Welcome to Gaia! ::

Ask Muffyn... what?

Hello all, I'm Muffyn. You are probably wondering what this thread is about. I decided that I love all the ninja people so much, and I know our personal lives can be tough, so I am here to help. The purpose of this thread is to talk about problems you may be facing and don't really feel like taking up advice outside the internet. Sometimes it is easier for us to type out our problems to some person online, where they do not know us physically and cannot judge you. So I am hoping to listen to people's problems and be that online buddy to help you!

What makes you so qualified, eh?

I know, most people will say "what makes you so special to listen to our problems?" So I will post some of my accomplishments that make me more trustworthy and beneficial for you.
heart 4 years of experience on online suicidal teenagers, providing counseling and weekly email diaries.
heart I've personally been a victim or had a close connection with: domestic violence, homelessness, murder victim families, suicide, teenage angst, college stress, no father, divorce, stepfathers, mental illnesses, and sicknesses.
heart Working on degree in Criminal Justice and Master's of Psychology.

What do I do?

It's easy! Private Message me your problem in detail to what is going on. I will post your message here without your name, so you will be anonymous. If you would not like me to post your problem here, even while being anonymous, tell me in the first pm with your problem.

The reason I would like to post the message on here is that so many people suffer a common problem. If I can answer two people's questions with one set of advice then all the better!

If you do not want me to post, I will still put my advice on here for the general situation.

How serious of problem does it have to be?

arrow It can be any type of problem or situation which needs advice. Anywhere from a broken fingernail to a death in the family! It doesn't need to be too serious, I'm here as a friend as well.

Questions, Comments?

Post here for comments or just general questions I have not answered above. Also bumping is allowed, and general small talk is encouraged.


wahmbulance **Advice offered is not guaranteed to work and should be taken with a certain amount of discretion. I am not at fault if anything worse should occur on the account of advice given. This help is not to replace or treat serious psychological needs, even if advice is given. Allow 1-2 days for response to letters.** wahmbulance

Letters from Private Messages:


December 9th, 2006.

"I decided I'd be your first PM ^^ Anyways here it is.

So I have multiple groups of friends that don't interact with each other, and for good reason, they're very different in interests, values and maturity. Anyways I always try to keep these groups seperated, or at least my younger and more innocent youth group friends away from the group who drink, smoke, have sex frequently, and although I love them, just not the best people out there. Well, these 2 groups are getting along well as they slowly make more contact, but I'm very concerned. Not only am I afraid that these innocent friends of mine shall become corrupted and it will be my fault for introducing these people to each other, because my less innocent friends aren't very nice to "nice" people, but since they're my friends they gave them a chance... I'm also afraid that things I've said might get around. Now I don't talk trash about any of my friends, but I do trust certain people with certain information than others, because I know they can handle it.

Am I just worrying too much? Should I just let life take it's course? I really don't want these kids to start smoking and going to drinking parties just to prove to my older friends that they're "cool enough" to be seen with them. I just hope everything will be okay, and I personally like this seperation... Maybe I'm being selfish?"

Ah, the pleasures of friends. I do see where you are coming from in worrying about your 'innocent' friends and your partying friends. It is nice to see they are getting along, but there is a chance that they are just playing nice because of you.


My advice would be to sit down with BOTH groups of friends at once and express your concerns aloud. Tell your more innocent group that these other friends are more on the wild side and you are not forcing them to hang out with them or be like them - and the same thing goes for the wild side. You can not control if your friends get corrupted or not. It's their decision and just let them know that you are concerned that they will try to prove themselves to be cool, and you like them the way they are. I would bring up how you sort of like them seperated into groups but you have no problem if one decides to 'cross over'. You are not being selfish, you have a right to be concerned once you have two opposite set of friends. All in all, tell them of your concerns! Make sure the innocent group knows that they do not have to have sex an do drugs to be cool, and the bad group doesn't have to quit their partying.

___________________________________________

February 5th, 2007

Dear Muffyn,

One of my friends I met before school even started (I go to an options school) when I was shadowing, and when school started she started hanging out with the preppy girls. Or that's at least what I call them. The Abercrombie, Hollister wearing girls that are crazed about lip gloss.

I do admit, the girls I hang out, well, we're all outcasts basically. Most of them are anime fans and read it all the time, or still like Pokemon cards. >.<

I still want to be friends with Her, but she doesn't sit near where I do for lunch, and it's inconvenient to try to sit with them, and when I do, I end up reading my book during lunch instead of conversing with them about lip gloss or those shoes that one of the girls is wearing and their outfits.

What should I do to still be friends with Her, but not have to hang out with Her preppy friends, and still hang out with Her or whatever at school?

Sincerely,

I Still Wanna Be Friends

Well Still Wanna Be Friends, I have read over this and decided to consult my sister who has had similar issues being an anime lover/nerd with friends who were more prep. After talking and brainstorming ways to solve your problem, we both finally agreed that it is going to be tough. You cannot deny your friend her right to hang out with that crowd, but at the same time she should not except you to sit over at that table and read while she has all the fun.

My sister and I both came to a conclusion that there needs to be duality--both of you need to sacrifice something in order for this to work. The best plan of action would be to sit down with her and explain your situation and compromise. A decent compromise would, for example, be that for the first half of lunch you both would sit with her preppy friends, and with the second half of lunch both sit with the 'outcast' side. That way both of you get to spend time together, and both get time to sit with people that are more of you cliques.

You mentioned what you would have to do to not hang out with her preppy friends. I say if you really care about her friend, you will have to learn to accept her friends as well. I feel you are going to have to hang out with them at least occasionally as respect to your friend, and she will have to do the same with yours.

Good luck to you!

Reserved for future use.

burning_eyes

.......I want to be on your quote board! surprised

I shall work on that. ninja

Hehe, I guess. Everyone has problems though. lol

I guess I should word that better. I'm getting a Bachlors of Science in Criminal Justice (psychology focus) right now as we speak, and I'm already half way through. When I am done with that I plan on going back into college for the MA in psychology. lol I already have already done a lot of psychology classes with my focus.