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 Posted: Sun Jan 28, 2007 8:06 pm
No time to waste. No minutes, no seconds. Bolting ahead of Nyumbani, she hurried into the small clearing Hasana had the family settled in.
"TARA!" Ohahira screamed. She was unphased by the fact such a racket would draw attention from those other than her target. Target... It was an apporpriate word for this situation. Not a sister, a target. Like a tree. A tree that had to keep the whole forest together.
"Tara, we're going this way," demanded her sister, forcefully pushing her in the direction she wanted to go. The fact Ohahira was bossing someone around was enough to leave a few jaws hanging open, but again she took no time to notice the reactions of those around her. "Hurry up! Go!"
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Posted: Sun Jan 28, 2007 8:28 pm
Hahi's screech didn't penitrate Tara's concentration the first time. After all, Hahi screeched and cried every day - what wasn't life threatening yesterday probably still wasn't today. Instead, the black and white female remained focused on her current task - attempting to make her lazy sister move.
So it was with some suprise that Tara found herself herded away from her task and towards the edge of the clearing. Even more surpising was Hahi's sudden determination and single-minded focus.
Hahi was never focused.
Certain that it was nothing, but concerned that it might be something, Tara allowed herself to be herded forwards, even taking it upon herself to increase the pace to a lope. But it was a confused cub that spoke to her sister, her tone bemused and faintly irritated.
"WHAT, Hahi?"
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Posted: Sun Jan 28, 2007 8:39 pm
"I'll tell you WHAT!" Hahi shierked at her. It was a good thing they had gotten as far away as they were with the volume she'd used to emphasize the last word. Just a tad louder and Triv would probably be marching over, wanting to know what was going on.
Realizing this, Ohahira lowered her voice, her tone low and, if it had been from someone more fierce looking, may have even been taking as dangerous. "Banji came back, Tara, you're not a reflection anymore. Our family is going to break because Nyumbani is an idiot and she brought him back here. She's going to leave. She doesn't need you anymore so she's going to leave all of us!"
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Posted: Wed Jan 31, 2007 7:39 pm
"... Banji."
Tara stared at her sister, eyes wide and unseeing. It had been her job to find Banji. Her job. Her mission in life - to find him or die trying. While it was nice to know her life was (somewhat) now her own, it wasn't good enough. Now what would she do? And mother was done with them. She would rid herself of them, like she scrubbed the mud from her daughter's white stripes.
Why did Nyu always have to butt in?
"Ohahira." She spoke the name almost as though confirming it to herself. Brown eyes regained their focus, and then narrowed and darted back and forth, almost as though looking for an escape route. What did it matter? So what if mother wanted to leave. She'd never really been there in the first place.
"Why should I care if she wants to leave? She has what she wanted. I'm still just a reflection - and now momma's found the real thing." She glared at her sister. It wasn't Hahi's fault... but she didn't care. "Which one would you want, sister? Reflection, or reality?"
Feet planted firmly, she sat and glowered. She'd had enough.
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Posted: Sat Feb 03, 2007 4:29 am
What kind of a stupid question was that to ask her? Of all six of them, that answer should've been most obvious. Reality wasn't anything she wanted if it was like this.
Ohahira had never felt anger toward any of her siblings until now. Envy, perhaps, of Tara, more than she maybe realized. It wasn't just Nyumbani who felt it. "I want you to talk to her," she said flatly, seeming to ignore anything that came out of Tara's mouth. "She likes you the most, she'll listen. Tell her to stay. She can have two Banji's."
As if on que, the feminine voice called out the two names. "Hahi? Tara? You guys shouldn't wander like that!" Honestly, what was with this girls? Sometimes Hasana wished they were all more like Swa who never seemed to move. The striped lioness steadily approached, and once close enough to see her two offspring clearly, stopped and tilted her head. "What's the matter with you?"
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Posted: Sat Feb 03, 2007 4:15 pm
She grimaced at the sound of her mother's voice, but didn't show any other emotions. Leaning in close to Hahi, she whispered harshly in her ear. "I'll talk to her. I'll tell her to stay - but only if I can go."
Maybe Hahi didn't mind if Tara stuck around as a reflection, but Tara minded. Unless things changed, unless she was allowed to just... be herself, and not worry about things she wasn't.
I don't -want- to be another Banji! I want to be a Tara. A pout pulled at the lioness' mouth but she shoved it away with a faint smile. It would have to do.
"Momma!" Leaping to her feet she trotted forwards and nuzzled Hasana affectionatly. "Hahi was just telling me about everything." She eyed her mother with concern, hoping that the suspicion and faint resentment was hidden.
"You're not -leaving- us, are you?"
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Posted: Sat Feb 03, 2007 5:14 pm
Leave? Tara wanted to leave? Oh, no way in hell. Ohahira had kept this far too large family together so far, it wasn't going to end here. With an intense gaze on her sister, she began heading toward the others. But when she reached earshot of Hasana, she stopped and whispered something to her, and didn't seem phased finishing took a good 30 seconds.
It took another 10 for Hasana's eyes to return to the size they were suppose to be. "Of course not! Why would you think that?!" her voice sounded frantic, as if a fire was sweeping across the lands, but for whatever reason she couldn't yell to warn anyone. "Tara... Tara..." The name was repeated a good seven times, the pained expression on zebra-like lionesses face not shieled at all. "Are you... Do you hate me?"
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Posted: Sat Feb 03, 2007 5:32 pm
Tara met the gaze and gave her sister one of her own. She fidgeted, waiting for Ohahira to finish whispering horrible secrets. Since when had Hahi become such a... a... so serious! What had she missed?
The sound of her mother's voice cut straight through her heart. She winced visibly, shrinking back from the deperation she heard there. Anger would have hardened her, and she would have been lost. Demands would have met a shield around her heart, and she would have ranted and raged. But... love?
Hate hardens a heart, but love breaks it.
Tara shivered and hunched her shoulders, refusing to look her mother in the eyes. How could she explain? How could she say what she was feeling? Suddenly, she wished she could just leave - run away, and never have to have this conversation.
"Its... no..." She stuttered over her words. "I..."
Just say it!
"YOU HAVE BANJI!" She cried, her voice agonized. It sank down to a whisper as she still refused to meet Hasana's gaze. "You don't need me anymore."
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Posted: Sat Feb 03, 2007 5:46 pm
There were times Hasana was patient, and there were times she wasn't. This she didn't see as a matter of patience. Waiting for Tara to answer her was far beyond that. It felt like a matter of life or death, as if her daughter said 'no' her heart would stop and she would just fall over, leaving the six of them and Triv to carry on.
There was no way she could really prepare for an answer like that, but she had braced herself for it, all the while asking herself the same questions. What did I do? I paid enough attention to her, didn't I? The outburst confused her, until the last few spoken words...
You don't need me anymore...
She hadn't eaten anything in a while, but her stomach was turning as if she'd just feasted on rotten meat. Simply because she couldn't remain standing, her backside fell to the ground she stared at, unblinking with wide eyes, far wider than anything Ohahira could say would prompt.
"Tara... Tarajia," she corrected, her voice barely above a whisper, aching with various emotions, and none of them good. It sounded more like a choking sound than anything. "Tarajia, no."
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Posted: Sat Feb 03, 2007 5:59 pm
Tarajia.
She squeezed her eyes shut and ground her teeth. How could her mother call her that? It was a lie! It had all always been a lie!
"Stop."
SHE wasn't wanted! He was wanted! BANJI was the one Hasana wanted. All the time they'd spent together, it was all wrong! All she'd ever wanted was to be herself... to be wanted for that alone!
"Don't call me that." She raised her head for the first time, her brown eyes haunted with remembered pain, hidden but never forgotten. Her body was numb and chill despite the heat of the jungle air.
"I'm not what you wanted!" Her voice escalated to a yell. "I never was! IT WAS A LIE!"
Tara was on her feet, her body trembling with emotions that were finally released, finally let loose and spoken. It was like purging an infection, and it hurt. But if she didn't say it now, it would only fester worse.
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Posted: Sat Feb 03, 2007 6:18 pm
Hasana's ears pinned. Six daughters, six fairly old daughters, and none of them had ever raised their voice at her before. No matter what. And... now that she was thinking about it, there were plenty of reasons to.
How many of them hated her?
For all the times she drug off Tara and ignored the rest of them? And Tara... She didn't even know where to begin with Tara. "I..." Each word continued to be a fight just to make it loud enough to be heard. "I'm so sorry. My daughter... I'm so sorry."
It was likely the comotion that neither of them noticed. Banji, far wiser than his sibling, knew well what was going on, but spoke so casually and friendly as if he didn't. "Well, well. So this is Tara. Quite a looker." He sat, clearly not going anywhere for a while. "Hasana, do you mind if I talk with her some?" His blue-and-brown eyed gaze flicked to the mentioned 'her'. "Is that alright with you?"
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Posted: Sat Feb 03, 2007 6:33 pm
Tara shuddered and fought to keep back both the urge to scream and the tears that kept forcing a clog in her throat. She -hated- this. Why couldn't they just be a normal family? Why couldn't she have been born a boy? Then everything would have been so much simpler.
Her heart ached with regrets, and it was far harder to bear than the rage she'd nurished before.
Tara hadn't noticed the second lion's approach, and at the sound of his voice she started and stared. For a long moment she was silent. How long had she prayed to see him, hoped to find him unexplainably in the jungle and take him home to Hasana?
And now that he was here, she wanted nothing to do with him. But for her mother, whose heart she'd already broken so many times...
"Yes."
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Posted: Sat Feb 03, 2007 6:55 pm
And just like that, Hasana was gone. Not back toward the rest of her family, but away from them. Had Ohahira still been present, she'd have paniced. Not the over-dramatic sort of panic that made most roll their eyes.
Banji stared into the distance she had vanished into long after she was gone. "I talked to one of your sisters very briefly." Which sister, he couldn't tell you, but she was a damn fast speaker. There were a lot of names to memorize. Any of them with sense would already know. "I guess you would probably resent me at least a little. Maybe your mother, too." That felt so weird to say talking about Hasana.
"She also told me what Hasana told all of you. That we had been seperated?" The lion frowned very meaningfully. "I'm ashamed of it, but I was much different as a cub. Our mother died soon after we were born, and we still don't know our own fathers name. Even though she was born first, Hasana was very clingy and insisted she constantly be near me, as if she was afraid I would just up and leave as well."
His frown had become a heart-breaking smile. "So... One day I did. I told her to wait in this small cave I had found, that I had a surprise for her and I'd be back. Then, I left, and I didn't look back. I was young, stupid, horrible." There was a pause, and Banji breathed heavily. "Nothing I've said should be used to excuse either of us for what we did. Not what I did to her, and not what she did to you. But... Your mother loves those she cares about extremely deeply, you know. Can you imagine? She knows I left her by choice and she spent all that time looking for me."
"The thing with Hasana is... She's afraid of what she might find under the surface of others, so she only sees what others willingly show. I've also been told you 'seem happy', but you aren't, are you?"
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Posted: Sat Feb 03, 2007 7:50 pm
A little? That was an understatement. Tara stared after her mother as she dissapeared into the jungle undergrowth. She longed to find the strength to plunge into the greenery after her, but the desire was lacking. It was almost a relief (a heartwrenching, awful release) to watch Hasana retreat.
Tara keep her gaze fixed on the jungle, her body hunched as though for protection. Only her ears flickered as she listened reluctantly to her mother's childhood story. Her face was stony, a mask that had been worn so long it seemed a part of her now.
"Of course I'm happy!" She snarled angrily, jerking her gaze from the forest to the lion who stood in front of her. Almost at once her eyes dropped and she sighed. Who was she fooling?
No, she wasn't happy. And she didn't think she'd ever really been.
"I tried, for so long. I really wanted to be." She spoke reluctantly, and each word seemed dragged out of her. "But... but how can I be? When I only know how to act, and not be?"
She frowned at the ground, her brow wrinkled. Her gaze shifted to Banji's paws, dark like hers.
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Posted: Sat Feb 03, 2007 7:58 pm
Banji was living proof lions (or wild dogs or what have you) could change. For someone who spoke of sticking his nose up and abandoning his sister in childhood, he was a calm soul now who stood unphased by the snarled words he knew were untrue.
"Sometimes it's best not to pretend, some lions need to be told things directly before they really understand." He was careful with his tone, forcing it to stay neutral, so as not to come off as blaming either her or his sister. In the long run, it was his fault, so he probably was defending Hasana's actions (which he didn't approve of, mind you) more than he realized. "What would make you happy?"
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