Khapiter 1--Snow-White and Blood-Red.
One day, as in most days, there lived a happy little King and Queen in a happy little kingdom. They were very happy, but not so little as one might imagine. Actually, to be quite honest, the queen was none too happy at all. She was very sad. She even took Zoloft. That only made her sadder, however, seeing as she had allergic reactions to it that made her wrists fill up with blood and pus.
Maybe Tom Cruise was right.
Naah.
So, in a manner of speaking, we could say that the first sentence of this first khapiter was a falsehood. It wasn't true. It lied. I lied. And I am sorry.
One day, or rather many days, seeing as one doesn't just have a story overnight, there lived a king and a queen, neither of which was too short, but one of which was happy and the other wasn't. And so they lived, and that would be that.
However, one day the queen was in one of her rooms crying, as she normally would. Now, her Zoloft had very much made her wrists more apt to massive mounts of bleeding than they normally would be. As she cried she sowed, and as she sowed she cried, although you might as well say she sleeps when she breathes, which means you have the wrong story.
As she sowed, which was very hard to her with her allergic wrists, she pricked her finger with her needle, which isn't that difficult to do. A few drops of blood, and pus, fell out the window, for she sowed by the window, and landed on the snow, for it was winter at the time.
When the queen had properly bandaided herself, she looked ut the window at the beautiful concoction of melting snow, blood, and pus. Now in those days it was much easier to be racist, and so the queen cried out, "Oh, that I would have a daughter as white as the very snow, except that nasty snow that all the trucks drive in, and with lips red as blood, since lipstick really is getting expensive, and with hair yellow as my own disgusting pus."
Her husband, the king, however, heard the queen's lament, for he was coming back from his morning hunt, and cried up to her, "But Lucille," for Lucille was the queen's name, and Henry was the king's, "We both have hair as the raven, which means it's black, which I probably should have said in the first place!"
And so the queen saw her husband's point, and decided to forget the pus and wish for black hair instead. "However," she cried, "I must use a clever analogy to describe said hair. Um, it's black as ebony." Lucille didn't quite know what ebony was, but she did listen to Wings.
And so that night they didst get it on, and nine months later they ad a little baby girl. The girl was so ghastly pale that the doctors thought she was an albino, but the lips were so ghastly red that the midwife thought she must have some sort of strange disease from Far-Off Lands. Her hair, which was long and flowing, was so dark that this one guy looked at it and went blind. His eyes fell out their sockets, which isn't technically being blind, but, you know, if you don't have eyes you might as well be blind.
The queen was fit to name her Pus, but the king decided Snow was a prettier name, and being that the royalty had last names, and even middle names (back then they were the only ones who could afford it), the girl's full name was Snow Pus White, however she didn't much like her middle name.
