Welcome to Gaia! ::

I would like to bring to discussion a subject now so that I can get an idea of where everyone stands and feels about the issue. If you didn't guess from the title, this issue is love.

It's a common aligation I hear that Buddhism is anti-love. And we are talking about interpersonal relationship style love here. While it can't be douted that buddhist are pro compassion, love as a special bond between people can be seen as hurting buddhist goals. That buddhist Dharma is anit love, anti family, anti friends and so fourth. That they are all attachments. What do you think? How does buhddist thinking effect your relationships? In what context is the buddha anit or pro love?

Personaly when it comes to love I like to think of how love changes over the life span. In youth love is powerful and all consuming. When your a teenager and in love nothing else matters. You can be driven to the ends of the earth for it. In old age however your experince with love is transformed. Love is important, and is charished with gentilness not found in youth. It is welcomed while it comes, and while it is missed when it goes, our lives are not so interwoven with it that becomes like lossing oneself.

I think old age come closser to the ideal. Love between people will come and go, it will rise and fall. And while we should value it when it comes we must not allow it to define us or build up false egos.

At least thats how I see it. Maby you all think different?

I agree with Chrono_Tata there. We have to keep in mind all of the lay-practicing Buddhists through the centuries who have had spouses and children. They certainly loved their spouse and their children, but they also knew all about attachment.

Many Buddhist teachers encourage romantic love, but they stress non-attachment. I know from my own experience that when I'm in a relationship with someone I care about, I have a small fear somewhere that I may lose them. And that fear can sometimes turn to jealousy, or worry, or even pride. These subtle emotions prevent me from fully enjoying the relationship.

If you are free from attachment, then your love can flow freely (as fluffy as that sounds), without being smeared by the aggregates of attachment.

I don't think it's as simple as "a bond between people can be seen as hurting Buddhist goals" This idea has more relevance to the monastic community then to lay people. If the Buddha was teaching "anti-relationships" as you are describing it then the Buddhism would die out because people would never enter relationships and therefore not procreate. This is a complete contradiction and would support the idea of nihilism, a common misunderstanding of the Buddhist philosophy by non-Buddhists

It has more to do with your state of mind when you’re in a relationship, the states of mind and mental traps one should avoid while in a relationship: jealousy, domineering, contentiousness, over protectiveness etc.
It's the same with owning possessions, there’s nothing wrong with owning a lot of things so long as you have the right state of mind towards them.