Welcome to Gaia! ::

Ok, so... D.J. and I had been together for four years, and we had been talking about getting married and having children for two years. We lived together in our own apartment, we both had jobs and were doing well for ourselves. We decided in November (2005) to try to have a baby. We had started to plan our wedding for the summer and started trying to conceive. Everything went well between us, although we were having trouble conceiving. We got frustrated and after three months it was no longer 'just fun' and got to the point that we were frustrated. We decided to stop 'trying' and give it up for a while... so of course as soon as we stopped trying I got pregnant.
We were excited, scarred, and nervous all at once. Suddenly it was a reality and we were going to be parents. We told our parents (we hadn't told the parents that we were trying), and after the first shock of it (my step dad, a father of four; "How the hell did that happen!?!?" blaugh ) they were supportive on both sides.
I found a job at one of the hospitals that would pay less, but they said they would be working me nights and weekends (I'm a night owl, so no problem) and there was a shift diff. that would give me more money, and it would be more hours than I was getting and IT HAD HEALTH INSURANCE. Of course I took it, gave my old job a two weeks notice that turned into a two and a half week notice because they needed me to work a little longer, and I'm nice and can't say 'no' LOL. Then on my last day, the boss at this old job says that they had just put through an OK for me to be full time, (which would have had insurance) but now it doesn’t really matter... crying
I start working this new job, and they have me working Monday-Friday 5am gonk I asked my boss about it, she said they 'had a change of schedule and needed me in the days instead' stare Then the health insurance started taking most of my checks because I wasn't getting the shifts I was supposed to... So I was taking home less than enough to cover food for a month... THEN on top of that I started getting very severe morning sickness, and can't reliably work... so the boss tells me to 'hand in my hospital badge' and says if I can't work, I can't work. She put it down that I quit (one nice thing) and I left that day. Jobless... So I went home, and worked on my Résumé. The next morning bright and early I go run around the city turning in my Résumé to every place down one side of the street and up the other. First job I got was at a restaurant, and it was VERY part time-as in three hours a day five days a week. fifteen hours a week at min wage was SO not enough to live on.
The morning sickness got worse and in a month I lost 20 lbs. The doc gave me meds to keep the sickness down, I was supposed to take them with every meal, but they ended up just knocking me out. So after the third or forth time passing out after eating before work, we decided that wouldn't work so well. Then the smell of food at the restaurant made me sick, so I was running to the bathroom four or five times in the three hours, I wasn't getting work done very well to say the least.
They decided to 'eliminate my position' after about a month. >.< Then when I went in to hand in my uniform there was this cutesy little blonde doing my job... stare
So when the lease was up needless to say we couldn't afford to find a new place or stay where we were. My parents took us in, both of us, and were going to give us room and board for as long as we needed, but D.J. had to pay 300 a month, which they were going to put in a savings account for us when we needed it for the baby or to move out. Considering D.J. would have had no other expenses except his car, and he makes 700+ a month, that wouldn't have been to bad, he still would have had 'play' money, and it would have still been ours when we needed it.
We moved in with the parents, and they moved to a much bigger house to accommodate us, one with six bedrooms, three and a half baths, three living rooms, a huge kitchen, a dining room, and a laundry room. BIG HOUSE. (I have three little siblings that still live here)
D.J. started to throw a fit and nit pick over every little thing and call me names and be a total jerk. He threw a hissy fit when my mother asked my brother, D.J., and I to clean up the kitchen after she had made us all dinner. He got upset and didn't help, and stomped off to go 'blow off steam'.
He continued to act this way, and call me names and just generally do anything to upset me as much as he could. I put up with this for two weeks, then I just couldn't handle it anymore, so I kicked him out.
I told him that he needed to stop acting like a middle school boy and grow up, and that when he had he could come back and we would try again, but he needed to be a man before he could be my man and before he could be a father. He left and I had to pack up his stuff.
He came back for his stuff, and I talked to him a bit, he tried to make me feel guilty and upset by my kicking him out. I told him that he couldn't use that guilt tripping on me anymore and that he had to stop trying, it wasn't going to work.
He left and ended up getting himself a tiny shoe box studio apartment. the WHOLE apartment is smaller than my bedroom. His bed pulls out of his couch and when it's out there is a two foot walking space all around it, so that he can get to the tiny 'kitchen' on the one wall, and the bathroom on the other. I'm pretty sure if he turned the oven on and opened the door with the bed out it would set the whole place on fire... He's paying $445 a month for this shoe box.
I went through a time of 'confusion' and we were together a couple more times before I realized I just didn't love him like I used to, he had hurt me too much, so I wouldn't let him hurt me anymore. Then he told me how 11 days after we broke up (we had been together for four years and four months by then) he told me all about how he started seeing one of my younger friends, and how he and her were soul mates 'bla bla bla' He told me how they were going to move to Seattle together and live happily after ever. After I listened to him go on and on and on about that, I was quite upset, but didn't let him know it.
The doctor had diagnosed me with HPV at my first doctor's appointment, the kind that causes cervical cancer, and D.J. was there to hear it at the time. He knew it was transmittable and that he carried it, and now that he had taken that girl's virginity he may have given it to her! Stupid (edit placed here for younger viewers) said he 'forgot'.
I told her about it, and took her down to the clinic to get tested (she was 16 and didn't want her parents to know... especially since D.J.'s almost 21...) she was my friend once after all... (again, me being too nice.)
He started this pattern of disappearing for a few weeks, then popping up to tell me about this or that, and just in general hurt me in any way he could. I didn't let him know he was hurting me, and it started to frustrate him. He stopped going to the doctor's appointments, and stopped asking me about them, and just generally started to fade off into nothingness.
One night he called around one in the morning xp and yakked my ear off for several hours, telling me all about the other girls that he had cheated on me with. Turns out there were SIX of them in all! He said that one of them was married, two of them were underage, and one had a BF that was in jail while him and her were together... and she got pregnant and wasn't COMPLEATLY sure which guy the father was eek eek eek
I feel lucky that all he picked up was the HPV... sweatdrop not aids or something... lying, cheating, (another edit). stare
He showed up to my baby shower (didn't bring a gift), and brought his little tramp-I mean girlfriend sweatdrop Then he was acting like an immature (edit). He tried to balance a jug of tea on his head, almost dropped it on my cake twice, and was trying to make anyone he could mad at him. He really had grown DOWN since I kicked him out.
When none of his antics made us mad, he got bored, said he felt sick (well, pretended to puke all over the floor and said 'that's how I feel') and turned to me, gave me a hug ( eek in front of his gf and everything!) and left. Later on his little gf and I got to talking... turns out she was just curious what it would be like with a guy, and had a lover across the USA that used to live here and that when she turned 18 she was going to go live with her GF in NM and she was just playing with my ex. xd
I laughed and didn't hate her anymore. But she's still a little tramp stare
She's playing with his heart, and he's totally wrapped up. If I say anything about it he'll think I'm trying to ruin his relationship and that I'm jealous, so I'm ganna sit back and watch him get his heart squished. twisted
After that I didn't hear from him for a month (two days before my due date, and three trips to the hospital) when he called to ask WHEN my due date was. HE FORGOT!!! eek
He called three days later to ask why the baby wasn't there yet rofl I told him how baby's don't come when they are scheduled to, they come when they want to. rofl
I called him from the hospital after I had our son and told him. He came to the hospital three times. Somehow he had the NERVE to ask me when I would loose the baby weight! evil I would LOVE to see him loose 28 lbs (in an hour none the less) and have someone ask him when he will loose the weight... On the last visit he came over to me in the hospital bed (I was nurseing Caspyan) and he kissed Caspyan on the head, then kissed me on the head and walked off... eek then didn't hear from him for three days. He called the day after his pay day and told me he was out of money, and that he had no gas in his car, but he wanted to see his son. talk2hand
He disappeared for a week, then called yesterday. He says he's ganna come over and see his son tomorrow... (where did he get the gas... he hasn't had a pay day between then and now... question )

Sorry if this seems a bit dramatic... It sucks and I needed to get it ALL out... Ugh, I hate drama, but my life's been overrun with dramallama lately.... >.<

No offense, but he sounds like a complete loser. Make sure your son has your last name and that you have full custody of him. I heard a story from another mom that wanted to warn people to make sure you have full legal custody because there might be some forms you need to sign or something. I can't remember fully sweatdrop

To be honest, if I were in your shoes, I would've told the 16 year old girl's parents about what happened and told them to press charges against him. Any guy that goes around sleeping with under-age girls when he could be giving them a STD that could potentially cause cancer needs to be stopped. That is very serious. And he doesn't seem to care at all that he could be endangering a young girl's life. It's just sickening.

And congrats on your new baby! biggrin

3nodding To everything the other two ladies have said. I hope you heed it, especially the legal stuff. Don't let it go and have it come back to bite you in the butt later down the road: get it taken care of now. People get squeemish about getting those things taken care of but they shouldn't be. It will cause more pain and trouble later on then it will now.

Many of the things he's done would be total deal breakers for me: calling me names [ABUSE], cheating on me, and then trying to use me for money when he's spending his money on god-knows what? GONE. I wouldn't give him the chance to do the same thing to the baby.

You do not need someone that sleezy in your life. What kind a an a** goes around having sex with so many people when he KNOWS he has an STD? Seriously? He's not responsible, respectful and he sounds like an opportunist. On top of everything else, he sounds abusive and controlling. neutral You don't need that kind of filth in your life. You need to stay positive and focus on your son and what's best for him...and a daddy like that for a role model, is not what's best for him.

So DJ came over today... I made him wait until my mother and father were home before he could come over... just incase...he stayed for an hour, and didn't say more than two sentences to me... he just watched cas sleep. It's better that way I guess... He patted Cas's head, I very sternly told him about a baby's soft spots and how he had to be more careful, he looked like he was ganna go jump of a cliff or somthing, he was all "sorry, sorry, sorry, he's ok right, I didn't hurt him did I?"
He's such an idiot, he has no idea about anything about babys... stressed At least I know he dosen't want to hurt Cas... that's a peice of mind if nothing elce.
Then he was looking through the pics from the hospital, and Cas peeked and started stairing at DJ and I laughed, DJ turnned and Cas snapped his eyes shut and frowned, and didn't open them for the rest of the visit! rofl He's already a good judge of people... He's never done that to my step dad, my mom, my three siblings, my grandmother, or me... Smart baby ^_^

Ok, I will ^_^

hopefully soon I will be allowed some freedom again... I'm getting very sick of being cooped upat home all the time >.<

I just wanted to point out again that child support =/= visitation. That is two seperate entities, two seperate court dates. You are under no legal obligation to owe him visitation. Likewise, if you did have court orders for both and he was NOT paying child support, you cannot deny him visitation per the orders. I just don't want you doing something you aren't comfortable with if you don't have to.

My sister's ex has thousands of dollars in back support, but he still legally gets to see his son. Does he always come to see him? No. He ended up taking his son on a drug run and got busted and now he has very limited supervised visitation. I'm a big believer in he'll get what's coming to him, just love and be the best mom you are being.

aaah, I didn't know he had been cheating on you before hand.

Honestly, I don't think you should ever get back together with him. Even if he does snap out of it eventually, like you said, this kind of thing is just a deal breaker. Besides, chances are it will be years down the road and you will have a wonderful husband who will love you dearly wink

Happier note, CHRISTMAS PICTURES ^_^