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 Posted: Wed Jan 03, 2007 10:21 pm
It's happening again.
I really suppose I stopped caring three nights ago, when all the bullshit happened. I tried to make it into something useful, but songs just don't hold the power they used to. Neither does music. I've been listening to Papa Roach for those same three days, and it just gets worse.
It's cold in my room, the one at my mom's house. It feels like I left the chill of a darker part of my soul behind when I left, three long years ago. Sometimes I wonder when I truly did leave, both my mother and my father.
It's dark in my mind. I can't find a reason to think anymore. I think I need sleep, but I think I might have slept too much. I don't dream anymore, either.
My roommate's parents are home, so I can't get to their laptop. I'll still try to pop on when I'm visiting my mother, but there are no guarantees. Life is beautiful like that.
I take risk after risk, checking my heart against defeat, and yet every regret tears a part of me away. Five years later, I'm not sure how much, if any, of me is still left. I keep forgetting who I used to be.
Non sum qualis eram.
It's...
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Posted: Thu Jan 04, 2007 11:41 am
Y'know, I'm really trying to be courteous here, but the words "Oh, quit your ******** self-pitying" are popping out every time I read one of your posts. Seriously, you know what you're reminding me of? One of those annoying little GD-creatures whining about how horrible their life is and saying they want to die. Now, granted, I'm sure you have REAL issues, and pretty nasty ones at that, but for Christ's sake, learn from your mistakes. Quote: I take risk after risk, checking my heart against defeat, and yet every regret tears a part of me away. Five years later, I'm not sure how much, if any, of me is still left. I keep forgetting who I used to be. Honestly, if you keep poking the sleeping animal, what happens? Really, if something repeatedly blows up in your face, clearly it's a bad idea to keep holding it. LET GO OF THE ISSUE. Honestly, for your own sake, quit poking the increasingly irate animal and hoping it'll be friendly for a change: it won't. Now, the important part - life does not lower the difficulty level for you. YOU are in absolute control of your own life and every decision you make must be accepted and lived with, despite the consequences. Allow me to draw a comparison of life to a game of poker, if you will. It'll help to get the point across. Who's the one laying the bets down? Who's the one analyzing what they have and what they have to lose and then deciding to go forward or not? YOU. Christ, the self-pity you're putting out is disgusting. Life is entirely controllable by the individual, it's just a matter of willpower and drive. You're the type of person I would have thought to have an abundance of both, and yet you refuse to dig yourself out of this rut. I'm sorry about your situation, but your solution is not the answer - all you're doing to wasting your potential because it's easier than getting back up. I have gone through hell and back six times over in the past two years, and yet I do not falter for so much as an instant, and why? Because I refuse to simply wallow in self-pity over things. I *move on*. And that, my friend, is what you need to do - pick yourself the ******** up and keep going.
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Posted: Thu Jan 04, 2007 12:27 pm
Emperor Fluffzorz Y'know, I'm really trying to be courteous here, but the words "Oh, quit your ******** self-pitying" are popping out every time I read one of your posts. Seriously, you know what you're reminding me of? One of those annoying little GD-creatures whining about how horrible their life is and saying they want to die. Now, granted, I'm sure you have REAL issues, and pretty nasty ones at that, but for Christ's sake, learn from your mistakes. Quote: I take risk after risk, checking my heart against defeat, and yet every regret tears a part of me away. Five years later, I'm not sure how much, if any, of me is still left. I keep forgetting who I used to be. Honestly, if you keep poking the sleeping animal, what happens? Really, if something repeatedly blows up in your face, clearly it's a bad idea to keep holding it. LET GO OF THE ISSUE. Honestly, for your own sake, quit poking the increasingly irate animal and hoping it'll be friendly for a change: it won't. Now, the important part - life does not lower the difficulty level for you. YOU are in absolute control of your own life and every decision you make must be accepted and lived with, despite the consequences. Allow me to draw a comparison of life to a game of poker, if you will. It'll help to get the point across. Who's the one laying the bets down? Who's the one analyzing what they have and what they have to lose and then deciding to go forward or not? YOU. Christ, the self-pity you're putting out is disgusting. Life is entirely controllable by the individual, it's just a matter of willpower and drive. You're the type of person I would have thought to have an abundance of both, and yet you refuse to dig yourself out of this rut. I'm sorry about your situation, but your solution is not the answer - all you're doing to wasting your potential because it's easier than getting back up. I have gone through hell and back six times over in the past two years, and yet I do not falter for so much as an instant, and why? Because I refuse to simply wallow in self-pity over things. I *move on*. And that, my friend, is what you need to do - pick yourself the ******** up and keep going. I had a day. Let's just put it that way. I needed some caffeine and sleep, and I am currently making a massive effort to remain my intelligent cohesion. Right now, I'm fine. I suppose I just needed some time to think. Also, and this is the odd part, I do not actually remember typing that post. I mean, hell, I know I did it, but I must have been really tired or something.
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Posted: Thu Jan 04, 2007 7:32 pm
Stopped caring about what?
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