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 Posted: Mon Jan 01, 2007 10:50 pm
My boyfriend really wants to have a kid after he graduates from college. I for one don't want to have a kid and I also plan to go to university. He really wants to have a kid later in our relationship and every once in a while if someone asks when he plans to have one he doesn't even ask me about anything. he doesn't even look at me before he answers. I understand how he wants one really badly but I really wish I knew how to go about making him understand how I feel about this. I personally don't even think I'd make that good of a mother. I'm pro choice if that effects any comments....I'm not quite sure how he stands on that subject though.
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Posted: Mon Jan 01, 2007 11:01 pm
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Posted: Tue Jan 02, 2007 2:00 pm
There's no reason to bump here. This is a slow enough guild that your topic will stay near the top for quite some time. Guilds are typically much slower than forums. 3nodding
Anyway, I would just let him know that you really do not want a baby. Tell him that it's possible you would change your mind in the future, you never know, but right now it doesn't look good. Ask him if he wants to continue the relationship knowing there is a good chance that you would never want a baby.
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Posted: Tue Jan 02, 2007 2:00 pm
Please don't bump. The guild is slow sometimes.
As for having a baby, if you don't want to have one anytime soon, then he needs to know that, understand that, and respect that. It is YOUR body, and therefore ultimately YOUR choice whether or not you want to be pregnant, whenever that may be.
My ex didn't want children anytime soon when we were dating, and although I have huge materal urges and would love to be a parent at this point in my life, I have to respect that he doesn't want children. I mean if I get pregnant accidently, then it's another story, but I will not get pregnant on purpose and make him a father when he doesn't want to be one in the first place.
Perhaps it would be a good idea to talk to him about why he wants a child so badly, when you've already told him you don't want to be a parent anytime soon. Might also be a good idea to check how he feels about you being pro-choice, since you mentioned it.
If he really won't listen, then perhaps you'd need to reconsider whether or not you want to be dating someone who can't and won't respect your choices with what you want to do with your life. Don't let him force you into anything you don't want.
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Posted: Thu Jan 04, 2007 7:11 pm
Some people have different desires than others. Is your boyfriend older than you? This may have a lot to do with it. I have friends with older boyfriends/husbands who want kids sooner than they do.
Also, a lot of people follow the model their parents set out for them. These are merely my observations, I don't know if there's any proof to it, but people tend to say, "oh my parents were 25 when they had me, that's a good age for kids," or "my parents were 35. I think that's when I want kids." A lot of it (for women at least...maybe men?) is just hormones. I mean we are just animals, and one of our natural urges is to repopulate our species.
But, really he should care more about your feelings too. You still want to finish school you said and do other stuff, and if he loved you he'd respect that. Does he want you or just a baby-maker? I think some people have kids just so they'll always have someone to love who won't ever leave them, but that's a whole other issue!
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Posted: Sat Jan 06, 2007 2:17 am
No matter what, it's your choice. You have to carry the baby for the 10(yes, 10. A full pregnancy is 40 weeks but they rarely go that long it seems =P )months.
Sit down and talk with him about how you aren't ready for a baby right now. Don't say that you don't want one ever(unless you don't, which is okay but make sure he knows). If he's a good boyfriend, he'll understand or at least respect your feelings and wait. Babies aren't something to jump into and he needs to know how much it costs to raise a baby(I added up everything i want right away when I have a baby[crib, stroller, ect]and it came to $576 at WalMart). Not cheap at all.
Don't wory about the 'Good mommy' thing. It's hard to know if you will or won't but sometimes seeing that face is all that can decide.
Try baby sitting for a night or weekend to see how you are with a baby.
But don't let him push or guilt you into getting pregnant. If he tries that, he's not a person you should be dating.
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Posted: Wed Jan 10, 2007 12:16 pm
I already have a son, hes 2 now, and im gonna have twins soon, but i was not wanting another baby, stupid birthcontrol pills, me and my husband were not expecting to have a baby, and i wanted another one, just not right now, im just getting into my career and hes working on his, but we are dealing with it
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Posted: Sat Jan 20, 2007 4:34 pm
i would tell him that u would think about (since he wants it in a year or two rite?) tell him to go to classes tho and educate him on it and all that "fun" stuff... then if he is still interested id discuss why u wouldnt want one...
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