|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Sat Dec 02, 2006 1:27 pm
Everyone's seen those sensationalist portrayals of out-of-control teens on drugs who get pregnant. I am sure that everyone who's seen those has wondered if those people should have the right to raise their babies. As crazy and implausable as it may seem, those people are just the tip of the iceberg of awful parenting. There are parents on hard drugs, who are incredibly violent, who are neglectful, and who are above all else dangerous to their children.
As often as I've heard "Some people just shouldn't breed" and "Those babies would be better off had they not been born" I've honestly never heard any ideas for their actual benefit. Rarely are people seen saying instead that these parents should be identified as dangerous immediatly and the baby taken into protective custody. The modern CPS system isn't very well-run and more often than not children who are in danger aren't properly taken care of before their lives are in jeapordy.
I'm curious to see if anyone has any ideas as to how this system could be bettered. What do you think about this? Should children born to drug-addicted mothers, for example, be confiscated at birth and adopted out before they can be harmed? Or is this a violation of the mothers' rights despite her dangerous habits? What do you all think?
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Dec 02, 2006 7:28 pm
i think that the child should be born- hence my existence in this guild.
it really depends on the situation. sometimes, a woman gets pregnant and straightens out for the benefit of the child. sometimes she get selfish and want nothing to do with it or would rather have it dead.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Dec 02, 2006 8:19 pm
That answer is hard for me to reply to. I am clincally diagnoised (spelling sorry im not great) with Bi-Polar state 3. Ive tried to kill myself many times and have been in and out of psychologist offices wondering to myself what the hell is wrong with me. To make matters worse (read my journal just to find out how bad things are going now days) I have many other problems. My brain doesnt get enough oxygen so I get extremely bad migrains and have to take medication to mild them down enough so I can walk around my house. My husband doesnt like me walking around with the lights out lol. I am really depressed enough that it makes me so tired all day long. Sometimes I pass out in the middle of the day because I just cant stay awake any longer. I got pregnant last year in July and eveyrone said there is no way she should have a child. My parents tried to get me to give my son up for adoption so many times but seeing as how I am a selfish spoiled little brat I kept him. My parents say I am there Barbi Princess. I get everything I want when I want it. (see here is my computer) Okay well not almost everything but pretty close making me a very selfish person. How can someone as selfish as me and having the mental problems I have function much less raise a child? I cant even get out of bed at times. My husband will go get our son and I will just be so depressed and tired I wont get out of bed for hours. If it wasnt for him pushing me out the door to go work I wouldnt do it. Things are hard but I still had my son. Should I have, I dont know and I cant honestly answer that. But I do know this. I try every day to be a wonderful mother. I have been married with my husband for 3 months now and try each day to be a better wife also. (this are difficult things) I love my son with all my heart. Sometimes I get really mad at him and he wont shut up and I wont know whats wrong. One day I lost it and tossed him on the bed and he almost fell off. I caught him and I would grab him and say stop screaming. But I have gotten better now. I feel as if I hurt him although my Mom says I didnt hurt him she said most parents get frustrated and kings "loose" it at times. Hes becoming such an angel the bigger he gets I never regret having him. And although at almost 24 years old I feel the world should revolve around me it doesnt its all about him and I love that. So I guess my answer is... it depends on the person. Was I ready to have a child and get married, the answer is no definatly not. Did it happen and do I regret it? Never.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Dec 02, 2006 9:02 pm
I'm not asking if the baby should be terminated, not at all: Just what should be done as an alternative if he or she is in danger.
Nuwa, I can relate to you. I have a psychosis myself. I've been in mental wards before--light ones, for the nonviolent. Honestly, for teens considered potentially violent. It's been very difficult to adjust, but therapy and medication has really changed me. Not my integral personality, mind, but what I'd be normally without this illness. I really, truly hope that someday you can see what it feels like to be better. It's the most wonderful thing ever to see the world when your disorder is gone. I worry often that my life is my medication and I am not myself without it. It happens in depressed episodes even now but when I calm down it's always better. I really hope you can feel better, too. I have faith in you.
My mom had postpardem depression and did the same thing to me that you did when your son was screaming. She's also an excellent mother who tried her best to raise me despite that issue. We fought often and many times I wished I'd had a different mother but now that I've started my own life I understand her unconditional love and sacrifice. Whatever happens, I am sure your son will too. I think that as long as you are aware of what he needs to grow and love life, and as long as you do your hardest to change for his sake, you aren't at all what I was talking about in my opening post. smile Good luck.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Dec 03, 2006 10:27 am
The problem a lot of the time is proving that someone is on drugs or whatever. I know that if someone does something during their pregnancy that harms the child permanently, the child has the right to sue when they're old enough. At least it's been brought to court and won here in Canada before.
However in terms of after birth, it's extremely difficult to tell. Just because a teen has a child doesn't mean they're going to be a horrible parent and just because an adult has a child doesn't mean they're going to be a wonderful parent. My boyfriend is an adopted child and his mother kept him for 6 months before she realised that she couldn't handle a baby, so she gave him up willingly. On the flip side my boyfriends brother (also adopted) had a mother who did drugs and drank all throughout the pregnancy and afterwards. She neglected him etc. Eventually his grandparents took Anthony from his mother and kept him for a few months before they realised that they couldn't have a child and gave him up. He however was 3 at this point and still has extreme personal issues.
Many of the times some has their child taken away is because of reports from other people to social services. My friend Danielle (who has a 2 year old daughter and lives in an apartment specifically for teenage parents) had to call them about a girl living in her apartment who was neglecting her son. Had Danielle never called who knows where the son would be now.
The only real advice I could give from all of these things is, if you have a child and realise that you can't handle it, give it up. And if you see someone who has a child who is abusive or neglectful towards it but refuses to give it up, call social services.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Dec 03, 2006 11:37 am
Hrm. One of my tenants had twins earlier this year. She's rather poor, and almost 40, I think, and has a few kids already, but kept her twins anyways, even though it was a high-risk pregnancy for other reasons as well. Which was nice of her.
Thing is, apparently she's been suffering from severe postpartum depression, or she had a "nervous breakdown" of sorts. She's gone missing a few times, apparently drinks a LOT--there were beer bottles all over the apartment--and the last time her twins were taken by Child Protective Services.
I will say she never should have gotten pregnant again in the first place. But this is mostly in retrospect--she didn't know she'd have so much trouble with them. They could have been just fine. I think the most preferable thing would be for a family member to take care of them, do the full-time-mom thing until the biological mom recovers. Rich people do it all the time with nannies; why can't the poor who *really* need help get it too?
Also, to nuwa and Aufstandkind, are you guys in GAMI? Great guild, I highly recommend it.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Dec 03, 2006 4:18 pm
Beware the Jabberwock
However in terms of after birth, it's extremely difficult to tell. Just because a teen has a child doesn't mean they're going to be a horrible parent and just because an adult has a child doesn't mean they're going to be a wonderful parent. That's not what I meant. My cousin's a teen mom and it's going pretty well. I was specifically talking about the out-of-control teens who start heavy drinking at 12 and are easily identified as such. There are younger and younger kids doing this every day. There are also a bunch of kids who get pregnant just because babies are cute and immediatly regret it, but don't risk further abuse in adoption. Le Veuve Zin, no I'm not. What is it?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Dec 03, 2006 4:36 pm
Aufstandkind Beware the Jabberwock
However in terms of after birth, it's extremely difficult to tell. Just because a teen has a child doesn't mean they're going to be a horrible parent and just because an adult has a child doesn't mean they're going to be a wonderful parent. That's not what I meant. My cousin's a teen mom and it's going pretty well. I was specifically talking about the out-of-control teens who start heavy drinking at 12 and are easily identified as such. There are younger and younger kids doing this every day. There are also a bunch of kids who get pregnant just because babies are cute and immediatly regret it, but don't risk further abuse in adoption. Le Veuve Zin, no I'm not. What is it?
As well she's a wonderful mother.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Dec 03, 2006 5:19 pm
I'm not so much talking about the ones that reform, but the ones that just keep going on even during pregnancy. The idea I'm advocating isn't so much taking the baby as soon as birth, but rather a case worker who sticks around through the first month of pregnancy to make sure the mother and father (if present) are making an effort to change. Of course there'd be a court-and-appeals process to see if foster care or anything else would be advisable, but prior to that a childcare in the hospital type of situation where the parents would still have custody but it would be under strict reveiw while the child had time to recover from any harm done.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Dec 03, 2006 7:49 pm
Aufstandkind I'm not asking if the baby should be terminated, not at all: Just what should be done as an alternative if he or she is in danger. Nuwa, I can relate to you. I have a psychosis myself. I've been in mental wards before--light ones, for the nonviolent. Honestly, for teens considered potentially violent. It's been very difficult to adjust, but therapy and medication has really changed me. Not my integral personality, mind, but what I'd be normally without this illness. I really, truly hope that someday you can see what it feels like to be better. It's the most wonderful thing ever to see the world when your disorder is gone. I worry often that my life is my medication and I am not myself without it. It happens in depressed episodes even now but when I calm down it's always better. I really hope you can feel better, too. I have faith in you. My mom had postpardem depression and did the same thing to me that you did when your son was screaming. She's also an excellent mother who tried her best to raise me despite that issue. We fought often and many times I wished I'd had a different mother but now that I've started my own life I understand her unconditional love and sacrifice. Whatever happens, I am sure your son will too. I think that as long as you are aware of what he needs to grow and love life, and as long as you do your hardest to change for his sake, you aren't at all what I was talking about in my opening post. smile Good luck. Thanks it means a lot that someone can understand how I feel.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Dec 04, 2006 9:40 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Dec 04, 2006 10:11 pm
Okay, thank you. I have a couple of disorders, but one is often interpreted not as a disorder but a personality facet that just has to be accepted. I prefer not to talk to other people who have it because it bothers me that people think it's an acceptable trait. If anyone's interested I could explain in a PM as long as it wasn't posted publically.
The rage psychosis has been treated so well that it's almost like I don't have it. I'd rather put it behind me and just enjoy life. I'll check out the guild and I appreciate the courtesy shown in giving us a link, though 3nodding
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Dec 05, 2006 9:10 pm
Thank you for the site it seems very interesting.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Jan 29, 2007 4:24 pm
A solution . . . well, as someone's already stated, it would probably be best if a capable family member could take care of the kids. From what I've heard of Social Services, fabulous work though they do most of the time, I wouldn't want to put a child in their care unless all other avenues had been tread.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Jan 30, 2007 8:11 am
Beware the Jabberwock The problem a lot of the time is proving that someone is on drugs or whatever. I know that if someone does something during their pregnancy that harms the child permanently, the child has the right to sue when they're old enough. At least it's been brought to court and won here in Canada before.
However in terms of after birth, it's extremely difficult to tell. Just because a teen has a child doesn't mean they're going to be a horrible parent and just because an adult has a child doesn't mean they're going to be a wonderful parent. My boyfriend is an adopted child and his mother kept him for 6 months before she realised that she couldn't handle a baby, so she gave him up willingly. On the flip side my boyfriends brother (also adopted) had a mother who did drugs and drank all throughout the pregnancy and afterwards. She neglected him etc. Eventually his grandparents took Anthony from his mother and kept him for a few months before they realised that they couldn't have a child and gave him up. He however was 3 at this point and still has extreme personal issues.
Many of the times some has their child taken away is because of reports from other people to social services. My friend Danielle (who has a 2 year old daughter and lives in an apartment specifically for teenage parents) had to call them about a girl living in her apartment who was neglecting her son. Had Danielle never called who knows where the son would be now.
The only real advice I could give from all of these things is, if you have a child and realise that you can't handle it, give it up. And if you see someone who has a child who is abusive or neglectful towards it but refuses to give it up, call social services. Social Services (Wow. Same abbreviation as the Nazi Schutzstaffel. Go figure.) might help kids. In the majority of cases, sure, why not. However, at least here in the United States...all too often people abuse the system, and use it as a weapon. It needs to be reformed before it can really do its job properly, which should be taking care of unborn babies/babies/women in these situations. They obviously don't, all too often, or else this thread wouldn't have been made.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
