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 Posted: Tue Jul 27, 2004 10:03 pm
Ok, so I claimed to be poetically inclined (I believe) when I applied for the guild. Either way, I was walking in the garage today and rolled back into a conversation I'd had with one of my friends' boyfriend.
So bam, here's this stanza. I came back in and got it down, then I wrote the first stanza and second stanza above it, and voila. I'm not going to explain the roots of this one unless someone's really itnerested, but it does flash back very briefly on the boy I was with on prom night in one line, so I figured I'd share.
I met a boy with ardor
And a turbine in his heart
That stirred the strings I'd tied inside
And pulled my spool apart
He mutualized compassion
And I carried him to bed
Where I saw shades of blue I never knew
Running circles 'round his head
And I told him he's a lost cause
If he'd put away the sun
For window panes and paper planes
And feigned florescent fun.
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Posted: Tue Jul 27, 2004 10:23 pm
I sorta didn't get the last part sweatdrop However I love it ^-^!! *Claps*
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Posted: Tue Jul 27, 2004 11:14 pm
Gaia ate the first reply I recieved. Feel free to PM/IM it to me, though. Or repost; that would be super. Please & thanks.
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Posted: Wed Jul 28, 2004 7:53 am
Overshine Ok, so I claimed to be poetically inclined (I believe) when I applied for the guild. Either way, I was walking in the garage today and rolled back into a conversation I'd had with one of my friends' boyfriend.
So bam, here's this stanza. I came back in and got it down, then I wrote the first stanza and second stanza above it, and voila. I'm not going to explain the roots of this one unless someone's really itnerested, but it does flash back very briefly on the boy I was with on prom night in one line, so I figured I'd share.
I met a boy with ardor
And a turbine in his heart
That stirred the strings I'd tied inside
And pulled my spool apart
He mutualized compassion
And I carried him to bed
Where I saw shades of blue I never knew
Running circles 'round his head
And I told him he's a lost cause
If he'd put away the sun
For window panes and paper planes
And feigned florescent fun. Not bad. Rhyming poetry from amateurs usually sucks bigtime. The shades of blue bit breaks the rythm very badly, though.
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Posted: Wed Jul 28, 2004 3:19 pm
Vague Overshine Ok, so I claimed to be poetically inclined (I believe) when I applied for the guild. Either way, I was walking in the garage today and rolled back into a conversation I'd had with one of my friends' boyfriend.
So bam, here's this stanza. I came back in and got it down, then I wrote the first stanza and second stanza above it, and voila. I'm not going to explain the roots of this one unless someone's really itnerested, but it does flash back very briefly on the boy I was with on prom night in one line, so I figured I'd share.
I met a boy with ardor
And a turbine in his heart
That stirred the strings I'd tied inside
And pulled my spool apart
He mutualized compassion
And I carried him to bed
Where I saw shades of blue I never knew
Running circles 'round his head
And I told him he's a lost cause
If he'd put away the sun
For window panes and paper planes
And feigned florescent fun. Not bad. Rhyming poetry from amateurs usually sucks bigtime. The shades of blue bit breaks the rythm very badly, though.
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Posted: Wed Jul 28, 2004 8:30 pm
Overshine Vague Overshine Ok, so I claimed to be poetically inclined (I believe) when I applied for the guild. Either way, I was walking in the garage today and rolled back into a conversation I'd had with one of my friends' boyfriend.
So bam, here's this stanza. I came back in and got it down, then I wrote the first stanza and second stanza above it, and voila. I'm not going to explain the roots of this one unless someone's really itnerested, but it does flash back very briefly on the boy I was with on prom night in one line, so I figured I'd share.
I met a boy with ardor
And a turbine in his heart
That stirred the strings I'd tied inside
And pulled my spool apart
He mutualized compassion
And I carried him to bed
Where I saw shades of blue I never knew
Running circles 'round his head
And I told him he's a lost cause
If he'd put away the sun
For window panes and paper planes
And feigned florescent fun. Not bad. Rhyming poetry from amateurs usually sucks bigtime. The shades of blue bit breaks the rythm very badly, though. sorry, I didn't mean it like that. People come to me with "poetry" all the time, and most of it has horrible forced rhyming. Whoever taught them to write like that should be sh- errr, severely disciplined. and I count two syllables, which is why it's such a stumbling point when you read it aloud.
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Posted: Tue Aug 10, 2004 4:43 pm
Someone, Somewhere,
Dreams of your smile.
And while thinking of you,
Feels life is worthwhile.
So whenever you're lonely,
Remember, its true.
Someone, Somewhere,
Is thinking of you.
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Posted: Tue Aug 10, 2004 11:19 pm
That is indeed a very awesome poem. You are quite talented.
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Posted: Wed Aug 11, 2004 1:54 am
takeshi_sakami Someone, Somewhere,
Dreams of your smile.
And while thinking of you,
Feels life is worthwhile.
So whenever you're lonely,
Remember, its true.
Someone, Somewhere,
Is thinking of you. cute. "Somebody" might create a better rythm than "Someone"
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Posted: Wed Aug 11, 2004 7:07 am
Awesome! I like it! Though... Overshine And feigned flourescent fun.
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Posted: Wed Aug 11, 2004 9:39 pm
Well, it's time for a treat. Or torture, depending. I sat down with a customer today who used to be the librarian at the school I went to for 9 years. She had some old work of mine from cleaning out her office when she retired. So, without further ado, the poetic stylings of your leader's youth: circa 4th grade, I _________RAINFOREST Rainforest it took you years to grow, But your down fall[sic] is not slow. You grew from seeds that nature planted And now we take you so for granted. High above is the canopy, The one that shelters you and me, Protects us from the hot hot sun Being hot is not much fun. You house wonders big and small But soon there'll be none left at all. Rainfoest we depend on you, When you go we'll go to. Heheh, I was so cute. There's also a picture of me from around that age, striking a rather flamboyant pose. Maybe I'll scan it sometime. Note that I wasn't fully trained in punctuation usage( possibly my mother's fault, I may well have dictated it to her to type), nor did I have the vocabulary I now possess. Still, I'm satisfied with the rythm, for such an early effort, and the rhyming's not as bad as I feared. circa 5th grade, I Poem from Anne Frank's Point of View[ an assignment when we were reading Diary of a Young Girl] _____________Dreads As I lie here in my bed My head is filled with fears and dread; That if the Germans ever find us Making us leave hope behind us. And all the torture lying in store For all of us and millions more If the Germans ever catch us. As I lie here on my mattress I wonder what will cost me more Being quiet or the punishment for Being Jews,a[sic] family of four These dreads all fill me with a fright So now I'll sleep Good-by.Good-night.[sic] Interestingly, the rhyming is less forced, but there's nonsense grammar in places. The rythm is also cheerier than I would now choose for a poem with such bleak subject matter. I like the ending, though. February, 1996, I The Beast ___________Anonymous What? Where? Darkness. Hot, suffocating, black. A light? Two lights. Wha-? Eyes! Adrenalin bursting; flowing; energizing. Instinct. Fight or flight? Flight. Legs pumping, working hard. Stop! Sensing a wall. Reaching out, feeling. Two walls. Making a corner. Trapped! Stinking breath in my face. Instinct. Fight or flight. Fight! Faces. Formless faces all around. Taunting faces. Haunting faces. Mocking me! Fury...building. (shout)Arrggghhh! I willfight[sic] you to survive, beast! (disgusted)Whimpering! Scampering off into the dark. (quiet)Alone again. (tired and relaxing)Collapsing. I'm particularly proud looking back at this one. According to the note in the email, it just came to me on the bus for no apparent reason. It was published( anonymously, I'm shy) in the school's little literary magazine, Pen to Paper. I finally learned to embrace non-rhyming poetry and expressed something fairly deep with a mostly natural flow. I'm a fan of punctuation, too. xd The mood descriptions in the end interest me. I wonder what was going on with me then?
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