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 Posted: Fri Feb 09, 2007 10:38 pm
Hope this topic is appropiate enough, but it'd be nice to finally tell someone this. I'm afraid to have sex. This is due to some traumatizing experiences I have had in the hospital where the doctors have had to examin, touch, and put stuff through my vaginal area when I did not want that to happen, but due to medical issues...I didn't really have much of a choice. It's caused me to fear sex. I know it brings pleasure, but I'm afraid of things going up inside of me. Was anyone else afraid? Girls could probably answer this question more.
Another fear I have about sex are a couple imperfections on my body. One of them being a few scars on my stomach from a few surgeries I had (that nearly killed me) when I was 14 years old. I'm afraid to show off my stomach to anyone. If I get married or get a boyfriend, I'm just afraid of these things.
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Posted: Sun Feb 11, 2007 11:03 am
If you're still afraid of sex when you're older and more ready to have sex, you could talk to a counsellor or sex therapist and see if they could help you. If you've had issues in the past with medical staff, then it's understandable.
I was not afraid of sex when I lost my virginity, no. I was nervous, and so was my ex, but I was not scared. I was already on birth control, I knew about my body and how it worked, and there wasn't anything for me to be scared about.
When you date/get married, your partner should not be concerned about your scars. I mean anyone who really cared about you would not turn you down or refuse to marry you because of some scars. Anyone who does is not worth being with. I've heard that shea butter/cocoa butter cream on scars is supposed to help reduce their appearance, but I don't know if it really works.
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Posted: Sun Feb 11, 2007 12:11 pm
I agree with Nikolita.
If you are with a guy who cares that much about a scar, run away. xp I can't think of anyone I know who would freak out about a scar. It just isn't a big deal. We're all aware that people have surgery sometimes.
The same goes for other imperfections. We're people. Chances are your lover will have an imperfection or two. I have a mole very low on my stomach, an inch or two above where my pubic hair starts. It is not very big or dark, but would you believe that I when I was little I used to think that I couldn't have sex because of it? I thought that it was that sexually unattractive that I would not be able to have sex with it. Then I got a older and said, "What in the world was I thinking?" I bet ten bucks if you asked any of my lovers about it, they would say, "What mole?"
Keep in mind that doctors poking you is not really like sex. Try to focus on the differences of the situation. It's kind of like the difference between milk and ice cream. xp There are some similarities, but they are pretty different. You will also be able to communicate with you lover about what you want, what feels good, and what does not feel good. You will be in a more comfortable setting, with someone you are comfortable with, and you will have control over the situation too. If you just can't get passed your fear even when you find a lover you are comfortable with, then I would certainly look into counseling at that point, if not before.
To answer your other question, no, I have never felt fear during sex.
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Posted: Mon Feb 12, 2007 2:03 pm
you say 14 that only makes me think of when the doctor is doing std testing or a pap on you I find it traumatizing. I have to go once every 2 months while most women have to go once every year and Nikolita is right about the cocoa butter it helps I have scars on my butt lol and well I don't like them and I've used cocoa butter on it and it really works. also ummm if a guy really likes you your scars on your tummy won't make him run from you if he wants you its not for your body its for you. You shouldn't think so negative about it
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Posted: Mon Feb 12, 2007 9:20 pm
Thanks everyone. I feel a little bit better.
I'm curious...because of the medical proceedures I've had to endure, I wonder if that means that my hymen broke? They had to stick things through my vaginal and rear end. It was pretty painful. Don't recall blood or anthing, but never saw it.
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Posted: Mon Feb 12, 2007 10:10 pm
SweetieRose07 Thanks everyone. I feel a little bit better. I'm curious...because of the medical proceedures I've had to endure, I wonder if that means that my hymen broke? They had to stick things through my vaginal and rear end. It was pretty painful. Don't recall blood or anthing, but never saw it. Whether the medical procedures tore your hymen or not would depend on how old you were when they were done. You mention some things being done when you were 14. Most girls break their hymens before they even reach puberty, so chances are your hymen was broken before then. There is usually little or no pain or blood involved when it happens, so most girls have no idea when their hymen broke.
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Posted: Tue Feb 13, 2007 4:59 pm
Ummm. I wasn't depending on my age. I was depending on the fact of medical stuff being stuck up inside me.
I heard it could even be broken by running. However, I wasn't a very active person like most kids. ^^; It's possibly mine could still be there, then again possibly not.
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Posted: Tue Feb 13, 2007 5:09 pm
i think its normal to be worried, i used to be and i kind of still am, although i have had sex. When i was 14 i was so scared to have sex but felt that i wanted to for my bf.
And as stupid as it sounds, it helps when you stimulate sex on your own terms. Its not so much masterbating... but to do the same type things to yourself. What I did was with a pencil (stupid i know) and i put it inside of me.. i didnt do it quickly or anything, i just wanted to put it inside, and that kind of eased my fears because it told me that it doesnt hurt. I, too, had to have things put into my v****a, i was too young, i wasnt readyfor it and there was nobody to reassure me. I think that if u were to just use your finger and put it inside of u, even if u cant go all of the way in a day, it really did help. And i promise, if u had that medical treatment (and maybe if u didnt) it won't hurt. And sry if that passed the rated PG13 mark sweatdrop
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Posted: Tue Feb 13, 2007 5:12 pm
oh, and about the scar issue, it mite not be typical, but I have a monster scar on the back of my left leg and my bf thought it was coolest thing. I didn't wear shorts or skirts so nobody saw it and he said that it mad ehim feel"special" xp Although im sure thats not the typical reaction xp
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Posted: Tue Feb 13, 2007 7:08 pm
SweetieRose07 Ummm. I wasn't depending on my age. I was depending on the fact of medical stuff being stuck up inside me. I heard it could even be broken by running. However, I wasn't a very active person like most kids. ^^; It's possibly mine could still be there, then again possibly not. I understand what you were asking. My point is that most girls tear their hymen before puberty regardless of how active they are or even if nothing has been inserted. So unless you had the medical procedures done when you were very small (well before puberty), then I highly doubt they tore your hymen. It was probably torn before then.
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Posted: Fri Feb 16, 2007 1:57 am
Heh, everyone has things like that. I have a little trail of fine medium-dark fuzz towards my pubic hair and I thought it was ugly for the longest time. Now I know that everyone else thinks it's cute, I do too. I'm not at all disfigured or anything, but I have a condition called alopecia areata that means my hair falls out in random places. So I've got patchy baldness.
The people who care about those things are not worth being around.
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