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 Posted: Mon Dec 11, 2006 1:30 pm
Ok, so I wrote a song and I want you to tell me what you think of it please?
Song =
I knew this one girl,
She had a dream.
She was always,
Planning a scheme.
She wanted one day,
To be seen!
(Chorus Start)
She was a dreamer,
She had her own world.
She was a rock-star,
Everyone knew her.
She was a model,
A pretty picture.
She kept the whole world,
Watching her.
(Chorus End)
When she woke,
There she was,
Just sitting in her class.
Everyone,
Stared at her,
Trying so hard not to laugh.
She ran out,
Of the class,
Crying hard because she hurt.
(Return to chorus)
She ran home,
To her room,
Locked herself in there alone.
She,
Was,
So,
Hurt,
Like she's been stabbed.
She,
Wants,
So,
Bad,
To stop feeling sad.
(Return to Chorus)
She wrote a note,
Folded it up,
Stuck it in her parents room.
She grabbed a knife,
With no regret,
Just sorrow that she never did bloom.
She,
Just,
Want-ed,
Some,
A-tten-tion.
Is,
That,
Too,
Much,
Fun for her?
She was,
The greatest in her class.
If you knew her,
You knew she was a blast!
(Return to Chorus)
Her parents,
Found the note.
They read it,
And this is what she wrote:
I'm sorry,
I never got pretty.
I'm sorry,
Your crying about (Small dramatic pause) me.....
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Posted: Tue Dec 12, 2006 2:34 pm
ninja
SUGGESTIONS/HOWISIT?!?!?!?
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Posted: Tue Dec 12, 2006 3:01 pm
 No offense, but it looks like your cookie-cutter narrative love song rofl
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Posted: Tue Dec 12, 2006 3:23 pm
It's really long.
Edit: I don't really loke it. No offence, just it's not what I like. sweatdrop
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Posted: Tue Dec 12, 2006 3:38 pm
System - Cookie cutter narrative love song.....?
&& Glitter - But if you did like that kind of music what would you say?
OH and BTW -
It's a slow-ish song ^^
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Posted: Tue Dec 12, 2006 3:41 pm
I like it ^^
That's the kind of music I listen to a lot.
I wanna know how it sounds, though, because that's how I judge music, not only by the lyrics (which are quite good, in my opinion) but also the beat, instruments used, catchiness, etc.
Stuff to do with the actual 'music'.
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Posted: Tue Dec 12, 2006 3:44 pm
///+ Buzz Bro... +///
if I knew how it sounded, it would be easier to tell if I liked it or not
... from reading it though, it sounds like something an Avril Lavigne wannabe would sing sweatdrop ... no offense, really <3333... it's just that it reminds me a little of that skater boy song sweatdrop
///+ ...Blue+///
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Posted: Tue Dec 12, 2006 5:04 pm
Well if you guys are lucky, I might record ME singing it it at Kitty Krazy's house ;D
Yup that's right ^^
I would ACTUALLY SING for you guys ^^
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Posted: Tue Dec 12, 2006 8:05 pm
[.S.p.O.r.K.]
System - Cookie cutter narrative love song.....?
To me, in this form, it's flat and emotionless. The lyrics don't play with my feelings, which is what lyrics are really supposed to do. Your music may be good, but your songwriting needs some work
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Posted: Tue Dec 12, 2006 8:36 pm
Well I don't know if I would like it if I liked that kind of music.
Your writing is a little bit sloppy. Work on cleaning it up.
I'm not being me. I'm just say what I do and don't like.
I can tell that you try to make stuff rhyme in an interesing was.
Maybe think into that more.
Also, not all things need to rhyme.
^^
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