|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Sun Nov 26, 2006 10:01 am
Hello! Welcome to my concept thread!
More images will be added eventually.
Critiques are always welcome!
.:Table of Contents:.
I. Introduction
II. Information
III. Updates
IV. Art Gallery
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Nov 26, 2006 10:03 am
Basic Information
Username: Silent Spy
Full Name: Leonardo Maddox.
Nicknames: Leo, Maddox.
Title: The Beast Tamer
Likes: Girls; Sex; Drinking; Drugs; Sensation of Danger;
Dislikes: Bitchy Women; A Dull Moment; Thinking of his Past;
Brief Personality Description: Kind, caring and sensitive, but has difficulties keeping relationships stable.
Personal Information
Appearance: Leonardo is 6’3” tall and is very physically fit, but not abnormally muscular. At the age of twenty six, Leonardo looks quite intimidating. He has fine short jet black hair with cool and blue eyes that seem as if they could entrance anyone he makes eye contact with. He is very neat and tidy, always concerned with how he looks, making sure his hair is style just right and that his clothes are of the latest fashion, although often seen wearing a black button down shirt with dark jeans when he is not performing. When he is performing, he wears the attire of a hunter to turn the performance into a full act.
Distinguishing Marks: Slight scar on his left cheek; claw-scratch scar on side of stomach; several cuts and scratches on his arms; very large scar on his back; [Scars are from various animals]
Personality: Leonardo is a charmer. Whether he is charming an animal to calm them and command them or just flirting with a girl, Leonardo’s charismatic skill gets him by. He’s a ladies man, although he is not the type to go around crushing women’s hearts deliberately. In fact, its usually Leonardo’s heart who is crushed. He is really sensitive emotionally, but tries to hide it through his tough and strong physical appearance. Leonardo’s relationship problems lead to him having few friends in the world. As a result, he finds himself communicating with animals, mainly lions, for friendship and support.
Talent Information
Talent: Leonardo is a wild animal tamer, mainly specializing in taming lions. he does not need a whip or any object like most animal tamers; no, he has his own techniques and tactics. Leonardo has the capability to communicate with animals to calm them, he only uses the whip as a prop against those who are more difficult to calm.
Biographical Information
World and History: World Type B
Biography: Leonardo was raised by two loving parents for the first ten years of his life. These years were some of the happiest times of Leonardo’s life. His parents used to take him out camping and hiking through mountains. For his tenth birthday, his family took him to a savannah, far away from where they lived, as a present to him. There they learned about many animals in the savannah as they camped outside.
On one hot day, Leonardo and his parents ran out of water, so they set out to search for a waterhole. As they were filling up their canteens, a pack of lions attacked the animals who were drinking from the hole. His parents panicked and tried to fight off the lions to protect their son. In doing so, they were killed by the lions, leaving only Leonardo alive.
Leonardo, lost in the savannah with no parents, returned to his camping grounds that his parents had set up. He stayed in his tent for several days, mourning the loss of his parents, before seeking out revenge against the lions. he equipped himself with plenty of food, water and his father’s rifle in case of emergency.
After two days of searching, the young Leonardo came face to face with a pack of lions. However, instead of killing the lions, he pleaded to them, telling them his story. Oddly enough, the lions understood what Leonardo had said. This was Leonardo’s first realization of his powers to communicate with animals.
Using his powers of animal communication, Leonardo was able to live in the savannah for thirteen years, using other animal’s for resources. If he needed food, he would have lions help get meat for him. If he needed a message sent, he would ask a bird to deliver a message for him.
However, Leonardo became lonely, feeling empty from being without contact from humans for so long. He left the savannah and set off to return back to the modern civilization, to find that so much had changed.
Leonardo felt estranged to the rest of the world, as if he were some type of freak. For another two years, he wandered around, feeling miserable and depressed.
After some time, Leonardo eventually started his interest in drugs. It started with just lighting up a joint on occassion, to help him relax after a break up, or just to lift up his mood. After a while, it started getting more serious as Leo not only bought drugs, but he began to deal drugs too. He made a living on this for a bit of time, until he got busted by the police. Leonardo freaked out when the police approached him and violently attacked the police officer. Leonardo then ran for his life, spending sometime chased by the police.
Eventually, Leonardo was able to settle down in running from the police and began to make some friends, mainly girlfriends, which did not last for a long time. As soon as Leonardo told them about his past, they would usually run out on him calling him a freak.
Leonardo then found an advertisement for the Cirque and suddenly became inspired to join the Cirque as a lion tamer. He would finally be able to find others who understand him while using his powers for benefit. And with that, he set out to join the Cirque caravan.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Nov 26, 2006 10:06 am
Notes or Updates
11.26.06: Thread open! Open for critiques. Concept thread approved. First Critique.
12.11.06: Updated Leonardo's Personal Profile. Added in Likes, Dislikes and Brief Personality Description sections. Also added in more information on Leonardo's history.
12.13.06: Updated Leonardo's Personal Information, including a Distunguishing Marks section to tell about scars from the years in savanah. Slight edits in parts of Leonardo's history.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Nov 26, 2006 10:07 am
Art Gallery & Other Reference Images
Possible Outfit Reference: *
Skin Tone/Eye Color/Hair Style & Color Reference:
* Another idea is simply a black button-down color shirt with dark jeans, a more casual look.
((Images found on Google.))
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Cirque du Coeur Torve Captain
|
Posted: Sun Nov 26, 2006 11:30 am
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Nov 26, 2006 11:44 am
- I love the idea of a lion tamer. Its always one of my favorite parts of the circus!
- He seems a little too perfect. When we look for characters to join Cirque we also look for characters who can really add to an interesting roleplay... and besides Leo being a handsome hearthrob I don't see him creating any fun little conflicts that make RP compelling. Besides being emotional, what are his weaknesses? What does he hate? What makes him anything beyond a charming boy with good looks?
- Keep going! You've set some great ground work for this character and with a bit more polishing I think he could be really great!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Dec 11, 2006 9:53 am
Added a Likes and Dislikes section, as well as a Brief Personality Description.
As far as him being perfect, his main weakness is his history's effect on him in the present. It haunts him, preventing him from keeping any form of a steady relationship, which is his major flaw. His goal is to imrpove his life in the present to forget about the life in his past.
Leonardo tries running from his past through dating or sex, but his past always comes back to haunt him. It's not only girls that he has a problem keeping a relationship with, its guys too (in a non-sexual manner). He's a loner, doesn't really have any friends other than animals. He subconsciously doesn't want to be emotionally attached to anyone, as much as he thinks he does.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Dec 11, 2006 3:49 pm
I remember you from the last flatsale.
While I enjoy the thought of your character, here's a tip:
When you start a new sentence, you don't always have to respecify that you are still talking about Leonardo. Instead of Leonardo does this, Leonardo can do that but doesn't, Leonardo likes eating raw lemons, etc, try:
Leonardo does this. He can do that but doesn't. He also enjoys eating raw lemons.
Generally, you should restate his name every two paragraphs or so or when you are writing about more than one male and he is not the most recently mentioned one. It's a bit of an intuitive thing, really, when to use the pronoun/noun.
Do you mind me asking if you speak another language as a first language? (I'm not criticizing your grammar or anything. You've actually got excellent english. The pronoun thing is just giving me funny vibes.)
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Dec 11, 2006 3:55 pm
I speak English. xD
Just when I use third-person pronouns after a bit of time, I end up overusing it a bit much. *will edit to fix it though*
Also, there is a new paragraph added in [as of a few minutes ago] refferring to a drug problem that Leonardo has. *nods*
EDIT: Fixed pronoun situation. 3nodding
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Dec 11, 2006 4:16 pm
There're a few things I'd like to talk about with his character, just off the bat:
Firstly, his powers. In his background, you said- "Leonardo freaked out when the police approached him, and sent one of their canine dogs to attack the police officer while Leonardo ran for his life, spending sometime chased by the police." My problem with this is, you listed his power as communication with animals, not control. Could he really, just on the spur of the moment, have persuaded an extremely loyal dog who is highly trained to obey their human partner to just... turn around and start attacking the person that raised and cared for it? All because you can talk to something, doesn't mean it's going to want to do whatever you want, especially something that is contrary to their own interests- in fact, it doesn't even mean it won't hate your guts. It seems like the power you want to give him is considerably more powerful than just being able to speak with animals.
The second thing I wanted to address was his appearence. The guy was lost in the savannah from the time he was ten until he was twenty-three; he lived off the wild, having lions "help" him get meat. And yet his body has no scars, he doesn't suffer from any dental or nutritional problems, and he is in fact, a Hawtie McHawtiepants.
This doesn't make any sense for his background. In fact, this continues to be confusing right into his personality and character traits. He is EXTREMELY picky about his cleanliness, despite having lived among creatures with far less hygenic values for fully half his life. In fact, as far as his background suggests, he willingly spent that time among the lions, and would have been very likely to have immersed himself in their practices as much as possible for that time. After all, the only reason he left was because he got lonely, right? If he had been determined, with the resources of the entire animal kingdom at his disposal, he could have easily found his way to civilization before then.
In general, the current problem with this character is a matter of believability. If you are going to make an extraordinary background, you need to make sure that it colors the whole character. Character traits are not isolated; one part is going to affect the other, and they all build up into one solid character. You are already asking your readers to suspend their disbelief a long way to allow your character to speak with animals, and to have survived so long among lions that apparently were willing to accept him. Don't stretch that any further than you have to- find rational behavior traits and appearence flaws that would have developed from Leo's experiences, and make sure that the character fully ties together.
This is a very interesting premise for a character, and if it's approached in the right manner, I can see it going a long way. whee Good luck!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Jan 23, 2007 5:50 am
heart
((Editted the concept a bit back to go with the critiques. See Update post for more information. Thank you to all who have critiqued so far! heart ))
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
