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xd I could actually laugh at this comment if I weren't in such a weird mood. Believe me when I say that I'm not uncertain in the least bit about whether or not God exists. I've been through enough in the past few months to be certain of that. I'm not the kind of person to walk around in ignorance of anything, and when I'm uncertain, I look for answers. Right now, I don't feel glad and thankful due to my current situation. I will say that I didn't change anything about myself. I didn't change how I thought, and no one told me how to think. Things just started to happen to me that I couldn't explain, or take credit for. It's hard to put it into words, though.

I apologize if my comment sounded harsh, since those aren't my intentions...but that's the only way I can say what I feel...and even that didn't sum everything up.

^^; I wrote that response very vaguely ( is that even a word? ) I understand it since I personally had to go through all of that stuff, but anyone besides me would be left with at "what in the world..." type of feeling, now that I looked at it in that light.

So yeah, let me clarify what I meant.

Off the bat, I'll say that I've only been a Christian for 6 months. I haven't read all of the Bible, and I'm ignorant of a lot of things concerning it. I'm still learning, and I accept that fact.

To say the least, these past 6 months have been an adventure. It's been completely crazy to be quite honest. To quote my journal... "First thing first...I think I'm going crazy. Yeah, I'm definitely going crazy. Nothing makes sense anymore. Everything is just plain ( or quite the opposite of ) weird. Why do I think I'm going crazy? Well, I don't know. It's just...I've made so many changes in such a short amount of time, but almost everything around me stays the same. It doesn't make sense. Here I am, experiencing some of the craziest things that have ever happened to me, yet...nothing is different." - part of my December 13, 2006 journal entry.

Now...when I say I'm not the type of person to walk in ignorance, I meant that I'm not just going to blindly agree with and believe what anyone tells me. I'm not going to just embrace the image of all-powerful and loving God because it makes me feel good about myself. A lifetime is too long to spend believing a lie, and it hit me like a ton of bricks when I had to come to the crossroads of answering the question "Why do I believe what I believe?" Here's another quote from my journal- "So yeah, I had to ask myself the question why did I become a Christian? Why do I believe? Was I just using God as a crutch due to my own insecurities, or was it something more?"- part of my November 23, 2006 journal entry.

I'm dead serious when I say my decision wasn't a "well...I hope I'm right in the end, and if I'm not...at least I lived a good life" type of choice. It was a live life 100% for God, or quit while I'm ahead type of decision.

Now, to finally answer the question as to why I chose to remain a Christian is simple. God has slowly but surely proven to me that He exists. Right...the girl is nuts, send her to the mental hospital! For laughs, I can add this quote from my journal- "But yeah, either I'm going crazy, or the world is. I'm putting a billion dollars up to say that I'll be in a nice padded room some day. ( Maybe not that drastic....hopefully not.)" - part of my December 13, 2006 journal entry.

What's my proof? Life experience. In these past 6 months...I, as a person have changed, but as I said before, I didn't do anything at all to make those changes occur. My major change was my fear of death. I was honest to goodness afraid of dying. I had no idea what was going to happen, and I got that sick, upside-down feeling in my stomach whenever I thought about it. No more games, music, family, friends, nothing...just...emptiness. I thought of death as an empty, dark void so to speak, and it scared me so much that I almost got sick.

Now, I'm not wishing to die or anything, but I'm also not afraid. I feel at ease when I think about death, instead of fearful. I still don't exactly know how everything is going to happen when I die. Don't expect me to write a book by the title of "Death, and every single detail after it happens to you!" xd The concept of writing a book like that is kind of funny, though...like, the cover could have some person holding their thumbs up while having a cheesy, ear to ear grin.

There are so many other things, but they're more of those "you had to have been there to understand" type of things. To put it in perspective, here's another quote from my journal- "God is real, death is real...so why don't people take life more seriously? I'm going crazy, I have to be, there's nothing else that makes sense. But then again, what really does make sense? I've changed, it's [grammar edited] as obvious as night and day, or getting hit by an elephant. I didn't make too much of a personal effort, yet I'm pretty much a completely different person. What am I supposed to do? Pretend that my life hasn't drastically changed?" - yet another part of my December 13, 2006 entry.

I believe in God because I'm a different person. I can't show anyone who hadn't known me beforehand or prove those changes, but they've been drastic. Nothing I could have ever done on my own. There are also a lot of the experiences that I've had since I became a Christian, but I can't go back and record what has already happened for everyone to see. ( That'd be an interesting little ability, eh? )

I can say this, though. If a person wants to find out for themselves, it's as simple as searching. Not just an accusing "Come on out God, I'm waiting for youuuuuuu..." ( xd I could imagine... ) But a serious, heart-felt "I want to know if You are truly there" type of thing. With a humble and sincere heart, who knows what kind of results might come about?

So yeah, hopefully that helped everyone at least sort of understand where I was coming from.

Why do I continue to believe what I believe? It's mostly life experience. It went from bad to worse to "wow, I can live life now." Not only that, but when I have strayed in the past (which occurred during all four years of high school), I inexplicably wound up where I am now. Kinda like what Captain was saying in another topic about free will: I'm gonna end up at one point no matter what I do, but the path I take is up to me. I've resigned myself (in a good way) to the fact that I belong to God and nothing anyone can do will ever change that. The path I chose including a few sidetracks of straying off the road, but this is where I was bound to end up.

I think what she means is that something she feared so greatly was one day just gone with no explanation as to why, and she attributes that to God. She probably feels that if He could assuage that fear of hers, without her even asking Him to, that He must be capable of many other things, and from that has decided to follow Him. Some people don't need huge amounts of evidence to make up their mind about something. Sometimes all it takes is a small miracle as simple as taking away the fear of death.

The thing is, I know God exists. Even if I weren't Christian, I wouldn't be an athiest. I just look around at the world an I know there's got to be a God. I really do see God in my life, even if everyday life.

It's just something I know, a gut instinct, you know? I can't describe it, but it's there.

Faith by definition is a confidence in something that we have no proof for. So I guess my belief fits the definition.

It also makes life more fulfilling, to an extent. I like my church because the idea we have is that if you live as God wants you too, you'll be living a fulfilling life, and then heaven will just be icing on the cake, you know?

Fushigi explained it well. But basically, for me, it comes down to a gut instinct.

Dr. Kool, I believe you have proven your point. I salute you. smile

I know what it's like to be a Christian.

I prefer atheism. We don't have a Hell.