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 Posted: Wed Feb 07, 2007 8:29 pm
This poem has no title. I would love comments and critiques. Please don't hesitate or feel shy to post your thoughts!
Warily, I watch
the spectral spirit
– not of heavenly spectrum –
grind in grains of falsehoods and lies
into our wounds – bloodstreams – hearts
‘till we – unknowingly – live lies.
To phantoms – we gain close proximity.
Heaven and us – far apart
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Posted: Thu Feb 15, 2007 4:34 am
I like it but I dont get it.. too abstract for me I guess.. I think i feel I need more context... but of coursr art is in the eye of the beholder...
I like its uniqueness but beyond that, im lost
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Posted: Sat Mar 17, 2007 3:28 pm
It is pretty unique and abstract but I have noticed that in many cases, the abstract poems can usually outdo the other poems in effect. I like yours I must say, keep at it with practice and I'm guessing I will be seeing one of your poems in a book one day wink
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Posted: Fri Jun 01, 2007 6:37 pm
I had a hard time reading it, it didn't flow very well or something.
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Posted: Wed Jun 20, 2007 3:48 am
It has a content sense of spiritual feeling. It got kinda choppy when I got to the fifth verse.
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Posted: Mon Jul 09, 2007 3:39 pm
It was a little choppy but it had nice imagery and a nice feeling.
Great job!
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Posted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 12:43 pm
This is a good poem i mean don't get me wrong. But you need a central message in the poem. Poems are used for showing your emotion through a central message. What you need is to sit back and rethink your poem. It's a good poem just a little abstract. And also try to think of a title for the poem because sometimes even the title can help the poem.
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