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 Posted: Fri Feb 16, 2007 9:47 pm
I realize I haven't reviewed everyone's poetry yet, but I'm gonna get around to that on a day that I have off... (Namely this Sunday, if I'm lucky...)
But in the mean time, I figured I'd post another work of mine for your viewing pleasure! Let me know what ya think! It's not as good as Rescue Me, (mainly because it IS my best one) but I'm still, very much so, proud of this piece!
Golden Petals, Crystal Leaves
Under a drooping tree
The raindrops on my face
I sit there and I ponder
What could be so out of place?
The stunning golden petals
And crystal leaves of course
That I've always kept with me
Through ghastly times and worse
I caress them reverently
These things so dear to me
My only light in life
That I no longer seem to see
They once shone like the sun
And brightened up my path
But now I'm in the dark
Led by the hand of wrath
I close my eyes and start to slip
Into a darker day
What can I do but die?
There is no other way
The shimmering golden petals
And stunning crystal leaves
Are swept away from me
And taken by some thieves
I snap awake and follow them
To a desolated place
I realize it's so dark here
And I cannot see a face
The thieves become the shadows
They dance in circles round and round
With my petals and my leaves
They cover up the ground
Iridescent specks of light
Start falling from behind them
And give off enough light
For me to see what they become
One shadow's eyes are sparkling
The brightest shade of blue
Feelings sift through deep cobalt
And what he speaks is true:
"Life's of living, nothing more
That's why I'll always dance
To stop is to end breathing
I dare not take that chance
Perhaps you prefer lounging
You lie there on your back
Listen to your heartbeat stop
We'll watch as you go slack
And while you do, remember
These leaves and petals breathe
You cannot take them with you
If you so choose to leave
You'll die alone forever
But I value this life more
I'll keep these leaves and petals
Until you end this war"
I feel my heart begin to race
I know the phantom's right
I move forward in my awe
To find they're out of sight
The rain is falling harder
I stand up in surprise
How could I not have known?
My heart's been telling lies
My precious leaves and petals
Are scattered all around
I shake my head in wonder
And walk away without a sound
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Posted: Fri Feb 16, 2007 10:00 pm
This is good work my friend. I love how you use such simple diction (Not as an insult) but can express such emotion and power through those words. I honestly love this one as much as Rescue Me they are both among my favorites. Well done, and can't wait to see what else you have in stored.
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undesirable_sacrifice Crew
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Posted: Mon Feb 19, 2007 9:25 am
Lady Seinu I loved this poem. As much as Rescue Me. They both express value and pure emotions. I really enjoyed this one. I also agree with One Poet about the simple diction. Your words are used very well and complete is without any missing links. Great job!!
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Posted: Wed Feb 21, 2007 5:56 pm
I love it too. it's full of emotion and the words you've chosed were spectacular.
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Posted: Sat Mar 03, 2007 9:15 pm
Indeed. Her diction is very admiring.
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