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Chapter 1 Alyssa

Alyssa was born into a family of 8 boys, making her not only the youngest, but the only girl. Her mother was dying from AIDS, and shocked that she had gotten pregnant again. She never knew her father, but none of her brothers knew theirs either. Her mom was, to put it shortly, a slut. She went around having sex with other girl’s fathers. By the time Alyssa was 10, her mom and her brothers lived in Long Beach, California. Then, her mother died. Alyssa’s oldest brother, Jason, who was 22, came to her home and took all of her brothers and her to his house in Laguna Beach. He lived on the shore of the ocean and had a large house. His girlfriend, Janice, lived there with him. She was blonde and preppy and really hyper. As soon as Alyssa put one foot out of the limo her brother had brought them all in, Janice came running up to her and squeezed her so hard she thought her eyes were gonna pop out. “Its so nice to meet you!” Janice squealed.
“It’s nice to meet you too…” Alyssa replyed, pushing away.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” Janice said, pushing away. “I’m just so excited to meet you all!” She took her turns going around and hugging all of Alyssa’s brothers
Alyssa look down the street. She saw a girl, about her age, sitting on a pink bike on the driveway next door. Alyssa ran over to see her. “Hi!” Alyssa said, sticking out her hand. The other girl laughed and shook her hand.
“Hi.”
“My name’s Alyssa. What your name?”
“Katherine, but I don’t like that so call me Katie.”
Alyssa giggled. “Ok Katie. How old are you?”
“I’m nine, but I turn ten tomorrow.”
“Cool! I turned ten last month.”
“Wow! We are like twins!”
“Almost.”
“So. Is your mom here? Or are you visiting Jason?”
“Jason is my brother. Me and my brothers are moving in with him.”
“So where’s your mom?”
“She died yesterday.” Alyssa said, sniffing back a tear.
“I’m so sorry!”
“It’s ok.”
“My dad is in jail.”
“Oh. Do you mind me asking why?”
“Well, he hurt my mom and me when he was mad. And once he threw a beer bottle at my brother Kurt.”
“Scary!”
“Ya… Well, it looks like your family is going inside, so you should go.”
“Probably. Well, bye!”
“Bye!”

Well that is all that I have so far... What do you think? I write it on my laptop when I have the time.

The action seemed to move a little too quick, like you're in a hurry to get somewhere. I would suggest adding a little more detail, tell how they lived with their mom, what she knows about her brothers, that kind of stuff. Other wise it's a pretty good start, keep it up!