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 Posted: Thu Jan 11, 2007 10:10 pm
Most of this is just rambling because I'm so depressed..
I'd totally appreciate it if anyone could give me at least -some- advice?
<3
I love my best friend
it causes me deep despair to have him so close and not be able to do anything.
He knows I like him, too. Which sort of makes it awkward. And I feel the need to hide the fact I'm so depressed. Not just because he'll know why.
But because he'll care.
Yeah, a good friend normally would care but. Because I like him so much, it hurts me.
Recently, he's told me (indirectly) that he -might- like me, but of course nothing's going to happen.
But aside from all of this, I'm also depressed because. I never had any intentions of falling in love. But I want it so much.
I make myself sick thinking about him
and in the end. True or false, I believe I should not be aloud to love or be loved.
I have no reason to be loved anyway.
All the time, I want to get away from everyone
be alone forever.
Because I love him, I've set new goals. I want to become dependable.
In a nutshell, I want to be a seme but because of the despair I’ve sunk in to, I feel I’ll only be the uke.
Because of the way I am, though, I can't be the uke, nor do I want to be. I want to be the dependable one. I want to be the one who is looked up to, the noble one. The prince.
This all pains me more. Impossibilities...
I start every day thinking, "Today, I'll become a prince!" I want to be more mature. Stable. But for some reason I can't.
I want someone to hold my hand and be there for me, but that would contradict my purpose...
I had a girl friend who loved me. But I gave up on her. Why? Because of these strong feelings I have for him, I felt it unfair for her. But also because she can't support me. Is it that. No one can?
A winding circle... Eternity
fantasies, daydreams. That’s all I have. Though I believe I don't deserve any of it. I still want it so bad. I know everything but still want to go against it.
Against the truth.
I feel so hollow, helpless.
I want someone. I want him to help me. But that's selfish.
What should I do?
Where do I go from here?
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Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2007 2:25 pm
Start by breathing and eating some chocolate.
For starters, everyone has a reason to be loved. I would say one reason people would love you is that you are a very sensitive person, not to mention quite poetic.
I understand what it feels like to want to change yourself and find that it's not happening. And it is not selfish to want someone to help you. It doesn't make you any less strong. Talk to your friend. I am a firm believer in the power of honesty. Tell him what you're going through. And yes, he'll care. He should. If he's as good a friend as he sounds, then he might already know that something's wrong. You shouldn't be afraid to ask for help.
And chocolate is good. Trust me on that.
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Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2007 10:45 pm
I don't really like chocolate...
How can I ask him for help?
That'd be kind of awkward O-o
Thank you >.o
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Posted: Sat Jan 13, 2007 3:04 pm
Where are you most comfortable?....where is he most comfortable?.....
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Posted: Sat Jan 13, 2007 6:25 pm
most comfortable?
I suppose.. I enjoy just hanging out, so perhaps the mall?
And he likes his computer. plays World of Warcraft every day...
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Posted: Sat Jan 13, 2007 8:47 pm
I have the same problem, for the most part.
Except he's gay and I'm a female -for now-.
There are so many things he hates about me, and I've tried to change for him, but either I'm not changing, or he just.. doesn't want anything to work. It sucks. I gave up on everyone else because what I feel for him is so strong.. Nobody else will be anything to me. I also stay away from people. I only hang out with one person, most of the time. I've tried to be more dependable for him, and only him, because I want to be the one he turns to.. Well. I already am the one he turns to, but I'm bad at the whole feelings thing.
I agree that talking to him will be your best bet. Even if he doesn't feel the same, you'll get it out and you won't feel as bad. There's always the chance that he DOES feel the same. Happy ending.
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Posted: Sat Jan 13, 2007 11:41 pm
Happy endings are just stories that haven't finished yet...
What's left to talk about with him though?
He knows I like him
He knows my poems are about him
He knows i hurt because of him
Everything is pretty much covered..
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Posted: Sun Jan 14, 2007 1:06 pm
Well, you said that he hinted that he might like you. Ask him about it.
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Posted: Sun Jan 14, 2007 4:34 pm
I have..
tee hee, I sitll have that note in my backpack ;O
He said he's not sure if he likes guys as much as girls
but also that he's afraid to let people know he likes a guy
...
he said that he does love me...
but he could just mean as a friend D=
Even if he -did- like me, nothing would happen because he's so unsure and indecisive...
sort of?
Blah, its kind of complicated ._.;
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Posted: Mon Jan 15, 2007 10:45 am
...well....just ask him to think it over.....if he is unsure I say give him time, all the while staying with him....
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Posted: Mon Jan 15, 2007 4:40 pm
OverlordMMM ...well....just ask him to think it over.....if he is unsure I say give him time, all the while staying with him.... I had a dream last night that we got married... how scary =_= I believe he has thought it over.. or is currently doing so (I htink he's moved on) what do you mean by staying with him? We are still best friends =O
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Posted: Tue Jan 16, 2007 1:28 pm
.....staying with him if he chooses another....staying with him if he chooses to be with you (obviously you'd stay with him then).....or by staying with him during his time of unsurity, helping him to understand what he feels......
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Posted: Tue Jan 16, 2007 5:43 pm
OverlordMMM .....staying with him if he chooses another....staying with him if he chooses to be with you (obviously you'd stay with him then).....or by staying with him during his time of unsurity, helping him to understand what he feels...... Of course I'd stay with him... Of course im sad because he doesn't like me... but his happiness greatly surpasses mine in matters of importance. As long as he's happy.. I'll be happy for him somewhere in my heart. And we'll always remain best friends... (warning - the following will sound lame!!) We pinky-promised that our relationship will never change for the worse.
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Posted: Wed Jan 17, 2007 8:49 am
BladeMaster-Suyo And we'll always remain best friends... (warning - the following will sound lame!!) We pinky-promised that our relationship will never change for the worse. .........umm...is it odd that I find it adorable?.....
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Posted: Wed Jan 17, 2007 9:01 am
Haha, no =3
I started the pinky-promise tradition because of Card Captor Sakura and Kare Kano (though Kare Kano came much later)
It -is adorable ;o
Anyhow, I was depressed lately and he's really the only person I turn to for guidance and stuff and I asked him what I should improve and, what exactly I should do and stuff
And he replied with "I love you"
How the hell does that work?
Of course, don't just jump to any conclusions.
He could mean "I love you as a friend, you don't need to change anything" or something like that. I asked him what he meant *waiting for reply* ._.
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