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Uennie
Vice Captain

Invisible Gekko

PostPosted: Sun Dec 17, 2006 4:23 pm


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Uennie's Hazina Concept

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Hazina is my beloved original character. I created her when I was thirteen and her story has progressed through the years, and came to fruition after I came home from Africa. She is a strong character, with a strange, ancient and mythical background. The more I built upon it, the more I fell in love with her. For years I've wanted to make her roleplayable, and anyone who knows me I've quested for her as a Fa'e, Valens, and now I am going to make a valiant effort towards the Cirque. Though obviously not the fantasy strain as seen in previous quests, it gives her that exotic twist I really look forward to developing in her. As a result I had to modify Gaia Hazina's story to fit in, but of course the original character holds strong to the Pandora's Box.

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Basic Information:
    Name:
    ___Hazina
    Nicknames:
    ___Zini, Zina, Haz-Mat
    Player:
    ___Uennie
    Gender:
    ___Female
    Stage Name:
    ___The Rastafari Sword-Swallower
    Race:
    ___Human
    Ethnicity:
    ___Masai (Native Kenyan)
    Age:
    ___20
    Languages:
    ___Broken English and Arabic/Kimaasai/Kiswahili
    Family:
    ___None
    Education:
    ___She learned how to read and write, and from there, read many books to try and expand her knowledge on her own.
    Enjoys:
    ___The outdoors, meditation, "alone-time", subtle alcohols, animals, people who live life without misplacing responsibility, ethnic men. She enjoys romantic relationships with people, and has even experimented with a few women (though she's decided she prefers men). Friendships are also looked forward to, but people who are hysterical usually frazzle her badly. Though she's not looking for a serious relationship, she'd prefer an exclusive yet easy-going one.
    Dislikes:
    ___Blood, pain, extreme messiness, repetitive thinking, unsatisfying men, the cold. Her dislike for blood and pain motivate her to constantly practice and prevent something bad from happening. She could quit the fakir lifestyle, but because of her pride and love for it, won't. I suppose you could call it an unhealthy obsession.

Carnivale Information:
    Talent:
    ___Fakir Illusionist
    Details:
    ___Hazina doesn't remember when she came across this odd talent, and being a woman it doesn't look very good. It started as an odd game, flipping a lit cigarette (though she never really did get into smoking) back into the mouth and breathing smoke out her nose, playing "Hide the Knife", or juggling with two or three plastic balls. Through her travels alone as a child she spent an amount of time in Egypt and then in India. In India she met several high-ranking fakirs, and intrigued by their advanced imitations of her poor stunts, she lived there within the confines of the Arabian influenced towns and watched them every day. They advanced her parlor tricks to eating live coals and sword swallowing. The ability to fake death, and the ability to swallow serpents came mandatory with fakir illusions. Mastery of her sword abilities created the opportunity to learn how to juggle them.
    Strengths:
    ___Hazina has always had odd abilities to withstand extremely high temperatures, especially in the oral area, which aids in her coal-eating tricks. She has increased dexterity and a fair amount of physical strength, but never more than she viewed was necessary. She has an easy time attracting the crowd's attention with her strong and defined ethnic look, never really needing to hype them up or even speak in order to perform her act. She has incredible balance, and can walk a tightrope flawlessly, part of the fakir influence, but she rarely uses it in a show. Her sense of balance also helps her during the fabled "Bed of Nails" trick of fakirs. She RARELY does that trick because in several instances where someone was supposed to crack stones on her while she laid on it, the person usually makes a mistake and no matter how hard she tries to insure against it, she has come away with several bloody holes in her backside.
    Weaknesses:
    ___Though she has a pleasant voice, she is not good with speaking, especially in front of large crowds. Her social skills are extremely lacking, and unless someone speaks to her first and creates a situation that requires sentences, she limits her responses to single syllables. As a result this has weakened her as far as interaction to attract necessary attention to shows or herself. She can also get emotional during a performance, which breaks her concentration and has sent her to surgery several times for an injured throat or third-degree burns.
    Samples:
    ___Sword Swallowing in Beijing
    ___Claudio Borghi - Italian Fakir
    ___Egyptian Coal Eater
    ___Fire Eating
    ___Wikipedia Article
    ___Sword Swallowing Website

Stage Progression:
    Carnie, Stage One:
    ___Hazina would never be above doing the lowest jobs available. Mucking and cleaning out animal stalls, anything involving physical labor because it requires minimal contact with anyone. Studying and learning mechanics and listening to people's stories fascinates her, so she might hover around people at a job site or if she gets confident enough, work underneath someone. She enjoys cleaning and organizing, and has no problem being someone's go-fer. Though she would do those jobs, she doesn't take kindly to people who act as her better and treat her badly because she does the lower jobs, and is liable to blow up if not in words than in a backhanded or physical way. In preparation for becoming a Castmember, she works daily and nightly to perfect her Fakir illusions. Eventually, she masters being able to turn her staff into a large snake (an illusion trick) for swallowing/regurgitation.
    ___Avarice - Her eyes are gold from stealing the sight of a woman.
    ___Wrath - Part of her body is taken from her as punishment for the sins of a woman.
    ___Vanity - Her face is marred by three large abnormal birthmarks on her cheek.
    Castmember, Stage Two:
    ___At no time will Hazina stop practicing fakir illusions, either on the side or at night after her work is done. She is incessant about perfecting her work. Because of her desperate attachment to the Fakirs she feels if she messes up even once, privately or not, she is shaming them. If there are any other people who can help her she will seek them out and plead a helping hand. On-stage she will do her patented serpent swallowing/regurgitation, and eating live coals. At this point she only swallows one or two swords at a time. However, she can juggle up to six swords at a time having practiced nightly, though not without lacerating herself a few times (once she grabbed a sword the wrong way and it went right through her hand).
    ___Sloth - She begins to suffer from chronic insomnia.
    ___Envy - She loses someone dear to her because of jealousy or resentment.
    Headliner, Stage Three:
    ___Upon this point Hazina has mastered fire/coal eating and breathing. She can swallow up to ten swords at once, including odd items like bayonets. One of Hazina's top acts is walking on coals while juggling multiple Arabian scimitars. She is subject to loneliness so she would probably welcome a partner whether man or beast.
    ___Lust - She finally reaches her body's peak of physical maturity.
    ___Gluttony - She becomes Diabetic.
    More:
    ___As time goes on within her progression she will begin to develop physical anomalies and characteristics depicting the Seven Sins. As the metaphorical embodiment of Hope from within Pandora's Box, she begins to absorb them from other people to incorporate into herself. They will mar her physically, as aesthetics is a main reason for society to shun other people. Some changes may not be visible, but will deteriorate her from the inside (such as disease or complications).

Description:
    Hair:
    ___Carnie - Red Cornrows pulled back into a large afro-puff.
    ___Castmember - Red Dreadlocks, some beads and gold twine braided in, shoulder-length.
    ___Headliner - Short curly red hair, almost completely shaved.
    Skin:
    ___Rich Coffee
    Eyes:
    ___Bright Glittering Gold
    Modifications:
    ___While she is a Carnie her ears are still going through elongation with large oblong gauges (she takes them out when they're fully elongated at Castmember). She gains a minute gold stud piercing above her right nostril when she reaches Castmember, and a simple belly-button piercing at Headliner.
    Abnormalities:
    ___Three white circular birthmarks going from largest to smallest down her right cheekbone. Mechanical left arm, and elongated earlobes.
    Face:
    ___Round face with defined cheekbones, face thins out as she gets older. The apples of the cheeks are detailed when she smiles. Her lips are full, but not overbearing with a detailed upper lip. Her nose is not as flat as would've been thought, though her nostrils do flare a bit. She had always been ruthlessly incredulous about her teeth, and whether or not she knew how to floss, she was more than willing to strip down a few green twigs to roughly scrub each molar.
    Body:
    ___Until she gets to Headliner, she fairly tall, lanky, muscled. When she matures to the final point her breasts, hips, and legs develop fully as extreme assets and her ethnicity becomes fairly obvious. Her feet and hands have few callouses, though she is no virgin to intense work and travel. Through dimmed memories of her childhood remedies, she treats them to reduce their visibility and roughness.
    Scars:
    ___As a result of her training she has several scars on her body. There is a large scar on her right hand where a sword stabbed completely through, and several small round scars pockmarked on her back. There are old burn marks on her feet, though with all the fire-to-face contact she hasn't retained anything more serious than a temporary loss of eyebrows. However because of the searing heat there is a place on her left eyebrow where there is a minute gap of skin at the arch. She has had several internally slit throat issues, but has recovered from them better than most cases. The only damage caused was within her esophagus, which ended in extremely painful coughing fits, serious breathing problems, and a throat very susceptible to cold/flu/disease.
    Appearance (Overall):
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    Vonderful art by Outrun ;_; <3!
    Equipment:
    ___Long ol-mangwai staff that breaks into separate fire wands.
    ___Bed of Nails/Coals
    Special Items:
    ___The basic specs for this weapon is that there are two swords for each hand. Each sword will be about 6-7 feet long, with the hilt making up about a foot of that. The entire of both swords should have a white-gold glow around it with golden orbs floating around. The name of the right-handed sword will be 'Yahweh' and the name of the left-handed sword is 'Asherah'. She carries them crossed against each other on her back hilts facing up if she EVER carries them, but they're usually left in her tent/room.
    ___The Blade - The Blades are double-edged and fairly broad, about six inches wide. It is tapered at the end and made of a platinum-coloured metal with a mottled red and orange sheen. Basically like constantly flowing magma shining spots of bright reddish/orange/white light through cracks trying to burst out, but covered in a prehistoric amber colour to add a shine and glow to it. In the middle of the blades there should be glowing gold designs, such as swirled triangles, Grecian and African symbols. Vinelike designs and glowing dots are a must as well. The middle of the blades are raised slightly before tapering down into the sword towards the middle. There the blade meets the hilt there will be a scarlet coloured cloth sparsely patterned with orange, maroon, burgundy, and gold.
    ___The Hilt - The Hilts are gold and wraps around the hand holding it like a rapier fencing hilt. The gold that wraps around should have sort of a creeping vine appearance, no leaves. From the curves and intertwining metal there will be the Masai Beads hanging on a red twist and a tassel at the ends. About five beaded drops should be hanging from separate vine-like structures. The minimum is three.
    ___The Handle - The Handles should be notched and worked over for a smooth and comfortable grip, and carved out of the wood from an ol-mangwai (Marula) tree. After the grip it will smooth into a wooden cylinder, not hollow, that will continue until the end of the designated length of the hilt, where it will spread out in a rounded fan shape and have a golden cap welded on.

    ___She always carries a small strange box with her, and no one seems to know how she came by it. Anything that is known, is that she's had it since her "death", but because people assume that's just bad english, they think she means since "birth".
    ___Pandora's Box - Supposedly returned by Alexander the Great to the Cradle of Life, it was disturbed and has slept restlessly, disappearing deep into the acid and eventually resurfacing in diluted waters, before coming up completely in an abandoned Oasis. Originally, deep within Kenya, this sacred relic was cared for and protected by the Masai people, until one day a great tragedy happened and eons later it was found on Bone Bleach Beach. Pandora's Box appears to be made of amber, and has a mottled orange/red appearance, with lights within that constantly seem to be moving around. Markings are scratched onto the box, and it looks worn, yet incredibly mysterious.
    ___Masai Beads - These beads were formed when lightning struck the red sandy dirt at the foot of Kilimanjaro. The glass beads solidified and looked to contain fire and lightning, dancing and constantly bouncing inside of its translucent exterior. Found by a Masai, they were woven together and hidden away with Pandora's Box. They were believed to be a gift from the God En-Kai, and therefor contained properties that were best suited to guard and protect the cursed item.
    ___The Story - Long, long ago, Pandora's Box was safely guarded by the careful and spiritual Masai. Eventually and through generations, the story and legend of the Cradle of Life was lost in one unfortunate and explosive night. The remaining tales carry on in the distant tribes of Masai. The Box and its precious beads were thrown deep into a chasm after the explosion and sank deep beneath the earth's crust to travel along the tectonic plates. After hundreds of years, they resurfaced off the beaches and floated, tangled in seaweed, before washing ashore of the Delphi.
    Personality:
    ___Hazina is bold, sometimes overly brazen. Her emotions as far as rage sometimes get the better of her. She rarely says anything but when she does her voice is honeyed and rich. She is thinking all the time, but stays focused and follows instructions. If she doesn't want to do something she will do her best to find a loophole and sneak through it. She holds no fear towards death, accepting that in the end not even the planet will exist and does not do well with comforting people, and she rarely reveals her softer side. She doesn't conceal it for the sake of appearing hard and untouchable, she just doesn't usually find a need for it.
    ___She greatly enjoys music, and uses her over-sized headphones to conceal her earlobes from prying eyes. After years of wandering she found amusement and peace within the Rastafarian and Buddhist religions/philosophies, and reclines spiritually there. She is extremely easy going, and though she can lose control of her emotions, that's only after intense provoking. Since she constantly thinks ahead, and usually taking her imagination to the most negatively extreme "what if" situation, she usually is a few steps ahead of anything. Little changes, medium changes, usually don't faze her. It may disgruntle her, but she can pick up and keep going. Large changes ... Well she just doesn't do well with that, if she can keep things at least to a certain degree the same, she'll do her best to. If not, she grudgingly accepts it in time.
    ___Hazina has always been restless, always moving. She's worn through pairs of shoes and sandals faster than any other article of clothing. Even if she's in a city she rarely stays in the same site more than two nights, and then moves to another part of the city, though generally not too far away from the original area. The Cirque appeared as a great way to exploit her odd skills, while keeping with the freedom to move around from place to place. It provides the excitement and adventure she feels starved for, without demanding things she can't give.
    ___When it comes to dealing with injuries, though she was raised in a very loving boma, after she mysteriously lost her parents when she was 13 she's learned to just walk it off. When she gets hurt she might hiss or grab at the area, cursing, maybe even squeeze out a few tears. After that if she is able to, she walks right over to the nearest area with hydrogen peroxide and just dumps it on the damaged area. If it's a long-term healing wound, she takes good care of it but she doesn't baby it either. If she can she gets it to form a basic cover scab (or she has it stitched up), and leaves it completely uncovered. She believes that natural and medical salves/cleansers and the wide open air combined with activity are the best healers. She has yet to break a single bone in her body, being borderline paranoid of that kind of pain she's obsessed with safety during stunts.
    ___As far as her being bold, she's very physically bold. She doesn't need to use verbal communication to project herself offensively. Perhaps bold is a wrong term, she is full of fool-hardy bravery. She butts heads in a more backhanded way, sabotaging jobs or show, taking a prank beyond simple fun to make a point, and taking a sick type of mirth out of it. This does lead to issues with her vocalizing herself. Combined with her sometimes stubborn and prideful attitude her lack of communication makes her a tough nut to crack. Though she's not constantly on the "screw you" rag. She's more of the strong silent mischievous type.

History:
    ___There is nothing known about Hazina, or her family. As far as anyone knows, or she is willing to share, she is an orphan, who started wandering the Eastern Hemisphere when she was thirteen. Having made her way up from Southern Africa, to the Mediterranean, she circled up to China before ending up in Paris for a short amount of time. She grew tired of that life and went back down through the Mediterranean, still just as poor and forsaken as when she'd left Kenya. When she reached India, almost halfway back at her starting point, she was seventeen. Street performers, beggars, and snake charmers lit the alleyways of the ancient city. As she walked further on she became enchanted by the illusionists, the Fakir. They breathed fire over crowds, who cheered, oblivious to pickpockets in their midst.
    ___Even at night, the crowds refused to disperse. The bazaars were always twenty-four seven, surging with tourists and locals clogging its veins, the minute streets and waysides. After the sun set the displays became even moreso amazing, the men swallowing fiery swords, allowing snakes to dominate them, and subjecting themselves to things borderline to torture. The money tossed at the artists rained, shining gold and silver upon their dark and leathery skin. Hazina drew herself closer and closer, watching them for hours upon end. She came back every day, every night, catching them at new and different stunts. She sat as close as she could to them, resting her bare, scorched and roughened feet.
    ___After they ended their shows she'd attempt to get their attention, but was ignored or shrugged off. Finally, after two months of tries, she grasped a sword, tilted her head back, and thrust it deep into her throat, letting the hilt rest upon her lips. Shocked at her own reaction to frustration, she froze, and they laughed, enjoying her nervousness. Hazina shut her eyes and grabbed the hilt, and desperately suppressing her gag reflex, she pulled it out as fast as she'd shoved it in. The young woman dropped the sword, and grasped her neck, feeling it all over, convincing herself she hadn't slit her throat from the inside. The explosions of laughter from the performers sent colour flushing to her face, and she sank to her knees in humiliation. Finally, just as they were about to disappear into the shadows of the midnight-steeped city, one of the men turned around and called to her. For the next three years she apprenticed and performed every night, until now. She seeks to join the Cirque to experience adventure and perhaps someday return to her own time, even if only for a moment to see her family.

World A:
    ___Hazina was born in the year 420, to the ancient Masai people in Kenya. For almost a hundred years they had been guarding Pandora's Box until it was stolen and re-released in 433. In Hazina's attempt at desperate heroism, she "died" and became trapped in the box. During the Mughal Empire in India, year 1611 (1,178 years later), Pandora's Box was purchased in Egypt and on its way to be delivered to the new owner. He (an unknown man), wanted to display it in his private collection of unusual artifacts, a personal museum. During this delivery Hazina was "reborn" and began to wander in a time completely different from her original one. As a result, technically she is now 1,198 years old.

F.A.Q.:
    ___ Q: If you ever did get her, which artist would you prefer?
    ___A:
    Well I love all of them, to be honest, but I really really would be amazingly into Outrun doing it <3.

    ___ Q: What was Hazina's life before her spiritual manifestation?
    ___A:
    Please read her background story.
    ___Hazina took a deep, rattling breath. Stepping from behind a tree she squinted into the sunlight. Her ears swung, elongated earlobes weighted with heavily beaded earrings. Red cloth wrapped from her bosom and continued down around her waist. Beaded woven sandals stepped out into the sandy dirt, and Hazina smiled nervously as she walked delicately, head held high, through to bouma and to her mother's hut. Her mother waited patiently inside, and Hazina seated herself on the mat. Lying back, she closed her eyes and rested her head in her mother's lap. The stoic woman placed her hands on either side of Hazina's head while the young woman bent and spread her legs. At her request, no relatives were there to hold them open.
    ___An older woman knelt down and began to make swift cuts and slices, working to complete the traditional circumcision process that had transgressed for hundreds of years. Hazina kept her mind blank as she felt parts of her labia and clitoris being removed. She was forbidden to scream, whimper, or even cry, otherwise she would bring shame upon her family and fail the initiation ceremony. After a long time, the pain dulled her senses, until all she was doing was breathing. Her arms laid limply, and her legs stopped convulsing. Her mother began smiling down at her, and Hazina opened her eyes, weak from blood loss. Cattle urine was applied to the wounds, a natural disinfectant. After a few minutes goat fat was slathered on to prevent any more blood loss. It was over.
    ___Large tears emptied from her mother's light brown eyes. She knew why. Hazina was a woman now. Slowly, her family bent down and lifted her delicately onto a more comfortable mat. Hazina slowly felt the sleep creep into her eyes before she lay still and slept. Hours later, she felt something pour into her throat. A mixture of cow's blood and milk filled her stomach, and she sighed happily. The delicious food was replaced by water, her legs were spread and she felt more ointment being applied. Leaning her head back on the furs under her neck, she fell asleep again swiftly.
    ___Hazina was awoken violently, as screams erupted from outside. Alarmed, Hazina threw herself outside of her hut and into the circle. She nearly cried out as her legs rubbed together, eliciting pain. One of the young boys had unveiled a find from an earlier adventure. Villagers scattered as the worn little box slowly exposed itself through the folds of roughly woven cloth. The boy, who tried to open the box and failed, was grabbed away from it. Eyes were covered as people shrieked and ran as fast as they could in all directions. The young women seemed enamored by the box, and one by one began to fight through each other to get to it. Older men and women grabbed their daughters, and husbands dragged their wives away. One young woman was left, her parents and husband had already fled, leaving her to the company of the stolen treasure.
    ___Hazina watched in quiet horror as the woman's fingertips lovingly caressed the lid. Gingerly the top opened slightly. The woman gazed into the little crack before opening it another inch. Suddenly the earth groaned and began to split at her feet. The woman continued to open the box inch by inch. The crack burst open, and soon Hazina screamed wildly as the earth seemed to tilt. Lunging forward, Hazina pulled herself into a run and reached out for the box. Snapping it closed and clutching it tightly to herself, Hazina looked at the woman before her. Enraged at losing her treasure, the woman grabbed Hazina, digging her long nails into her arms. Stretching her body the woman yowled and pushed Hazina into the rift headfirst. Hazina cried out as the weight of the box became unbearable, and it pressed into her chest, making her plummet faster.
    ___Quickly, she looked up, the rift was closing, and her blue sky was quickly disappearing. The beads surrounding the box glowed and rattled, showing ancient Grecian symbols. Through her blurred eyesight Hazina saw the maliciously carved symbols of evil and gradually saw one that had been painstakenly inlaid with gold. Even though she knew she'd never be able to read it, she felt a word nudge her brain. Hope.
    ___Hazina felt the heat of the oncoming magma, the tears tracing down her cheeks evaporated as she hiccuped and called out her mother's name. She had fallen far below the earth's crust. She cried harder as she realized she was going to die. The heat became excruciating, and she screamed, alone in a darkness only lit by the shaking beads and her onrushing fate. White light blinded her, and she felt something inside her body become wrenched free painfully. Looking up, she saw herself, eyes open and looking dead. Looking down she nearly cried out as she looked right through herself. With another tug, Hazina was sucked into the box. Before the lid was closed shut she watched her thirteen year-old body sink into the magma and burn to death. The box slammed closed, and as it sank into the lava, her mind sank back into the darkness of the cursed artifact and disappeared.

    ___ Q: Why is her name 'Hazina'?
    ___A:
    Hazina is Masai for 'Treasure of the Heart'. I thought it apropos.

    ___ Q: Why a Masai?
    ___A:
    When I was in Africa I became very taken with the people I was living with on the Mara. This is my loving shout-out to Lole, Kitonga, Kurimushu, Daniel, and Jackson.

    ___ Q: Pandora's Box? Why?
    ___A:
    Pandora's Box was supposedly hidden away at the foot of Kilimanjaro and guarded by the Masai people. This enabled me to combine my love for Roman/Grecian mythology and the Masai Culture.

    ___ Q: Mechanical ... Arm?
    ___A:
    Please read another abbreviated passage.
    ___A middle-aged woman limped along the dark streetway, her bad leg banging across the decaying cobblestones of the emaciated city. Her package slung low on her shoulder, seeming to grow heavier with every step. The stocky woman slumped, rattling breath through cracked lips into hesitant lungs. She slid her slimy tongue, heavy with mucus across her lips, tasting the salty flavour and making them burn accordingly. She rasped and leaned against the an old wall, one of two on either side. Dirty fingernails clawed to return the bag to its shoulder-slung position. A dull crack emitted from the shoulder and her arm seemed to slink down her sleeve before falling on the ground with a clatter. Any passerby would have grabbed their mouth in horror before realizing it was a poorly constructed metal arm. The shoulder twitched morbidly, trying to reach a phantom limb to retrieve it.
    ___The bag, which was now appearing to be falling apart at the seams, revealed a glimpse of the gold inside. She paused, her eyes glittered for a moment, forgetting her orders to deliver it to the local museum. She crouched low, and looked from side to side, no one was traversing the alleyways that late at night, but just in case ... She gathered her things in her one working arm and flung herself into a dark corner, which in her giddy state was no where near the hiding place she told herself it was. Snapping the false arm into the lock on her shoulder, she touched the amber hue delicately with her calloused hand. The metal arm, useless in any way besides deception, hung limply and derisively at the muscle and bone currently pulling fabric from cargo.
    ___She touched the lid with itching fingers, not having any idea as to what it was. Her throat emitted a scoffing sound, she never asked what her deliveries were. Money is money, which ends in food to satisfy her gut. Her reserves were non-existent, not that she had any significantly to begin with. Her crows-feet adorned eyes widened greedily as she began to open the chest slowly. She gasped, a toothy smile erupting from the feeling of ecstatic electricity pumping through her body. Something good, something good had to be in it! The top thumped open, and she peered inside. She shrieked, pawing at the inside. Nothing! There was nothing! Angrily, she flung the box against a nearby wall and it thumped to the ground.
    ___It laid there, almost staring at her in an accusatory way. She felt an eerie sensation as one gets when they desecrate something that wasn't even their right to even gaze upon. She felt the air get still, and almost as suddenly as she felt her stomach drop, the oxygen was sucked from her lungs. The artifact exploded into the air before landing open-faced on the stones, and she clutched her throat, trying to inhale something, anything. The ground began to crack beneath its open cover, a gap opening and surging towards the female. Sickeningly white light shot into the small chasm and ground creaked, sending the woman on her back. The nameless woman screamed, but it was as though time outside that alley had stopped and dimmed her cries for the sake of mirth.
    ___Shaking, it opened further, and the woman watched in turmoiled anticipation while a hand reached out of the crack to grip the edge in desperation. It was scraped, and bloody, as though someone had been trying for ages to crawl out of the deep pits of hell. A red head rose, and another arm flung itself over the side. Behind the cranium the box emitted sparks of high-pitched gold spears, charging for the dirty human trying to back away. They multiplied, and circled her, the naked form of a dark girl's struggles ignored. Two stabbed through the old woman's eyes and swung around and plunged into the emerging child's. The dark-skinned girl looked up frantically, her eyes burning, twisting from brown to gold as the woman screamed that she was blind. One broke off from the bunch and began to rotate around the younger female's left arm, and noticing it, she panicked and tried to wave it away, losing grip momentarily and falling back a bit. Simultaneously, both the false arm from the woman, and the real one from the girl, were ripped from their responsible bodies.
    ___Screams erupted from the girl's chest, agony lacing every cry. With half her body now out of the crack she laid on the dirty ground, sobbing hard, distracted from her attempts to escape. With confused eyes she watched both arms disintegrate into light, and after that split moment, she felt herself become nauseous. Something tugged at her bare shoulder, naked of arm, she trembled and looked down at it. A weave of muscle, nerve, and metal began to braid itself and solidify. The stones shook, and she glanced behind her to see the crack closing on her rapidly. Her legs kicked, still in the crevasse, she scratched and pulled with her remaining arm to pull herself out remainder of the way. The spears of light torturing the woman swept around behind her and then sliced through her body. Shooting through the woman's heart, they sped towards the girl. She looked up, and the arrow-point of light punctured her skin and disappeared into her body.
    ___With a last heave, the girl managed to roll ungracefully onto her stomach. Her naked body pressed to the cold and unsanitary bricks of poorly laid rock, blood seeping into the cracks from her arm. Tears burned from her eyes, her face stained and soaked. Reluctantly she looked at her left side, frightened at the shining arm which now emerged, finished, from her shoulder. Blood dripped from the seam which joined flesh and metal. The small canyon snapped closed, sealing as though it'd never been there, and the box laid, open, and looking as innocent as ever. Her stomach heaved, and she vomited flows of stomach acid onto the ground beneath her. Hazina laid there in the vomit momentarily, before pulling herself up to sit awkwardly. With the box on one side, and the evil-minded woman on the other, she looked up at the tall buildings surrounding her, a drastic difference from the wide spaces she had originally been stolen from.
    ___Something clawed her leg, and she shied from it, looking into the now hollow eyes of the half-dead creature. Its ears fidgeted, and the woman pulled herself up and began blindly trying to attack the Masai girl. Hazina screamed as the woman managed to fall upon her, slapping and biting the bruised and bloody child. Hazina wailed, confused, angry, and sad, the emotions welling up inside her and she clutched at a loose stone, raised it above her head, and struck the dying woman on the temple. Blood dripped from the stuck rock, and the female fell off Hazina, a last breath shuddering from mucus-wet lips. Moments later a foul stench pronounced the death of the woman, whose extermination would not even be noticed to the world.
    ___Hazina cried and held the limp body, aware of what she'd done and though still confused, clutched the closest still-warm thing reminiscent of a human being. As the heat ebbed from the body, and eye-sockets gazed up into oblivion, the warrior-child felt a drop of cold on her shoulder. She looked up into the boxed sky, rain began to fall, mercilessly filling her lungs with its cleansing chill.

    ___ Q: Pandora's Box AND some crazy swords?!
    ___A:
    No, they're one and the same! No, the Box doesn't transform into swords and back again ... Eventually as she progresses in the Cirque she will seek to somehow forge the box into swords to reduce the heavy responsibility of carrying it.

    ___ Q: Pandora's Box is a pretty powerful object ... Won't that make her a godlike being and therefor unfair to RP with?
    ___A:
    Er ... No. In a passage too tiring for me to type out, it is explained. Since all evil has already been let out of the box, except Hope, there's nothing in it BESIDES Hope. Therefor it's really of no threat at all ...

    ___ Q: After being released wouldn't she be incredibly disoriented and confused, perhaps even hysterical or suicidal?
    ___A:
    Actually she was, but I want to share that through roleplay with someone she finds as a close confidante when she becomes part of the Cirque. For the sake of filling a plot-hole, that's why she wandered for so long, and especially alone. She went a little off her nut, "little", and almost completely separated herself from human contact for the better part of two years. Yes, it probably should have taken her longer to re-adjust, but within that time she came into contact with someone who helped her come to grips with her past reality, and her current one.

    ___ Q: Why is she so physically immature but she's 20 and already had a bunch of experiences?
    ___A:
    Another long passage from her story, but I'll paraphrase. She was released from the box seven years ago. Since she "died" when she was 13, she was "reborn" 13, but for some reason she has been unable to age since. However, in her Cirque modified story, it is her hope that in an effort to adjust to each world, her body might end up aging to finally meet her age (20). As far as sexual experiences, in her years wandering as a vagabond or gypsy, it was natural to take on casual lovers every now and again. Though she looked very young, she emanated a very mature aura, which might have gravitated her older relationships. The mature aura came with her slowly coming to grips as to what happened to her, and if anyone goes through a traumatic experience, they know it changes them inside usually for the stronger and better. However, though she does give off that feeling, since she was deprived of a last chance at childhood, silliness and immaturity does not escape her in some ways. In her seven years of being released she has only taken on maybe four or five lovers regardless.

    ___ Q: Fakir? Masai? Mughal Empire?
    ___A:
    Fakir, Masai, Mughal Empire.

    ___ Q: What's with the earlobes?
    ___A:
    Elongated earlobes are a tradition among the Masai.

    ___ Q: Headphones weren't invented back then ...
    ___A:
    She's going to acquire the headphones while in the Cirque and when she journeys to a more futuristic world, so technically she doesn't have them yet.

    ___ Q: A female being circumcised. That doesn't work!
    ___A:
    In the Masai culture men and women are circumcised. Women CAN be circumcised however in medical terms it's called having a clitoridectomy. In laymans terms they are simply referred to as having a ceremonial circumcision, like most men today.

    ___ Q: She has red hair, that's hardly natural.
    ___A:
    The Masai traditionally colour their hair by applying red clay, usually it washes out (being clay). Hers just became permanent while in the box.

    ___ Q: Gold eyes don't happen.
    ___A:
    A side effect from her soul being held in Pandora's Box. Beforehand they were light brown, like her mother's. The gold actually represents her suffering one of the first sins upon her rebirth. When she came back into the world something had to give, and in her own subconscious greed to live once more, she stole the essence of the woman who released her. Therefor, she also inherited several of the woman's memories (now seeing what she has seen) which will eventually plague and torment her nightly.

    ___ Q: What is ol-mangwai (Marula)?
    ___A:
    This can be best answered with a quote.
    Amarula.Com
    THE MARULA TREE

    On the wide-open plains of Africa grows a tree uncultivated by man.
    Scientists call it "Sclerocarrya birrea", but it is more commonly known as the Marula tree. The tree only grows in one area on the entire planet, the warm, frost-free regions of subequatorial Africa. It is from the fruit of this mystical tree that Amarula Cream is borne.

    The Marula tree holds a position of importance both in the animal kingdom and in human legend and ritual.

    The trees themselves cannot be cultivated, and so the fruit must be harvested in the wild, where it stands ripening under the African sun. As they ripen the berry's skin becomes a light yellow, with white flesh inside around a large stone. Rich in vitamin C, and the nut packed with natural oil, this succulent, tart fruit draws the animals of the plains with the promise of its annual feast. This fruit is the base ingredient from which Amarula is made.

    Amarula Cream was first introduced to the South African Liquor market in September 1989. Originally part of Distillers Corporation, Amarula is now a part of the Distell Group, formed by the merger of Distillers Corporation and Stellenbosch Farmers Winery. This allows Amarula Cream to reach a market in about 150 countries, allowing people from around the world to taste some of the exotic fruit of Africa.

    LEGENDS AND FOLKLORE

    The animals that are most keen to enjoy the fruit are the magnificent African elephants, which arrive in herds, or by themselves, and ram the trees to get the berries to fall off. As the fruit falls and lies on the ground, it starts to ferment, giving it a sweeter taste - and a slightly alcoholic content! Even the animals of the savannah will do just about anything to eat the Amarula fruit.

    The majestic African elephant, which has roamed the African savannah plains for hundreds of years, are also attracted to the ripening fruit. They gather in herds to feed on the rich diet of the ripe berries and their gathering in great numbers under the magnificent Marula trees has given birth to the name "Elephant Tree" among local inhabitants.

    According to age-old myths and legends the tree also holds a significant position. Amongst some tribes it is known as the "The Marriage Tree" as it is accredited with special aphrodisiac properties, and many marriage ceremonies are still held under the Marula tree. The bark of the tree is used for a number of different things, from determining the sex of ones child, to treating a sore stomach, and even curing measles.

    But the main reason why the Marula tree is so popular is because of its fruit. Whether eaten plain, ice cold or made into beer, jellies or jams, the marula fruit and its oil-rich nut are always in demand when the tree is producing fruit.

Link to Collective Quest Thread

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PostPosted: Sun Dec 17, 2006 4:37 pm


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APPROVED

Klytie
Vice Captain


Chromatically Metallic

PostPosted: Mon Dec 18, 2006 5:19 am


Hope it is ok to post....
Well, I really like this concept. You really put a lot of detail into it and the organization was easy to read. ^^
PostPosted: Mon Dec 18, 2006 12:08 pm


There'd be more detail as far as history and whatnot but I modified so much from the original story it'll take some time XD; ... Thank you <3.

Uennie
Vice Captain

Invisible Gekko


Klytie
Vice Captain

PostPosted: Tue Dec 19, 2006 4:19 pm


Okay, so, I read this at different times, so, I may be leaving a few points out of here, but, I'll add more to my critique if I can think of anything else.

Now, I really like how fleshed out she is. It's obvious that you've spent a ton of time thinking about her. I think that her backstory is very nice, and adds to her character. I also really like how she dislikes blood and pain; it brings a lot into the risk and fear of her skill.

Now, while this isn't exactly a huge deal, in her weaknesses, you put that she has trouble speaking to people. It was stated that she 'limits her responses to single syllables'. Later in her bio, it says that she's very bold. As opposed to being monosyllabic, could her boldness lead to problems in her social skills? Perhaps she could just be the honest type, which can be offputting to some.

Also, in her skills, I'm a bit thrown by the juggling-and-walking-on-coals. While it does sound interesting, it might seem a bit out-of-place with her 'eating' illusions. Again, this is purely my thoughts, so, if perhaps they can be joined together (juggling andthen eating what she's juggling?) then I could see it working.
PostPosted: Tue Dec 19, 2006 4:51 pm


As far as bold, I meant to construe that she's very physically bold, you don't necessarily have to talk a lot to be full of "boldness" or rather a more fool-hardy bravery. So she can butt heads in a backhanded way, perhaps sabotaging someone's job or show, playing pranks, and taking a sick type of mirth out of it.

And yes it does lead to problems. Combined with her sometimes stubborn and prideful attitude her lack of communication makes her a tough nut to crack. Though I do need to clarify that she's not constantly on the "screw you" rag. She's more of the strong silent type that's sneaky.

Her skills are basic fakir skills. Most fakir are trained to eat fire/coals, breathe fire, walk on coals, juggle dangerous objects and tightrope walking. Fakir illusionists were kind of the Fear-Factor's of yesterday, doing strange and unusual stunts for entertainment or the only way to make a living if you didn't have a constant supply of goods to sell or if you didn't want to stoop to pickpocketing. Of course some people combined the pickpocketing with the performances to make more of a profit.

Usually the fakir juggle swords and walk a tightrope, in instances. But I don't know if I want her to do the tightrope thing, preferably not because lots of other people could use that in their skills. I did include that in there though to illustrate why she has good balance. I never thought of it to combine the juggling and walking on coals, and that actually seems a lot cooler and I super thank you for the idea. It's like the tightrope trick but it condenses her skills to one instead of splitting it up.

Much much love to you <3.

Uennie
Vice Captain

Invisible Gekko


Klytie
Vice Captain

PostPosted: Tue Dec 19, 2006 5:11 pm


Oh. Wow.
I feel stupid for not getting the physical boldness now. xP
PostPosted: Wed Dec 20, 2006 4:39 pm


xd heart ... Totally open to having someone rip my concept to shreds. Help me be better!

Uennie
Vice Captain

Invisible Gekko


Uennie
Vice Captain

Invisible Gekko

PostPosted: Fri Dec 22, 2006 10:23 am


I saw the Hennessy commercial and I was like, whoahdamn.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QbZataDoMuc&mode=related&search=

At 20 seconds pause it and that woman is almost exactly what Hazina's looked like in my head forever. Creepy.
PostPosted: Mon Dec 25, 2006 10:14 am


Hazina has face sketches mwahaha ...

Uennie
Vice Captain

Invisible Gekko


Hazina

PostPosted: Thu Jan 04, 2007 3:22 am


Someone rip me to shreds @_@ ...
PostPosted: Thu Jan 11, 2007 8:47 pm


When a quest is this thought out, it becomes kind of intimidating to try to critique it.

But here's my thoughts:

I know that Pandora's box is integral to the character, but it doesn't FIT. She's a coal swallowing whiz-kid from some The Ear, The Eye, and The Arm-type future Africa. That's all perfectly acceptable. It's even kind of cool. But then suddenly you throw in Pandora's Box and it's just like, Woah, where'd that come from? Is pandora's box really something you can work with in the cirque setting? It seems like you have a plot worked out for it already, and I don't know if it would work. But anyways, that's the only thing I really don't like - how random Pandora's box is compared to everything else. You seem to have holes in your backstory where the box is, and it just feels like you were too lazy to write her whole backstory.

Also, I'd like if you'd write up a world summary for the world where she was before joining the cirque where she learned Fakir arts.

That's about all.

Rethink Pandora's box. If you can't come up with a way for it to really fit, then you might have to get rid of it. One of the things you have to know how to do is when to "kill your babies" - it might seem like an amazing concept and you might be in love with it, but it just doesn't work.

Silverah

Handsome Shoujo

11,200 Points
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Uennie
Vice Captain

Invisible Gekko

PostPosted: Thu Jan 11, 2007 8:59 pm


The Pandora's Box thing is from her original story. I can't send it all up here because it is unbelievably long. Her arm, well she gets that a couple hundred years down the line in the story. I realize now I probably need to at least include the passage as to how she manifests the arm, because she's not from a futuristic Africa. The only way she comes into existence is because of Pandora's Box, yadda yadda, very boring.

I just don't have any idea if I want to put her entire story up, but it appears I have to include quite a bit of it, which might end up being more information than I want to release on her character (not including the Cirque) period.

Do you want a step by step explanation of when she learned the Fakir arts, I'm not exactly clear on that.

EDIT: I need to add that she in no way is a "whiz kid" she didn't learn anything overnight, and in fact still makes a billion mistakes as is noted in several parts of her description. Though it is mandatory that several fakirs learn tricks she also doesn't use all of them at all.
PostPosted: Fri Jan 12, 2007 4:24 am


All right, just because I noticed a few slip-ups here and there that ought to be easy to fix, I'll be bringing up grammar issues as well as I go through.


"She learned how to read and write and from there read many books tries to expand her knowledge on her own." The wording is awkward and nonesensical. Suggested rewrite: "She learned how to read and write, and from there, read many books to try and expand her knowledge on her own."


"She likes relationships with people, and has even experimented with a few women (though she's decided she prefers men), but people who are hysterical usually frazzle her badly." Again, the wording is a bit unusual towar the end, and the two thoughts (romantic relationships and people she doesn't like) aren't smoothly connected. Suggested rewrite: either seperate the two thoughts into two completely seperate sentences, or else specify more directly- "she can't stand partners who have a tendency towards hysteria", so it relates to the topic at hand.


"She could quit the fakir lifestyle, but she loves it since the moment she was enchanted by it, I suppose you could call it an unhealthy obsession." Two seperate thoughts, the sentence doesn't flow well. Suggested rewrite: switch the second comma for a period.


One thing I'd strongly suggest is to define "fakir" somewhere, probably the first time you use the term. It took me forever to figure out what it was you were talking about, and while yeah, I could've probably Wiki'd it... I'm lazy. XD And chances are good most of your readers will be, too.


"It all might've started as an odd game"-- it doesn't make sense to say "might" here, when later in the same paragraph, you state that the game of flippling the cigarette was precisely what was advanced by the fakirs. It seems a little disconnected, where it suggests you yourself were not sure of what you wanted when you wrote it. It's fine if that were the case, but what you want to be presenting is a more solid chain of thought, where you are telling people for sure "this is my character's life", as much as you are able to.

I'd also like to know more about "Hide the Knife". You say that this lead up to her sword-swallowing, which is arguably the focus of your character in Cirque, but no where to this point have you let us know what the original game entailed. Since it is directly related to your character's talent, I think it would be worthwhile to go into more detail to let us know how the game is played, so that we can solidly picture it and go "oh, no wonder she had a knack for sword swallowing!" This will help to build a chain of logical history for your character and her talents, which means it's far easier for an audience to read through it without questioning why your character would be interested in what she's interested in.


"Though she has a pleasant voice, she is not good with speaking, especially in front of large crowds." I just gotta question; how is it that she has a pleasant voice? You've talked about her swallowing snakes and coals and all that, and you've also alluded to the fact that she's made mistakes and injured her throat and all that. Nothing affected her voice at all? I think it could actually make for an interesting character trait, if she had a rough, ragged voice due to some scarring caused by her carelessness. But that's just an idea.


In the appearence section, I'd definitely consider listing off her major scars if I were you. It sounds like she ought to have a fair bit of them- for example, you'd mentioned a sword going "right through" her hand once, so I'd expect at least that to have left its mark. Also, I think the mechanical arm bit ought to have some more air time- there's a lot said about her and her personality about that (she doesn't try to hide it? Bold, and definitely fitting), and it deserves to be tied in a bit more to who she is and how she copes.


I have to confess, I'm a bit uncertain about her "maturing". You have her age listed as 20, but she hasn't hit puberty yet? What? It's not impossible, just highly improbable and any impact it has had isn't really expanded upon, so far as I can tell. She's had a lot of sexual experimentation, you told us, but she hadn't really developed yet? How did that affect her self-confidence? Had she ever been turned down because of it, does she hate her body?


On the personality... I love it. It's well-balanced between strengths and weaknesses, and while there are probably more things worth considering in terms of making sure that all aspects of the character tie in together and mesh. I'd like to see a few more "once burned, twice shy" traits out of Hazina, sort of a contridiction to her boldness in many ways; something that relates to her social skills, maybe, where she bears a grudge against those that do her wrong. That would serve to further justify her daring in other areas, as sort of a compensation for where she is honestly timid, but covers it with her usual brazen attitude.




All in all, this is a very powerful (as in, strong, not superpowered) character, and I think it could have an awesome impact in roleplays once she gets rolling. The main things I'd reiterate is to try and figure more how her unique traits play into her personality, and to just sort of smooth things over there; the main uncertainties for this character is in the lack of effect some of her traits, normally spirit-crushers for some, have on her. Even if she doesn't act out or emo around about it, there should be some nuance to her behavior that should be attributed to them, and that's the most worthwhile place to concentrate your efforts, as far as I can see. The character is well-written and nicely rounded, though, and I think there's a lot of potential for them as a Cirque. whee Good luck!

Arrien


Uennie
Vice Captain

Invisible Gekko

PostPosted: Fri Jan 12, 2007 11:49 am


Ugh I am just horrified at the grammar mistakes, if there is anything I think I will apologize profusely for the till the end of time.

The thought of her voice changing ran across me too, but most of it is pretty much illusion, BUT the sword injuries are a thought. I should probably expand that and illustrate damage to the esophagus and not the voicebox. That might create an issue with her voice but I will figure that out.

Believe it or not I was thinking of putting in a scars section, but I totally forgot. I can't believe I didn't remember till you reminded me and I feel like an even bigger horses a**. As far as the metal arm I think I tossed up an abbreviated passage from her story in white text in the FAQ, but yes how she copes is a big deal.

I also need to explain that though she has had sexual experiences, it isn't a whole ton. You're right, there's another hole there where I forgot to include another abbreviated passage of her maturing issue.

I can only say how much I love you at this point XD; ...
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