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Tags: dead, death, goth, freak, spooky 

Reply The Ten Thousand Shrines
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Tenzin Chodron
Captain

PostPosted: Fri Oct 20, 2006 9:19 pm


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★★★

For my pet black-and-white gerbil, Domino, who died because
we didn't have enough money to buy the gerbils food, so his
offspring decided to devour him. I still feel bad about that and
it happened well over a decade ago.

For the dignity, wisdom and compassion of the human race
that seems to die a little every day. For Uncle David who shot
himself in my dad's garage when I was in the fifth grade. For
Sean who was a good friend of mine who died when I was in
the sixth grade. And also ...

For hearing all my doubts so selectively and
For continuing my numbing love endlessly
For helping you and myself: not even considering
For beating myself up and overfunctioning

For letting you decide if I indeed was desirable
For my self-love being so embarassingly conditional
And for denying myself to somehow make us compatible
And for trying to fit a rectangle into a hole

For blaming myself for your unhappiness
And for my impatience when I was perfect where I was
Ignoring all the signs that I was not ready
And expecting myself to be where you wanted me to be

No one’s been crueler than I’ve been to me


★★★

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PostPosted: Fri Oct 20, 2006 10:04 pm


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★★★

This is for the house that my family and I called home for over two
decades. You were where I spent all of my Christmases, while my
family could still afford to celebrate it. You were where I stood dressed
in that rented tuxedo for my High School graduation, and everyone kept
telling me how good I looked, even though I didn't really believe them.

That was the house where, when I was very young, we got two cats,
and we named them Barney and Spencer, but they ran away. It's just
as well because not long afterward, we developed terrible cat allergies.

You had the bathroom where dad had a heart attack, with the bathtub
where I spent too long crying over things I couldn't change. I still
remember the ugly train-themed wallpaper that covered the middle
bedroom where I slept for so many years. Wallpaper that I tore down
after not being able to stand looking at it for much longer. There was
ugly lime green paint underneath it, but it was still better than those
damned trains. XD That was the room where I saw the tall ghosts.

You were where I lived when I fell in love for the first time, and where
I had my heart broken. Where we were when dad left us, where mom
nearly died, where we lived when we first brought our puppy in (who
still lives with us, whom we all adore). You have the kitchen that I think
of whenever I smell gravy or stovetop stuffing or meat loaf and perogies.

I still have dreams that take place there. I spent so much of my time
living there. We didn't really want to leave, but we didn't have a choice.
There are so many memories, I can't begin to recount them all ... like
the ugly fake wood panelling in the living room that only looked good
when we hung our stockings on the wall at Christmas. And how when
we were younger we would watch lightning storms from the huge window.

I miss the playhouse we had in the back, and grandpa's garden, and the
smell of rotting vegetables and freshly turned soil after the harvest. I
miss the tall trees. The two in the front and the two in the back.


★★★

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Tenzin Chodron
Captain


Tenzin Chodron
Captain

PostPosted: Tue Oct 24, 2006 1:30 pm


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★★★

To the group of guys who mugged me that fateful night a few years ago:

Thank you, and I'm sorry. Thank you for teaching me a painful, brutal,
but ultimately necessary lesson. While what you did caused me to develop
social anxiety disorder, agoraphobia, and misanthropy, you also did a lot
of good, forcing me to let go of many of the ideas that I held about myself
and the world I was living in. It was a shocking liberating experience, as
painfully destructive as it was nirvanic. ......................................................

And I'm sorry for whatever that curse did to your car. I was angry, and
when I got home I gathered together what I was saving for an experiment,
and poured it all along with my hatred, my malice, my cruelty, and my
rage into that curse. When I saw your car totalled on the side of the road
about a year later, I felt good about it. But now, I regret it. I hope none of
you were hurt. If you were, I'm sorry. I hope none of you died, if you did
then your death was partially my fault. I apologize for my lack of wisdom.


★★★

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PostPosted: Tue Oct 24, 2006 3:24 pm


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★★★

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OM AH HUNG

This great blissful fragrant incense
Pure from transformation
Together with peerless clouds of
Most perfect Samantabhadra offerings
I offer with great devotion
First to my Guru, who is my mind-seal deity
then to Lord Buddha, Dharma and Sangha.
Together with your entourage of dakinis
And Dharma protectors, nagas, devas.
Landlords and all six types of migratory beings.
May you all be pleased by this offering
May all obstacles and hindrances to realization be pacified.
May all the pollution and degenerations be purified and pacified.
May all beings actualize the state of the four bodies and may
I lead all of them to the enlightened state.


★★★

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Tenzin Chodron
Captain


Mariana the Deloved
Vice Captain

Dapper Gawker

4,900 Points
  • Generous 100
  • Profitable 100
  • Flatterer 200
PostPosted: Tue Oct 24, 2006 3:47 pm


Usually cursing someone is never a good idea. In the end, it is never worth it. Karma always takes care of itself.
PostPosted: Tue Oct 24, 2006 4:02 pm


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★★★

Several years of agoraphobia, social anxiety disorder,
yeah, I definately paid for dealing inappropriately with
what happened to me. But even so, I still learned some
important things that I couldn't have learned otherwise.

"It's all just fuel for the path" as Pema Chödron would say.


★★★

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Tenzin Chodron
Captain


Mariana the Deloved
Vice Captain

Dapper Gawker

4,900 Points
  • Generous 100
  • Profitable 100
  • Flatterer 200
PostPosted: Tue Oct 24, 2006 4:20 pm


Hey! At least on the bright side you weren't gang banged! biggrin
I'm glad you weren't raped. heart
PostPosted: Tue Oct 24, 2006 4:31 pm


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★★★

I never thought about that possibility.
I'm glad I wasn't raped, too.


3nodding

★★★

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Tenzin Chodron
Captain


Tenzin Chodron
Captain

PostPosted: Sun Nov 05, 2006 8:55 pm


User Image 地蔵菩薩是

Although he has not passed on yet, this entry is for my mom's friend's father
who was recently told that he only has three months left to live. :[


User Image 萬知通
PostPosted: Sat Nov 11, 2006 9:37 pm


ஐღ

And now, because of some complications, he may only have a
couple days left to live. May he be free from suffering and its
causes. May he recognize liberation's excellent bliss, and find
his way either to nirvana or a fortunate rebirth in a pure land.


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Tenzin Chodron
Captain


Mariana the Deloved
Vice Captain

Dapper Gawker

4,900 Points
  • Generous 100
  • Profitable 100
  • Flatterer 200
PostPosted: Mon Nov 13, 2006 9:27 am


Blessed be~...
PostPosted: Fri Nov 17, 2006 7:06 am


Last night my mom's friend's dad passed away.
Yesterday one of my Uncles was evicted.
More and more people are dying in Iraq.

Because of greed and lust for power,
Children are dying from drinking tainted water;
Wal-Mart doesn't mind using child labor to make their clothes.

Because of greed and lust for power,
Human dignity has becoming preciously rare;
Human intelligence has been systematically murdered.

Because of greed and lust for power,
I will become a good person and help others;
I will vow to be dignified, humble, honest, and kind.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=


May all who say bad things to me
Or cause me harm,
And those who mock and insult me
Have the fortune to fully awaken.

May I be a protector to those without protection
A leader for those who journey
And a boat, a bridge, a passage
For those desiring the further shore.

May I be an island for those who seek one
And a lamp for those desiring light,
May I be a bed for all who wish to rest
And a slave for all who want a slave.

May I be a wishing jewel, a magic vase,
Powerful mantras and great medicine,
May I become a wish-fulfilling tree
And a cow of plenty for the world.

Just like space
And the great elements such as earth,
May I always support the life
Of all the boundless creatures.

And until they pass away from pain
May I also be the source of life
For all the realms of varied beings
That reach until the end of space.

May the pain of every living creature
Be completely cleared away.

May I be the doctor and the medicine
And may I be the nurse
For all sick beings in the world
Until everyone is healed.

May a rain of food and drink descend
To clear away the pain of thirst and hunger
And during the aeon of famine
May I myself change into food and drink.

May I become an inexhaustible treasure
For those who are poor and destitute;
May I turn into all things they could need
And may these be placed close beside them.

Without any sense of loss
I shall give up my body and enjoyments
As well as all my virtues of the three times
For the sake of benefiting them all.

By giving up all, sorrow is transcended
and my mind will realize the sorrowless state.
It is best that I now give everything to all beings
In the same way as I shall at death.

For as long as space exists
And sentient beings endure,
May I too remain,
To dispel the misery of the world
- Śantideva's Bodhicitta Aspiration Prayer

Tenzin Chodron
Captain


Tenzin Chodron
Captain

PostPosted: Sat Nov 18, 2006 6:58 pm


My grandfather was rushed to the hospital this evening. They say he is very ill. My mother is distraught with worry, pre-grief, anxiety, et cetera. She seems angry, and I can understand that. Things haven't been right with our family for a long time. It's just one bad thing after another, and nothing seems to really improve or stay decent for very long.

Her friend's father just died, and now her own father may pass away as well. I think that the timing may be fortunate for her, since she'll have a friend who is going through precisely the same thing and they can be each other's support system. I'm not sure how my grandmother will react, she's already taking it hard.

I'm not really worried. I care about my grandfather, but I know that everyone dies, and I know that death is never the end. In fact, I consider death to be a joyous time, because it's a release from the failing body, from a lifetime of hard work. It's finally getting to go to bed after a long, hard day in the fields. But there's always tomorrow, and the day after that, until enlightenment.

om mani padme hum
PostPosted: Wed May 16, 2007 12:13 pm


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My grandmother was rushed into the hospital yesterday. She had not been
eating for about a week. My mother and I cannot help but wonder if these
may be the last of her days. If they are, then there will be mourning and
celebration. Celebration that she will be free from the suffering of her old age.

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Tenzin Chodron
Captain


Your UGLY Girl

PostPosted: Tue May 22, 2007 7:08 pm


I am sorry for your suffering this may, but I also want to let you know that in the area of Social Anxiety disorder and Agoraphobia (plus Generalized Anxiety) I know how you feel.

I know how hard it is, and how much you want to rid yourself of it, but its always there, changing you, making you more aware, scaring you into new thoughts and ideals.

I wish you good luck, and I hope you find happiness soon. <3
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The Ten Thousand Shrines

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