting happen the other day, this guy i care about made a very bad black joke that made me angry, but it was right after i had made a few white jokes of my own. For some reason, when he made his joke it just stung more because he said it in front of his little friends and crap and it just made me mad. I'm beginning to think that race will always come between us, Any thoughts? Oh, and let me mention that his family has a problem with him trying to date me because i'm black.
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Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2007 9:34 pm
Hmmm...
I suppose it's just natural that "color" always seems to matter, even if it's just a little. My boyfriend is white and I am black. Of COURSE an interracial relationship can work; we're living proof. cool But race doesn't have to be an "issue," implying that it's causing friction in the relationship. If two people cannot get past their differences, whether they have to do with skin color or whatever, then those two people will not be a good couple. neutral
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Posted: Sat Mar 10, 2007 8:14 am
Well, you shouldn't have said the white jokes.
Honestly, if you can find someone, good for you. But where I live, black girls are like a last resort, Even those guys who do like black girls like the skinny light skinned girls with 'good hair'. xp
But in answer to your situation, I think that skin color will always be present in your relationship, especially if his family doesn't want him dating you because you're black.
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Posted: Tue Mar 13, 2007 3:54 am
It hurt because no matter how much you guys love each other the racial issue will always be there, esspecially since you acknowledge that his family has a issue with your race.
it can work but you need a white boy who doesnt have iffy/negative influence coming from his personal life.
and at the very least, to make you feel better tell him that the joke hurt
I really hate to say it but I hope you have light skin and straight hair because that will make it bit easier, it always seems to when dealing with other races. (I hate myself for admitting that crying )
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Posted: Tue Mar 13, 2007 9:48 am
Fooly Cooly owns my soul I really hate to say it but I hope you have light skin and straight hair because that will make it bit easier, it always seems to when dealing with other races. (I hate myself for admitting that crying )I totally disagree with you and it really bugs me that you have said this. Perpetuate stereotypes much? confused I have dated 2 white and one white/hispanic man and socialized with/met many other non-black guys who had no problem whatsoever with me wearing my hair "natural," or having dark skin. In fact, while some black people I have met or been around think it looks "tacky," or "messy," or "unkempt," plenty of white and black people alike that I've met actually like the natural look of black hair. 3nodding
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Posted: Tue Mar 13, 2007 5:16 pm
Passion_Dragon Fooly Cooly owns my soul I really hate to say it but I hope you have light skin and straight hair because that will make it bit easier, it always seems to when dealing with other races. (I hate myself for admitting that crying )I totally disagree with you and it really bugs me that you have said this. Perpetuate stereotypes much? confused I have dated 2 white and one white/hispanic man and socialized with/met many other non-black guys who had no problem whatsoever with me wearing my hair "natural," or having dark skin. In fact, while some black people I have met or been around think it looks "tacky," or "messy," or "unkempt," plenty of white and black people alike that I've met actually like the natural look of black hair. 3nodding thats very nice to know, but you know that a larger percentage of white and asians(not too sure about hispanic) prefer the lighter skin and more european looking blacks I know first hand because I had to do a mass poll and research for this. out the 4000 people( all not black or african american) only about a 4th of them prefered, the average. to darker skin. so you can see why I sort of believe that confused . but if you have met more people that have a preference for average to darker skin, I'm not here to doubt you 3nodding it actually makes me happy to hear wht you're saying heart
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Posted: Tue Mar 13, 2007 9:37 pm
Fooly Cooly owns my soul Passion_Dragon Fooly Cooly owns my soul I really hate to say it but I hope you have light skin and straight hair because that will make it bit easier, it always seems to when dealing with other races. (I hate myself for admitting that crying )I totally disagree with you and it really bugs me that you have said this. Perpetuate stereotypes much? confused I have dated 2 white and one white/hispanic man and socialized with/met many other non-black guys who had no problem whatsoever with me wearing my hair "natural," or having dark skin. In fact, while some black people I have met or been around think it looks "tacky," or "messy," or "unkempt," plenty of white and black people alike that I've met actually like the natural look of black hair. 3nodding thats very nice to know, but you know that a larger percentage of white and asians(not too sure about hispanic) prefer the lighter skin and more european looking blacks I know first hand because I had to do a mass poll and research for this. out the 4000 people( all not black or african american) only about a 4th of them prefered, the average. to darker skin. so you can see why I sort of believe that confused . but if you have met more people that have a preference for average to darker skin, I'm not here to doubt you 3nodding it actually makes me happy to hear wht you're saying heart I'm not implying there's no truth at all in what you've typed. But I don't take statistics into consideration when it comes to my love life. No one should, and that's my point. I would never possibly discourage someone by telling them they aren't fine the way they are, or that they are going to have a tough time dating outside their race if they don't fit some specific mold. Most of us have heard this a thousand times and it's the last thing we want to see reiterated when we ask for advice... neutral I also have to point out that I'm talking about "acceptance," not "preference," when it comes to non-black peoples' reaction to my skin tone.
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Posted: Wed Mar 14, 2007 1:02 am
Passion_Dragon Fooly Cooly owns my soul Passion_Dragon Fooly Cooly owns my soul I really hate to say it but I hope you have light skin and straight hair because that will make it bit easier, it always seems to when dealing with other races. (I hate myself for admitting that crying )I totally disagree with you and it really bugs me that you have said this. Perpetuate stereotypes much? confused I have dated 2 white and one white/hispanic man and socialized with/met many other non-black guys who had no problem whatsoever with me wearing my hair "natural," or having dark skin. In fact, while some black people I have met or been around think it looks "tacky," or "messy," or "unkempt," plenty of white and black people alike that I've met actually like the natural look of black hair. 3nodding thats very nice to know, but you know that a larger percentage of white and asians(not too sure about hispanic) prefer the lighter skin and more european looking blacks I know first hand because I had to do a mass poll and research for this. out the 4000 people( all not black or african american) only about a 4th of them prefered, the average. to darker skin. so you can see why I sort of believe that confused . but if you have met more people that have a preference for average to darker skin, I'm not here to doubt you 3nodding it actually makes me happy to hear wht you're saying heart I'm not implying there's no truth at all in what you've typed. But I don't take statistics into consideration when it comes to my love life. No one should, and that's my point. I would never possibly discourage someone by telling them they aren't fine the way they are, or that they are going to have a tough time dating outside their race if they don't fit some specific mold. Most of us have heard this a thousand times and it's the last thing we want to see reiterated when we ask for advice... neutral I also have to point out that I'm talking about "acceptance," not "preference," when it comes to non-black peoples' reaction to my skin tone. I guess you're right overall
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Posted: Sat Mar 17, 2007 12:18 am
it almost sounds like there some bitterness towards lighter skinned blacks, maybe we all just need to look inside and love ourselves some more, then we wouldn't view lighter skinned blacks or anyone as better.
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Posted: Sat Mar 17, 2007 12:59 pm
Have you heard of racism within a race? It is true that many of the darker skinned blacks have some animosity towards lighter skinned blacks, one cause they were brought up that way and two because they don't feel as accepted as them. I personally love all shades of chocolate, yet my first boyfriend ever was white. I never got any bad vibes from his family though, they were actually very sweet and welcoming. But yea, many white families swear they don't have a problem with black people until one seeps there way into their home. That is how you find their true feelings. more power to ya girl, If you love him I hope y'all make it.
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Posted: Sat Mar 17, 2007 1:25 pm
PurpleCaptain it almost sounds like there some bitterness towards lighter skinned blacks, maybe we all just need to look inside and love ourselves some more, then we wouldn't view lighter skinned blacks or anyone as better. I don't think that can happen until society and the standards change.
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Posted: Sat Mar 17, 2007 10:01 pm
Dark_Lady_Jade PurpleCaptain it almost sounds like there some bitterness towards lighter skinned blacks, maybe we all just need to look inside and love ourselves some more, then we wouldn't view lighter skinned blacks or anyone as better. I don't think that can happen until society and the standards change. I personally think PurpleCaptain is right. We have to do that first, change ourselves first, then slowly society and the standards may change. But it will be one person at a time, not a unanimous decision made all at once. wink
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Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2007 3:16 pm
Passion_Dragon Dark_Lady_Jade PurpleCaptain it almost sounds like there some bitterness towards lighter skinned blacks, maybe we all just need to look inside and love ourselves some more, then we wouldn't view lighter skinned blacks or anyone as better. I don't think that can happen until society and the standards change. I personally think PurpleCaptain is right. We have to do that first, change ourselves first, then slowly society and the standards may change. But it will be one person at a time, not a unanimous decision made all at once. wink I bet things will get better after we're all dead. xp
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Posted: Thu Mar 22, 2007 4:20 pm
honestly, you have to see if he's strong enough to stand up to his family and date you. cos if he can't handle their negative attitudes toward your relationship, then he won't be able to handle the pressures from the rest of the world [lots of people still aren't cool with racial mixing].
you guys should sit down and have a serious talk about how race can affect your relationship. also try to explain to him how his joke made you feel, and how your joke made him feel too. and maybe ease off the jokes about race; more often than not people's feelings end up getting hurt. if he's a good guy, he'll try to understand where you're coming from and go out with you. 3nodding
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Posted: Fri Mar 23, 2007 10:28 am
lunamoon999 honestly, you have to see if he's strong enough to stand up to his family and date you. cos if he can't handle their negative attitudes toward your relationship, then he won't be able to handle the pressures from the rest of the world [lots of people still aren't cool with racial mixing].
you guys should sit down and have a serious talk about how race can affect your relationship. also try to explain to him how his joke made you feel, and how your joke made him feel too. and maybe ease off the jokes about race; more often than not people's feelings end up getting hurt. if he's a good guy, he'll try to understand where you're coming from and go out with you. 3nodding ...And, hopefully he is man enough to admit it if he simply isn't ready to give interracial dating a try yet. 3nodding
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