Through-out my life, I've always been quite the shy and quiet girl.
Atleast, up until' recent years.
Until I was 13 in 8th grade, I was the extremely shy, talks-to-nobody, kind of girl. I always wore my hair back, which caused more focus on my achne. I always wore a tan sweater, which showed a flat and bulky body. And I was the last girl a guy would ever look at.
Then one day while browsing the local mall, I came across a little shop called "Hot Topic".
Black has always been my favorite color, so seeing this shop made me extremely happy.
I found a very enjoyable style.
Out of the blue, and at random, I appeared at school wearing my new clothes one day. I even did the unthinkable and wore my hair down.
I liked it. A lot. My self esteem started growing and I didn't feel like a nerdy little loser whenever I looked in the mirror.
...
But what I didn't think of, was that it would attract OTHER PEOPLES' attention.
...The girls just called me petty names like "Gothic chick".
(They probably don't even know who the Goths were... Those idiots...)
But the boys.. A few of them actually took interest..
When sitting in-between them in class, two of them would repeatedly flick rubber bands on my inner thighs, they'd take objects like rulars or markers and rub them up and down my sides and against my breasts asking me "'You like that?... It feels nice doesn't it...", and one of them even pulled my hair causing me to tilt my head back, and he licked my neck.
...I was always a bit scared of it... Nobody in class saw because we were assigned seats in the back of the room, and the teacher ofcourse didn't know because the boys would only do such things when he wasn't around or wasn't looking.
...The end of the year came, and I forgot a lot about it, asuming they were just being jerks.
...Then I entered my first year in highschool. Then age 14.
Everything went well til' around Christmas.
That same boy who licked my neck sat right next to me in the back of the room in my math class.
While leaning over the desk doing my work, all of the sudden, I felt a hand whip down and smack my inner thigh.
Then instantaniously grab at my . . . Er. . . Area. . .
I was shocked. And I didn't do anything like smack him because the bell rang right then.
I stopped showing up to that class because I couldn't take much more of it. Even though it's not as vile and repulsive as rape, it still hurt emotionally..
...
In February, the guy I had been crushing on for the longest time, my best friend, asked me out. I felt so safe and secure.
Until' around two months later when one night, he pressured me into giving him my virginity.
I had givin' him blow-jobs before, and I really care(d) for him, but I... I don't know... I don't think I was ready. ...He was 16 and me, only 14.. I felt bad..
...
In the fallowing July, right after my 15th birthday, (July 2006), one of my friends... Well...
One night, my boyfriend and I stayed the night with our friend Kodie.
While my boyfriend was in the shower, I was dozing off in the bedroom.
I happen to sleep in little clothing or none at all.
My friend Kevin, Kodie's cousin, who had the biggest crush on me at the time, came in the house after returned from a party the night before.
...Still buzzed and high as hell.
He came in the bedroom and told me how much I turned him on and stuff like that.
As a friend, I didn't ignore him, I thought he was joking around. I attempted to humor him by saying "Oh really now?..."
But.. That was a bad move..
He grabbed me, got on top of me, and and pinned my wrists together above my head with one of his hands.
The other hand pulled an 8" kitchen knife from his belt.
"Yes. Really..." he said.
The blanket was then moved and he pressed the knife to my throat.
I wanted to scream, but couldn't. I froze in fear.
He started rubbing the knife's tip across my body.
"...Tell me, do you like knives?" he asked as he quickly pointed the tip at my throat.
He pressed down slightly. "Do you!?"
I started to cry, and I said "yes" to make him stop pressing it down.
"Good.."
And he continued with the knife against my body, only now with a look in his eyes of great satisfaction and with a very obvious erection.
Clearly, I was about to be sexually assaulted or worse, raped.
But right then, we both heard the shower stop.
Kevin got off and imediatly bulted to the other side of the room.
My beloved came into the room and asked what was going on.
"Nothing at all. We were just talking about knives," Kevin said as he glared at me with the knife in hand.
...I agreed...
Later that day, I told my boyfriend about it.
...
I feel bad when I think of it, but he didn't do anything really.
All he did was tell Kevin not to do it again..
6_6;;;
It's not like I want them to fist fight, but he really cares about me, so I was shocked to find that he would let Kevin off with a slap on the wrist like that...
...
Since then, life's pretty bad.
I've failed every class.
I got a note on my locker saying "I'm going to ******** you some day soon"...
Then I started ditching.
Infact, I only went to my English class 7 times out of the entire trimester.
My beloved started getting emotionally abusive, calling me mostly "A ******** b***h" or "a ******** whore".
...This last Halloween, we were having a small argument and he even grabbed me and shoved me against the wall.
I'm not that delicate. Normally, it wouldn't have hurt much.
But he happened to grab the arm that I broke in a motocross accident a few years back that had never healed.
...Within' the last two months, I've had a lot of very detailed rape nightmares.
I got in a huge fist fight with some gangster trash while walking around down town.
A 22 year old, named Jeremy or something like that, and his friends have been stalking me for about the last three weeks...
They won't even leave me alone at work...
Rumor has it that he befriends 15-16 year old girls, then invites them to someplace private where he makes them have sex with him.
...
It really sucks...
And Kevin won't leave me alone.
When just sitting in the living room at Kodie's house playing Halo2 with my boyfriend, he'll come up and chain my legs together or my arms together.
My beloved thinks he's joking.
But he's not.
The other day, I was at Kodie's house again, in the kitchen making a sammich', when he came up with a knife, held it against my throat, and asked "You remember this?..." ...then he grinned and walked away.
...
I really don't like it... But I do consider him a friend somehow.... I don't want to tell the cops or have him get in trouble....
v_v
I've been trying to forget what happened last July... But I can't let it go...
I don't know why I posted all of this... Maybe I just needed to vent....
Atleast, up until' recent years.
Until I was 13 in 8th grade, I was the extremely shy, talks-to-nobody, kind of girl. I always wore my hair back, which caused more focus on my achne. I always wore a tan sweater, which showed a flat and bulky body. And I was the last girl a guy would ever look at.
Then one day while browsing the local mall, I came across a little shop called "Hot Topic".
Black has always been my favorite color, so seeing this shop made me extremely happy.
I found a very enjoyable style.
Out of the blue, and at random, I appeared at school wearing my new clothes one day. I even did the unthinkable and wore my hair down.
I liked it. A lot. My self esteem started growing and I didn't feel like a nerdy little loser whenever I looked in the mirror.
...
But what I didn't think of, was that it would attract OTHER PEOPLES' attention.
...The girls just called me petty names like "Gothic chick".
(They probably don't even know who the Goths were... Those idiots...)
But the boys.. A few of them actually took interest..
When sitting in-between them in class, two of them would repeatedly flick rubber bands on my inner thighs, they'd take objects like rulars or markers and rub them up and down my sides and against my breasts asking me "'You like that?... It feels nice doesn't it...", and one of them even pulled my hair causing me to tilt my head back, and he licked my neck.
...I was always a bit scared of it... Nobody in class saw because we were assigned seats in the back of the room, and the teacher ofcourse didn't know because the boys would only do such things when he wasn't around or wasn't looking.
...The end of the year came, and I forgot a lot about it, asuming they were just being jerks.
...Then I entered my first year in highschool. Then age 14.
Everything went well til' around Christmas.
That same boy who licked my neck sat right next to me in the back of the room in my math class.
While leaning over the desk doing my work, all of the sudden, I felt a hand whip down and smack my inner thigh.
Then instantaniously grab at my . . . Er. . . Area. . .
I was shocked. And I didn't do anything like smack him because the bell rang right then.
I stopped showing up to that class because I couldn't take much more of it. Even though it's not as vile and repulsive as rape, it still hurt emotionally..
...
In February, the guy I had been crushing on for the longest time, my best friend, asked me out. I felt so safe and secure.
Until' around two months later when one night, he pressured me into giving him my virginity.
I had givin' him blow-jobs before, and I really care(d) for him, but I... I don't know... I don't think I was ready. ...He was 16 and me, only 14.. I felt bad..
...
In the fallowing July, right after my 15th birthday, (July 2006), one of my friends... Well...
One night, my boyfriend and I stayed the night with our friend Kodie.
While my boyfriend was in the shower, I was dozing off in the bedroom.
I happen to sleep in little clothing or none at all.
My friend Kevin, Kodie's cousin, who had the biggest crush on me at the time, came in the house after returned from a party the night before.
...Still buzzed and high as hell.
He came in the bedroom and told me how much I turned him on and stuff like that.
As a friend, I didn't ignore him, I thought he was joking around. I attempted to humor him by saying "Oh really now?..."
But.. That was a bad move..
He grabbed me, got on top of me, and and pinned my wrists together above my head with one of his hands.
The other hand pulled an 8" kitchen knife from his belt.
"Yes. Really..." he said.
The blanket was then moved and he pressed the knife to my throat.
I wanted to scream, but couldn't. I froze in fear.
He started rubbing the knife's tip across my body.
"...Tell me, do you like knives?" he asked as he quickly pointed the tip at my throat.
He pressed down slightly. "Do you!?"
I started to cry, and I said "yes" to make him stop pressing it down.
"Good.."
And he continued with the knife against my body, only now with a look in his eyes of great satisfaction and with a very obvious erection.
Clearly, I was about to be sexually assaulted or worse, raped.
But right then, we both heard the shower stop.
Kevin got off and imediatly bulted to the other side of the room.
My beloved came into the room and asked what was going on.
"Nothing at all. We were just talking about knives," Kevin said as he glared at me with the knife in hand.
...I agreed...
Later that day, I told my boyfriend about it.
...
I feel bad when I think of it, but he didn't do anything really.
All he did was tell Kevin not to do it again..
6_6;;;
It's not like I want them to fist fight, but he really cares about me, so I was shocked to find that he would let Kevin off with a slap on the wrist like that...
...
Since then, life's pretty bad.
I've failed every class.
I got a note on my locker saying "I'm going to ******** you some day soon"...
Then I started ditching.
Infact, I only went to my English class 7 times out of the entire trimester.
My beloved started getting emotionally abusive, calling me mostly "A ******** b***h" or "a ******** whore".
...This last Halloween, we were having a small argument and he even grabbed me and shoved me against the wall.
I'm not that delicate. Normally, it wouldn't have hurt much.
But he happened to grab the arm that I broke in a motocross accident a few years back that had never healed.
...Within' the last two months, I've had a lot of very detailed rape nightmares.
I got in a huge fist fight with some gangster trash while walking around down town.
A 22 year old, named Jeremy or something like that, and his friends have been stalking me for about the last three weeks...
They won't even leave me alone at work...
Rumor has it that he befriends 15-16 year old girls, then invites them to someplace private where he makes them have sex with him.
...
It really sucks...
And Kevin won't leave me alone.
When just sitting in the living room at Kodie's house playing Halo2 with my boyfriend, he'll come up and chain my legs together or my arms together.
My beloved thinks he's joking.
But he's not.
The other day, I was at Kodie's house again, in the kitchen making a sammich', when he came up with a knife, held it against my throat, and asked "You remember this?..." ...then he grinned and walked away.
...
I really don't like it... But I do consider him a friend somehow.... I don't want to tell the cops or have him get in trouble....
v_v
I've been trying to forget what happened last July... But I can't let it go...
I don't know why I posted all of this... Maybe I just needed to vent....
