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 Posted: Fri Jan 19, 2007 4:02 pm
I've always told you everything,
Always poured out my heart and soul.
But now we're at a a crossroads,
And there are things about me you never did know.
You never knew it was really me,
Protecting you from all the horrible stares.
You never knew I was always there,
Ready to catch you if you fell.
You never knew how much I wanted to be next to you,
Holding you and saying it would all get better.
You never knew that you were my strength,
My shelter from the storm.
You never knew how much I needed you,
To know I wasn't alone.
You never knew that I admired you,
And wanted to be just as you are.
You never knew that I listened to you,
Over all the voices telling me false tales.
There was a lot you never knew.
And I never knew you loved me too.
I didn't know you would always be there,
And I would never be alone.
I didn't know that you'd be waiting,
Waiting on my call.
I didn't know that you could see me,
See all my pain and fears.
I didn't know you were my sister,
Hiding away all these years.
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Posted: Fri Feb 02, 2007 7:20 am
Hello!
Sending to you a warm welcome to the guild.
This is a lovely creation and filled with an emotion that many may be able to connect to on one level or another. Its purely beautiful in its pictures and profound emotions. Indeed, you touch the heart & mind.
( I truly dislike making any judgements but its important to help others.)
One minor thing..if I may?
I, am wondering about 2 items near the last of this work.
#1: "And I never knew you loved me too. "
Seems out of flow with the prior statements and yet necessary for the ones that follow. It had me curious as to whether other words would be easier to exist to create a smoother flow . If not, then that is wonderful too.
#2: " I didn't know you would be always be there, "
I am wondering why the second word 'be'? It has the flow disconitue and the reader think they have missed something.
Thank you for the kindness of sharing this lovely written work.
Sincerely.....
......................WildWildWindWhisperer wink ,
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WildWildWindWhisperer Vice Captain
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Posted: Fri Feb 02, 2007 4:28 pm
Thanks a ton for the comments, I truly appreciate it. It's okay about the commenting, I really like seeing other people's views on my work. (About the second "be" in one of the lines, it was a typing error and I am going to fix it quickly.) You know how sometimes you think faster than you type? Well, that happens to me a lot, like right there. sweatdrop Anyway, again, many thanks for the comments, I love the feedback!!!
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