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 Posted: Thu Dec 07, 2006 6:29 pm
No, that's not the title. But yes, ladies, gentlemen, and others, I have finally begun MAJOR REWORKING of my novel-in-progress, the first of three, The Assassin King! And I have to say, I am much happier with how this version is going. I've gotten a lot of good help from the folks over at Young Writer's Society and am much happier with this version. And it may change now and again. So, without further ado... ----------------------- 1: The Awakening “You told me nothing would go wrong,” the young boy said. “And nothing did,” the old man replied. “You told me no one would get hurt.” “And no one did.” There was a brief pause. “Why?” “That question I cannot answer now,” said the old, black-bearded man, his face half-lit by the bright moon hanging in the cloudless night sky, half in the shadows from the surrounding buildings. “You would not understand, even if I could explain. Now forget this ever happened. Forget this day. Forget him, and forget me. The two of us never existed to you.” “When will I know why?” the youngster persisted. “You might not ever know.” “Where are you taking him? He is my friend.” “Somewhere he will be safe. Do not worry yourself. Everything is set in motion. All that is left is for the pieces to fall into place. Give it time. These matters do not concern you any longer.” The man turned from the boy. Without another word, he picked up the boy’s unconscious friend from the alley’s floor and slung him over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes, and the two disappeared into the Florida night. Stephen was left standing in the back of that shadowy alleyway, blinking after them, his head still full of questions that would never have an answer. -------------- This is the part I'm least satisfied with so far so this will most likely change soon. Mods, feel free to delete the old version.
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Posted: Thu Dec 07, 2006 6:46 pm
btubutbut...the old version is cool!
ZOMG it makes sense now O.o
YUO HAVEN'T WRITTEN IN SO LONG! Kirby has almost forgotten what the story was about stare
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Posted: Thu Dec 07, 2006 6:48 pm
The Reese has no clue what it is about.
BUT!
'Tis okay, because as soon as she gets home from her game tomorrow she will read it!
'Cause she's tired!
And wants to SLEEP!
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Posted: Thu Dec 07, 2006 6:52 pm
KirbyVictorious btubutbut...the old version is cool! ZOMG it makes sense now O.o YUO HAVEN'T WRITTEN IN SO LONG! Kirby has almost forgotten what the story was about stare Well, I'm the writer and I say THIS VERSION GOES! Kidding. razz Soz, old version > new version or old version < new version? I know, I iz sorryz! crying I had some self-confidence issues for a while. Reese_Roper The Reese has no clue what it is about.
BUT!
'Tis okay, because as soon as she gets home from her game tomorrow she will read it!
'Cause she's tired!
And wants to SLEEP! *sits and waits* AARGH I'm trying to keep writing but the television is distracting me because the kick arse new 30 Seconds to Mars video was on. Meh!
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Posted: Thu Dec 07, 2006 8:29 pm
I envy you all for your ability to sleep.
I can't.
I have an essay and homework to do/write.
stare
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Posted: Fri Dec 08, 2006 4:18 pm
Pfft. Kirby. lol My font tags won't work. Wth. --------------------------- 2: The Beginning Stephen still hadn’t forgotten about that dark day in Key West sixteen years ago, in an alleyway just a few miles from his middle school. And it wasn’t for lack of trying. The memories were just too haunting to forget. He couldn’t help but feel as if he had signed Tyson’s death warrant, even though that old man- what was his name? Stephen didn’t think he’d ever been told- had assured him over and over again he was doing the right thing. He had dreamed about Tyson again the night before, a vivid dream of the explosions, the screams, the smoke, and that mysterious old man. Standing in front of his bathroom mirror just after he had awoken, Stephen stared at his reflection with its scraggly brown hair, protruding ears, brown eyes, and 5 o’clock shadow. His eyes were ringed with dark circles and “tired” was written all over his face. Another long day, Stephen thought to himself as he began trying to tame his wild hair, something he knew full well he’d never accomplish. Less than ten minutes later Stephen was ready to leave his home in Maryland for his work in Washington, D.C. A politician almost by nature, Stephen had always dreamed of working in D.C., and was more than thrilled when that opportunity presented itself to him. He hoped to become a Senator someday soon. Before leaving, Stephen sat down on his living room sofa and turned on the morning news. Even though he had thoroughly combed the newspaper over breakfast, it would never hurt to double check for any word on the latest in a series of killings that had been going on for quite some time, all with the same style of murder: neat and clean stab wounds with hardly any traceable evidence, but lots of blood spilt. The killer seemed to choose completely randomly; whoever it was didn’t discriminate. Men, women, children, whites, blacks, Muslims, Jews, Christians, Buddhists, all types of people had fallen victim to this killer. Fortunately though, neither the televised news nor the printed news had any word of a new body, and Stephen left for work with that particular cloud over his head dissipated temporarily, for Stephen had been placed in charge of the hunt for this madman. Stephen’s day was filled with what he had come to expect over the past couple of years. Endless papers to sort and file, reports to write, tips that needed follow-up, angry and terrified citizens to deal with, and a never-ending influx of more work to complete. Stephen wasn’t complaining, though; he enjoyed working himself to the bone. He had always been an overachiever. As he attended to his daily duties, he noticed a small slip of paper folded neatly in the bottom of his “In” box. Written on its outside was his name. Unfolding the paper, Stephen found a short message written in neat handwriting. I’m watching you.
-T.W.
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Posted: Sun Dec 10, 2006 12:28 pm
I hope you aren't discriminating against Muslims.
My friend is one. scream
So bad you. TAKETHATOUTTATHERERIGHTNOW.
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Posted: Sun Dec 10, 2006 2:42 pm
KirbyVictorious I hope you aren't discriminating against Muslims. My friend is one. scream So bad you. TAKETHATOUTTATHERERIGHTNOW. I'm not discriminating against Muslims! eek I have nothing against them and therefore, no reason to discriminate. Although I actually goofed and forgot to put everything I wanted to in there... I think I got interrupted. =/ Edit: That's better.
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Posted: Sun Dec 10, 2006 2:44 pm
well, that's better.
You sounded like that announcer man from V for Vendetta. Who dies, btw.
NOBEINGRASCIST.
Okay, I'm done.
Nice job. (6^-^)6
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Posted: Wed Dec 13, 2006 5:12 pm
Great job!!!
I really like it.
Just one thing that I got confused about. When you said the man picked the boy up near the end of the first post, I thought he was picking up the boy he was talking to. So you might want to change that so the readers can tell that he is picking someone else up.
I can't wait to see what happens next. I'll be keeping tabs on this.
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Posted: Wed Dec 13, 2006 9:34 pm
Biological_Warfare Great job!!! I really like it. Just one thing that I got confused about. When you said the man picked the boy up near the end of the first post, I thought he was picking up the boy he was talking to. So you might want to change that so the readers can tell that he is picking someone else up. I can't wait to see what happens next. I'll be keeping tabs on this. Yeah, that's why I put "boy's unconscious friend" there. Might need a little rewording but I dunno what to do about it. =/
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Posted: Thu Dec 14, 2006 5:38 pm
St. Sinner Biological_Warfare Great job!!! I really like it. Just one thing that I got confused about. When you said the man picked the boy up near the end of the first post, I thought he was picking up the boy he was talking to. So you might want to change that so the readers can tell that he is picking someone else up. I can't wait to see what happens next. I'll be keeping tabs on this. Yeah, that's why I put "boy's unconscious friend" there. Might need a little rewording but I dunno what to do about it. =/ It's good enough. I'll be happily awaiting the next part 3nodding Don't take too long scream blaugh
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Posted: Thu Dec 14, 2006 7:09 pm
St. Sinner No, that's not the title. But yes, ladies, gentlemen, and others, I have finally begun MAJOR REWORKING of my novel-in-progress, the first of three, The Assassin King! And I have to say, I am much happier with how this version is going. I've gotten a lot of good help from the folks over at Young Writer's Society and am much happier with this version. And it may change now and again. So, without further ado... ----------------------- 1: The Awakening “You told me nothing would go wrong,” the young boy said. “And nothing did,” the old man replied. “You told me no one would get hurt.” “And no one did.” There was a brief pause. “Why?” “That question I cannot answer now,” said the old, black-bearded man, his face half-lit by the bright moon hanging in the cloudless night sky, half in the shadows from the surrounding buildings. “You would not understand, even if I could explain. Now forget this ever happened. Forget this day. Forget him, and forget me. The two of us never existed to you.” “When will I know why?” the youngster persisted. “You might not ever know.” “Where are you taking him? He is my friend.” “Somewhere he will be safe. Do not worry yourself. Everything is set in motion. All that is left is for the pieces to fall into place. Give it time. These matters do not concern you any longer.” The man turned from the boy. Without another word, he picked up the boy’s unconscious friend from the alley’s floor and slung him over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes, and the two disappeared into the Florida night. The dialog was great, but that part threw me off a bit. something that involves cradling, or something along those lines might be preferable. St. Sinner Stephen was left standing in the back of that shadowy alleyway, blinking after them, his head still full of questions that would never have an answer. -------------- This is the part I'm least satisfied with so far so this will most likely change soon. Mods, feel free to delete the old version. you should begin with the description of the scene then go into the dialog ^_-- makes for good cognition. Still though, your dialog was fantastic ^_^
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Posted: Thu Dec 14, 2006 8:15 pm
I disagree!
It's fine the way it is.
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Posted: Thu Dec 14, 2006 8:24 pm
...I'm torn between two worlds now.
BUT I have a lot of spare time recently so I'll begin brainstorming for the next part.
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