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 Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2007 3:47 pm
Pale, dull, blue eyes
Stare into the darkness
Hoping to find
What they have been searching for,
For years to pass.
The darkness is mind piercing.
The silence is ear splitting.
Everytime the eyes turn another direction,
Darkness is waiting to greet them with an evil grin.
Everytime they believe they have seen light,
They blink and the light is gone.
Everytime they close
Hoping to see a picture,
Hoping to see color,
There is but blackness to see.
Everytime the eyes close
And call out for light,
There is but darkness
That returns the call.
I have been sitting here
In this darkness
Scince the day I lost
What I have been looking for,
For so long.
Alone I have been,
Sitting in this silence
That has overcome my life.
Everyday my strength dwindles away.
Everyday my will diminishes.
I fear that even before I die,
I will have become nothing.
Just and object in the way of life's path.
Inanimate
Before my body has began to decay.
Still breathing, but not willingly.
Forced to live on this earth,
Though my soul has entered hell.
I just sit here each and everyday,
Trying to hold this false pride,
This false smile,
Though you can tell by my eyes
That I am empty.
Though most do not look into my eyes,
They only see my face
And believe I am here.
They believe
That I am still alive,
Though all other signs
Point the other way.
I have already died,
But I have been thrown
Back into life,
To live
With only a thread of life remaining.
No matter how much I try,
No matter how many times I wish,
I am forced to experience
This world dwindling away
Faster than my will to live.
There is no longer
A reason to live,
For all has been destroyed.
I am no longer a life,
Only the living corpse
Of a life that was...
I've been told this has been over done many times, but I really like this one. This is an original by me. I just want some feedback on it.
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Posted: Sat Jan 13, 2007 1:53 pm
I'm sad now. My thread has been pushed down without any replies, and the threads above mine have replies.... crying
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Posted: Sat Jan 13, 2007 3:06 pm
It's not bad. In my personal opinion, it's a little bit long-winded and slightly repetitive. It could use some editing and revision, but it's a good start. There's also one spelling error. . . The word "Since" is spelled "Scince," I think; just a type-o.
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Posted: Sat Jan 13, 2007 3:27 pm
Oh! Thank you. I must have missed that when I went through to check it. I must also thank you for your honest opinion. I wrote this a few years ago. I felt exactly as the poem says. I was going through some rough times. Thanks again.
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Posted: Sat Jan 13, 2007 3:29 pm
LostInTheRed Oh! Thank you. I must have missed that when I went through to check it. I must also thank you for your honest opinion. I wrote this a few years ago. I felt exactly as the poem says. I was going through some rough times. Thanks again. No problem. I was happy to help.
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