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The other thread dissapeared..and was here either yesterday or the day before..So here it is again
Is Your Child a Goth? Presented by St. Mary's Church
Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may have gone astray from the Lord. Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in. The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counselling, prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child.
-Frequently wears black clothing.
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
-Wears excessive black eye makeup,lipstick or nail polish.
-Wears any odd silver jewelry or symbols.
-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)
-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.
-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
-Takes drugs.
-Drinks alcohol.
-Is suicidal and/or depressed.
-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.(This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)
-Complains of boredom.
-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
-Is excessively awake during the night.
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
-Spends large amounts of time alone.
-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.
-Misbehaves at school.
-Misbehaves at home.
-Eats excessively or too little
-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.
-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.) 1
-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.
-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.
-Expresses an interest in sex.
-Masturbates.
-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.
-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,
Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.
-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".
-Claims to be a goth.
If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.
~St. Mary's Catholic Church
And for you added amusement, I'll throw in Problems Only Goths Have
Problems only Goths Have
Trying to get blacks that match after they fade in the wash(damn blue/black, brown/black)
Trying to convince the drunk frat boy who is hitting on you that really are a guy.
Big hair, small cars
Airport metal detectors
Having your little sister play with your make-up
Nicknames such as "that gay devil worshipping freak that dyed his hair purple"
Getting your jewelry tangled in your clothes/hair
When your pointy toe shoes/boots get caught in the holes in the hem of your skirt.
Wearing a black turtleneck when it's 90 degrees outside
Accidentally removing someone's nose ring with your spiked bracelet while dancing
Getting people to look you in the eyes when you talk to them.
Getting your slave bracelet caught in your fishnets
People declaring that your eyes are yellow, when, in fact, they are green
Having to reach for the salt with one hand while holding back your sleeve with the other so it doesn't drag in the gravy
Trying to find your possessions in an all black room
Trying to get the hair-dye stains out of your towels, sink, floors, doors, ceilings, carpets, pets, furniture.
Being asked to defend your entire existence in 30 seconds or less.
Finding a detergent to get those blacks blacker
Having little kids tug on their parent's arm and say, "Look, Mommy, isn't she pretty? I want to look like her!" while the parents grab the child and run for it.
Trying to wash dishes with those flowing sleeves.
Having someone try to pick you up, just so they can tell their friends they've had sex with you
Going out in the winter and having all the metal stuff you are wearing freeze
against your exposed skin.
Getting your skirt caught on: anything and everything
Lending your eyeliner to a friend and finding out later that he's returned it without mentioning that he completely emptied the entire brand new tube.
Trying to buy mundane clothes to go job hunting in and not being able to bring yourself to buy anything with enough color.
The salt stains on the hems of skirts in winter.
Not being able to climb really small stairs because the pointy toes on your pixie boots stick out past your toes enough that you can't get your actual toes on the steps.
Trying to stand up, and getting the hooks on your left boot caught in the fishnets on your right leg. And managing to look graceful while extricating yourself.
Dancing in a corset.
Attempting to explain Goth to anyone
Driving in a rather large cloak.
Having to wash black lipstick off of your neck.
Wearing 24 rings and getting them all stuck in various bits of lace and fishnet (not all of it yours).
Having to rush out of bed the moment you wake up just so you can get to the bank before it closes.
Convincing someone that you are straight even though you are wearing a skirt and makeup.
Convincing your sister to let you use her makeup because you are too broke to buy your own.
Trying to find women's clothes that fit you without it looking too obvious that that is what you are trying to do
Wearing that HUGE cross you just bought to the club spinning around and knocking yourself out
Finding that your freshly washed black t-shirt is covered in bits of lint, which while undetectable by the naked eye, show up very well under UV, thereby making you appear to have terminal dandruff.
Waking up at with the most painful hangover ever. Walking to the little store to get aspirin, thinking "Damn even my feet hurt like hell". Then realizing that your wearing someone else's boot's.
Trying to find food you can eat without messing up your lipstick
Trying to get seated so that the eye that you did just right will be the one facing outward.
Wanting to go and play out in the rain but fearing it'll ruin your hair.
Being unable to decide which rings look best over the black lace gloves
Fearing your sharply filed nails will ruin your mesh shirt!
Finding that your cape gets in the way of your cleaning tools when going to work at the graveyard
Getting a sunburn right through your t-shirt
Trying to ride a bicycle with a long black skirt
Trying to ride a bicycle without reminding the people you pass of Miss Elmira
Gulch, forcing them to hum the wicked witch theme from The Wizard of Oz
Trying to type with your lace gloves on
Religion: while everybody still thinks you are a Devil-worshipper despite all your explanations.. especially if you tell them you are Pagan..
Other Pagans/Wicca's don't take you seriously because of what you look like
Menstrual blood doesn't show that well on black panties, so you might not notice your period's began before it's too late!
Accidentally kicking things and having parts fly off because you're wearing steel toes boots.
Brushing against walls and having chips fly off because of your spiked bracelet.
Having to avoid potential self-mutilation after just finishing filing one's nails to a point.
When it's cold, your nose will be red no matter how much make-up you have on.
Trying to explain to people that the scars up and down your arms are actually from your cat.
The extensive hair loss caused from bleaching and re-bleaching hair.
Trying to find a soap that will remove the purple hair dye stains from your hands and face.
Flicking trough a magazine or a newspaper with velvet gloves on.
Trying to tell someone that you admire their footwear without making it sound like a come-on.
//.Sadly, many of these things have happened to me..Metal detectors are evil.
The Official
Oh My Goth! Top 13 Reasons
You suspect your little brother has gone Goth!
13:You find a fake fang in the peanut butter.
12:You catch him in the bathroom putting on your fishnets.
...Over His Head!!!
11:He goes from being a whiny, little, effeminate spaz to
being a whiny, little, effeminate spaz with a
fake English accent.
10.For God's sake, he tried to sacrifice a turkey at the
petting zoo!
9:He covers his face with his diaper rash cream and runs
around the house yelling, "I'm the Crow! I'm the Crow!
I have to make a doodie! I'm the Crow!"
8:He insists you call him "Count" Timmy.
7:You find a horribly violated Barney doll painted black
and crucified to the bars of his crib.
6:His new favorite breakfast cereal? Anne Rice Crispies!
5:You open Propaganda Magazine and Hot Dam!
there he is in little more than eyeliner and 1/10th of his
cub scout uniform!
4:The whereabouts of your dog's leash and collar are
suddenly revealed when you see him being led down the
street by some other kid you think might be a boy.
3:You pull him out from under a pile of clove cigarette butts
and he asks you, "Am I dead yet?"
2:"Hello, I'm calling from the morgue. A little boy just
turned up we think is your brother. The good news is that
he is miraculously still alive. The bad news is that if he
doesn't stop dancing around like an evil hippie I'm going
to have to kill him!
1:He keeps threatening to kill himself but, God Damn It!
he just won't bloody DIE!
By "Voltaire"
((Sanjit posted this in a new thread so I posted it here so we can make this the 'goth humor' thread))
Is Your Child a Goth? Presented by St. Mary's Church
Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may have gone astray from the Lord. Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in. The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counselling, prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child.
-Frequently wears black clothing.
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
-Wears excessive black eye makeup,lipstick or nail polish.
-Wears any odd silver jewelry or symbols.
-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)
-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.
-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
-Takes drugs.
-Drinks alcohol.
-Is suicidal and/or depressed.
-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.(This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)
-Complains of boredom.
-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
-Is excessively awake during the night.
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
-Spends large amounts of time alone.
-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.
-Misbehaves at school.
-Misbehaves at home.
-Eats excessively or too little
-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.
-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.) 1
-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.
-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.
-Expresses an interest in sex.
-Masturbates.
-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.
-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,
Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.
-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".
-Claims to be a goth.
If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.
~St. Mary's Catholic Church
And for you added amusement, I'll throw in Problems Only Goths Have
Problems only Goths Have
Trying to get blacks that match after they fade in the wash(damn blue/black, brown/black)
Trying to convince the drunk frat boy who is hitting on you that really are a guy.
Big hair, small cars
Airport metal detectors
Having your little sister play with your make-up
Nicknames such as "that gay devil worshipping freak that dyed his hair purple"
Getting your jewelry tangled in your clothes/hair
When your pointy toe shoes/boots get caught in the holes in the hem of your skirt.
Wearing a black turtleneck when it's 90 degrees outside
Accidentally removing someone's nose ring with your spiked bracelet while dancing
Getting people to look you in the eyes when you talk to them.
Getting your slave bracelet caught in your fishnets
People declaring that your eyes are yellow, when, in fact, they are green
Having to reach for the salt with one hand while holding back your sleeve with the other so it doesn't drag in the gravy
Trying to find your possessions in an all black room
Trying to get the hair-dye stains out of your towels, sink, floors, doors, ceilings, carpets, pets, furniture.
Being asked to defend your entire existence in 30 seconds or less.
Finding a detergent to get those blacks blacker
Having little kids tug on their parent's arm and say, "Look, Mommy, isn't she pretty? I want to look like her!" while the parents grab the child and run for it.
Trying to wash dishes with those flowing sleeves.
Having someone try to pick you up, just so they can tell their friends they've had sex with you
Going out in the winter and having all the metal stuff you are wearing freeze
against your exposed skin.
Getting your skirt caught on: anything and everything
Lending your eyeliner to a friend and finding out later that he's returned it without mentioning that he completely emptied the entire brand new tube.
Trying to buy mundane clothes to go job hunting in and not being able to bring yourself to buy anything with enough color.
The salt stains on the hems of skirts in winter.
Not being able to climb really small stairs because the pointy toes on your pixie boots stick out past your toes enough that you can't get your actual toes on the steps.
Trying to stand up, and getting the hooks on your left boot caught in the fishnets on your right leg. And managing to look graceful while extricating yourself.
Dancing in a corset.
Attempting to explain Goth to anyone
Driving in a rather large cloak.
Having to wash black lipstick off of your neck.
Wearing 24 rings and getting them all stuck in various bits of lace and fishnet (not all of it yours).
Having to rush out of bed the moment you wake up just so you can get to the bank before it closes.
Convincing someone that you are straight even though you are wearing a skirt and makeup.
Convincing your sister to let you use her makeup because you are too broke to buy your own.
Trying to find women's clothes that fit you without it looking too obvious that that is what you are trying to do
Wearing that HUGE cross you just bought to the club spinning around and knocking yourself out
Finding that your freshly washed black t-shirt is covered in bits of lint, which while undetectable by the naked eye, show up very well under UV, thereby making you appear to have terminal dandruff.
Waking up at with the most painful hangover ever. Walking to the little store to get aspirin, thinking "Damn even my feet hurt like hell". Then realizing that your wearing someone else's boot's.
Trying to find food you can eat without messing up your lipstick
Trying to get seated so that the eye that you did just right will be the one facing outward.
Wanting to go and play out in the rain but fearing it'll ruin your hair.
Being unable to decide which rings look best over the black lace gloves
Fearing your sharply filed nails will ruin your mesh shirt!
Finding that your cape gets in the way of your cleaning tools when going to work at the graveyard
Getting a sunburn right through your t-shirt
Trying to ride a bicycle with a long black skirt
Trying to ride a bicycle without reminding the people you pass of Miss Elmira
Gulch, forcing them to hum the wicked witch theme from The Wizard of Oz
Trying to type with your lace gloves on
Religion: while everybody still thinks you are a Devil-worshipper despite all your explanations.. especially if you tell them you are Pagan..
Other Pagans/Wicca's don't take you seriously because of what you look like
Menstrual blood doesn't show that well on black panties, so you might not notice your period's began before it's too late!
Accidentally kicking things and having parts fly off because you're wearing steel toes boots.
Brushing against walls and having chips fly off because of your spiked bracelet.
Having to avoid potential self-mutilation after just finishing filing one's nails to a point.
When it's cold, your nose will be red no matter how much make-up you have on.
Trying to explain to people that the scars up and down your arms are actually from your cat.
The extensive hair loss caused from bleaching and re-bleaching hair.
Trying to find a soap that will remove the purple hair dye stains from your hands and face.
Flicking trough a magazine or a newspaper with velvet gloves on.
Trying to tell someone that you admire their footwear without making it sound like a come-on.
//.Sadly, many of these things have happened to me..Metal detectors are evil.
The Official
Oh My Goth! Top 13 Reasons
You suspect your little brother has gone Goth!
13:You find a fake fang in the peanut butter.
12:You catch him in the bathroom putting on your fishnets.
...Over His Head!!!
11:He goes from being a whiny, little, effeminate spaz to
being a whiny, little, effeminate spaz with a
fake English accent.
10.For God's sake, he tried to sacrifice a turkey at the
petting zoo!
9:He covers his face with his diaper rash cream and runs
around the house yelling, "I'm the Crow! I'm the Crow!
I have to make a doodie! I'm the Crow!"
8:He insists you call him "Count" Timmy.
7:You find a horribly violated Barney doll painted black
and crucified to the bars of his crib.
6:His new favorite breakfast cereal? Anne Rice Crispies!
5:You open Propaganda Magazine and Hot Dam!
there he is in little more than eyeliner and 1/10th of his
cub scout uniform!
4:The whereabouts of your dog's leash and collar are
suddenly revealed when you see him being led down the
street by some other kid you think might be a boy.
3:You pull him out from under a pile of clove cigarette butts
and he asks you, "Am I dead yet?"
2:"Hello, I'm calling from the morgue. A little boy just
turned up we think is your brother. The good news is that
he is miraculously still alive. The bad news is that if he
doesn't stop dancing around like an evil hippie I'm going
to have to kill him!
1:He keeps threatening to kill himself but, God Damn It!
he just won't bloody DIE!
By "Voltaire"
((Sanjit posted this in a new thread so I posted it here so we can make this the 'goth humor' thread))
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