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Acquaintance and Date Rape: What Everyone Should Know

Rape is forced or coerced sexual intercourse (or, a**l and/or vaginal). Acquaintance rape is rape committed by a friend or someone you know casually. Date rape is rape committed by your date or partner.

Acquaintance and date rape are acts of violence, aggression and power. They occur when someone forces you to have sexual intercourse or other forms of sexual penetration against your will - whether you are passed out, too drunk to refuse, too scared or worn down to argue, or for some other reason do not give consent.

Acquaintance or date rape can happen anywhere, at any time, to anyone, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, or other cultural characteristics. College students are particularly vulnerable.


Setting the Stage For Rape

Alcohol, Other Drugs, Sex and Rape
Alcohol and other drugs can...

- inhibit clear thinking
- make talking and listening more difficult
- make it harder to assess risk
- render you unconscious or incapacitated

By drinking or using other drugs, people can avoid thinking or talking about rejection, guilt, or reputation and just do it.. get themselves and/or the other person drunk or high enough to let just "just happen."

But consenting sex doesn't "just happen." Consenting sex requires conscious, verbal communication without intimidation or threats. Many states' laws recognize that someone must be sober in order to give true consent. Additionally, being drunk or high is never an excuse for raping someone.



What Can You Do

Think
Think about how you respond to social pressures and ask yourself:

- When is it safe to act on my sexual urges?
- What role do I want sex to play in my life?
- Do I often have sex that I later regret?
- Does my sexuality enhance my self-esteem?
- Do I try to work a "yes" out of a reluctant partner?
- How does alcohol affect my sexual decision making?
- How do I learn someone's desires and limits?
- How do I express my own desires and limits?
- Do I make assumptions about the people I am with?

Challenge Myths and Stereotypes
Challenge your friends who downplay rape or who accept definitions of sex and gender roles that allow forcing someone to have sex. Intervene as a bystander if you see someone being disrespected sexually.

Talk with friends and give one another the oppurtunity to be assertive, respectful, honest and caring.

Communicate Effectively
Saying "no" or "yes" may be difficult, but it's important. Acting sorry or unsure sends mixed messages. The other person can't really know how you feel without hearing it from you.

Communicate your limits clearly. If someone starts to offend you, tell them firmly and early. Polite approaches may be misunderstood or ignored.

Be assertive. Often passivity can be interpreted as permission. Be direct and firm with someone who is sexually pressuring you. Tell an acquaintance or your partner what you want -or don't want- and stick with your decision.

Trust your instincts. If you feel you are being pressured into unwanted sex, you probably are. If you feel uncomfortable or threatened around an acquaintance or your partner, get out of the situation immediately. If you misread someone's signals, you can always explain later.

Listen carefully to what the other person is saying.[ Are you getting mixed messages? Do you understand her or him? If not - ask. Yes only means yes when said clearly, not when your partner is drunk, high, asleep, or impaired in any way.

Ask, rather than assume. Be aware of the potential for misunderstanding. You and your partner should talk about what would be most enjoyable together.

Remember that effective communication may not always work. Sometimes people simply don't listen. However - no one ever deserves to be raped!

Respond physically. If someone is assaulting you and not responding to your objections, push the person away, scream "no", and say that what you consider the person to be doing is rape.



Substance-Induced Rape
Rohypnol, GHB (gamma hydroxy-butyrate), and other similar sedating drugs (also known as date rape drugs) may be mixed in drinks and given to an individual without his/her knowledge. Most of these substances are tasteless, colorless, and odorless. They generate extreme drowsiness, sudden fatigue, confusion, and, in the case of rohypnol, memory loss. Someone drugged in this manner is at an increased risk for sexual assault because of his/her inability to fight back.

You can be on the alert...

- At a part or bar, only accept drinks from a bartender/server; do not leave drinks unattended, and do not accept open-container drinks from anyone.

- If you feel intoxicated or disorientated after only a few sips of your drink, go immediately to a safe place with a trusted friend.


You can also be tested for involuntary drug use at an emergency room, or possibly your campus health center.

For more information about date rape drugs and substance-induced rape, contact your campus health center or a rape crisis center or hotline.



Recovering From Rape
Survivors of rape and other sexual violence may experience a variety of emotional and medical consequences. It is important to seek help immediately. Talking with a counsellor can help you understand your feelings. You don't have to go through this alone.


What You Can Do Immediately

- Go to a safe place.
- Call someone you trust, like a friend.
- Contact a rape crisis center (contact RAINN at 1-800-656-HOPE or go to www.rainn.org).
- Seek care at your campus health center or a hospital.
- Find out if emergency contraception is right for you (contact 1-888-NOT-2-LATE or NOT-2-LATE.com).
- Consider reporting the rape (see below).


You Can Press Charges

- Call the local or campus police.
- Don't shower, bathe, douche, or brush your teeth after the attack.
- Preserve all physical evidence, such as clothing.



Helping a Friend In Need
A friend who has been raped may confide in you 10 minutes or 10 years after the attack. When someone tells you they've been assaulted...

- Let the person express her/his feelings. Listen instead of asking probing questions.

- Let the person make his/her choices. You might present options, but she/he should decide what to do next.

- Let the person know how much support you can give. Know your limits and when to refer to professionals.


You Might Feel

- fearful for your personal safety
- shock, disbelief, and anger
- the need to blame yourself
- the desire to forget it happened
- uncertainty about your femininity/masculinity
- uncertainty about your values

Reserved.