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Posted: Wed Nov 08, 2006 4:58 pm
Well, I have a friend on deviantART who's holding a contest. Write a story about one of her characters, winner gets a print and a subscription. I'm terribly poor and want a subscription, so I've started the story.
I haven't finished it (why it's in this thread), not even finished typing what I've written down. But, I'll get around to it.
Teaser: I've already chosen a line for the end. Points if you know where it's from; if not, I'll say next time I post. smile "My mouth swore, but my heart remained unpledged."
PS Some light swearing, a bit of content later. Nothing much, I think, but, hey. It's your life. You interpret it as you'd like. smile -edit- They edited out the b-word, so I just did it myself. Easier to read this way. -edit2-GRAMMAR NAZI TO THE RESCUE! :flies in like Superman, but he's lame, so like BATMAN:
Love to you all.
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She adjusted her gloves. They had been gathering in the joints of her fingers lately, making it exceedingly difficult to grip her knives properly.
She sighed. Life was a b****.
The elevator came to a halt, and the female voice told her she was on the 42nd floor. Phoenix turned and flipped off the security camera. He’d be watching her, she knew, so the gesture was not entirely in vain.
The doors slid open to the hallway, and she opened the grand doors in front of her to an all too familiar sight—people sitting in front of the giant wooden desk, with him behind it. She subtly adjusted her walk and strolled around to stand behind him.
“You needed me, sir?” she asked quietly, loud enough for the customers across to the desk to need to lean in to hear. Which of course they did. Dammit. She’d been at this too long.
“Yes, Ms. Parker. Would you sit down, please?”
Phoenix obeyed, settling herself into the chair next to his so that she was able to see both the customers and him as well. Force of habit.
“The Spirum Society has contacted the Kaleidoscope Organization in hopes of dealing with a problematic figure in an important equation of theirs. I trust I don’t need to expand on that,” he added blandly.
“No, sir,” she replied mildly.
“Good. They’ve accepted your pricing with little complaint, seeing as you’re one of our top members here.”
Phoenix levelled her eyes at the two men across the table. “Have you told them about my terms?”
“Of course.”
“And?”
One of the men fidgeted under her gaze. “We agree to your requirements. We need this job done fast.”
She considered this for a moment. “How fast?”
“How fast?”
“Nothing longer than a week.”
“Hm.” She rolled her gaze to Latham. “You’ve told them about my policy on rush jobs?”
“Yes.” He pushed a file towards her. “They’ve agreed to your extra fees, and are promising an bonus if it’s before the middle of the week.”
Phoenix picked up the file and idly flipped through the pages, noting her payment fee, along with the customer’s names and addresses. The Organization was at times anything but that, so she had to keep these things on file herself. She held her wrist scanner to the document and had it scan and save the paper before setting the file back down on the desk.
“I’ll accept the contract,” Phoenix announced at length.
“Th-thank you so much!” the other customer, who had been silent up until now. "I-I'd hoped you m-might accept it - I've-I've heard you didn't accept e-everyone --"
“Who told you about me?” She demanded, rising.
The customer’s eyes widened. “D-did I say that? I didn’t m-mean it, really –“
Phoenix glided around the table, her heels clicking on the wood floor with each step. She grabbed the man by the throat and calmly lifted him from his seat. She ignored the startled gasp of the other man, and the amused warning from Latham.
“Who broke their contract and told you about my existence?” She asked calmly.
The man sputtered and clawed at her hands around his throat.
“Tell me.” She tightened her grip.
“Word of m-mouth –” he choked.
“Dumbass,” she spat, disgusted and threw him back into the seat. She was disgusted with him and the entire human race.
She leaned in, putting her face an inch from his. “Get out of my sight,” she whispered.
The man and his colleague scurried from the room without a backward glance. The great mahogany door slammed shut behind them. Phoenix flopped into the chair, fully aware he was going to lecture her, and fully prepared to act completely and totally immaturely.
“I’m not going to say anything you haven’t already heard,” Latham said finally, looking directly at her over steepled fingers. “You’re allowed to act as you please; however, Ms. Parker, I’d like to ask you to keep in mind that the Organization does have an interest in your welfare. These jobs pay your bills.”
“I’m not stupid,” she snapped sullenly. “I’ve set aside enough money to survive on if I hadn’t’ve gotten this assignment.”
“Congratulations. Did you finally get a rich boyfriend?”
She glared at him. “Asswipe.”
“Sticks and stones, Ms. Parker.”
She harrumphed and crossed her arms over her chest. “May I leave now?”
“No.”
Then there was silence.
“May I leave now please?”
“Lock the door when you leave this time, Ms. Parker. I don’t want anyone coming in uninvited.”
“Oh, you’d rather have your male prostitutes knock first?” She smirked.
“No, I don’t mind them. It’s when people coming in, asking if they can hire you for their next birthday party.”
Phoenix gaped at him.
"Have a nice day, Ms. Parker," Latham smiled.
-------------------------
Phoenix walked home all in a huff. She seethed silently as her iPod pumped some good, heavy Godsmack into the ear buds.
She kicked a can into the gutter before unlocking the door to her apartment. She kicked her boots off into the wall, imagining the unlucky wall to be her boss’s face.
Phoenix surveyed the room, not pissed off enough to be lenient in her inspection of her home. Leniency is what had killed—she shook off the thought and checked to make sure no one had entered while she was—aha.
She flexed her hand in its glove, sliding a knife from its sheath and creeping stealthily around the corner. She liked doing this sort of stuff; it made her feel like ninja. As soon as she got around the corner, she heard the TV going, and then knew there was no threat.
“Brian!” she yelled, slipping her knife into her purse and undoing her gloves. “I’m home!” “Welcome back, Nix.” He slid an arm around her shoulders and dropped a kiss on her cheek. “Did you get breakfast?” he asked with a yawn. --------- That's all for now, folks. Maybe when I get some incentive to type the rest up....
----
AUGGGGGGGGGGGGGH. -thunkthunkthunk-
I'm going to go play some Luca and I'll re-update with an edited version when I have my coffee.
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Posted: Sat Nov 11, 2006 7:31 pm
Ooh, interesting! I like this beginning. It holds the reader's attention and makes them want to know what's coming next. Nice job.
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Posted: Sat Nov 11, 2006 7:38 pm
About the quote:
Euripides said - My tongue sword but my mind remained unpledged. Is it perhaps a differenct version of the same thing?
Actually the original line was: 'Twas but my tongue, 'Twas not my soul that swore.
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Posted: Mon Nov 13, 2006 4:40 pm
[ In Nomine Satanas ] About the quote: Euripides said - My tongue sword but my mind remained unpledged. Is it perhaps a differenct version of the same thing? Actually the original line was: 'Twas but my tongue, 'Twas not my soul that swore. Very good. You get a cookie. And I got the line from some college lecture I watched in Lit class. Oh, how I miss that lady heart
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Posted: Wed Nov 29, 2006 6:08 pm
I've decided to post all I have typed, even though I haven't finished that portion on the computer. It's in my notebook tho. mrgreen
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Posted: Sun Dec 03, 2006 2:37 pm
*cough* nothnig like feeling appreciated!
But first, constructive criticism.
You repeat yourself. Yesyes, like with the word "wall" and "disgusted". And erm, "asswipe" does NOT give a very charming image of Phoenix.
But other than that, I liked it! Much love. (>^-^<)
Do post more.
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