Welcome to Gaia! ::

Crumpled Flowers

Through the early morning fog I see,

visions of the things to be the pains that are withheld for me.

I realize and I can see . . .

Anastasia sat on the large psychologist’s couch, staring across to the owner. She sat in a chair just as equally over sized. Dr. Moreau had a penchant for the exaggerated, something one could see the moment they stepped into her office. It was the envy of every professor at the boarding school, everyone except of course the President.

She had been there for only ten years, but her success with the trouble students who had been sent to her was so, stunning, that many of the parents, the very rich parents had demanded a better office than the small one she had started with. Simply put, the good Doctor’s office could possibly put the Oval Office to shame. One of the creepier features about it was the fact that it was completely sound proof. Moreau claimed it was for the privacy of her patients. The students thought differently.

“Annie, you really must begin to say something. We’ve been at this for a month now. I know you’re troubled, and I simply wish to help.” She stared at her, unblinking. Her extremely blue eyes searching her over. Anastasia almost wanted to fidget under her gaze, but she wasn’t that weak.

“Now Doctor what ever could possibly make you think such an outrageous lie. I am the epitome of well adjusted ness.”

Dr. Moreau flipped open Anastasia’s extensively thick file to one of the numerous pages that comprised her short history at Brennings Boarding School. The papers rustled, whispering out their stories for all to hear.

“Day one it seems you convinced one of the professor that you were mentally handicapped in the capacity of long term memory loss. You then proceeded to ‘forget’ everything that had happened since your arrival at the school and started to scream and run about the room, spouting out that you had been kidnapped by the poor old man who you eventually backed into a closet in which you locked him in for the rest of the afternoon.”

“He kept touching me and calling me girlie. I loathe people like him. So I just made sure he never did it again.”

“He also refused to speak or enter his classroom for two weeks.”

“Unforeseen side-affect.”

“I’m sure.” Moreau’s voice was flat, just like the look she gave her.

Anastasia gave her a smile that put molasses to shame, all the while in her mind she was laughing maniacally at the memory of Professor Losen. That had been one of the finer moments in her career, mainly because it solidified her credentials, which at this school, was a very important thing. She now had quite a few clients asking for small favors.

“Just last week you faked a seizure, causing yourself to ‘fall’ down the stairs. Where upon coming to you threatened to sue the school over safety issues. Your seizure and fall almost caused the poor nurse who witnessed it to have an aneurism.”

“Who would have thought the woman has in such a state of poor health?”

“Yes, well the list continues on down and I’m probably missing quite a few incidents. Not to mention all of the disappearing items from around the school. Which I’m sure you had a hand in.” She flipped the file close, stood and walked to her desk, tossing the folder down onto the mahogany surface

Inwardly she snickered. If only she knew about all of her activities. She stopped just short of drug dealing and prostitution and even both of those had fuzzy lines. Technically she had never sold illegal drugs, and is pairing two people up for some hot and sweaty action, for a small, but understandable fee, prostitution? Okay so maybe she had set up the same guy several times like that but still, come on.

“Whatever shall we do about that Miss Annie?” She hated it when she called her Annie, and Moreau knew it.

Dr. Moreau removed her classes, which everyone knew she didn’t actually need, but she liked them for the purpose of academia. She flashed Anastasia one of her smiles which would have caused any of the other girls at school to faint. She continued to stare at the ceiling, counting the spider-web like cracks. Even Moreau’s impressive office couldn’t escape the fate the gripped every room in the boarding school.

By no means was Moreau your typical, stubby fingered, overweight psychologist. Often times the students would see her escorting men into her office. No one ever heard anything, but that was probably thanks to the sound proofing, for her patients.

“I believe you have a strong disregard for authority.”

No duh, she thought.

“Which I believe is a cry, a cry for help.”

Oh puh-lease. Cry for help, sure.

“A cry for someone to truly, step forward, to take control.”

She didn’t even notice her, normally she was always aware of her surroundings, but somehow, she just didn’t notice Moreau until it was too late. She was straddling her, on top of her has hand underneath her skirt, touching her inner thigh, stroking it lightly.

Anastasia’s mind tried to comprehend what was going on but was in shock. She was the one in control, no one else. She had always been in control, always. Moreau reached down to stroke her cheek and she snapped out of it as the cool hand touched her. First instinct, fight. Second instinct, scream. She struggled under her trying to get out get away. She screamed at her the entire time. Her hands struck out at Moreau, trying to hit anything, especially anything soft. She smiled and hit Anastasia hard across the face before tossing her roughly and unceremoniously to the floor.

“Do you really think anyone will hear you? That anyone is coming to your help?” Her eyes flashed with amusement.

Anastasia didn’t answer, just laid there eyes wide. Her hand as it went to her face, which burned red from Moreau’s hit. She tried to think, tried to do something, but her mind was no longer there, it was off still reeling from the passing events, the mind that had helped her on so many other occasions. She had lost control of the situation in a heartbeat. That was new.

Moreau’s hand violently wrapped into her hair, pulling her forcefully up onto her knees. She almost screamed as she felt hair being ripped from her scalp.

“You can’t do anything can you? Good, because I own you. Now shall we have some fun, or do I have to hit you again. You know you want it anyway.”

She smiled down at Anastasia, a smile that now terrified her as she looked into Moreau’s blue eyes from her knees. Eyes that showed no pity, no regret, only hunger.

* * *

Anastasia stumbled to her dorm room, eyes tearing though she refused to cry. She needed to, no had to get her taste out of her mouth. She was disgusted by it, the feeling, the salty taste, and of herself. She had done nothing. A few swipes here and there, but Moreau had only smacked her hard across the face in return. She didn’t even bite her. She could have, she should have. She couldn’t even think why, she had just lost control, which she held as precious.

She swung open the door to her room and was greeted by a sight that on any other day would have made her more than ecstatic. Her roommate, who also happened to be her girlfriend stood waiting for her, completely nude, her short black hair glowed with light from the window behind her, making her seem, almost angelic and on any other day she would have yearned to reach out and touch Delia’s creamy mocha skin. Instead Anastasia stood, terrified.

“Asta, shut the door, someone will see, not to mention its cold out there.” Delia giggled in her normal cute way and went over to her side, shutting the door for Anastasia and leaning in close for a kiss.

“I figured after your session with Moreau you would need some relaxing.”

Anastasia clamped her hand over her mouth, not wanting Delia to kiss it, the infection, the contamination. She almost threw up as she caught flashes. She raced to the sink and leaned over it. Delia stood looking worried next to her.

“Are you okay? Are you going to be sick? Should I get the nurse?”

She gripped the side of the sink, her stomach slowly settling. Anastasia grabbed her toothbrush and toothpaste and started scrubbing out her mouth viciously.

“No, no Del, I’ll be fine, just something I ate. I think I’m just going to lie down for awhile.

Delia helped her over to the bed, pulling the covers over top of Anastasia.

“Alright then, but if you do get sick I don’t want to waiting like you did last time.”

“I won’t Delia. I won’t” She mumbled quietly as she drifted off into a hounded sleep.



I try to find a way to make all our little joys relate, without that ever-present hate. But now I new that it’s too late. . .


“Rov, wait up I need to talk to you.” Delia ran through the halls of the school, chasing down an attractive boy of Asian decent. He was Anastasia’s second in command, her right hand man. No one was more trusted in her underground mafia. He turned to greet her, shouldering his bag.

“Sure Del, what’s up?”

”I was wondering, have you notice anything different about Asta? Anything, strange?”

“I think the entire school is a bit on edge with her. I mean seriously, we’ve all noticed she hasn’t been acting herself lately, but that’s the problem, that’s what scares us. All of the professors jump at the smallest sound. They’re looking over their shoulders as they walk down the hall and I don’t think I’ve seen Losen drink so much coffee, his hands are shaking worse then Tokyo under attack by Godzilla. Then again I’m not sure if it’s caffeine or simply nerves. If Asta’s gonna pull something, she’d better do it now before they just go ahead and pull her into the office. Preemptive strike you know. They may finally just kick her out, despite her parents’ considerable power in the school.”

“That’s just the thing. I’m not sure if it’s something she’s planning, or if there’s something actually wrong. I keep asking, but she always says she’s okay.”

Rov grinned at her and gently slugged her in the shoulder.

“Well, you are the closest person to her. No one closer I’d bet. Close, you know what I mean.” He was still grinning, she however was not.

“Ha, very funny Rov. I’m rolling in laughter, can’t you tell.” She grimaced and turned away, sighing. “Men.”

* * *

Several weeks had passed from the first time. The first time she lost even a bit of her dignity. She continued to meet with Moreau twice a week. She was forced to by the school. Every time she took just a bit more, piece by piece drawing it all out. She knew she would continue to until she told someone or was simply completely used up, but she couldn’t. Every time she tried she would see the face of Delia, the disappointed face of Delia, whispering to her. ‘Why didn’t you fight back the first time? I thought you were strong. I guess you aren’t as strong as I thought.’

One day Moreau had even explained a bit to her. She had once again been forced to her knees. Moreau had taken her chin roughly in her hand and made her look up into her icy blue eyes.

“You know, I bet you’re thinking why. Why doesn’t she just take it? She has every chance. Just take my virginity and be done.” Moreau smiled down at her. “It’s all a question of power Annie. I control you, I own you. You are mine. Eventually I will take your flower, but not until I’m sure you’ve reached your lowest point. I have the power to choose and I have the power to know just when the right moment will come. Now continue with your task.”

She knew not to argue, not to talk back. She did everything she said, everything but cry. That one thing she held onto tightly. No, she had already lost almost everything. She would never let Moreau see her cry. That was just too much.

* * *

The entire school watched anxiously as Anastasia seemed almost to worsen. People started taking bets on how long it would continue and if it was all another one of her numerous schemes, or if stress had just finally gotten to her and she had cracked under the pressure. Day after day more people were placing bets on the cracked scenario.

Delia was less than amused by the entire thing. People who were caught betting on Anastasia soon felt her wrath. Her wrath was a scary thing. It was one of the things that Asta had fallen in love with, but she tried to avoid being the brunt of the wrath, just as anyone else. Under normal circumstances Delia was quite calm and relaxed, but during one of the few times she was angered the whole world trembled.

“Come on love, tell me, tell me what’s wrong if anything. Tell me, is this just another one of your stunts? I know you don’t like telling me, so I can’t get into trouble for knowing, but still. You’re scaring me.”

Delia was trying once again to get Anastasia to tell her what was happening. Unsuccessfully as per usual.

“Nothing is wrong and I’m not going to let you in on it. I’m really okay, so just stop worrying your beautiful head.” She reached up and tried to touch Delia like she would have normally., but she couldn’t. She tried to reach up and stroke Delia’s cheek reassuringly like she would have, but Moreau’s hand flashed, touching her own cheek and Anastasia’s hand stopped and dropped back. Something that did not go unnoticed by Delia, but did go unsaid.

Anastasia turned and walked out.

“Nothing to worry about Del, nothing at all.”

Delia stood, watching her lover walk out the door. Something was wrong, she was certain of that much.

The game of life is hard to play, I’m gonna lose it anyway.

The losing card I’ll someday lay. So this is all I have to say . . .

Two months, two long months had passed. At this point Anastasia would have taken hell. Though she had a feeling in the back of her mind that this was in fact hell.

Dr. Moreau had slowly increased the humiliation and pain gradually allowing it to grow more severe as time past. Anastasia would cry, but never when she was around. She always hid it. Then she discovered that cutting herself helped. If she did it after she could take her mind off how dirty she felt and concentrate on the pain, the wonderful pain that she created. Not Moreau, but herself, she was in control of that.

She was sitting in her dorm room, running the blade of an Exacto knife down her arm when Delia walked in.

“Anastasia!”

She jumped, cutting deeper, losing the control she had over her body. Anastasia panicked as Delia came running over to her.

“What the hell are you doing?” Her face showed her horror and concern, Anastasia’s heart fell as she saw it in her loves eyes. Del grabbed a towel and wrapped it around the cut that was oozing out blood in a steady fashion. She pulled Asta to her feet and drug her to the nurse’s who managed to patch her up, no stitches required. She had gotten close to it though.

The President of the boarding school notified Anastasia’s parents, who immediately set up a session with Dr. Moreau for everyday. Six days a week now she had to go to her office.

“Annie, Annie, Annie that was very careless of you, to get caught cutting yourself like that. I’m disappointed in you. It does however leave open new areas we can explore into. I mean, people will simply think the wounds were self-inflicted, and it sounds like you enjoy the pain. Might as well.”

Anastasia said nothing, and could do nothing. Her mind had already shut it’s self down, not wanting to think. She just pictured Del smiling. That was all she needed.

People might have wondered where all the new injuries, burns, and cuts were coming from, if she hadn’t been caught cutting herself. Everyone just simply thought she was doing it to herself.

* * *

One day, she caught her. Moreau finally figured out what she was doing, that she had stopped paying attention and had simply been letting her mind drift away, away into the arms of Delia. Her soft loving Delia. Her eyes always glazed over when she did it, giving a hazy look to them.

“Now, now we can’t have this can we. If you aren’t paying any attention to me, how will we have any fun together? I wonder, who was it that you were thinking of.” Her lips forming into what would have been a seductive pout under normal circumstances.

Terror struck her. If Moreau found out, it would taint the last refuge that she had.

“It was that toy of yours. The girlfriend roommate. What was her name again?”

Don’t remember, please don’t remember her name. Anastasia silently prayed.

“Oh yes, Delia. I remember now. Cute girl, very sexy lips.”

Anastasia almost cried.


The only way to win is cheat and lay it down before I’m beat, and to anther give my seat. For that’s the only pointless feat.


Two days later Anastasia returned to her room after class, just before having to go to her session with Moreau and found it, unusually empty. She sat on her bed and wept into her hands silently, just in case Delia happened to walk in. Anastasia knew that it was only a matter of time before she stripped her of her last dignity. She knew it and could feel the day it happened creeping closer and closer.

It was then Delia walked through the door and she made up her mind there. Anastasia practically threw herself on Delia.

“I’m ready for you Delia, take me, do it now.” She kissed her all over, not wanting to her let go of Delia again. Anastasia was shocked when she was violently pushed off.

“No.” Delia looked at her, almost coldly. She shivered under the gaze.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean no Anastasia. Haven’t you noticed yet? I’ve just come for the last box of my things. I’m moving out and moving on. I can’t take it anymore. I don’t want to hurt like this any longer.”

Anastasia stood, unbelieving. Delia never called her Anastasia, never. Her mind simply shut all else out. How, why?

“What are you talking about Del?”

“What do you mean? I think it’s pretty clear what’s going on. I’m sick of it Anastasia. All the secrecy, all the lies. You won’t even tell me what you have planned. I used to love you because you had a kindness that no one else could see but my self. I could see it, even if you couldn’t. Now all I see is a broken figure of madness. I thought at first this madness was real, but the others convinced me. They showed me it was all just another one of your acts. You’re just consumed by power, there’s no room left for me. One you won’t let me in on, or even warn me about. I was worried sick for months. I’m done. I’m getting out of this relationship for good.” Delia grabbed the last box and turned, heading out the door. Anastasia grabbed her before she went through the foyer. She fell to her knees, almost sobbing.

“You can’t, please, don’t leave me. I can’t keep going without you. I can’t do it.!” She was screaming and sobbing, having Delia by the hem of her shirt.

“You’re making a scene Anastasia, jut let go.” she pushed her hand off, Anastasia dropping to the floor. “Carrie talked to me, and I’ll be rooming with her now. I know you don’t like her, but deal with it. At least she’s sane.”

She then closed the door on Anastasia’s face, leaving her to sob on the floor. Tears quietly slide down Delia’s own face as she walked away.

* * *

Moreau’s receptionist let her into his office with her usual nod and ‘he’s waiting’. Which was true, he was always ready for her. He really was a saint, the receptionist thought to herself. Having to deal with such a messed up child such as her.

As soon as Anastasia walked in, he knew.

“She left you flat didn’t she? Hooked up with someone new.”

Anastasia simply nodded.

“Its time, strip.”

She crumpled to the floor, and for the first time, she cried in front of him. There was nothing left anyway.



The sword of time will pierce our skins. It doesn’t hurt when it begins, but as it works its way on in, the pain grows stronger, watch it grin. . .


She lay, curled up in a ball in the middle of the floor, completely numb. It was done. The session had lasted longer than any of the previous ones and she hurt. It had hurt worse than she had expected. There was a lot more blood as well. She hadn’t bothered showering yet so the blood was still dried a dark, dirty red to her thighs. She had lost everything. There was nothing left, not even tears. Pain, pain she controlled. She still had that left.

Anastasia crawled over to her desk where she had hidden her switch blade that she had purchased after all her exacto blades had been confiscated. She kept this knife well hidden, knowing the policy at the school. Pulling herself over to the sink she lifted herself up. First her right arm, then the left, since her left was weak enough. She flipped open the blade and watched it glint in the light and knew it was the right thing to be doing. Slowly she took it and pressed hard down on the skin, feeling it slice through. Gasping she pulled it down, the skin giving way with almost no resistance. Then the left arm, even deeper this time, just to be sure. She was pale enough to be able to see the veins, and traced one down her arm.

The warm blood flooded down her arm in response. It was a comforting feeling, unlike the blood he had released. A kind of relaxed sensation flowed from her wrapping her close and warm. The pain, the hurt, the numbness all disappeared as blood covered more of her, bit by bit.

Maybe I should say something, something elegant, something that would change the world. That sounds good, really good. Damn, I forgot a pen.

She looked down at the blood.

I guess that will do.

She dipped her fingers in and started to write. She could feel herself slowly falling asleep. It was nice, she didn’t sense encroaching nightmares like she normally did when drifting into sleep. She finished writing; energy spent slumping to the floor. Curling up she stared at the ceiling. The light beckoned her. Delia was suddenly there, there to greet her and bring her into the light like an angel. She finally shut her eyes and passed, smiling.


A brave man once requested me, to answer questions that are key. It is to be or not to be? And I replied ‘Oh why ask me?’


Damn it, I never should have let Carrie talk me into leaving. It was stupid, I can’t.

She opened the door to her old dorm room, to see Anastasia lying on her side staring up at the ceiling light naked, blood everywhere.

“Jesus Anastasia. I’m sorry, so sorry, don’t be dead, don’t be dead.”

Delia ran, kneeling down next to her. Staring at her she watched Anastasia reach up to touch her face, gently stroking it leaving bloody tracks before her hand dropped back onto the floor and Anastasia’s eyes shut. Delia fell over her protectively and wept, crying her name. She turned her head and saw the message written in Anastasia’s red blood.

‘I love you’

Delia reached for the phone.


‘Cause suicide is painless, it brings on many changes and I can take or leave it if I please.

Same here. It made me sniffle. It's really sad. sad

So...is there a part two? Or is she dead? eek

I personally like the ending for some reason. I dunno, it seemed to fit.