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 Posted: Fri Oct 20, 2006 9:49 pm
 ★★★ This is one of those moments-suspended-in-time. The kind that can be
visited and revelled in here in the Dead Guild, because here it's as
though these moments never actually ended. The dead remember all.
This moment exists between the dividers below ... It's a little after midnight, at my place, in my bedroom. Brian and I just
got in from being out with some of his friends. We're just talking, and
then he obviously begins to get a little nervous. I ask him what's wrong,
and I begin to get nervous. I knew this was too good to be true, he must
be preparing to break up with me. We haven't been seeing each other for
very long now. I guess I'm not his type. He's my first, this is going to hurt.
"I ... think," he begins. "I think I love you."
My heart stops and I smile. A grin stretched from ear to ear, I repicrocate.
This ... this is something I never expected. I never actually believed
someone would fall in love with me. Me of all people. I always imagined
it would be the other way around, and that they would either comprimise
or it would just be unrequited. This ... I'm twenty-one years old, and it's
taken this long to happen, but it's here. This is the moment, staring into
his eyes, lit by the crappy white christmas lights I have strung up because
the actual light fixture in my room is broken and doesn't work ... I'm here.
I will be the answer
At the end of the line
I will be there for you
While you take the time
In the burning of uncertainty
I will be your solid ground
I will hold the balance
If you can't look down
If it takes my whole life
I won't break, I won't bend
It will all be worth it
Worth it in the end
‘Cause I can only tell you what I know
That I need you in my life
And when the stars have all gone out
You'll still be burning so bright
Cast me gently
Into morning
For the night has been unkind
Take me to a
A place so holy
That I can wash this from my mind
The memory of choosing not to fight
Cast me gently
Into morning
For the night has been unkindJust a few months after that night, you changed, I changed, and you
decided to break it off. That was the most horrible pain I've ever gone
through. I felt sick and weak and hollow for months afterward. I'm not
angry with you, Brian. I knew it had to end some time. In fact, I'm very
grateful. I'm happy that you were my first because you were such a
good person. I consider myself lucky to have known you before ... well,
you know. Before we both changed and went our very separate ways.★★★ 
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Posted: Sat Oct 21, 2006 7:07 pm
I don't even remember the day it was. The day I never got to say goodbye.
It was a couple years ago, Mom and George were continuously fighting to the point they decided they were going to divorce. And then they were deciding on who was leaving and who was staying. Mom, being the one who had lived in the house the longest, had George move out.
Of course they couldn't decide on us kids. Mom wanted my sister, and so did dad. It was a lot of fighting on the influences and care, to education and money on who could take care of my sister perfectly. She is older then me, and yet the favorite.
Or she was.
No one really wanted me. to explain that, I'd have to say that George isn't my father. It is true, my real father is Fred, a person I've known all of my life and yet I didn't know it. Mom never told me. My sister had to when she almost practically died while having her kid.
Anyways, I remember when George left without either of us kids. He was upset when he didn't get to have my sister under his wing, but he pushed it off and I never saw him again.
And then August came. Not the month, but the person. He was young and my mom's new lover. They rushed into marriage, which turned out bad and in the end it broke off with another divorce. My mom was now broke. She couldn't afford the house or having two of us kids.
I was left behind.
I remember that day like no other. Her picking up a suitcase and putting it in the back of her car, helping my sister get her stuff to fit in the back. Coming back inside grabbing her purse, and saying only a few words to August.
She looked at me, I could tell in her eyes she didn't want anything to do with me. She didn't say goodbye, she said that she never wanted to see me again, and left out the door.
I think I died right then and there. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't see. Not even hear. And her car drove off.
And I was depressed because I was left. I was left like I was nothing to her. And then a couple months later she died. I never got to say goodbye, and I still regret that today.
Only a few simple words, if only I could whisper them to her one last time...then I think...I could go on with part of my reality.
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Posted: Tue Oct 24, 2006 3:32 pm
February 20, 2002
It was like yesterday. I told everyone I shouldn't go to the hospital to see my grandpa.
If I do, it normally means something horrible.
And it did.
I went anyways against my own wishes. Heart heavy and feeling sick inside and out. I walked into the stuffy building and seeing the all white. Family members I knew for so long were all sitting there, sad, some not even daring to go into the room to see my grandpa.
He was laying on the bed, connected to machines with various tubes. He was unconcious. Beeping was going on and off.
Everyone in the room was crying. It was so sad.
I touched his hands, they were so cold and rough.
And we had to leave after visiting him for a while. Dad decided to take me shopping just to get it off of my mind.
In the store his cell phone went off, my heart sunk and I knew what happened.
30 minutes after I left my grandpa died.
And going home I couldn't stop crying. He was like an angel on earth. And he left us.
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Posted: Mon Nov 20, 2006 11:15 pm
confused Mh...
This one day in 2002 someone I loved told me farewell,cuz she wanted to be withmy best friend, that hurted,cuz she was smiling as Iwas breaking inside...
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Posted: Tue Nov 21, 2006 9:35 am
It's strange because whenever a relationship of mine has ended, I was always the dumpee, and the dumper was always the one who was more upset over it. I remember how much Brian cried when he told me he didn't love me anymore. I was upset for him, and I was hurting quite a bit, too, but I didn't cry until much later - long after he had left.
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Posted: Fri Dec 01, 2006 2:21 pm
D: .::just.read.post::. Ack! .::long.distance.hug::.
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Mariana the Deloved Vice Captain
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Posted: Mon Dec 04, 2006 3:44 pm
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Posted: Fri Jan 05, 2007 9:51 am
I've just been dumped crying .... We got to know each other before Christmas and I was totally in love, i was so happy and he was the first who seemend to love me back.... so i was so happy that the holidays were over and I could see him today, the whole day I was smiling from ear to ear... and then he comes telling me he just wants a easy sexual relationship nothing complicate and serious sweatdrop cry I can't believe it.... I am totally shocked and I feel so stupid sad sad cry I thought he was special... sad cry
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Posted: Sat Feb 24, 2007 10:54 am
I hated everything about him.
Why did I love him?
I waited for so long, only to find out the truth. You're not special Of course not. I was just like everyone else. I never want to see you again. Of course not. I was a bad memory. A fragment of the past.
He hated everything about me.
He didn't love me.
Mother told me to love him, that's why. Because she told me so. But then, he disappeared. I haven't heard from him in so long, I wonder what's happened. I was his only daughter, but he didn't care. He married another, and had more unwanted children. Will he leave them, too? Or is he dead now. My last words to him were, I don't want to see you. Was that the truth? Was I so angry at the conditions and his lack of care that I didn't care? Or was the truth that I was so crushed by him, he pushed me away.
I haven't seen my father since.
I hate everything about him.
Do I still love him?
No.
I hate him. I hate everything about him, forever and beyond. I'll never have a father, or know what a true relationship is like. I'll never see him again, because to him, I'm just another face, another horrible memory whose life needs to be erased.
As I sit hear alone, I wonder if anyone really cares. I'm really not with you anymore, I'm just a ghost. I can't hurt anyone anymore. I don't talk verbally. Only in writing. I rarely go out into the sunlight, because of him. I'm afraid. Afraid of that rejection, spoken so clearly that day. I watch the world through glass, and cry myself away. Is that a life? Well I've learned, that, like right now, it rains and it pours when you're out on your own, and the whispers in the dark of the rejection will never cease.
I hate everything about him.
There's only one person left I can truly turn to, and I hope that she can hear me enough to catch me as I'm falling into the darkness.
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