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Sometimes I find myself wondering, "What am I going to do with myself?" I've almost flunked out of school again, Video games have become boring to myself, and I don't have any friends outside of work. Normally, that'd be something or somewhat of a depressing state to be in, which it is, mind you. Yet I don't feel depressed in the least. I go on each day and it doesn't feel any different. I have to get three crowns done on my teeth. That's $4,500 USD right there. It doesn't phase me one bit. I just tell myself that I'm stupid and move on to the next problem. Five times running I've hurt relationship with female friends because of my in-accusative and distant embodied self, not to mention my insensitivity towards them. Somehow, it still hasn't phased me. How could I do this action five times in a row, knowing it's going to happen again, yet I still do it. Am I really that stupid? I don't think I am, but I know that I don't think before I preform actions 80% of the time. This is how I've gotten myself into a mess with school. I just don't seem to care, but at the same time, I beat myself up for not caring. To an extent, I do care, but I'm not sure why I don't at the same time. Maybe it could be the fact that I've gotten tired of my surroundings, and I want a change in my life. That could very well be, for I long to be elsewhere. I've invested in learning a new language to help my linguistic skills, so it could probably very well be what is giving me my mental block in my current life situation. Every night, nay every day I don't work, I spend most of my time alone, doing things with myself, like reading a book, or trying to play a game, which have lost it's flare in recent years. I can't seem to play a game like I used to be able to, I always find my mind wandering when I play, so I've cut back drastically on my Game time, and it has moved onto Comic Books, the archaic king of geeks. I never thought I'd be back to this place in life, but lo and behold, I'm back. I love the term, "Ignorance is Bliss" Because I would love to experience Bliss in this day and age. Enough of my rantings though. Most of you who clicked into this topic probably skipped all of the text to try to find a summary at the bottom. Sorry to dissapoint. Sorry for the wall of text also, it just all came out at once, so I thought I'd type it here for other's enjoyment rather than just let it fester in my own brain.
tl;dr.
I understand.

The relationship failures aren't your fault. That's how you and many other men are with sensitivity. A lot of women enter into a relationship with a different expectation than you would, like it will be like The Notebook or Titanic. And when infatuation ends and they can't find that factor, it's over.

It sounds like you're in some kind of emotional shock. A change might be just what you need.

How much do you work? Part time?

You should consider taking walks, getting out more by yourself
and rethinking how to calm yourself down (even though you THINK you are relaxed)

UV lamps are said to be a cure for some of those mental type problems. Either that or just take a brisk stroll in the sun 3nodding

You were one of those 5. I just make stupid decisions. It's like I hyperventilate and I have to get away from everything. It's happened every time.

Okay, here's the plan then:
1.Move here.
2.Some girl will fall in love with you
3.You'll freak out
4.I'll punch you
5.????????
6.PROFIT.

"I know exactly how you feel. I do it all the time. And at the same time I question my future.. "