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Sylan's Harsh Critique Boutique

Disclaimer!
Like the title implies, I will not be gentle.
If you ask for a critique slot, you're effectively asking me to tear your quest apart.
There is a chance I may swear, make fun of your character, and call your mama fat.
If you don't want that, don't ask.
If you ask for a slot and feel offended, don't complain, because you asked for it. Call this the tough love approach. If I see things I like, I'll say so.

That said, every critique is my very tactless opinion, you're not obligated to change the aspects I groan about. That's what the official critique thread is for.
I may take a little while to respond, as I'm doing this in my spare time. Be patient, you'll get yours.

Note: If you have more than one concept, specify which concept you want critiqued.
Do not ask for a slot if your thread/concept is still under construction.
A "complete" concept is one that has all the character information necessary- vital info, appearance, personality, history, serum(s), and reason for coming to the island.

Open for bashing.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

Oh, and you've read the Letter to Questers, haven't you? If not, DO IT NOW.

ME ME~

]http://www.gaiaonline.com/guilds/viewtopic.php?t=2475053

Alrighty I am not afraid and would like a constructive critique
of Roland Waylin

Critique Leslie please X3

Astra!

Damn it, woman, I like the concept. You're making my job hard there's not even much room to curse so... ******** bunnies.

Overall I like it. She's plain, she's bitter, she's sounds like the kind of a*****e native that directs tourists to the worst areas of town... Do people vacatian in Serbia? And I love all that.

But now I nitpick. There's nothing that makes me go WTF (damn you), there's just a few gaps that need to be filled. So it's clear you researched where she come from, and I like what's there, but a few things are missing. Like, what was she doing from age 19-28? Just ******** around at college? Was she writing for papers with her degree in journalism? Taking pictures for them? If so, what papers? Did she get along with her mother and sister? The stuff leading up to to that is interesting, but then it jumps ahead to her getting the letter.

The reason for coming to the island seems shaky to me. WHY did she get the letter? Was it really from her sister or did the island trick her? If so, why would they?

Other than that, she's foreign and she's mean and she's gonna be an icky bug... So I like it.

Raurhund!

Let me start by saying, damn those geese! No, seriously, that bit about a goose resulting in the plane crash that killed the guy's mother made me laugh.

Now, for all that's there, I really don't see how he's going to interact with other characters. He's cold, he's greedy, he doesn't give a damn about people... but how does he deal with them face to face? I understand that he's a callous b*****d... but there's something there that's missing and I can't quite put my finger on what.

Also, your background gives more information about Roland's father than Roland himself. I know Roland blamed him for his mother's death, but didn't they clash at all over the years?

And again, I hate the 'lol, he's becoming something he's afraid of XD' option. It's lame and already feels cliche.

hello you scare me...but i can suck it up and wait patiently for you to get done with everyone else to be torn apart. Cause i seriously need help...both mentally and physically.