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 Posted: Sun Nov 26, 2006 7:20 pm
(Banner pending. Ignore this blank spot please!)
It turns out I can quest for a version of Icarus after all.
Well, I'm Silverah, and I'm questing a Fa'e. Like everyone else, I will admit what first drew me to the shop was the gorgeous art. However, as I lurked around the thread longer, I absolutely fell in love with the concept that the shop is based around. And then when I finally delurked, I fell in love with the people. So, here's my concept Fa'e. She's based on one of my favorite myths of all time, the Dybbuk.
The Dybbuk is a creature that haunts Jewish Folklore. Its roots can be traced to the Kaballah. But that doesn't say anything about what a Dybbuk is.
Plain and simple, a Dybbuk is a dislocated human soul that cannot continue on to the afterlife because of occurances on earth - tasks undone, deeds committed, whatever. A Dyybuk is doomed to wander the earth until it can correct whatever is keeping it from continuing. All this would be absurdly hard if the Dybbuk were not blessed (cursed?) with the wonderous ability to temporarily possess the body of an ordinary human being and drive them to complete the task.
What are these tasks? They can range from preventing a spurned lover from getting married to avenging a murder. A dybbuk who committed suicide might need to prevent a certain number of other people from doing the same. The dybbuk has as long as necessary to complete these tasks. It's just essential that they do complete them eventually.
So, in undertaking this quest, I want to focus on a dybbuk with a task that can't be completed by those natural means. One that would be on its quest so long that it would give up and slowly fade out of existance to the point that even if it wanted to try again, it wouldn't be able to.
One that would require a second chance.
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Posted: Sun Nov 26, 2006 8:02 pm
How do you kill something that's already dead?
Take away its purpose to exist.
In the beginning, there was an unnamed farm girl from the kingdom of Judah. That period, compared to everything else that has ever happened, is so short that it would bear very little importance if it were not intricately linked to the rest of this story. A Dybbuk is not, after all, born a Dybbuk. A Dybbuk begins life as an ordinary human. It is what they do in that lifetime and how they die that determines their fate as a wandering spirit, running this way and that over the surface of the Earth trying to find the thing that will finally let them rest. Which brings us back to the orignal statement of "in the beginning there was an unnamed farm girl from the kingdom of Judah."
For the record, her name was Sarah bat Shimon. Her family farmed dates and had a lovely little farm near Be'er Sheva. The country was actually a province of the Roman empire, conveniently located where the kingdom of Judah had once been. The girl was utterly ordinary and entirely forgettable. She enjoyed sewing and milking cows and liked taking the small flock of sheep they had out to the pasture to graze. Utterly, totally normal.
Normal up until one day when one of her sheep wandered off, and, remembering the story of the burning bush, went to retrieve it.
Once back in the meadow, she spotted smoke billowing up in the direction of the homestead. Flock in tow, she headed back to see what was going on. Upon arrival, she found the house to be on fire and a group of Roman Soldiers cooking her favorite cow and drinking her father's good wine.
The following things can be assumed: Sarah-later-Deenah's parents were approached by the soldiers seeking food, shelter, and to use the farm as a base of opperations. They refused and were killed.
Upon returning, Sarah-later-Deenah was spotted by the soldiers, who were already drunk and preparing a meal for themselves. All they needed to complete the party was a game of "gang-rape the Israelite girl."
After the festivities, Sarah-later-Deenah was killed and tossed into the bonfire.
That should have been the end of it.
It wasn't. Sarah-almost-Deenah was humiliated by her death, and swore bitter revenge on the platoon of soldiers and the empire they served. The angel at the gates of the next life, the Olam Haba'ah, saw that she was very determined to do this and told her there was a way for her if she really felt that she had something left incomplete. Sort-of-Deenah accepted the offer.
Thusly, the rather bewildered being that was not yet known as Deenah was flung back to Earth, minus a body, to begin her existence as a Dybbuk, despite the fact that she had no idea how she was going to exact previously mentioned revenge. It was in those early days that she encountered others of her kind, some good and some bad, one of whom was kind enough to explain to her how the posession powers worked and told her to keep an ear out for leads. Nervously at first, she tried out the abilities that came with her new existance and found that she wasn't very good at being a Dybbuk.
With time, she learned to put her own personality aside and to remain undetected for longer and longer, but she always got caught. And as the world continued to spin about its axis, the platoon of soldiers fell in battle, and their empire got lost in time, and not-quite-Deenah felt empty.
Yes, her persecutors had met the same end as all other men, but it hadn't been her doing. Their deaths in battle had given her no closure.
"It's okay if you enter the next life now," said the Angel at the gate. Nearly-Deenah refused.
"I'll come up with something to finish this," she told him, and the Angel shut the gate again.
It didn't take long for her to realize she was flat out of ideas. After all, how did one go about destroying a civilization that no longer existed?
...
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Posted: Sun Nov 26, 2006 8:49 pm
What form does a wandering soul take?
One that is easily forgotten:
Name:
Deenah (A variation of the name "Dinah," a hebrew name meaning "Judged.")
Gender:
Female
Personality:
A good Dybbuk puts its task before itself. It can blend easily into any and all hosts without being noticed. While Deenah never quite mastered this in her past life, she seemed to remember its importance when she was reborn as a Fa’e. This, when combined with a streak of bad luck that stretches back several millennia and a sense of impending doom (due to said streak of bad luck, of course), turned her into a rather reserved figure. She prefers not to draw attention to herself, though this can be assumed as partially because of the fact that she doesn’t look like a normal human being. Primarily, this means that she does not usually speak unless directly spoken to or take the invasive, flamboyant route to do something. Preferably, the least invasive option is opted for, even if it is ten times more difficult in execution. Every situation is carefully analyzed before it is tackled.
Her cautious attitude occasionally makes others mistake Deenah for a pushover. On the contrary, she’s actually particularly skilled at accomplishing her own wants. She just prefers to go about it more subtly than others. That said, Deenah borders on selfish – she doesn’t particularly care for the desires and wants of others. To her, her own goals are more important than anyone else’s, and she has the means to place them in forefront priority. That said, the carrying out of said goals tends to be very secretive.
With Deenah, there is almost always an ulterior motive, even if it is not immediately obvious.
Deenah does, however, have a capacity for loudness. It's just burried down there. Really deep. Under about two thousand years of dybbukness. Keep digging.
Sexuality:
I'd rather not go into this/see what happens in RP.
Abilities (to be developed gradually):
(Upon her reincarnation, Deenah was given various powers to assist her in accomplishing her task. Some of them are not ever explicitly stated as Dybbuk powers. However, Dybbuks are in their myth stated/asumed to be invisible and intangible. Accordingly, Deenah has the ability to become these things. However, she cannot remain in the forms or dissolve her human shape, as is the terms of her sentence. She got in trouble in her past life for dissolving herself. She can no longer do it.)
Persuasion - Though Deenah will no longer have her Dybbuk gift of posession to the extent that she once did, she will be able to lightly persuade or suggest things to others in order to get her way. It is best described as kind of supernaturally reaching into their brain and nudging them, "hey, wouldn't this be a great idea?" At first it would only work on people in close proximity or actually touching her, and it would only work about half the time, but gradually she would become more talented and able to use it across longer distances/with more success.
She has a bad habit of tensing up her left hand when using this ability, so people who know she has it can figure out when she's doing it reasonably well.
Intangible - The ability to return to something of a spirit form and "ghost" through solid objects - walls, dirt, people... Her reflexes aren't good enough to really use it as a defense mechanism at first. Deenah cannot touch affect the physical world in this form.
Invisibility - Deenah has this ability from birth, to varying degrees, even before she gains use of her intangible ability. Sometimes she can control it, sometimes she can't, and it is extremely draining if used to make her entire body vanish. It can be seperated from intangible, resulting in her being intangible but not invisible and vice versa. She has the ability to make her clothes vanish and reappear with her. (But not the ability to vanish her clothes without vanishing herself).
Sixth sense - The ability to see Dybbuks, angels, and other spiritual creatures normally unseen.
Weaknesses:
Unlucky - Trouble sticks to Deenah like superglue to skin. This has been a problem even back to her original human form, and lead to her losing several hosts and even to her original death and summoning to dybbukdom. This also explains her extreme conciousness of her actions. Even the slightest move can bring disaster.
Allergic to Ritual Items - The easiest way to get rid of a dybbuk is through an exorcism. Cross, holy water, pentacle, etc. If it can be used in an exorcism, Deenah is best avoiding it like the plague or she will come down with a rather nasty fever/chills/loss of invisability control combo. And sneezing ectoplasm is not fun in the least.
Magic - Although Deenah is fairly immune to physical attacks once she gets the hang of intangibility, her weakness to magic-based attacks is amplified due to her primarily spiritual nature.
Appearance:
Tsu gave me art!
In her past life, Deenah managed to reach a point as a Dybbuk that she no longer recalled the conditions of her death or her life before it. When that happened, she lost much of her definition as an individual. Having no more appearance than a disembodied spirit to go on, Deenah maintains a rather whispy appearance: small, thin, lots of insubstantial and cloud looking hair... In fact, if you weren't really paying attention, Deenah would almost look like little more than a hazy spot in the air. In fact, even if you are looking directly at her, she still seems a little transparent. Perhaps to compensate for her odd translucency, Deenah covers most of her body in alternatingly loose and tight layers, for example: leggings and an oversized sweater. Her clothing is usually in gray tones nearly matching her skin, continuing her cloudlike appearance.
The only colorful parts of her body are firey red circles of hebrew lettering around her wrists and ankles (symbolic reminders of her being bound to her mission), and her eyes that somehow maintain their original brown color.
The following things I cannot part with:
1. Overall color scheme is various shades of grays.
2. Red Hebrew writing circling her wrists and ankles, specifically the letters “lamed-het-yud-pey-shin” (The word for “To seek” or “to search”)
3. Extremities, like fingers and toes, are slightly see-through.
-Brown eyes would be a plus, but they are not the core of the character.
Interests:
Lost Child
Reading - Deenah's guardian taught her about books and reading from an early age, and as a result she is a voracious reader. Mythology and science fiction works (more along the line of H.G. Wells than Star Wars) are her favorites, since they seem to remind her of something she knew once. On another plus side, reading is a very non-invasive activity. It is virtually impossible to cause a disaster by reading a book.
Religion - Deenah is a very religious person, though she does not necessarily adhere to any particular religion from the world she was reincarnated onto and Alfred is a firm agnostic. She has a constant gut feeling that God and various other spirit creatures such as Angels exist, possibly stemming from her ability to see demons and other supernatural things that "normal" people can't.
Second Gen
Religion - Deenah would be introduced to various religions throughout her life and eventually settle on a mixture that seems right. Her ability to see demons would encourage her beliefs, and she would become fairly devout in whatever she choses.
Reading - While it's not necesarily HG Wells anymore, Deenah would still enjoy reading, having discovered that the the best place to hide from the sisters is a quiet place with a good book.
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Posted: Mon Nov 27, 2006 5:54 am
What can be learned from the texts?
The nature of the beast.
from wikipedia In Kabbalah and European Jewish folklore, a dybbuk is a malicious possessing spirit, believed to be the dislocated soul of a dead person. Dybbuks are said to have escaped from Gehenna, a Hebrew term very loosely translated as "hell." Or may have been turned away from Gehenna due to transgressions too serious for the soul to be allowed there, such as suicide. The word "dybbuk" is derived from the Hebrew דיבוק, meaning "attachment"; the dybbuk attaches itself to the body of a living person and inhabits it. According to belief, a soul that has not been able to fulfill its function in its lifetime is given another opportunity to do so in the form of a dybbuk. It will leave once it has accomplished its goal, sometimes after being helped.
from Encyclopedia Mythica Special situations require a different approach to transmigration. The second form of transmigration is the Dybbuk, a disembodied spirit possessing a living body that belongs to another soul. There are various origins attributed to these spirits. The earliest description usually hinted that they may be nonhuman demons. Later it was assumed they were the spirits of persons who have died. The dybbuk may be the soul of a sinner, who wishes to escape the just punishment meted to it by the angels of the grave (see the article Afterlife) who seek to beat them, or to avoid another form of soul punishment, which is wandering the earth. A dybbuk may seek revenge for some evil that was done to it while it lived. Alternatively, it may be lost, and will enter a body simply to seek a rabbi who would be able to help it and send it on its way. The living person may or may not know that a dybbuk is occupying his or her body, or it may be tormented by it. This depends on the intent of the possessing soul.
from Ghostvillage A dybbuk (pronounced "dih-buk") is the term for a wandering soul that attaches itself to a living person and controls that person's behavior to accomplish a task. The word "dybbuk" is the Hebrew word for "cleaving" or "clinging," and surprisingly, having a dybbuk is not always a bad thing for the human host. However, sometimes having a dybbuk is a very bad thing. .... There is also a positive aspect to a dybbuk. Sometimes a spirit will come to a person in a time of need to help. Winkler said, "The second kind of possession is called 'sod ha'ibbur,' which is Hebrew for 'mystery impregnation.' This kind of possession is a good possession -- it's a spirit guide. The spirit of someone who has struggled and overcome what you have struggled with and can't overcome will be lent to you from the spirit world to possess you, encourage you, and help you overcome what you have not been able to overcome and what it has been able to in its lifetime. Then when it's done and you've managed to achieve what you need to achieve in your life, it leaves you. Sometimes people reach high pinnacles of achievement and they fall into deep depression, and that's explained as the loss of that spirit. So there's a sense of loss, and it's misinterpreted as depression. If the person realizes that, they can be thankful that they had a spirit guide to help them, and they need to continue to lift up their own spirit." Most belief systems have some notion of a spirit guide or guardian angel, and they also recognize a malevolent spiritual force that can influence us. The Jewish concept of dybbuk recognizes that our physical world and the spiritual world can intertwine for both positive and negative reasons. If those intersecting reasons are negative, Judaism has a healing process to mend the collision so both the possessor and the possessed can move on.
The whole Ghostvillage article
The whole Wikipedia article
The whole Encyclopedia Mythica article
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Posted: Mon Nov 27, 2006 6:44 am
As a lost child:
Some sixty years ago, war engulfed the world of Desgaes, which is really rather similar to Earth in composition, geography, and inhabitants, but that's not the point. The point is that Desgaes has been stuck at a technology similar to the turn of the 20th century since then. Electricity has caught on, but an excedingly long industrial revolution and lack of scientific discoveries regarding environmental destruction and ozone depletion have left the northern hemisphere a smoggy, cold mess and the southern hemisphere an underdeveloped wilderness. The culture on a whole resembles the Victorian period, with a stagnating pool of scientific knowledge, people who are content to let good things lie, and the same scientific studies surfacing year after year to the same sensation as they were when they were first published. (Findings on evolution have been popping up steadily to the same fanfare and disbelief every ten years since the 1840s.)
On a whole, society has tried to forget the war happened by returning to how it was before it began. And most people are perfectly fine with this. Few remember it as any different. It is in a middle class neighborhood of Belstaig, this world's london, that Deenah is reborn. Before arriving with her current protector, she arrived on the doorstep of the local poorhouse, where the matron refused to take her in because she feared the odd girl to be a changeling or diseased. The matron took it upon herself to leave the oddly quiet infant in the rose bushes behind the home of the neighborhood oddity, a professor and scientist by the name of Alfred Roscoe. The matron did not think the sickly-looking infant would survive the night.
She didn't count on Alfred Roscoe putting his milkbottles out an hour later and happening to hear a strange cry from the bushes.
Alfred Roscoe, born in the first few months following the war, barely remembered a time in his life when rather than covering up, the people of his world sought to rebuild. He was ever curious as a child and continued his intellectual pursuits into his adult life, earning the title of "that crazy professor" from his neighbors, endless complaints from the university board, and the adoration of his students - carefully selected individuals with just as large a thirst for knowledge and change as he had. He suspected that some neighbor had left the child there to try to further burnish his reputation (it doesn't do one good to have a dead baby turn up in your rose bushes, after all.) Rather than let the gray child suffer another abandonment, he brough it in for a better examination and a warm bottle, in the process becoming curious about the odd glyphs on its limbs.
At first, he planned to look for the girl's parents. However, as the weeks wore on with no word, Alfred found himself oddly attached to the infant, even dreading that her mother would turn up to claim her. He stopped his search and named the rapidly growing child Deenah, drawing from the dead language he believed the writing on her wrists to be from and from the shackle-like appearance of the words.
For a while, the people of the neighborhood forgot about the strange supposed-changeling girl who lived in the townhouse on the corner. Some even believed she had died or gone back to the fairy world from which she had come. But the rumors quickly began again when neighborhood children began reporting seing the colorless face of a young girl staring out the grand first-floor windows, dreamily looking out.
As a toddler, Deenah had remained content to stay within the house. Unfortunately, that lasted only as long as she was too short to see out the window. She had grown from a calm, observant toddler to a quiet, thoughtful child in, to what seemed to Alfred, a short amount of time. However, they said children always made time go faster. Whether she was actually growing faster or whether it only seemed that way, her desire to go outside and play with other children was undeniable.
Her guardian, knowing he might regret it later, allowed her to go. She bound happily out into the street, only to come crying back half-invisable by the end of the day. As expected, they were both surprised by this new development. Deenah was shaken by her newfound ability, mostly because she had no control over it when it began and it had made the other children call her a freak, which only made it worse. Deenah began avoiding the neighborhood children as best she could, but couldn't entirely. Her existance had been confirmed, and if she mysteriously vanished back into the house, worse rumors would spread than if she continued about her daily business doing chores and errands like a normal child.
It was during this time that she discovered that if things got especially bad, she could "suggest" to the bullies that they go away and they would listen. She couldn't entirely explain how it worked, just like she couldn't explain vanishing.
Both strange abilities both terrified her and mystified her.
She'd always been unlucky, so she thought that maybe, if she wasn't careful, she'd just vanish entirely someday. The other children already avoided her as it was. She began to try to control when she vanished, and how much of her disappeared, and slowly she began to master it. It wasn't foolproof, but it was enough of something to be useful rather than detrimental.
But more than anything, she wanted to know why it worked at all.
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Posted: Mon Nov 27, 2006 6:46 am
The Guardian
LOST CHILD EDITION (AKA, "THAT CRAZY OLD MAN."
Name:
Alfred Roscoe
Race:
Human
Age:
Looks to be late 50s - mid 60s. And would prefer not to get any more specific than that.
Occupation:
Anthropologist and university professor. Specializes in extinct and ancient languages and cultures.
Personality:
Creative, intellectual, and naturally curious, Alfred Roscoe has been for years called a "Loony" by his neighbors. The fact is, no one in Desgaes bothers to learn anymore, and Alfred defies that rule. To those outside the household, he remains somewhat enigmatic. However, within his home he is a warm, grandfatherly figure, a great reader of mythology, and an avid pursuer of sciences. His students (the ones who want to be in his classes and share his interests) adore him, and Deenah feels similarly.
He is, however, a firm non-believer in God, which has lead to some clashes between him and his ward over time. So, while he wants to learn where Deenah came from, he is a little afraid to do so because he feels it may shake the core of his beliefs.
------------------------------------
SECOND GEN EDITION (AKA "YOU WOULD GIVE YOUR FIRST BORN TO THIS WOMAN?!")
Name:
Silverah Starling
Race:
Fairly certainly human. Dresses to hide it.
Age:
Appears mid to late teens. Kind of questionable. (Silvy the character is 25. Silvy the person is 15.)
---> probably knows too much for her own good, though.
Occupation:
No one quite knows. She claims to be an actress. However, her hours are odd and she is either always at work or never at work. (THAT SHOWBIZ.)
Personality:
-I'LL TYPE THIS UP LATER/STEAL IT FROM ONE OF MY OTHER PROFILES, KAY?-
History:
Contrary to Silverah's claims that she was born on Gaia, she is in fact from a small town in Mississippi. When she was about 17, she got lost in a strange fog out in the bayou. When she finally found her way out, she was on Gaia and her physical stats had all be rearranged, giving her pink hair and red eyes.
She doesn't tell this to people on a regular basis.
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Posted: Mon Nov 27, 2006 8:33 am
As a second gen
This can only be written as "what ifs", so here goes....
-Deenah's appearance would be a little more colorful if her parents were OMG!BRIGHT. Even so, it would become more subdued as she grew. If she had hot pink hair as an infant, it would be pastel pink as a toddler, and light gray with just a hint of gray as a child. She would maintain the whispyness and the wrist and ankle markings, however. If she inherited wings, they'd become kind of whispy looking after a while, but she would not lose them. In her solid form, however, she would not be able to use them to fly.
-Personality wise, she'd still be quiet and crafty. After being placed under Silverah's care, Deenah would probably fall prey to the cruelties of existing children Darsais and Nereida. (Because they would not be thrilled about having a small child in the house to follow them around and stink up the place.) To combat the fact that they are bigger than her, and outnumber her, Deenah would have to develop a calculating and withdrawn personality to figure out the best moment to strike (along with her persuasion powers, which Darsais, being a robot, would be immune to. Much to Deenah's chagrin.)
--Deenah would, however, gain a small degree of confidence if raised as a second gen on Gaia because she would know what she is, rather than just knowing that she isn't human. She would have other Fa'e, namely her parents, to look up to and to know what is expected of her.
-Human vrs Ancient: Strictly hypothetically speaking, Lost Child Deenah would be more likely to pursue a human path once completing her task. As an LC, she grew up feeling out of place, and completing the task would mean she could finally pass on to the afterlife. Second Gen Deenah would be more likely to pursue an Ancient Path after completing her task, possibly using her Dybbuk powers to influence people to do the right thing (or wrong? Though I see her as a pretty benevolent dybbuk) rather than giving them up. I would not rule out the possibility for either to choose the path I don't see them taking at the moment, depending on what happens in RP supposing I get my lovely girl.
-Deenah would have all her planned powers, though might have some better control over them and certainly would not be afraid of them like she would be as a lost child. She would be raised in an environment where having magical abilities is viewed as normal or extremely positive.
Prefered stage appearances
(These would, in the end, depend entirely on who her parents are.)
Infant - Deenah's primary appearance would be derived from that of her parents, but her colors would be somewhat muted. She would have her red markings on her wrists, but would not be see-through at all yet. Whatever extras inherited would look normal.
Toddler - Her colors would be even more muted, with some gray tones added in. Her red markings would still be clear and would also be visible on her legs. If she has wings, etc, they'd become kind of see-through and insubstantial looking. Her fingers and toes would be a little see-through.
Child - Almost all color will have completely faded to gray unless it was EXTREMELY bright. Deenah's hair will have grown out and become very puffy and cloudlike, almost like gravity doesn't affect it. Her fingers and toes are still see-through, and any wings, etc, are invisible unless really, really focused on.
----still working on this. I know how it's going to wind up, it's just... gonk ----
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Posted: Mon Nov 27, 2006 3:59 pm
The only point I think I need to bring up is that in the thread, you completely disallowed your Fa'e from travelling the Human path. Speaking more as a Guardian than anything; don't do that. D: You can never say what will happen in RP, and even becoming human might not completely prevent Deenah from finding a way she (or even a friend) might complete God's task. But it is a very, very important part of the Fa'e to have that choice to make, and it really eliminates so many considerations and possibilities for your Fa'e to just say that "oh, they're going to go this path, period 8D". Preach done. Have a pretty stamp. <3 
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Posted: Mon Nov 27, 2006 4:24 pm
Advice noted, considered, and taken. Thank you!
And it is a lovely stamp.
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Posted: Mon Nov 27, 2006 5:09 pm
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Posted: Mon Nov 27, 2006 7:00 pm
Short post to say I like what I see, so far heart Especially the misty appearence and slight invisibility and whatnot. Should be a nice contrast to our HOMGBRIGHT fa'e xd
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Posted: Tue Nov 28, 2006 7:37 pm
Thanks! I thought it fit with a demon that is little more than a disembodied soul. I couldn't find any conclusive sources on what a dybbuk looks like, so I went with this.
Plus I really wanted to make a character who was almost entirely gray. xp
And on that note, I'm opening up for general critique.
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Posted: Sat Dec 02, 2006 4:51 am
She is the almighty gray one? *shrug*
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Posted: Wed Dec 06, 2006 12:27 pm
Ok! ::Stretches fingers, gets to work:: As always, I'm borrowing Arri's rubric cuz she's just THAT COOL. heart
Ok, first off -- your quest is a little sparse. There's not much to critique, so probably half the time I'll be going like "YOU SHOULD ADD THIS" or "WHAT ABOUT THIS?" Everything should be explicitly made clear why -- why she likes certain things, why she doesn't like others, why her hobbies makie sense for her character, both personality and mythbase-wise. I'm not sure if you're looking for a Lost Child or a Second Gen primarily, but in either case, depth is going to impress the judges/prospective parents. You know, pretend you're a salesman -- sell your concept to us!
Mythbase
The actual mythbase you have is really interesting, but... Aside from some in-depth articles you've c/p'd from various places, there's not much background that you personally offer. What was Deenah like in her past life? I mean, how did she act, what did she do, who were her parents? Most importantly -- why did she become a Dybbukk? You mention her losing some item, but you don't tell us what it is, how she came to have it, why it was so important to God...
Something I've noticed other quests doing that I thought was really interesting, that you might consider if you had time, is to write your own version of the story and myth. Keep the links to your sources, of course, but offer your own "Dybbukks according to Deenah and Silverah!" guide.
I'm also really interested in her former hosts.. I'm not sure if they'll play any part in her story at all, but surely she must have gotten to know some of them really well -- what were her hosts like? What did they take from her?
Personality:
This should also be expanded a little. How will Deenah react to other people? What about animals (considering people think animals have a strong sixth sense and so on...)
Why is she bound to say something stupid? Surely she doesn't mean to offend, and I don't get the impression she's innately stupid. Does she just tend to speak without thinking and perpetually has a foot in her mouth?
Does she still like loud and noisy and happy things (like circuses, parties, zoos, ect) or does she shun anything of that nature and prefers to retreat to a quiet corner to think?
"The basic idea here is that Deenah has been a Dybbuk for so long that she has lost pretty much all sense of self. She is essentially a non-person. She lost her appearance, her personality, and finally she gave up on her seemingly-impossible task and lost her entire existance. At least temporarily." This is really, really interesting! But I think you should play it up, incorporate it more? sad Sorry, I know I'm not being really helpful or specific, but -- I don't realize she's supposed to be a non-person until I read this part.
You could explain in the personality section, for example, that she acts sort of like a second shadow; she does what people tell her to do, she's quiet and unobtrusive, ect ect ect. (She may or may not do/be any of these things, it's just an example. XD; )
Appearance:
I like this and it's well-fitting... You may think about incorporating her intangibility into her appearance somehow. Like her extremities fade away into transparency -- maybe her hands and fingers and feet look fine if people are looking straight at them, and the intangibility is something only noticeable from the corners of their eyes (which, of course, is disturbing!) Or something like that.
Abilities:
Hmm.. I think I would get rid of the empathy. For one thing, we have a lot of empathic Fa'e (and I think it's actually on the list of 'reserved' powers -- the only way you could get it is through a second-gen, as the child of an empathic Fa'e, and only if the guardian agreed you could inherit it) and for another... It makes her resemble Lethe. XD;
Not to be all "OMG YOU COPIED MY FA'E" cuz I'm sure you didn't mean it, or realize, but Lethe 'reflects' people pretty much the same way Deenah would -- around miserable people, Lethe is miserable, ect. Since you don't give much explanation for the power (that is, why it's important to her character) I think you could easily cut it out. All of Deenah's other attributes seem much more illuminating to her character anyway.
Her persuasion -- how effective is this? Surely someone could realize what she was doing, or be invulnerable to her abilities; who would these people be and why? What's an example of her persuasion power in action?
You should describe the invisibility power, even if it's something that won't be in effect until much later.
"Fear of Cameras - When she's aware that the action is being performed, Deenah HATES having her picture taken. She thinks it will steal her soul. " Why? I've heard of this before, of course, but I always thought it was a part of African cultures -- where does she get this belief from? Why does she believe it? Will it actually steal her soul? It not, it's not really a weakness so much as it is a normal personality trait.
"Holy Water - Deenah is anywhere between midly and deathly allergic to this substance, depending on how much of it there is. " Again.. why? Is it normally used to ward off dybbukks?
"Slow to anger, slow to calm down - It takes a lot to get Deenah fired up, but once she's mad she might stay that way for days. " This is a normal personality trait, not a weakness.
"Vanishing trick - If ignored, embarassed, or upset, Deenah will go partly invisable and intangible. She cannot control this ability until long after she acquires it. (The flip side of Intangible) It can be fairly embarassing in social situations." If ignored? Poor girl, that wouldn't help her very much. XD; Is this only in social situations? If she were physically threatened, or if she were frightened, would this happen too? If that's the case, it sounds like more of a strength than a weakness.
"Unlucky - Trouble sticks to Deenah like superglue to skin. " I like this!! ELABORATE! What kind of trouble, why?
I actually really liked that Dybukks could possess people... I'm not sure if you're interested in exploring this aspect at all, but if you made her completely intangible all the time (that is, that's her normal state -- she has to make an effort to be physical -- and as a weakness, she is EXTREMELY weak to magic and spirits or some other thing that would offset people's inability to directly attack her; as a baby and toddler she would have to learn to become physical, and instead of eating food she eats... intangible things? 8D; OK WHO KNOWS) she might be able then to learn to 'inhabit' people's bodies... Become a tiny little voice in their head at first, and as she grows, be able to take over their bodies completely (this probably couldn't come into play until much later though.)
Well, I dunno, that's up to you, it's just a suggestion. ^^
As a Lost Child:
Again, this needs to be expanded... Where was she reborn? What was the culture and prevalent beliefs? What was her guardian's personality? What did other people think Deenah was, where she came from, ect?
Ok, that's all I can think of, feel free to hit me if you have any questions or if something I said made no sense.
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Posted: Mon Dec 11, 2006 3:30 pm
Thank you!
Okay, a lot of my major revamping is done.
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