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Desirable Conversationalist
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 Posted: Thu Dec 07, 2006 5:46 pm
We cut to the ring with Edge in the middle of the ring. He has two chairs, a table with a mic, and a black mat in the ring with a Skull and Crossbones symbol on it.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to The Cutting Edge!" The crowd pops. "The only that features the best guests in this federation, where I ask my guest questions that others don't got the balls to ask....until tonight. Because before I got out here, I had a talk with the powers that be. And they informed me that my guest has to run his salespitch on my show. So Edgeheads of all ages, Simon Dean!"
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Posted: Thu Dec 07, 2006 5:54 pm
*The Fitness Infomercial tune played, as Simon Dean rode down the ramp on his pattented Simon System Dean Machine segway! With duffle bag over arm, he waved to the booing overweight fans, and made his way to the ring. He then parked the segway by the steel steps and climbed into the ring, as he did his signature taunt.*
"YEAH!"
*Sits down in seat!*
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Desirable Conversationalist
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Posted: Thu Dec 07, 2006 6:01 pm
"Okay Simon..." Edge sighed. "I know you're itching to promote your...simon system. Seeing that the Cutting Edge is a equal opportunity show, use the time you have now to promote your...special product." Edge sat down in his chair.
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Posted: Thu Dec 07, 2006 6:18 pm
"Yeah, yeah, Ed. That's nice...But instead of hearing you flab your gums all day, let's talk about my Simon System!"
*Kips up from seat.*
"My name is Simon Dean, and Simon says the more you weigh, the more you sway away from living an extra twenty years! It's the holidays and all the families are all gathering up to Grandma and Grandpa's house to stuff their faces in Christmas Goose, Homemade Egg Nog, and a nice batch of gingerbread cookies. Now, I can understand it's almost Christmas, but is it really necessary to share the same weight capacity of Santa Claus?"
*Fans start booing.*
"Put the fork down, drop the gravy, and tuck in your chins, because yours truly, Simon Dean, is having his first annual Holiday Sale with all of my pattented Simon System's on sale for $150! That's 10% cheaper, but from what I see, if you can waste all your money on McDonalds and Dunkin Donuts, you can surely afford this! For this Christmas, don't waste your money on candy canes and gingerbread houses. Save the doctors from performing a heart transplant and give your loved ones my pattented Simon System for the holidays! YEAH!"
*The infomercial theme plays, as the titantron shows slideshows of the products on sale.*
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Desirable Conversationalist
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Posted: Thu Dec 07, 2006 6:26 pm
Edge apparently was sleeping after listening to Simon's promo and infomercial. Some fans started to laugh at this.
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Posted: Thu Dec 07, 2006 6:32 pm
All of a sudden, Lita's music hit and she walked out onto the ramp.
"Hey babe," She said to Edge.
"I hope you don't mind the intrusion, but I have something to say."
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Desirable Conversationalist
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Posted: Thu Dec 07, 2006 6:33 pm
Edge suddenly awoken by the music, his old flame Lita appeared on the ramp. The two were no longer together, but Edge still wondered why she was here. "Lita? What the hell are you doing here?" he questioned.
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Posted: Thu Dec 07, 2006 6:41 pm
"Well, I have just recieved some... interesting test results. According to... well... earlier on... it turns out... I'm pregnant! And the man who impregnated me stands in the ring!"
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Desirable Conversationalist
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Posted: Thu Dec 07, 2006 6:51 pm
"..Whoa whoa Lita, there's no way that I am the father! We haven't even had sex since we split a long time ago."
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Posted: Thu Dec 07, 2006 6:56 pm
"You may be right, babe. But the only other man it could be... is SIMON DEAN! Remember that one-nighter set up by Doink?"
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Posted: Thu Dec 07, 2006 7:10 pm
"Now, there has to be an error here somewhere. I ran out of there after the first five minutes, and besides...You're going to get fat and lose your figure! I refuse to have my child have a fat mother! You're getting an abortion! YEAH!"
mrgreen
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Posted: Thu Dec 07, 2006 7:19 pm
Edge cut in. "Whoa whoa hold the phone...you mean to tell me you slept with....." He pointed to Simon. "...That?!"
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Desirable Conversationalist
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Posted: Thu Dec 07, 2006 7:35 pm
"I didn't want to sleep with her. Doink interviewed me and locked me in the same room with her afterwards. It was horrible!"
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Posted: Thu Dec 07, 2006 7:52 pm
"I hope to god that that baby is not yours...a world full of Simon's? Buildings would fall in disrepair, we'd have to put padding on every sharp corner in town, and more importantly, an angry army of Simon's will take over the world like those little lemmings in that computer game I played years ago.."
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Desirable Conversationalist
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Posted: Thu Dec 07, 2006 7:53 pm
"That doesn't sound too bad! But I don't want my child's mother fat!"
mrgreen
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