|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Sun Nov 05, 2006 8:51 pm
 [.Navigation]
[.01] Introduction
[.02] About Guardian
[.03] About Spirit
[.04] Funds
[.05] Entry
[.06] FAQ
[.07] Disclaimer
[.08] Reserved
[.09] Reserved
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Nov 05, 2006 8:52 pm
Guardian:
Name: Raekah
Age: 28 ( This is an assumed age of course )
Gender: Female
Occupation:
Appearance:
Eye Color:
Eye Type:
Hair Color:
Hair Style:
Skin Color:
Personality:
Rahz is a bit self-centered, and she says things quite bluntly. She's not a violent person but she does know how to fight, for self defense. She may say cruel or harsh things, even with a smiling face. She's a very calm person though, and even if she's angry, she won't resort to temper tantrums or anything like that.
..subject to change..
Past:
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Nov 05, 2006 8:53 pm
 
About Spirit:
( In case you didn't know, this is my concept quest child)
Name: Circe ( Greek, meaning witch-goddess, seductive )
Gender: Female
Spirit: Chains
Race: Spirit
Height: 152 cm
Weight: 39kg
Appearance
Hair: Black
Hair Style: [X]
Eye Color: Deep Blue, Has a sultry look.
Skin Color: Pale peach.
Outfit: ..continued later..
Special Features:
Has chains on her wrists, waist, ankles.
Has one braid on the left side.
Has a chain around her neck and a padlock
Personality:
She has always been rather sarcastic and sassy and although she seems to smile often, it sometimes seems to be a facade she puts up. She is loyal friend however. She has a tendency to evade questions she doesn't want to discuss. No surprise, She's bewitching and persuasive. She gets annoyed easily and sulks when she doesn't get her way. She doesn't believe in showing 'weak' emotions such as crying, saying "I can't", and others emotions like that. She likes being alone as well as being with others.
( Note: Please add more in-depth information )
..continued later..
Ability:
Like Circe's spirit sounds, she's a chain spirit. She cannot restrain people or animals but she can literally break chains, shackles, forms of restraints of any sort. Chains are linked to locks, so she can unlock things, or break seals although this power of hers a weak power since chains aren't directly related to locks. She can break simple locks or seals as well as cast simple locks/seals. She can create chains as long as she has some sort of material to create it. (She can't make it out of thin air. )
Since chains are also a series of links, she can create or break a series but not of important things, like a series of major events because these are wielded by other spirits. She can only break or create a series of something small such as, --------. If she were allowed the power to break a series of something big, she could anger other spirits or create possible confusion that would defy the laws of nature, time, and fate.
..continued later..
About Circe's Past:
Circe was a human in a previous life who lived in a small town. She had a very good childhood friend, who was like a sister to her named Rahz. Rahz had grown up with her, and they were inseperable when younger. The town expanded, and as they grew older, they drifted their seperate ways, and gradually lost touch as they had their own growing groups of friends and such. Yet both were still loyal to each other, in light if their past and close friendship.
Circe betrayed Rahz though one day, at the age of 19 for just a moment. -----(including how Circe betrayed Rahz----------. While they were arguing, Rahz ran off. Apparently, Rahz was so upset at Circe, she wasn't watching where she was going and -------including how she died------ and died. Circe, believed herself to be responsible for her friend's death at a young age. Only a scarce few years after, Circe died of an illness and of the will not to live anymore. Circe chained herself with her regrets, guilt, and sadness even after she dies too. Because there are so many chains on her, she has become the "Spirit of Chains".
She met up with Raekah when Raekah went exploring in the same town Circe had lived in, and opened a strange looking door although people had warned her not to. They told her that a person had died in there and that the place was 'cursed'. Raekah, of course didn't want to heed their advice and opened it anyways, not fearing this 'curse' of theirs. There was only a small room and nothing else besides a chain on the floor. There was a fleeting thought, an image of a girl with black hair, and blue eyes. It disappeared quickly though. Raekah touched the chain slightly looking for anything unusual and for just a moment, felt a strange feeling. It disappeared as well. She was disappointed there was nothing there, dismissing the image and the feeling as her imagination. Circe followed her home that day.
...continued later.. Redoing this part.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Nov 05, 2006 8:54 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Nov 05, 2006 8:56 pm
Flatsale Prompt ...Flatsale Promt... Sugar, and Spice, and everything nice. Traditionally, or rather, fictionally, this is what girls are made of. Some are sweet, some are spicy, and in general, girls tend to be the nicer of the two genders. Of course no where in this vague description did it say anything about them running away! Your spirit child has managed to slip away from you and you can't seem to find her anywhere! Where has she gone to? Why is she gone? Did she simply drift off? Or did she run away on purpose? Flatsale Entry Flatsale Entry!
Guardian's Name: Circe
Spirit: Spirit of Chains
Age: Teenager
Spirit of Chains
“Why are you leaving?” She stumbled after the figure. A teenager with black hair and blue eyes glanced back at her, with tears in her eyes. She turned away, silent. “Circe! Don’t leave.. Don’t leave..” Her legs gave out, and she sat there, crying brokenly. She woke up with tears streaming down her face. “Circe.. I had a dream where you left..” She stared at the ceiling. “Circe?” She looked at her hands, and brushed away the tears. “Circe?” A note of panic entered her voice. She rose quickly. “ Circe?! Where are you?“ She couldn’t see Circe, but she had always felt her presence.. up until now. She reached out blindly, more tears streaming down her face. Circe couldn’t have left. She had always stayed with her. Why now? Why had she left? No. Circe had left for a reason. But she wouldn’t let Circe go through it alone she decided. She willed herself to stop crying. She stood up, and grabbed her jacket as she headed downstairs and out the door. “I’m not going to let you go alone.” She said determined. She would find her, she vowed. But where did she start, she wondered? A long ago incident suddenly appeared in her mind. -- “Circe, Have you been watching me all this time?” She smiled. “I sure made a fool of myself, didn’t I? Crying over him.” She looked at the sky. “ I thought I told you to leave me alone, but you didn’t.” There was an awkward silence. “Thank you for staying there with me. I don’t know if I could’ve been there alone…” She felt a warmth around her, and she closed her eyes. A vision of a girl appeared, and the girl went and sat near her. “ Circe. You’re so precious to me, I don’t know what I’d do if I ever lost you..” The girl smiled slightly. “ I would never leave you.” . -- That was one of the few times she had ever spoken, or even smiled. She smiled, wistfully. She opened the door, and rushed out into the on pouring rain. Another incident appeared in her mind, as if some kind of clue. -- “Where were you before you were with me Circe..?” She asked. She really didn’t expect an answer though since Circe didn’t speak much. But she did so much more by just staying with her. She had a sudden vision of a dark, cold, lonely place. There was only darkness, yet she could see a girl sitting bound by many chains. She could feel the loneliness and the hopelessness. “Circe..? Is that you..?” The girl didn’t seem to hear her. She was looking at something else. She tried to see what Circe was looking at, and saw a light. Circe reached out, looking unbearably sad but she stopped herself. The vision ended there. --- Why had Circe shown her that image back then, she wondered. No. It was a clue. But there had to be something more then that. Something important. Had Circe deliberately cut that something off? Something occurred to her. But was it possible..? Had Circe gone back to that lonely, dark place? If, so why? She was sure it had something to do with that vision. Suddenly, reality appeared once again and she saw the rain falling heavily. She was getting soaked.. Circe. She had to find her. What place would Circe go? She felt desperate, and trapped. Had Circe only wanted to stay by her side, yet left for some unknown reason? ..The park!.. Of course! She had met Circe there, and there Circe would go back! She ran to the park, ignoring the traffic lights, the cars. She ran to the park, uncaring what happened to her. The only thing that mattered was Circe. The loneliness and the darkness gripped her, as she saw a car coming straight at her, and she fell unconscious as the car hit her. Circe was again in chains that bound her. In that dark, lonely room. “Why did you come..?” Circe stared at her. “I’m not going to let you leave me or go through this alone!” She hugged Circe desperately, fearing Circe would disappear any minute. “You’ll leave once you know.” Circe said bitterly. “ No! I won’t!” She burst out. “You would once you see what happened.” Circe looked at her with cold eyes for the first time. “Let me see then. I’ll decide then.” She said with a finality in her voice. “You don’t understand, I left you for your own sake. What happened will happen again.” “Why did you stay with me then?” She cried out. "Did you want to be with me for only awhile then leave? That can't happen! You can't expect to just come and then leave! Weren't you happy at all with me? Was it my fault? Damnit, whatever happened before won't happen again!" Circe stayed silent. Circe stood up and touched her forehead gently and she was suddenly swamped with visions. Circe disappeared. Now it was just her. She looked around and was shocked to see herself in foreign clothes, surrounded by unfamiliar people. No. This wasn't her, she realized. Yet it was her, something told her. "This is me in another life..?" Then she saw another girl with herself in the vision. Circe! She was laughing and smiling with her. How? Another vision appeared. She saw Circe crying. The girl who had looked so much like herself in a grave. She saw Circe dying herself, and chain herself with the regrets and guilt. Circe had became the spirits of chains, she realized. She could break or choose to chain someone or herself. She had to break the chains. She felt sure, that it was what Circe had wanted. Circe couldn't survive otherwise. If she kept the this chain on herself this tightly, it would eventually break her even if she was the spirit of chains. Words alone wouldn't convince Circe that what happened didn't matter. She saw a knife. She grabbed it. "If you won't stay with me, I'll die again." Circe stood with chains and all. "Didn't you understand at all? I was the one who killed you! I'll kill you again somehow this time! I don't want that.." She looked away. "I was happy with you. Truly. But if I stay, you won't be happy at all." Circe said sadly. "Who cares how long my life is? I was happy back then being with you and happy now. You don't understand Circe. You didn't kill me back then. You won't now. So won't you come back..? Or do I have to kill myself again?" She dropped the knife and came to hold Circe. " Stay with me..." There was the sound of a chain breaking. She was at the hospital, in a hospital room. She vaguely saw a doctor but all that was mportant, was she had Circe back.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Nov 05, 2006 9:11 pm
Q. Can we post yet?
A. Yes. Why wouldn't you be able to?
Q. May we criticize your work or entries?
A. Please do! I wouldn't mind critique on my work. I would very much like some. I need to improve right?
Q. ..continued later...
A. ...continued later...
Q. ..continued later...
A. ...continued later...
Q. ..continued later...
A. ...continued later...
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Nov 07, 2006 12:24 am
All Graphics © Raekah
Concept © Raekah
Circe Art © Xox JackXSpades xoX
Incantation of the Spirit © Incantation Esprit
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Nov 07, 2006 12:31 am
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Nov 07, 2006 12:39 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Nov 07, 2006 10:40 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Nov 08, 2006 7:36 pm
The Long-Winded Critique...
I like you graphics, very snazzy and professional looking~ 3nodding The thread overall is very organized and easy to navigate.
On your OC:
I find the assumed age to be rather young for someone to be living on there own successfully(I'm guessing here since little information was provided on it) You may want to reconsider going a bit older, or perhaps going a bit more in depth on the character(Which I suggest you do anyway since so little information is supplied)
Her personality is understandable, but a a bit flat- you did good on generalizing a few of the predominant personality traits. Touching on some secondary facets would be helpful to better understand the character.
I don't like what is written in the past section, namely because it's vague, confusing, and lacking any explaination. You're pretty much leaving too much information pertaining to your character unexplained. The 'Past' is best used to help the reader understand the characters reactions and personality(the why of how they act), it enables them to relate to a fictional character on a more personal level so they could find something to like, understand, or feel any sort of emotion for when reading RP posts with aforementioned character.
In most cases, you learn about a character as you read in stories; but when it comes to character profiles and RP- a basic summary is more or less required since there is little time to explain away such things. So, who is this Rahz and Circe? Why were they best friends, what's this crap about a past life and reincarnation? Who consists of all these memories- what memories, for that matter? What's this about a current life?
Overall, too many questions, not enough answers.
On your Concept Character:
Since this is an OC based character, you'll have to work twice as hard when it comes to fixing/adapting her to the storyline of IoTS... I'd suggest right off the bat of not doing an original character based concept.
Ah... so this is Circe, (you should briefly point out in your character's past section that this Circe is in fact you concept quest child so they don't have to have a brick of an answer dropped on them when scrolling down)
The spirit type is another thing I suggest a change in(not to drop, but perhaps select a different one given the OC you've selected)
I don't understand the point of stating her half-breed race, in IoTS, the creatures are humanoid, not human, so they in effect don't have a race other than spirits made flesh. It could be you state the previous species of your OC due to her past life... but then that just clashes with your selection of spirit. In this case, I do not see how you can have both, so you'll either have to have the spirit of your deceased OC Circe, the hybrid elf/human- or the spirit of chains, literally.
In the hairstyle section you link to the same image displayed in the post, a little redundant, but oh well. As for the hairstyle, as your OC Circe, it's fine, it's your character- but if it's the spirit of the chains, the color black is iffy(chains range in color, depending on paint and material it's forged from, so if you're to keep it black, I suggest noting it to be with a metallic sheen) The style is debateable, I'd suggest more braids to appear like chains, or give the style a more refined look.
Special features are alright, not too exciting, given that the chains are in no way connected to her physical form, but worn like jewelry...
You have too many contrasting personality aspects, quiet is good for the shy type, but it is unlikely to go hand-in-hand with someone possessing a sassy disposition after warming up to a new friend. Secretive is always a tricky thing to use as a personality description, I'd suggest not mentioning it at all, but let it come forth in RP. Sensitive and caring people are rarely sarcastic so it makes for a definitive head-tilt and slight grimace when reading a character profile. Look further beyond the surface of the characters personality, quit skimming the surface and look more towards the core.
The ability is nice, but I see few limitations or weaknesses to it. It is true that such an ability would be very weak, if impossible to utilize as a young child; but a roleplayer could take the ability way out of hand. I suggest you extend this in more detail...
What allows her to chain another individual without consent? What are the machinations behind the ability? Does her will have to be stronger than the oponents in order for the chains to breech the aura and trap them? If so, how can you possibly judge such a thing? Overall, that facet of the ability is borderline god-mode if not RPed carefully and with other players permission.
A chain of events? that relates more to fate, time, and such things as destiny, something a string of metal chains are incapable of doing. At this point, I'd encourage you to specify just what kind of 'spirit of chains' this character is. Chains of Fate? Chains of Life? Regular chains? Not the literal chains but the chains of a Chain Reaction? What~?
I like this past section, its a bit... dull, but it answers questions and better defines what kind of 'chains' you mean. Still not liking the OC made into a concept, but the past section makes it more plausible but none-the-less still very difficult for you. But i would add on another word to what type of spirit instead of just leaving it at chains, because people will automatically assume what I first did, literally- chains, the cast-iron or cold-metal sort used to restrain all sorts of things. Perhaps something relating to all of the feelings and emotions that chained her down shortly before her death.
...and that is all I've got for ya.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Nov 08, 2006 8:13 pm
Oh, I'm glad about the criticism. I guess I'll change some more things. Thank you for telling me all this! n_n;;
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Nov 08, 2006 8:27 pm
Although, let me say, some of that criticism really hurt. xD.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Nov 08, 2006 8:32 pm
Raekah Although, let me say, some of that criticism really hurt. xD. Ignore what you found hurtful then, it's only one persons opinion, wait for other responses, or seek out others to look over your concept and see what they have to say- you'll always be surprised at what some people have to say. wink
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Nov 08, 2006 8:40 pm
DeMoNtAiNtEd Raekah Although, let me say, some of that criticism really hurt. xD. Ignore what you found hurtful then, it's only one persons opinion, wait for other responses, or seek out others to look over your concept and see what they have to say- you'll always be surprised at what some people have to say. wink
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
