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Reply Art / Poetry / Literature - Related Topics
Just some poems I wrote posting for feedback

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Black_Blood_666

PostPosted: Tue Nov 21, 2006 12:56 pm


Red Rose
Red Rose Red Rose don’t follow me here

For you are everything I have left to fear

You are as dark as the mark of death

And I’m all I have left

Red Rose Red Rose bleed for me

For I have fallen to my knees

Make it quick is all I plead

Do I have a sanctuary an escape?

No invisible coat or cape

No where to run no where to hide

My last wish has been denied

going awat to say
I really wish you would go away

For I have traveled the world for seven days

Still you have not strayed

I really wished you would go away

For I would be free had you not stayed

I really wish you would go away

For now, I am depressed and here I lay

Whishing you had stayed
PostPosted: Fri Nov 24, 2006 7:38 pm


Red Rose: um... isn't the mark of death supposed to be black??? and if the rose is red, how can it be darker than the mark of death??? lol.

Going Away To Stay: try making the rhyming in a pattern...like every other line or something... because as it is now, there are too many rhymes and it sounds like something you'd here at daycare... no offense intended...


I could edit these if you want... i'm good at that...

[.~lilblualien~.]

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Art / Poetry / Literature - Related Topics

 
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