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 Posted: Tue Dec 12, 2006 11:54 am
1. Introduction
Eshana
by definition meant "searcher."
(The day she learnt what it meant,
was also the same day she went looking
for the meaning of life.)
18 years
and all she had to show for it
was a long diagnosis list from the doctor.
(She still hasn’t figured out
if she’s the problem
or if they are.)
Mama worked as a part-time
nurse.
And papa; a full-time
alcoholic.
(The irony
of their occupations
was delicious.)
Eshana
spends her days
trying to
“get her life together”
by society's standards.
(She knew those pricks
would pay
for such limited tolerance.)
Surely addictions
were not in the how-to manual
for success
but papa said they’re necessary
if you don’t want to be a zombie
in the waiting line.
(She took his advice
grabbed fresh clothes
and slid out the back door.)
_________________________________________
Author's Comments
Poem #1 in the 100 themes project: Introduction.
(I was never good at first impressions.)
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Posted: Tue Dec 12, 2006 11:56 am
2. Love
His name was Jason.
He was a hunter
(older,
smarter,
stronger,)
and her lover.
And he just happened to live within walking distance from her house.
Although she always ran,
and regardless of where he lived; she’d make it.
He always greeted her with a kiss and a bottle of wine.
(Hazy minds help erase tomorrow’s memories.)
She placed herself on the floor.
(Comfortable sitting was hard to find.)
She started discussing how they should visit Paris.
(She always felt unappreciated.)
He told her there was no reason to go.
And right as her teeth were coming down to bite her tongue,
she spit out the words faster than a wild horse.
Subsequently, just like old times,
her body froze,
his heart changed colour,
and then everything went black.
______________________________
Author's Comments
Poem #2 in the 100 themes project: Love.
Just experimenting with structure.
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Posted: Tue Dec 12, 2006 11:57 am
3. Light
Light shone on her face
as white coats asked for details
of her history.
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Posted: Tue Dec 12, 2006 11:58 am
4. Dark
And they ask “What do
you remember?” She replies,
“Nothing but darkness.”
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Posted: Tue Dec 12, 2006 12:00 pm
5. Seeking Solace
She never realized how much she needed him until she became a prisoner.
She hears the screams all day
and the needles injected to silence them.
A cup of candy every morning
is supposed to make the transition
easier.
She sees the white coats
running down the halls
trying
to kill the noise.
“The only person you can rely on
is yourself”
She finds that hard to believe
when
she cannot control her own body.
She made a friend though.
(Connections have always been important.)
Her name is Lily.
She introduced herself
by saying
“Let’s run.”
____________________________
Author's Comments
Playing with structure again.
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Posted: Tue Dec 12, 2006 12:01 pm
6. Break Away
So, at 12 o’clock
they are going to be free
from the colour white.
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Posted: Tue Dec 12, 2006 12:01 pm
7. Heaven
And when they were out,
smiles formed on their lips for
the very first time.
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Posted: Tue Dec 12, 2006 12:03 pm
8. Innocence
It all happened so fast.
(The wall, the screaming, the men.)
Then time slowed down;
every second was dripping molasses.
We became insects in a spiders’ web:
caught, but still breathing.
Lily and I locked eyes.
(And never looked away.)
And as his thrusting became more painful,
I heard Lily sing
“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
... please don’t take my sunshine away."
_____________________________
Author's Comments
I hope it's evident what happened.
It should be.
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Posted: Tue Dec 12, 2006 12:04 pm
9. Drive
We stole a car. A 1967 aqua coloured convertible. Serves them right for leaving the top down. (You can’t expect freedom without consequences.) Lily showed me desperation as she hot-wired the car and warned me not to look at her “like that.”
“It’s only a temporary thing, we just need to get out of here.”
“I guess.”
And that’s when I noticed Lily bleeding. She blankly said “I feel cachaemic.” The indifference in her voice was ironic considering the profound statement her lips had just produced.
“The Virgin Mary is no longer here.”
“ I don’t think she ever was.”
Lily asked, “where are we going?”
“Aboulia.”
“Where’s that?”
“Everywhere.”
________________________
Author's Comments
aboulia: loss of ability to make decisions
cachaemic: having diseased or poisoned blood.
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Posted: Tue Dec 12, 2006 12:06 pm
10. Breathe Again
“I feel grey.”
“Grey's not a feeling.”
“I know.”
.
Eshana counted kilometers.
Lily counted sheep.
And the car chased the Northern Star.
Each road sign
made their hearts
feel a little lighter.
Dawn came -
Eshana pulled over,
and they both let out a sigh.
___________________________
Author's Comments
And I cry and no one can hear
Inhale
The blinded eyes that see
The chaos
Bring the pitiful to me
Even though I'm wide-awake, I will
& blackest night & I wait for you
It's cold in here, there's no one left
And I wait for you
And nothing stops it happening
And I knew, I'd cherish all my misery alone
And I wait staring at the Northern Star
I'm afraid it won't lead me anywhere
He's so cold, he will ruin the world tonight
All the angels kneeling to the Northern Lights
Kneeling to the frozen lights
And they paid, I cry and cry for you
Ghosts that haunt you with their sorrow
I cried 'cause you were doomed
Praying to the wound that swallows
All that's cold and cruel
Can you see the trees, charity and gratitude
They run to the pines
It's black in here, blot out the sun
And run to the pines
Our misery runs wild and free
And I knew, the fire and the ashes of his grave
And I wait staring at the Northern Star
I'm afraid it won't lead you very far
He's so cold, he will win the world tonight
All the angels kneeling to the frozen lights
Feel their hearts, they're cold and white
And I want you
And blessed are the broken
And I beg you
No loneliness, no misery is worth you
Oh, tear his heart all cold as ice
It's mine
And I wait, praying to the Northern Star
I'm afraid it won't lead you anywhere
He's so cold, raining on the world tonight
All the angels kneeling to the northern lights
And I pray, begging to the Northern Star
I'm afraid it won't lead you anywhere
He's so cold, he will rule the world tonight
All the angels, kneeling to the Northern Lights
Kneeling to the frozen lights
Feel their hearts, they're cold as ice
- "Northern Star" by Hole.
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Posted: Tue Dec 12, 2006 12:07 pm
11. Memory
The afterclap was unavoidable. The memories were like aerophane. Abrosia had ended and it all came flooding back. (After a period of starvation, everything becomes stronger.) Agromania terrorized them until they found an open field.
There were no flowers, everything had died a long time ago. Even the weeds looked like the were clinging onto their last moments of life. Lily grabbed Eshana’s hand and lead her towards the dirt.
“Lay down.”
“But I’ll get dirty.”
“We already are.”
They laid down, closed their eyes, and let the dirt squeeze between the fingers. Eshana squirmed as the flashbacks started. Lily grabbed her hand and said “He’s no longer inside of you. Don’t give him a space to stay.”
Eshana replied, “I can’t help it. It hurts so bad.”
“Let it out.”
“How?”
“Watch...”
________________________
Author's Comments
Afterclap: unexpected damaging or unsettling after-effect.
Aerophane: thin crinkled semi-transparent fabric.
Abrosia: fasting.
Agromania: intense desire to be in open spaces.
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Posted: Tue Dec 12, 2006 12:30 pm
12. Insanity
Screams
echoed in the field
as two girls tried to claim themselves
back from monsters
who had already moved on.
The dirt
under their nails
grew
until there simply was
no more room.
They started digging
like rabbits
fearing
what would happen
if they stopped.
The clock ticked
but they never noticed
a single second;
time had frozen
since the minute he entered.
They stopped for a moment
to rest
and during anhelation,
someone whispered
“I’m just not the same anymore.”
_________________________
Author's Comments
Anhelation: Short and rapid breathing.
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Posted: Tue Dec 12, 2006 12:30 pm
13. Misfortune
The entire trip
had begun from trying to
escape misfortune.
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Posted: Tue Dec 12, 2006 12:31 pm
14. Smile
Although, every star
was a sign that the gods were
looking out for them.
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Posted: Tue Dec 12, 2006 12:33 pm
15. Silence
North, East, South, West.
North, East, South, West.
North, East, South...
Eyes mustn’t stop moving.
Every headlight could be him.
Every headlight could be him.
Every headlight...
Oh god.
I hope that’s not him.
I wonder if she’s ok.
I wonder if she’s ok.
I wonder if..
She’s looking at me again.
I can’t show her I’m afraid.
I’ll close my eyes.
Think happy thoughts.
Think happy thoughts.
Think happy...
I can feel her eyes on me.
I wish she’d stop.
I hate those eyes.
They ask too much of the world.
The dirt will keep us safe.
The dirt will keep us safe.
The dirt will keep us...
___________________________
Author's Comments
The thought process of one of the characters while they are sitting in silence.
Meant to show how a silence is not really silent.
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