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 Posted: Thu Oct 26, 2006 5:34 pm
She was upset, tired, and sick of it all. She wanted to break down and cry, let the blood tears flow, but she held them in. It hurt her too much to cry, it hurt her to much to live but she had to, sometimes she wished it wasn't so. Ryu'Rage had been in the Pridelands not long ago, meeting another, Siltim, she saw more of the grand lands. But wished to find him, Jini, surely he could make her feel better. He could, he had to.
Ryu'Rage walked, wings not fully upon her back, somewhat limped over her side, some of the feathers dragging against the ground, the red stayed ever present, even if the dirt tried to cover the color, teh crimson would break free into the sunlight. She was so tired, nightmares plaguing her nights, it was even harder for her to sleep now. She needed control, she needed rest, she needed peace for once in her life.
But Mrost was off somewhere, she didn't want to bother him so much. But she wanted to see Jini, see him smile, be shy, be kind, help her get through this day she wished was already over. She was amazed no one had seen ehr enter the lands yet, she went to the spot she had seen Jini last, and flopped onto the ground upon the grass. She held a blank sad stare in her silver orbs, she wondered how far Jini might be. She needed to find him. She was lost, she wasn't sure what to do now.
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Posted: Thu Oct 26, 2006 5:53 pm
Jini loped along casually through the long stalks of grass, his strides long and easy. The warmth of the sun soaked into his fur and somehow brought a small smile to his maw. It was a fairly nice day, with whisps of white clouds and a sky of pale blue. He was beginning to notice that his walks were far easier then he used to be. It almost seemed strange to him now not to take one on some days. Perhaps this was the first sign of his mother's fire carried on in him. He tilted his head slightly in mid-gate, clearing his growing mane from his face. The white and black locks still held the strange feather Ryu-Rage had given him. When he said he would treasure it he hadn't been lying.
He blinked slightly as he felt a breath of air against his face. Along the wind was a familiar scent, one he could nver mistake. For such a fragrence could only be of a goddess and therefore only of Ryu-Rage herself. His white ears sleeped forward slowly with hesitent curiousity. While he did not doubt his friendship with her he knew not how far she was...nor if she wanted company such as his at the moment.
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Posted: Thu Oct 26, 2006 5:58 pm
She wanted him here, to comfort her again, to try and make her smile though she still believed it not possible yet, she could only smile faintly. Her eyes witheld her tears that she wanted to flow, but she feared they might burn her pelt, make her hurt even more then she did already.
Images to her eyes, she saw them, all of them, falling, her not able to help, held in place. Why was her mind being so cruel, she felt teh best inside her squirm at the chains of light holding it down. She surpressed a growl, she wanted him here, though she didn't as well, she wanted comfort, but didn't want to risk ruining their friendship, or hurting him,
If she ever hurt him, she didn't know what she would do.
Rage believed she might die (if she could) if she hurt another she cared for. "Please...stop it...I don't want to see them anymore please..." her voice was faint, choking back her tears, her voice was sad and soft. She put her paws over her head, wings were laid out, she didn't care about them this moment. She just wanted to memories to stop.
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Posted: Thu Oct 26, 2006 6:09 pm
Jini stopped as if ice had been poured into his blood. A voice reached his quivering ears, a sound he had never before heard in his life. The tone was so torn, so devistated, so pleading he felt his heart aching and pulling him down. And yet it was so soft he knew whoever bore it had to be near. To have such pain gushing into a few simple sounds made his head spin. Without thinking he walked forward in a daze, his paws brushing against the grass lightly.
Within a few feet he found that which he had sensed before, the brilliant goddess of black and red he had met earlier. He felt a lump rise into his throat, making it hard to swallow as a shutter ran through his body. Concern filled his green eyes endlessly, as did helpless confusion. "Miss Ryu?"
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Posted: Thu Oct 26, 2006 6:19 pm
She heard someone coming. Was it him, or someone else? Would they make her leave, or let her stay. Would they try to attack? Damn these memories that flew within her eyes, made her see every painful detail. She heard a voice, caught a scent, she heard him, the shy voice, she looked up at him with sad eyes, "Jini..."
Rage wanted to ask him to make them stop, but she knew deep down he couldn't, he didn't have that power. She surpressed a growl again, "I came back, ...like I promised, I wanted to see you again Jini......Jini it hurts..." she said quietly, not only the tears wanting to flow, but her heart, not just from teh images, but it was beating too fast, too hard. Her heart was not the best, it was already broken, since she had been born.
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Posted: Thu Oct 26, 2006 6:28 pm
Jini recovered the best he could from seeing her in such a horrible state. Perhaps her body didn't look damanged, but that look in her eyes...it shook his very soul. Worry filled every fiber of his being and he moved quickly to her side, his movements flightly much like a mother avian watching over her nestlings. "M-Miss Ryu...oh Miss Ryu....what happened...? What hurts...? What's wrong...?" His ears pressed against his skull as he began to fret. If she was seriously injured, perhaps internally, what could he do? He knew nothing of herbs or any such things...he wouldn't be able to help...but that look she had...it chewed away at his heart. What if...what if it was her soul that was hurt? Her very being? What had happened to her to make her like this? She had been sad before, that was true, but nothing like this.
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Posted: Thu Oct 26, 2006 6:36 pm
She was trying to keep herself from breaking down totally, from letting the bloody tears pour from her saddened silver hues, she tried to hold it in, now Jini was so worried, yet it made Rage appreciate and know deep down, someone else cared for her, Jini was her friend, he seemed to want to help.
Rage choked back again, a low growl in her throat but she kept her mouth closed, "He spoke to me about them...my family, he made me think back...I keep seeing them Jini...it's all my fault....he made me think of them, I hurt him Jini, I couldn't control it, I didn't mean to hurt him I didn't he just..." she cut herself off but curling her wings around her, as if trying to hold herself in one place. "I didn't mean to...I didn't want to..."
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Posted: Thu Oct 26, 2006 6:47 pm
"Oh, Miss Ryu...I know you didn't mean to...you wouldn't mean to hurt anyone," he murmured, though he still failed to understand the situation. He bent forward and nudged the side of her neck in sheepish comfort. "And if you didn't want to do it...then it can't have been your fault...right...? Can anyone be condemned for...something they didn't choose?" He didn't know what she did, but she couldn't have possibly been at fault if she was so devistated. No individual chose to do something that would shatter them so completely like this. And yet he felt his heart sicken, for what good could his words really do? With such grief like this, would they not be just a leaf against a hurricane?
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Posted: Fri Oct 27, 2006 11:42 am
"But it was my fault...I couldn't stop myself...but he got away before I did anything more..." her voice was quieter, her breath calming down, tears held back, she didn't want to cry in front of Jini. "I just wish I could control it...but when it happens...and I can't...I can't stop myself...others run away from me...there was a god I met, he has a lot of strength, I showed him what happens a bit ago...but I can't find him, where he is.
I wish I could control it Jini, but I don't know how...everytime someoen speaks of them, my family, it hurts, it hurts so bad..." she closed her eyes and tried to stay focused, she didn't want Jini to see the other part of he, she didn't want him hurt. "How have you been Jini?" she asked softly, looking up at him from where she was on the ground, perhaps he was good, better then she Rage hoped.
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Posted: Sat Oct 28, 2006 3:48 pm
Jini settled down at her side, quite concern written all over his features. Her question passed over his head completely. It didn't matter how he was...not when his friend was miserable. "Do you think...it hurts so much because...you have it all bottled up inside...? That...you haven't...come to terms with what happened...?" He murmured slowly, carefully, and almost too quite to hear. He didn't know what had happened to her family...but it had obviously been very painful if it still hurt her now.
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Posted: Sat Oct 28, 2006 4:03 pm
"I have Jini...and it's still my fault...it's still my fault they're gone...they died because of me..." She growled in her throat, and covered her face with her paws, fighitng the tears. She wanted it all to go away, everything to turn black, she didn't want to see anything anymore.
She reached to her leg and upwrapped the red scarf, and wrapped it over her eyes, that is what it;s purpose was, not to cover a wound, but shield images that hurt her eyes. But even in that darkness, they would come, and would torture her. "Now I can't control it, I hurt someone else...I don't want to be like this anymore Jini..."
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Posted: Fri Nov 03, 2006 6:52 pm
Jini shifted uneasily, feeling awkward at trying to tell someone what to do or what to think. Even though it was really advice, it was hard for him not to jump at the idea of it being nosey or commanding. But he swallowed his shame and reluctance and began slowly, carefully, "But...miss Ryu...if you still think it's your fault...then that doesn't sound like you've come to terms with it to me, if you'll forgive me saying so." He flintched as she put the cloth over her eyes, feeling his heart twist with sympathy. But that would do no good, he knew.
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Posted: Fri Nov 03, 2006 7:35 pm
Jini was right, that Rage knew. He was so polite, so shy and caring, voice so soft and at ease, it calmed her a bit, her breathing was beginning to relax. She curled her tail around herself and shifted closer to where she blieved Jini was, until she felt one of her wings against his side.
Least he was close.
"I know i haven't, it's just...too hard, the memories, they hurt so much..." even mentioning them hurt her, she hated everything about her not having control, it being her fault (when in reality it could be teh opposite but she did not know). "What should I do Jini? Where should I go? I don't...I don't want to be a danger to anyone anymore....what should I do Jini? You're smart, tell me what I should do..."
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Posted: Sat Nov 04, 2006 1:31 pm
"I don't know about me being smart," Jini said sadly, shaking his head, "But...I do know you can't heal until the claw is taken from the wound. You can't possibly get better if you don't...ah...face...it..." He trailed off, looking away. It almost felt like he was sending her to her doom by saying so. But he believe it was true. If she was always running from shadows, from nightmares, how could she ever recover? How could she ever overcome what bothered her so?
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Posted: Sun Nov 05, 2006 10:11 am
"Don't ever doubt what you are Jini, you are a grand lion, don't ever think yourself any different," she said with a soft voice, it was honest, truthful with every word. Jini was a lion Rage wished she could, kind, friendly, pure, she wished she was pure.
He was right, she had to face it sometime, but there was one problem about that idea, "I'm just...afraid...if I face it, I don't know what'll happen to me Jini...perhaps...I should just try..." she contemplated what she could do. She needed control, even if it meant trying to put herself back together again, she was just afraid, if she became one with the darkness and light within her, that she would change...for the worse.
"Jini, if I try to face it...will you still be here...and still be my friend?" she wanted to always know she could come visit him, but she was afraid he might think otherwise.
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