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This is a story I wrote over one year ago for lit class, people at school loved it, but i wanted fresh opinions! *constructive crit only Please!*

Cutting the Deck



People say I'm crazy. Even the spirits seem to daunt me with their never-ending whispers. I know what I saw and, I saw a tomb. You probably think I'm insane too; I have to protect my state of mind. Let me take you back to the beginning, then may be you'll believe me.

The year was 1953; I was looking in the mirror, as my strands of platinum blonde hair curled into place. I picked up a blue bottle, containing my new perfume of the same scent, Wade had picked it out. I dabbed some on my pulse points, and knew immediately why it drove Wade crazy. It smelled flirty and playful, and all of the other things Wade and I were to each other. Wade Walker is my boyfriend, but Pop doesn't approve. I guess he could be classified as the rebellious type. Pop always says, "Kathryn, that Walker boy is up to no good." It doesn't matter what Pop says, because I love Wade, and he loves me.

Each day Wade picks me up on his beat up motorcycle, seeing as neither of us can afford an automobile, even a used one. There is no way that I'm walking to Stepford Senior High School, when I can feel the thrill of the wind through my hair, and smell Wade’s cologne. See, Wade and I pick out each other’s perfume. Despite the feel of the ride, my favorite part of the day happens when we get to school.

Every day Wade takes out this pack of old and faded cards out of his blue jeans pocket. Then he slides two cards out of the deck, the king and queen of hearts. Then he says, “This is me and you, Kit-Kat, and we’re gonna have a good day.” The day was always fine when Wade was around.

School let out early that day, for some unknown reason. Some wise guy made a remark about Wade catching some sun. Wade is paler than most people in Stepford. He is tall, with eyes so dark; they are neither black nor brown, with brown hair slicked back into a D.A. haircut. He mumbled something about liking being pale, then flashed his winning smile, and we were out the door to a new destination.

That day, when Wade took me home, we sat on the front porch, chatting and laughing, when we see Pop giving us the evil eye out the kitchen window. I told Wade, and all he said was, “Who cares if he is, come on I got a surprise for you.” I was a bit chilly, so I told him that I would be right back, and I slipped into my house. I ran upstairs to my room, put on a new cardigan, put a few things in my purse, and skipped down the steps. When I got to the bottom of the stairwell, I met the flushed face of my father. “That Walker boy is---.” I cut him off. “I know, I know, he’s up to no good! He’s never up to anything!” As I turned to leave, I could feel my father’s rage bore holes through me. I honestly believed at that moment that my father’s hatred for me was higher than it had ever been for Wade.
The second I stepped outside, my eyes were covered with a red bandana. Wade then led me to his motorcycle. We rode around for a while, sometimes in circles, I think he was trying to confuse me. At last, we stopped and got off. I could hear the hollow echo of the sound of my heels against pavement. There was only one paved parking lot in town, and that was at the Senior High! He opened the auditorium door and led me down the hallway that has lockers. He said, “I’ll be right back, you stay here.” I nodded and then I heard the sound of his boots moving away. A few seconds later, I felt a stream of cool air whirl around me. I heard glass break, and the scent of Wade’s rich cologne filled the air. Then I felt a hand prod my back, telling me to move forward, and then another rush of air. I took a few steps forward, then slipped off my blindfold. I looked down and smiled, there was a trail of playing cards, starting with the two of hearts.

I carefully looked around, searching for any more clues. When there didn’t seem to be anymore, I started down the path. Three, four, five, nothing out of the ordinary yet, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, jack, ace. That wasn’t the pattern! There were two spaces where the king and queen were supposed to be. Where were they? The trail stopped at the library door, so I figured Wade’s surprise was in there, along with the cards.

As I turned the corner, I gasped at what I saw. There was a table turned on its side, with wax dripping on the floor, and in the center of the room, was a pit. Where was Wade, and what was wrong?

As I walked closer to the hole, I saw three cards in the candlelight. A joker, and the king and queen of hearts. It was in a pyramid, with the joker on the top, with an evil grin on its face. The queen had blood splattered on it, and the king had a bloody knife stuck through it. I was horrified! Where did all the blood come from, and why would he do this? Something was wrong. I need to check the rest of this out. I crept toward the enormous hole. It was dark and musty, and I couldn’t see. I squinted and then screamed bloody murder for a bloody murder.

It was Wade at the bottom of the pit, with a deep slash across his chest. Before I could see anymore, I felt a sharp blade plunge into my back. As I fell into the tomb, I flipped around, and caught a glimpse of my attacker.

I started ripping at my cardigan, making strips to compress Wade’s wound. Maybe I could save him. As the minutes passed, the pain became excruciating, the fabric harder to rip, and my breaths shallow. My life was being drained...

Wade and I are okay now. That is the story I have to tell. If you still think I’m crazy, come visit Wade and I at Stepford Senior High. We have been lying there since that night. But all I have to say about that is, that “Walker boy” wasn’t up to no good, but Pop sure was.


*If you read all of this PM me your review and tell me who I based Wade off of and you may recieve a special prize!*

What a twist at the end! eek

It was a really good story XD

I love it, the ending is great!

wow that was awsome. a tad creepy but i liked it! good job!

I loved how the beginning really draws you in to you and your love, it would have been better if it was longer and more was explained. The ending happened way too fast, and Pop was the suspect all along(forshadowing was too obvious to be considered forshadowing). But otherwise I enjoyed reading it, I couldnt write a story like that.

OMG! xd gud one there really practical and yeah smart, nice one, really so ya keep up the gud work there wink