Welcome to Gaia! ::

Let me make this perfectly clear: scream HATE scream mpreg...that's why I made this story. (does that even make sense sweatdrop ) well I don't know if anyone takes mpreg seriously or not...but it's evil nonetheless. ...oh and I sadly don't own Naruto and blah blah whatever.So...that being said, enjoy my crack-full story

Naruto Gets Knocked Up - A Novel by Jiraiya

"KAKASHI-SENSEI!" Naruto yelled as he emerged from the bathroom in horror, a First Response pregnancy test in hand. He ran into the kitchen where a half-clothed Kakashi was eating a balanced breakfast of Froot Loops and pain killers. "Kakashi-Sensei, I think I'm pregnant!"

"WTF, Naruto? You're a dude. You can't get pregnant."

"Yeah, but look at this." Naruto held the pregnancy test in front of Kakashi's face; it indeed read positive.

"That thing's messed up."

"But I feel sick and moody, and I have an odd craving for peppermints and cocktail wieners in my ramen."

"Well, that is... odd."

"Kakashi-Sensei, I think it's yours."

"It's not mine, because you're not pregnant. C'mon, I'll prove it to you."

They got dressed and went over to Neji's house. When Neji opened the door, Kakashi said, "Neji, could you use your byakuugan to look inside Naruto's belly and tell him he isn't pregnant?"

"Uh...sure.” Neji activated the byakuugan. “...Um...yep...there's a baby in there, alright. And it's a boy, too. Congratulations." Neji then slammed the door in their faces.

"Sensei?"

"He was lying. Look, we'll go to a professional, and I'll prove you once and for all that you're not pregnant."

Ten minutes later they were waiting outside Tsunade's office for the results. She came out and announced, “Naruto, you are indeed pregnant. Congratulations, Kakashi."

"Hold on," said Kakashi. "Are you sure it's mine?"

"How many people have you slept with recently, Naruto?"

Naruto thought for a moment... "Well, recently I've only been with Kakashi-Sensei, that's it. Oh, and Shikamaru, too. But that's it, I swear...except maybe a little fling with Fuzzy Brows...and Fuzzy Brows' sensei....and Gaara...and Kiba...and Itachi...and-"

"OK, we get it. You're a slut."

"But I'm a guy. I shouldn't be pregnant at all!" Naruto cried.

"Come to think of it, there have been a lot of odd pregnancies lately," Tsunade said. "Sakura is pregnant with Ino's baby. Kiba is pregnant with Hinata's baby. I am currently pregnant with my own baby, and I've just received word from Sand that while Gaara was unconscious at Akatsuki HQ, he was gang raped and is now pregnant with several of their children. Well, looks like we'll have to do a paternity test."

So Tsunade assembled her collections of DNA to try to find out who was the father of Naruto's baby. After a few hours, she came out of her office and said, "You’d better get Naruto a wedding ring, Kakashi, unless you want to pay him child support for the next eighteen years."

"What!? It is mine?"

"Yep, your DNA is present, along with the DNA of Rock Lee, Sasuke, Itachi, Gaara, Akamaru, Neji, Shikamaru, Asuma, Jiraiya, Anko, Choji, Orochimaru, Me, Temari, Ten-ten, Hinata, a random guy from filler episode #165, Kisame, Kankuro's puppet, and a bowl of ramen."

"What...the ********…?" said Naruto. "So ALL those people are the father of my baby?"

"According to my tests, which are never wrong, yes. It seems that something about you is ******** up and it causes the genes of all the people you sleep with to get merged into your baby. But look on the bright side. Your kid has like five bloodline limits. He'll be the ultimate ninja. And you'll get to collect child support from all those people."

"But I've never slept with a lot of those people. I haven't slept with any of those girls...or any girl, for that matter. Except you, Baa-chan. You need to stop molesting me."

"Whatever."

"And puppets and ramen don't have genes, so...?"

"Well, you do eat a lot of ramen. And if you've slept with people who have slept with lots of other people, then the genes could have been transferred to you, which means that these bizarre pregnancies are caused by a new form of STD. You know how these things spread. You do it with one person, and it's like doing it with everyone they've done it with. That’s it, I'm starting a new sex-ed program at the academy. You kids need to quit sleeping around."

"Shut up, Baa-chan. You're the father of my baby, too."

"Anyway, I need to do some more tests and drink some sake. Have fun being pregnant." With that, Tsunade went back into her office, leaving Kakashi and Naruto alone in the hallway.

"Um...Sensei?"

"What?"

"I don't have a uterus."

"Or so it would seem."

"But if I don't, then where is this baby floating around?"

"In your...um..."

"Is it going to come out my butt?”

"I don't know. Where else would it come out?"

"And how do I collect child support from ramen?"

With many questions still unanswered, Naruto went into labor nine months later. The baby was born. The details will not be added because the author doesn't know how it's possible for men to have babies and doesn't really want to think about it, either.

The baby was born with one sharingan eye, one byakugan eye, silver hair with pink streaks in a ponytail, and blue skin with whiskers on his face. He had a purple forehead jewel. Above one eye, he had a huge fuzzy eyebrow and above the other eye he had none. He had one puppet arm that he had to control with a chakra string. He was also born fully clothed sporting an Akatsuki cloak, orange legwarmers, a purple rope belt thing that people from Sound wear, and a gourd on his back filled with ramen noodle soup.

The next day, Naruto spent five hours coming up with a name. He assembled all of his fellow ninja together at his house to present his son to them.

"Hello, everyone. Behold by lovely child. He shall be the strongest ninja in the village, just like his dad. I present to you Uzumaki Jack Karl Furgason Betty." And`he held aloft the strange looking child for all to see (kind of like in The Lion King).

"You named it...Jack Karl Furgason Betty?" Sakura asked.

"Yeah. I took a letter from the names of all of his fathers. See:

Jiraiya
Anko
Choji
Kankuro's puppet

Kakashi
Asuma
Rrandom guy from filler #165
Lee

Fuzzy brows
Uchiha
Ramen
Gaara
Akamaru
Shikamaru
Orochimaru
Neji

Baa-chan
Ero-sennin
Temari
Ten-ten
You (everyone else whose names couldn't fit).”

They all nodded in agreement.

Uzumaki Jack Karl Furgason Betty grew up to be a splendid ninja, despite looking like a total freak. He became hokage, saved the Village of the Hidden Leaf from total annihilation, and even starred in his own reality TV series.

THE END

Jiraiya put down his pen and looked lovingly at his finished manuscript. At that moment, Naruto came into the room

"Hey, Ero-Sennin. Watcha doin‘?"

"Writing a story about you getting pregnant."

"What the!? Let me see." Naruto grabbed the manuscript and read the first few sentences before hurling the paper in Jiraiya's face. "You make me sick. Are you on crack or something?" He looked around the room to discover that there was indeed a glass table with a white powdery substance on it. Now Naruto was really pissed. "******** ERO-SENNIN!!!" He shouted as he took the manuscript outside to burn it.

"Wait, no...It's not what you think," Jiraiya yelled, vainly trying to piece together the charred remains of what was never to become: Icha Icha MPreg.

The moral of the story: In the time I spent writing this, I could have done something constructive, instead.



Well how was it? Full of crack I know biggrin Well, what did you expect from good ol' King Cicero. I even drew a picture of Jack Karl Furgason Betty. I'll post it if I can.

By the way, I would just like to know if anyone knows I'm a girl. Most people think that because I have King in my username that I'm a guy.


Naruto gets Knocked up Part Two: A visit from Gaara and family

" Hi Gaara. Oh I see you brought the family!" said Naruto as he invited his friend from Suna inside.

" Yeah, They're all a bunch of monsters. And I thought my life was hell before all this...anyway, yep, these are my kids...all eight of them."

" Well, at least you can tell who they belong to."

" Yeah."

The eight toddlers, all wearing little akatsuki cloaks were running around outside Naruto's house. It looked like they were planning something evil.

Gaara sighed and said " The normal looking one belongs to the older Uchiha, so I call him 'Older Uchiha Jr'. That one with blue skin belongs to the inhuman shark man thing so I call him 'Shark Man Jr'. That one seems to be half plant so he's 'Flytrap Jr'. That one keeps trying to kill me because he says I have no artistic sense so I call him 'Get the Hell Away from me jr'. That one is a puppet, and naturally Kankuro likes to carry him around so I called him 'Kankuro Jr'. That one, not matter how many times I try to kill him won't die, even after I put him in the blender and he knows swear words I haven't even heard of. He also keeps trying to convert me to some strange religion so I call him 'Foul Mouthed Switchblade Resistant Jehova's Witness Jr'. That one has five hearts and keeps trying to turn me in to bounty hunters that hang out in public restrooms so he's 'Cardiovascular Lavatory Jr' and this one, no matter what is always in shadow. I haven't even seen his face. Look, even I put him in direct sunlight he's still in shadow. So he's 'Emo Kid Jr'. Yep, that's them. I wish they would all die. They seem to want me dead, and you know how I feel about people wanting me dead."

" Aww, It's ok Gaara. Being a parent can be tough."

" Does yours try to erase your existance?"

" No. My child is wonderful. Ugly, but wonderful."

" crying Oh, I'm a bad parent. crying It's their father's fault. They go to visit every other weekend and they come back with new ways to make my life a living hell."

" Well Gaara, we can always turn to the wonder of TV. We can call that Super Nanny lady."

One week Later......

" OH MY GOD!!! " yelled the Super Nanny in her British accent " What the ******** is wrong with these kids? That's it, pack up the camera crew. I'm leaving. When this show was created they told me I would be dealing with children, not the spawn of Satan. And how old are you? 15? God, this is too much. I'm out of here."

Super Nanny then left.

" Wow " said Gaara " I once wanted everyone in the world dead. Now I want to commit suicide. Talk about irony."

" It's allright." said Naruto " Why don't you just give Akatsuki full custody over them?"

" My God! That's the perfect plan. And here we were trying to destroy Akatsuki ourselves. Hey kids, get in the car, you're all going to your father's place."

So each Akatsuki member was granted full custody of their respective children. All of Akatsuki's funds went towards finding babysitters so they could leave the kids at home and drink away their sorrows at sleezy bars. And that was how Akatsuki was defeated.

The End.

xD That... was ******** hilarious. I think if you had someone to fix some of the grammar and formatting issues, it would be amazing. Do you mind if I beta it for you?

Omg XDD That thing is the reason I don't like MPreg XDDDDD *goes to show teh MPreg fan i.e. Yuzume_Mikien* XDD And the Gaara getting gangraped thing is pure awesomeness XDDDD Love you.

you can Pm it to me. Thanks...you get hearts from me heart heart heart

Hah! That's great!Have you posted it on fanfiction? 'Cause you totally should!

Roflmaoo~~~
Thta's hilarious. I always fround MPreg weird, and this was just totally hilarious!
XD
"We get it, Naruto. You're a slut"
XDD!!!!

yeah theyre great LOOOOOOOL

just couldnt stop laughing gaaaaawd my tummy
this one was ******** HILAROUS... wait, is that tears? *burst of laugh* nooo please save me !! xd xd