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 Posted: Tue Nov 14, 2006 6:37 pm
Today I quit my job. I had only worked there for one and a half days. During work this morning I had a very bad anxiety attack, just as usual. I started freaking out and crying during my break. I couldnt stop thinking about how much work i had to do, how responsible i had to be, and how much i knew that I could not do it...
This had been a very bad idea from the start, having someone like me out in a work place...especially full time like that...Its my fualt, and I know how much I have failed everyone...myself especially.
I dont know why i cant have a normal life, be able to go out, meet people, have friends, make friends, get a job, move out of my grandmothers house. Im 20 ******** years old, its pathetic and stupid. I cant do anything right...
I have been like this for so many years, ever since I can remember back in school, first maybe two months i was forced to go, I would cry all day, barely do any home work, have many many anxiety attacks.
The stress is just to much for me to handle anymore, all i hear all day is fighting, arguements, bickering, screaming, it sucks, and it doesnt help me at all...Im very embarresed about this since a friend of mine has just moved in, i just want to be able to live in the real world with out having to be on the 6 different meds they have me on.
I wont do counceling, I cant, I hate it, it makes me feel like s**t, I know my past was bad, I know i wont do the drugs and drink like my parents did, like they basically abandoned their children. I hate how they make you feel, likey our nothing, like your just a small child....
A full time job was a bad idea as i had said before...and its made me realize how much I suck at life...
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Posted: Tue Nov 14, 2006 7:52 pm
There is a reason why life is not easy.
Now I may still be a under aged highschooler,
But I have helped a lot of people with problems like this.
But you seem so helpless about yourself.
A person I know has these same condition.
Un-shockling she hates going to the therapist.
Also she thinks her parents left her.
The answer is purpose.
With it you will have a reason to keep on going even
when it is hard.
And you will want to.
You are not a failure.
Open you eyes and really look inside for answers.
You have people out there that care about you more than you would every know.
That is true.
I will admit that I personally cannot relate.
But I am majority of the time happy.
Because I remember why I keep on going.
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Posted: Tue Nov 14, 2006 8:00 pm
Mansur You are not a failure. Open you eyes and really look inside for answers. You have people out there that care about you more than you would every know. That is true. People do things at their own pace too. So you don't do some of the things other people your age do. That's ok! I mean I'm 13 and up until very recently I still slept with a light on and some sort of stuffed animal! (I know these problems aren't quite the same but it's just and example.) Maybe start with a part-time job and once you feel comfortable with that you can work your way up to a full-time one. Just do things at your own pace and take baby steps. You don't have to make these huge giant leaps to make progress.
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Posted: Tue Nov 14, 2006 9:03 pm
Yeah, I know i have my family, and what little freinds i might have for support..but...that doesnt always help, IM gonna feel how i feel and i try to make the situation better, but then suddenly the bad things pop into my head again, im gonna fail, i cant do it, those sort of thigns...
Im going to try and get this grant from the government for my disabilities to help with some bills and stuff around the house. Maybe....maybe take like..one class at the locall community college or something...then...if i find something that seems like it might work, get a part time job..
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Posted: Wed Nov 15, 2006 1:43 am
well, I hope everything goes well. Life is very difficult (though being a high schooler I have almost no right to say that) but even those with little experience get through it. If they can, I'm pretty sure you can make an even better life.
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Posted: Thu Nov 16, 2006 3:31 pm
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