Welcome to Gaia! ::

The Teen Sex, Pregnancy and Puberty Guild

Back to Guilds

A guild for teenagers covering topics centering around teen sex, pregnancy, puberty, and other aspects of teen life. 

Tags: teens, puberty, sexuality, pregnancy, life issues 

Reply Sex Subforum
The Abstinence Sticky [Updated 3/4/08]

Quick Reply

Enter both words below, separated by a space:

Can't read the text? Click here

Submit

Nikolita
Captain

PostPosted: Tue Jan 30, 2007 6:12 pm


The information in this sticky was taken from a pamphlet I picked up from the local university-college. The information within the pamphlet is from a group called ETR Associates.

This sticky is meant to help clarify what abstinence is, and to help people decide if abstinence is the right choice for themselves.

~

Table of Contents:

- Post 1: Introduction <--- You are here
- Post 2: Abstinence information [updated 3/4/08]
- Post 3: Pledge, Ring and Vow information
- Post 4: Reserved
PostPosted: Tue Jan 30, 2007 6:37 pm


Abstinence: What Do You Want? (a pamphlet)


All of us have sexual desires and feelings. But how and when we express our sexuality is personal.

The challenge of making sexual decisions and choices will continue through adulthood. It's a lot to sort out.

This pamphlet will help you think about your thoughts, feelings, and life circumstances so you can decide if abstinence is the right choice for you right now.

It also gives you some ways to stick with your choice to be abstinent if that's what you decide to do.


What is Abstinence?
You might think of abstinence as "Just say no," or "Wait until marriage," or "You're too young to have sex." But abstinence has other meanings.

Abstinence means waiting to choose the right person, time and place to have sex. A decision to abstain may be for an evening or for years, or for any time in between.

You might not choose to have sex:

- with a particular person just yet. "We've just met. I'm attracted, but I want to take time to get to know you better. Then we can think about having sex."

- at a particular time. "Life is too crazy right now. I don't want to complicate matters. And I don't want to have to worry about pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases like HIV or herpes."

"My last relationship didn't work out very well. I need some time to make sure I don't get hurt again."

- in particular circumstances. "Having sex at a party is not what I want. And we've both had something to drink. It's not a good time to make this decision."

Remember: There are as many reasons to be abstinent as there are people. Only you can decide what's right for you. If you don't feel it's the right time for you to be in a sexual relationship, then that's reason enough.


Isn't Abstinence Boring?
It doesn't have to be. Sexual behavior isn't an all or nothing thing. Abstinence can include hugging and kissing only. Or, for you, it could include some intimate caresses. Or it might allow for everything except sexual intercourse.

What you decide will depend on your reasons for choosing abstinence. But you need to make your decision before you get physically involved. The middle of a makeout session is not the time to decide.


When is Abstinence Right for Me?
Ask yourself the following questions. If you have trouble answering them, talk with a friend. Talking about the issues can help you figure out what you want to do.

My Values
- Why am I choosing abstinence?
- What do I mean by abstinence? What are my limits?
- What values about sex was I raised with? How important are they to me now? What will happen if I choose behaviors that are disapproved of by my friends, family, culture or religion?

My Future
- What are my goals now? Will being abstinent help me reach them?
- What are my long-term goals? Will being abstinent help me reach them?

My Relationship
- What do I want from a romantic relationship? Closeness? Physical pleasure? Security?
- Am I ready for this kind of commitment? Does having sex fit into my life now?
- Can I talk to my partner about sex? If I don't feel comfortable talking about sex, am I ready to have sex?
- Can I and will I do what it takes to protect myself and my partner from sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) or wanted pregnancy? (ie - Could I put a condom on in the dark?)
- How will I feel if I Have sex with someone and the relationship doesn't last?

Sex in the Media: On TV and in the movies, sex happens quickly and easily. In one year of prime-time TV, there are about 20,000 scenes of suggested sexual behavior or intercourse, and sexual comment or innuendo.


What If I've Already Had Sex? Is It Too Late To Choose Abstinence?
Just because you've had sexual relationships in the past doesn't mean that every new relationship has to become sexual.

Nor does it mean that a current relationship has to remain sexually intimate if you've changed your mind. It's natural for people to reevaluate their choices. Often, experience prompts this reevualution.

Whatever the circumstances, you can approach each oppurtunity for sex as a new decision. Learn from your experiences. What seemed right at one stage in your life may not be right for your current situation.


Abstinence Has Many Benefits
- It gives you the best protection against pregnancy.

- It gives you the best protection against sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), including HIV. (But be sure no semen, vaginal secretions or blood are exchanged. You can also get some STDs from genital touching.)

- It can give you time to get to know each other.

- It allows time for trust and closeness to grow.

Sex can affect your feelings in powerful ways. Waiting until you are ready to deal with those strong feelings can protect you from getting hurt.


If I've Decided to Abstain, How Can I Keep From Being Pressured Into Having Sex?
If you've decided that abstinence is the best choice for you right no, you need to think about how you will stick to your decision. Ask yourself:

- Am I clear about my decision? Do my words and actions express my limits clearly and consistently? Or am I sending mixed messages?

- Do I plan ahead? Intimate circumstances can lead to intimate behavior. Am I often alone with my date or do I choose public meeting places?

- Do I speak up? If I am feeling pressured, do I make my feelings known? Does my partner respect my decision? (Anyone who really cares about you also cares about your feelings.)

- Do I listen to my partner? Do I respect my partner's views.

- Do I stay in control? If I'm in a situation where alcohol or other drugs are involved, do I have a plan? Can I protect myself from doing something I'll regret later? (Drugs and alcohol impair judgement long before you feel their physical effects.)


You're Always a Sexual Person
Being abstinent doesn't mean you stop being a sensual, sexual person. Sexual intercourse is only one way to express affection and sexuality.

You might find that not having sex will make you appreciate your sexuality more fully. Choosing to be abstinent can give you the oppurtunity to explore other creative ways to express your sexuality and affection.

Abstinence is a choice. It's a choice that can be made at any time. It can be a lifelong choice, or one that lasts until the time for having sex is right.

---------------------------------------------------------------
---------------------------------------------------------------
---------------------------------------------------------------

Abstinence & Relationships
[Pamphlet added 3/4/08. I do not claim to own any of the information in this pamphlet.]


Sexual messages are everywhere. We get them on TV, at the movies, in magazines and music. Even ads on the sides of busses encourage us to have sex!

In spite of this, many people decide that waiting to have sex -being abstinent- is a good choice.

Being clear, being prepared, knowing what to expect and appreciating the benefits can help make abstinence an important step in building a close relationship.


What is Abstinence?
Abstinence can mean different things to different people at different times. Make sure you both agree about what abstinence will mean to you. Be clear and know what your limits are. This will help lessen the chance of misunderstandings. It will also make it easier to avoid situations that could make it hard to stick to your decision.

What is a Close Relationship?
Having sex is only one way to be close in a relationship. Being close can also mean:

- Trusting each other.
- Talking together.
- Being best friends.
- Keeping your word.
- Being there for each other.
- Respecting each other.

These are all important parts of getting to know each other. Sometimes it can be easier to focus on these other ways to be close if you are not having sex.

Know Why You're Waiting
To be clear with a partner about why you want to wait, you need to be clear yourself. There are many good reasons to wait:

- You might believe that sex belongs only in a marriage.
- You might be focusing on school or a career that takes a lot of your time and attention.
- You might want to use abstinence to avoid pregnancy and protect yourself from STD's, including HIV. (STD's can be passed during v****a, oral, or a**l sex, and sometimes by genital touching.)
- You also might just not feel ready to have sex at this time in your life. Not feeling ready is a perfectly good reason to wait.

You get all the benefits of waiting no matter why you choose to wait.

Decide Together
Being abstinent works better if you decide on it together. Sometimes one of you wants to wait, and the other doesn't. Then you need to agree that:

- Making decisions together that respect and support each person's needs can help build love and trust.
- Sex is such an important part of a relationship that it's better to wait until both of you are ready.

Talk Often
Agree to talk often about how your decision is working. Talking can help you avoid misunderstanding and hurt feelings.

Ask yourselves these questions:

- What do we like about being abstinent?
- What don't we like?
- What can we do about any problems?

From time to time, think about your reasons for being abstinent. Renew your commitment to your choice. Agree that you both still want to be abstinent.

Know What to Expect
At times you might find it hard to stick to your decision. Here are some ways to handle things that could make abstinence difficult:

- Pressure from friends. Focus on your reasons for waiting to have sex. Standing up to outside pressures together can bring you closer.
- Strong sexual feelings. It's ok to have sexual feelings and not have sex. You can talk about this and think of other ways to direct your sexual feelings. You can also avoid being alone in "sexy" situations.
- Pressure from your partner. If one partner is urging the other to have sex in spite of the agreement, you need to talk about it.
- Alcohol and other drugs. Using alcohol or other drugs affects judgement and decision making. Agree to avoid these substances, or discuss how you will handle situations if they come up.

Benefits of Abstinence
There are many positive things about abstinence. Being abstinent can:

- Strengthen your relationship. Making an important decision and solving problems together helps develop your "relationship skills."
- Help you talk to each other. Sometimes couples have sex instead of talking. Being abstinent can give you room to talk more and express feelings in ways that aren't sexual.
- Help keep you safe. You won't have to worry about protecting yourselves from pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases (STD's), including HIV.
- Bring you closer. Not having sex can put the focus of the relationship on other things, such as trust, caring, and friendship.

Nikolita
Captain


Nikolita
Captain

PostPosted: Tue Jan 30, 2007 7:21 pm


Pledge, Ring and Vow Information

Taken from: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Silver_Ring_Thing


Silver Ring Thing is a US-based sexual abstinence program which encourages young adults to remain sexually celibate until marriage. Based on conservative Christian theology and until recently (see below) funded by the U.S. federal government, SRT uses rock concert-like events (the "Thing" in Silver Ring Thing) to try to appeal to 21st century teenagers.

SRT events feature high-energy music, club-style lighting and sound, music videos, sketch comedy, and a faith-based abstinence message. During the gathering, participants commit to a vow of sexual abstinence until marriage by purchasing rings.

Shortly before the end of the show, they receive their silver rings inscribed with Bible verses, which are usually worn on the third finger of the left hand. The verse is First Thessalonians 4:3-4 and it states "God wants you to be holy, so you should keep clear of all sexual sin. Then each of you will control your body and live in holiness and honor." The rings are tokens of their vow, a reminder of their decision to remain celibate. The rings also are a way to signal to others that they are pledged to celibacy. After they put on their rings, they take a vow to remain abstinent.

History
Silver Ring Thing was created in 1995 by Denny Pattyn, an evangelical Christian youth minister from Yuma, Arizona, as a way to combat what he saw as rising rates of STDs and pregnancies amongst teenagers, as well as a way to protect teens from what founders saw as American culture's unhealthy obsession with sex, which, according to Pattyn, was a byproduct of the “promiscuity [of] the sexual revolution of the ‘60s”.

In 2000, Pattyn became Executive Director of the John Guest Evangelistic Team of Sewickley, Pennsylvania, and SRT became part of the national outreach of the John Guest Team.

SRT claims to have won pledges of chastity of more than 25,000 young adults since its inception, and Pattyn has stated that SRT plans to have rings on the fingers of 2 million by 2010.

Initially, SRT was funded entirely by private sources, but beginning in 2003, SRT began receiving money from the federal faith-based initiatives program. As of 2004, SRT has received more than US $1,100,000 in U.S. government federal funding.

In 2004, SRT began expanding operations into the United Kingdom, with mixed results. While some teens in the UK embraced the message of abstinence, others rejected and ridiculed SRT for being anti-sex. Critics have stated that it seems unlikely that abstinence programmes will attract widespread support in the UK because of the UK's different attitude to sexuality, but the group's Assistant National Director for the UK, Denise Pfeiffer says there is a real need for such a movement in the UK to curb what she sees as the ever-increasing rates of sexually transmitted infections and teenage pregnancies, both of which she claims are the highest in Western Europe.

In 2005, the American Civil Liberties Union sued the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services because it believed SRT used tax dollars to promote Christianity. On August 22, the department suspended SRT's $75,000 federal grant until it submitted a "corrective action plan."

In 2006, Silver Ring Thing decided not to continue using federal funding and to continue with their message.

Criticism of SRT
Critics of SRT argue that virginity pledges are an unrealistic approach to curbing teenage sexuality. These critics maintain that many teens will end up breaking their pledge and, when they do, lack the knowledge and contraceptive devices to protect themselves against STDs and pregnancy. Also, studies have shown that virginity pledges are ineffective as young adults who have made pledges are as likely to contract STD's as others and that they are less likely to use contraception when sexual encounters do take place (see virginity pledges). They also claim that because SRT favors Christianity over other belief systems, it should be ineligible for federal funding due to the Establishment Clause of the First Amendment. It is also cautioned that in order to preserve "virginity", teens may engage in sexual acts that do not penetrate the v****a, but may nonetheless spread STD's (such as oral or a**l sex).

Another criticism concerns the fact that those who fail to keep the pledge are encouraged to remove the ring in respect of those who are successful. The concern is that by doing this the teenager reveals their behaviour publicly and thus removing the ring could become a social stigma that attracts feelings of shame and guilt.

~

Taken from: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Purity_ring


Purity rings, or chastity rings originated in the United States in the 1990s among Christian affiliated sexual abstinence groups. The rings are sold to adolescents, or to parents so that they may be given to their adolescent children as gifts.

It is intended that wearing a purity ring is accompanied by a religious vow to practice celibacy until marriage. The ring is usually worn on the left ring finger with the implication that the wearer will remain abstinent until it is replaced with a wedding ring. There is no particular style for purity rings; however, many worn by Christians have a cross in their design in reference to Jesus Christ. Some rings contain a diamond chip or other gemstone and/or "Love waits" embossed somewhere on the ring.

A reporter David Bario in his article posted in Chicago Tribune, Rutland Herald and on several other news websites wrote:

"Under the Bush administration, organizations that promote abstinence and encourage teens to sign virginity pledges or wear purity rings have received federal grants. The Silver Ring Thing, a subsidiary of a Pennsylvania Evangelical Church, has received more than $1 million from the government to promote abstinence and to sell its rings in the United States and abroad."

~

Taken from: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Virginity_pledge


Virginity pledges (or abstinence pledges) are commitments made by teenagers and young adults to refrain from sexual intercourse until marriage, in an attempt to prevent sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) and teenage pregnancy. They are most common in the United States, especially among Evangelical Christian denominations

History
The first virginity pledge program was True Love Waits, started in 1993 by Southern Baptist Convention, which now claims over 2.5 million pledgers world-wide in dozens of countries. A torrent of virginity pledge programs followed; virginity pledge programs take a variety of stances on the role of religion in the pledge: some use religion to motivate the pledge, putting Biblical quotes on the cards, while others use statistics and arguments to motivate the pledge.

A later, prominent virginity pledge program was the Silver Ring Thing, which was the subject of a successful ACLU lawsuit in 2004 (check date); the Silver Ring Thing had the first part of their program about abstinence, a break, and the second half of the program about Born Again Christianity. The ACLU claimed that the federal funding given to this program as part of the federal Title V abstinence funding (which began in the mid-1990's as part of Clinton's welfare reform bill) violated the separation of Church and State.

Regardless of the approach, all virginity pledge programs are run and staffed by individuals with ties to Christian organizations, mostly evangelical, although the Catholic Church sponsors both secular and a religious virginity pledges. Advocacy of virginity pledges is often coupled with support for abstinence-only sex education in public schools. Advocates propose that any other type of sexual education would promote sex outside of marriage, which they hold to be immoral and risky .

Studies of virginity pledges
There are four peer-reviewed studies of virginity pledges and one non-peer-reviewed study. Three of the four peer-reviewed virginity pledge studies and the non-peer-reviewed study use the same federal data, the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health (Add Health), in which 13,000 adolescents were interviewed in 1995, 1996, and 2000. The other peer-reviewed study uses a study of virginity pledges in California.

The first peer-reviewed study of virginity pledgers --- by sociologists Peter Bearman and Hannah Brueckner of Columbia and Yale, respectively --- found that in the year following their pledge, some virginity pledgers are more likely to delay sex than non-pledgers; when virginity pledgers do have sex, they are less likely to use contraception than non-pledgers.[1] This study found, however, that virginity pledges are only effective in high schools in which about 30% of the students had taken the pledge, meaning that they are not effective as a universal measure. Their analysis was that identity movements work when there is a criticial mass of members: too few members, and people don't have each other for social support, and too many members, and people don't feel distinctive for having taken the pledge. This study was criticized for not being able to conclude causality, only correlation, a criticism which applies to all studies of virginity pledges thus far.

The second peer-reviewed study, also by Bearman and Brueckner, looked at virginity pledgers 5 years after their pledge, and found that they have similar proportions of STDs and at least as high proportions of a**l and oral sex as those who have not made a virginity pledge. They speculate that pledgers may substitute oral and a**l sex for vaginal sex. [3],[4]

The third peer-reviewed study --- by Melina Bersamin and others at Berkeley --- found that adolescents who make an informal promise to themselves not to have sex will delay sex, but adolescents who take a formal virginity pledge do not delay sex.

The fourth peer-reviewed study --- by a Harvard public health researcher --- found that over half of adolescents who took virginity pledges said the following year that they had never taken a pledge.[5] This study [6], showed that those who make the pledge but have sex are likely to deny ever pledging; and many who were sexually active prior to taking the pledge deny their sexual history, which, it is speculated, may cause them underestimate their risk of having STDs.

~

Taken from: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/True_Love_Waits


True Love Waits (TLW) is an international Christian group that promotes sexual abstinence outside of marriage for teenagers and college students. TLW was created in April, 1993, and is sponsored by LifeWay Christian Resources. It is based on Christian teachings that require one to be faithful to one's husband or wife, even before marriage.

The program has also begun providing public school teachers in the United States with lessons about sexual abstinence. They teach that sexual abstinence before marriage is the best way to prevent pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). Many argue that this leaves students with an inadequate education about sex. Supporters of TLW point out, however, that the program does not proport that abstinence is the only way to prevent pregnacy and STDs, simply that it is the only "foolproof" or absolutely sure method.

~

Taken from: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Free_Teens


Free Teens describes itself as a "reality-based, abstinence-centered HIV/AIDS, STD, and pregnancy prevention program". It is used in 38 American states and in more than 70 countries and has been translated into 12 languages.

Like most abstinence-based sexual education programs, Free Teens promotes the idea that sex before marriage carries the potential for deleterious consequences, both physical and emotional.

Established by Richard Panzer, a Unificationist based in New Jersey, Free Teens is one of Sun Myung Moon's social organizations. Members of the group's board of directors, including its director and chief financial officer, ommitted mentioning their positions with Moon's Unification Church in their application for a $475,280 grant from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services in July 2002.
PostPosted: Tue Jan 30, 2007 7:22 pm


Reserved.

Nikolita
Captain


smexy lil fish

PostPosted: Thu Jan 17, 2008 10:52 am


[+More]
  • Grunny
  • Grunny
  • Grunny
  • Grunny
  • Grunny
  • Grunny
thats really useful and iv heard about those ringy things i watch a program about them and the teens involved

blaugh  
Reply
Sex Subforum

 
Manage Your Items
Other Stuff
Get GCash
Offers
Get Items
More Items
Where Everyone Hangs Out
Other Community Areas
Virtual Spaces
Fun Stuff
Gaia's Games
Mini-Games
Play with GCash
Play with Platinum