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 Posted: Sat Dec 30, 2006 11:18 am
First of all, I hope everyone's holidays went well and have a great new year!
Okay, now down to business. This Christmas was the first I spent with my boyfriend's family. They were lovely people who tried very hard to make me feel welcome. He and I aren't the same race, his family being Mexican, and he told me right away that culturally dogs aren't really pets. He said that his grandfather had a dog that was ONLY a guard dog, and that it wasn't for playing with.
Now, this is the first interaction I've had with a family of a different culture. I'm not saying all Mexican families feel this way. It's just what he told me, and he knows better than me. If you're going to insult him or his family I'm just going to ignore the comment.
I talked with him a while and finally he agreed to let me meet the dog. His name was Coco, and he was really excited that someone was paying attention to him. My boyfriend went indoors and I stayed out with Coco a while. Coco was incredibly dirty and seemed to have very sore skin. He shivered constantly and seemed frail.
The thing that really blew my mind was his neck. The collar had been on so long he had no fur. It bothered me, but all I really could do was stay outside with him. I pet him and talked to him for a really long time. I had to go in for dinner and he tried to block my way, desperate for more attention.
When we left, I said goodbye to him and he literally leaped at me. He was just so happy someone was giving him attention. Now, I figured that the best thing to do was just show him love and make sure he knew someone cared. Next time I visit, I'll bring him treats and spend even longer with him.
My boyfriend says this is cultural. He said he learned early on not to play with his grandfather's dog or he'd get punished. He isn't a bad person, and loves animals. My cat, who I've raised since I was 11, even likes him better. He loves dogs, just...he was taught to ignore this one.
His family treats me better than my own. They're good people. I won't betray them or anything. I just really don't know how to deal with this other than making the dog happy. I don't know...I'm just venting. Thank you for reading.
Edit: Just to reiterate, I really don't want bashing of my boyfriend or his family. I just wanted to air out my problems with the dog situation. I love animals as much as anyone else here but I'm willing to acknowledge that different cultures are at different stages of animal rights and that it doesn't necessarily mean they're bad people. It just bugs me, that's all.
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Posted: Sat Dec 30, 2006 7:20 pm
That's a sad situation, both for the dog and the people who are missing out on a potentially great companion.
Perhaps try telling them that the dog will be an even better guard dog if it's given attention and 'bonded' to the people it's meant to protect.
After all, with all working animals the better they are cared for, the better they will work. wink
That may be a shot in the dark and his grandfather may be too stuck in his ways [Mine sure is rolleyes ] but you never know, it may just make the slightest difference. Just mention it in a subtle manner and see.
Cultural differences regarding animals can be real difficult, what various animals are traditionally 'used' for within cultures can be real hard for some folks to wrap their heads around. But I don't think it's necessary for ay critter to suffer, regardless of their purpose.
Goodluck and keep us posted. 3nodding
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Posted: Sun Dec 31, 2006 6:51 pm
Aufstandkind First of all, I hope everyone's holidays went well and have a great new year! Okay, now down to business. This Christmas was the first I spent with my boyfriend's family. They were lovely people who tried very hard to make me feel welcome. He and I aren't the same race, his family being Mexican, and he told me right away that culturally dogs aren't really pets. He said that his grandfather had a dog that was ONLY a guard dog, and that it wasn't for playing with. Now, this is the first interaction I've had with a family of a different culture. I'm not saying all Mexican families feel this way. It's just what he told me, and he knows better than me. If you're going to insult him or his family I'm just going to ignore the comment. I talked with him a while and finally he agreed to let me meet the dog. His name was Coco, and he was really excited that someone was paying attention to him. My boyfriend went indoors and I stayed out with Coco a while. Coco was incredibly dirty and seemed to have very sore skin. He shivered constantly and seemed frail. The thing that really blew my mind was his neck. The collar had been on so long he had no fur. It bothered me, but all I really could do was stay outside with him. I pet him and talked to him for a really long time. I had to go in for dinner and he tried to block my way, desperate for more attention. When we left, I said goodbye to him and he literally leaped at me. He was just so happy someone was giving him attention. Now, I figured that the best thing to do was just show him love and make sure he knew someone cared. Next time I visit, I'll bring him treats and spend even longer with him. My boyfriend says this is cultural. He said he learned early on not to play with his grandfather's dog or he'd get punished. He isn't a bad person, and loves animals. My cat, who I've raised since I was 11, even likes him better. He loves dogs, just...he was taught to ignore this one. His family treats me better than my own. They're good people. I won't betray them or anything. I just really don't know how to deal with this other than making the dog happy. I don't know...I'm just venting. Thank you for reading. Edit: Just to reiterate, I really don't want bashing of my boyfriend or his family. I just wanted to air out my problems with the dog situation. I love animals as much as anyone else here but I'm willing to acknowledge that different cultures are at different stages of animal rights and that it doesn't necessarily mean they're bad people. It just bugs me, that's all.
Oh my goodness, I wouldn't know what to do either.. One of my best friends went to live in Mexico for 6 months... The people there were all excited for some upcomming event.. Later he saw children beating dogs and the parents were praising their children.. I cried when I heard this. Apparently the area was over populated with Stray dogs. So they fed most of the strays with drugs that would paralize them.. Then the children were given permission to throw rocks at the dogs. He was in a similar situation as you. These people were his friends his neighbors.. It was their culture and he wasn'r sure what to do. Even if he spoke up they wouldn't have stopped.... I guess all that we can do is educate our future (children). Teach Children about animals and to respect animals. My little cousin is alittle rough when she picks up our cat's. So we just teach her how to be gentle. Since her last visit she has been alot more gentle towards them.. The children in Mexico were taught that it is ok to hurt animals.. Thsoe children will grow up and become the parents of other children.. The cycle will continue.. think of all the abuse..
Family or what you believe is right.. It’s a tough decision.. Help an abused animal or make your family/friends happy… If you were to take the dog from the place, they might just get another one. And put it in the same situation… I’m not sure I’m sorry sad
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Posted: Sun Dec 31, 2006 9:36 pm
I'm not sure how to bring it up. His family and I have really just started interacting, and a lot of them think it's really weird that I was so excited to see the dog. They were nice about it and all but it clearly confused them. I want to bring it up, but it's also very important that they think I'm good for him and don't get any wrong ideas.
It's hard to discuss animal rights with people who just don't get it or care. I used to work at the animal shelter and I saw a lot of people who didn't think of pets as worthy of respect. One man actually abandoned his cat because--get this--white couches were in style and he got his Persian to match. When green came in style, he abandoned her to get an iguana. I'm not joking.
I intend to do something though, I just don't know what or how. In my old job I realized that some animals are too late to save but the one thing we can do is love them as much as possible, and let them know someone cares. They really appreciate it, and sometimes just the affection is enough to make the rest of their lives happy. I know at the very least I will.
His family and I live in different cities, but in a year when my boyfriend gets his Masters' degree we're moving to Houston where they are. It's sad to say this, but if Coco's still around ( cry ) I'll be there as much as possible making him happy.
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Posted: Mon Jan 01, 2007 6:22 am
*sniff* poor doggy! crying
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Posted: Mon Jan 01, 2007 11:28 am
That's a sad and difficult situation. Though this is a good thing; a dog that has been treated like that for all of his life was still able to show great love and affection. Do your best to spoil him when you visit!
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Posted: Fri Jan 05, 2007 10:34 pm
Ouch, that's tough. I didn't know that, although I know your boyfriend and know he's a good man. Coco's got a good friend in you though and I'm sure he appreciates the warmth and attention he's getting.
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Posted: Sat Jan 06, 2007 6:06 pm
Hmm...I'm Mexican, and I think many families do see it that way. See, I have TWO dogs...and my dad says that they're guard dogs, that they're animals, and we shouldn't let them in...but I consider them part of the family. Of course, my dad goes against his own words, because he had a dog when he was little [and it looked exactly like one of my doggies], a dog he loved, but was kept more as a 'guard dog', so now, he likes playing with our two doggies. With my dogs, I spoil them, they guard the home, and you know, they're outside. But, to the point: Some people see dogs as 'animals', while others see them as 'family.' You can still keep a dog as a 'guard dog', but it is good to spend time with the pet, you know, to keep it happy.
PS: I love my doggies to bits. 'Fifi' and 'Sola'. Can't bear to be without them.
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Posted: Sun Jan 07, 2007 12:09 am
!GreenEnigma! Hmm...I'm Mexican, and I think many families do see it that way. See, I have TWO dogs...and my dad says that they're guard dogs, that they're animals, and we shouldn't let them in...but I consider them part of the family. Of course, my dad goes against his own words, because he had a dog when he was little [and it looked exactly like one of my doggies], a dog he loved, but was kept more as a 'guard dog', so now, he likes playing with our two doggies. With my dogs, I spoil them, they guard the home, and you know, they're outside. But, to the point: Some people see dogs as 'animals', while others see them as 'family.' You can still keep a dog as a 'guard dog', but it is good to spend time with the pet, you know, to keep it happy. PS: I love my doggies to bits. 'Fifi' and 'Sola'. Can't bear to be without them. Dogs see us as family too.
While it looks like they don't make good parents in comparison to their wolf counterparts (wolf parents do a number of things for their offspring that dogs usually don't), it's just that they see our children as their pups to look after. In fact, I believe it would feel a little strange to dogs belonging to a human family to have children in the first place. In the wild as wolves, they wouldn't be in the position to mate (not being the alphas of the pack). It's why family dogs always seem to be so enamoured with infants.
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Posted: Tue Jan 09, 2007 8:23 am
Next time you visit them, bring a new collar for the dog and get him a name tag to. (If he doesn't have a name, then just put his address and phone number on his tag.)
You should ask your boyfriend to convince his grandpa to let him give the dog a bath. A good time to do it would be if you went to spend a day or two with them.
This will probably be the first bath the dog has had in a long time so BRING A MUZZLE . You cant be sure how the dog will react, and if he had open sores then he is sure to not want soap poured on them.
During the bathing process, just slip some ointments on his sores. How old is the dog anyway? Take him some gel vitamins and just ignore him unless he follows you. Then you can absently pat him, or rub his stomach.
Dont offend the family by making them think that you feel they are incompetent in taking care of their family. Also offer to help with a few minor chores around the house, wash dishes after dinner or something. Bring the matron flowers (since you have a personal relationship with a member of this family it is best to stay on their good side.)
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Posted: Tue Jan 09, 2007 8:33 pm
If the animal;s physical health is coming into play, than cultural beliefs have nothing to do with it. For example, you men tioned something about sore skin. Medical problems must be eveluated by a vet. Failure to do so, in Amirican law, could have that dog taken away from them. Just keep track of that, and see if you can find an off-hand way to mention it. Include that you're just worried that you don't want them to lose their guard dog or have any trouble with neighbors, officers, etc.
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Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2007 6:30 am
I never knew about that. I've never been to mexico or know any mexicans. I feel bad for the dogs though. My dad got us a 'guard dog', but then she became more and more of a family dog. We still have her and she's 14 years old [human years] we got another one as a guard dog but we still have to train her. She's only 7 months old and so cute.
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Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2007 10:07 pm
I'm sorry, but I kind of want this thread to die. I feel awkward that I talked about my personal problems online. I'm going to stop doing that in general and since this is my thread, may I ask that it just not be posted in anymore? Thanks.
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Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2007 10:50 pm
I'll lock the thread for you.
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