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 Posted: Thu Feb 15, 2007 5:10 pm
I wrote a poem. > >
The first part is what I originally was going to post.
Consider the second an alternate ending, a less... depressing...
ending. But mostly because I could not find a fitting end in the same mood.
A thousand deaths awaiting compensation
A thousand tears waiting to be shed
A deity reviled for his measures
A God despised for the purest justice.
To heal a wound,
He must cut open another.
His eyes bleed red,
From within crescents deep crimson
Crescents to smile while He cries.
Crystal beads breaking, shattering
A thousand pieces of iridescent glass
Glass of unspoken beginnings
Thoughts to never be released,
Words withering before their revolution
Time halting their existence
Opportunity in their thousand fortunes
A life-to-be never begun.
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Posted: Thu Feb 15, 2007 5:13 pm
Pouring from the scarlet pools, they fall
Cascading rain the gods’ gift,
Fair compensation in their eyes,
But to us trivial,
Of no consequence, no reparation
For the ultimate loss,
Nothing to equalize the sorrows.
But still we crave more.
The drops of the divine fall overhead
Mortal tears mingling with rain from the heavens,
The celestial falling to the earth.
Does the sky ever clear?
Only if His work is to halt,
If for even only a moment.
Tragedy to balance the triumphs
Azure peers through,
Golden rays bursting through a veil of smoke
Swords breaking the barrier of an oblivion,
Vanquishing the devils and awaiting those soon to come
To the dappled cotton blanket embellishing a world above
A thousand wishes sent once more,
A thousand hopes whispered in solemn…
And so with them…
Life begins again.
By the way, I am not particularly religious.
I simply used "Him" to suggst a more powerful force at work.
Which is odd since I'm really a skeptic unless you can
prove something to me scientifically. > >
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Posted: Thu Feb 15, 2007 5:36 pm
uahg. you are good at poetry... >_>; but this Emo like sense ish creeping me out. >_<
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Posted: Thu Feb 15, 2007 6:15 pm
Emo is the easier way for me to write it. dramallama
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Lazuri-Hikari Vice Captain
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Posted: Sat Feb 17, 2007 10:19 am
It's good.
But why is everyone emo?
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Posted: Sat Feb 17, 2007 4:03 pm
Do you not get it?
Tejas thought God was emo.
It's called equal and opposite reaction.
Restoring balance.
And I was originally writing about
the after-effects of war but then I forgot about that.
And His eyes aren't actually bleeding.
That describes their natural color.
:3
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Posted: Sun Feb 18, 2007 2:24 pm
whoa...so...much...complicated vocab...
Anyways, it's very nice (not good. nice.)
I don't understand how it would relate to war, though...
Rain's a better desciption.
I don't understand whether or not there is a plot or if it's only description...
If you're not particularly religious, then don't use "Him", because most people automatically refer to that as a form of G_d. Perhaps a reference to a natural being or general term should be used instead? though then it might need some rephrasing...
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Posted: Sat Feb 24, 2007 12:49 pm
Almighty Tampon Vender I wrote a poem. > > The first part is what I originally was going to post. Consider the second an alternate ending, a less... depressing... ending. But mostly because I could not find a fitting end in the same mood.
A thousand deaths awaiting compensation
A thousand tears waiting to be shed
A deity reviled for his measures
A God despised for the purest justice.
To heal a wound,
He must cut open another.
His eyes bleed red,
From within crescents deep crimson
Crescents to smile while He cries.
Crystal beads breaking, shattering
A thousand pieces of iridescent glass
Glass of unspoken beginnings
Thoughts to never be released,
Words withering before their revolution
Time halting their existence
Opportunity in their thousand fortunes
A life-to-be never begun.
ummz, deity is a god
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Posted: Sat Feb 24, 2007 12:54 pm
tsaii the ideas are really nice, but for some reasons they don't flow- like i was confused but if you shape them better it could be a really great poem. umm, some parts were very strong, others "tried to make sense" but just couldn't get the idea across. but, i got the equilibrium part though- neat ideas, but no theme. or maybe im just stupid....
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Posted: Thu Mar 01, 2007 2:30 pm
Love for Tsaii. :]<3
Ahem.
Aside from the fac tthat I'm stupid, I like it. Although to me, it doesn't flow as well, but still, Love from Kiwi.
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