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 Posted: Mon Oct 16, 2006 1:23 pm
"When Last I Saw You"
When last I saw you
I had no fear
Of you being true
And faithful, staying near
By my side
Forever and ever
Until we've long since died
And can breath again, Never.
"My Beauty Divine"
I've got a death-grip on my sanity
And I'm slowly loosing my hold
I'm staring in a broken mirror, revelling in vanity
My body is turning gray, damp and cold
I look down to see the flame of my candle burn out
As if extinguished by the reaper's harsh breath
A scream caught in my throat, a shout
My beauty divine, no longer devout.
" In Vein You Scream "
In Vein You Scream-
A waking dream...
And more to come eventually.
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Posted: Mon Oct 16, 2006 4:06 pm
and more:
"I Bleed Dry"
With this rose, all the tears I've cried
I swear I'll bleed myself dry
From my heart I've bled
The tears that have been shed
On my knees I beg and plead
You rip out my heart
Just to watch me bleed
I've ... Been... Torn ... Apart
"Angel Huntin'"
I'm hunting for an angel
And I just can't seem to find
The prettiest one that I've got
Locked up in my mind
One day I will find you
We'll be together again
And I will love you until that day
Forever and 'til the end
"Angels In Disguise"
It's dark alone inside my head
Thinking of all the words you said
With one last embrace
I catch a glimpse of death's face
With crystal blue eyes
An angel in disguise
"Dreaming Illusions"
Wake me up from this deam
Before I become attached to the illusion
Maybe this is more than it seems
Maybe it's my time that's beginning to run
And when my ashes begin to fade
She will always be forever
Maybe It's my deathbed that I've made
She will always be for never
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Posted: Mon Oct 16, 2006 4:21 pm
"Seasons"
As Each Leaf Falls, I Remember The Days
Back When Things Were So Much Easier
Back When It Was Just You And Me
Back WHEN I HAD YOU
As each snow falls, I remember the times
Back when life was so much simpler
Back when we were just kids
Back when I had you
As each rain falls I remember your love
Back when the angels still sang
And spread their wings for us
Back when I still had you
And with each summer heat
Like the fire in my soul
I remember the lives
Back when we were one
Back when I still had you
With every season, a new beginning
To The Hurt That Rots Inside
Ashes, of that past
Regrets, You've never known
Behold, that which has burned into
Into, the very heart you stole
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Posted: Mon Oct 16, 2006 4:37 pm
-coughs- Sorry kiddo, but you seem a little 'emo' for me. Personally I would like to see deeper thoughts about your feelings through your poetry. Most times poetry allows a person to get to know someone else better. This all I seem to be seeing is the typical angsty teen. -winces- I know, I'm harsh.
Notes: You spelled 'vain' as 'vein'. "In vain" means done without any recieve-ance [I made up a word. Bite me.] "In vein" means in those things that lets your blood flow through your body. Heh.
I did like Angel Huntin', but again, I would like to see you develop the idea more. You touch on an interesting subject and make a point... but then you stop. Make sure you keep going and let it evolve. Make your poetry come somewhat of an entity.. Some different part or feeling that you have verbalized.
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Posted: Mon Oct 16, 2006 4:59 pm
broken_91 -coughs- Sorry kiddo, but you seem a little 'emo' for me. Personally I would like to see deeper thoughts about your feelings through your poetry. Most times poetry allows a person to get to know someone else better. This all I seem to be seeing is the typical angsty teen. -winces- I know, I'm harsh.
Notes: You spelled 'vain' as 'vein'. "In vain" means done without any recieve-ance [I made up a word. Bite me.] "In vein" means in those things that lets your blood flow through your body. Heh.
I did like Angel Huntin', but again, I would like to see you develop the idea more. You touch on an interesting subject and make a point... but then you stop. Make sure you keep going and let it evolve. Make your poetry come somewhat of an entity.. Some different part or feeling that you have verbalized. The "vein" bit was on purpose... Most of that is old, from about two to three years ago. My Beauty Divine and When I Last Saw You are from this very morning... I'll admit they are emo-esque, but that was the mood I was in when I wrote it. I would disagree with your comment about getting to know someone better through their poetry, it doesn't always work that way.
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Posted: Tue Oct 17, 2006 7:52 am
The last one, I liked the most.
Poetry, I believe, shows what you want it to show.
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Posted: Tue Oct 17, 2006 8:14 am
I find them all too short for the subject in them. I like being told a story if it's going to be anywhere near emo-esque. I'd like to see you make them longer and more detailed!
Keep it up though!
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Posted: Tue Oct 17, 2006 7:05 pm
I like them, although some are a bit... cheesy (and yes a little emo-esque) But I think you should add on to a few of them. "My Beauty Divine" sounds like it would be good a the chorus to a song, and I like it. I also like "Angel Huntin'"
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Posted: Tue Oct 17, 2006 7:56 pm
and um, in vein should be in vane. sorry, I'm a grammar whore.
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Posted: Wed Oct 18, 2006 12:45 pm
KirbyVictorious and um, in vein should be in vane. sorry, I'm a grammar whore. It would be "Vain" I believe, but the vein bit was on purpose. They're short, because they were originally songs for my band, but I didn't like all of it so I cut out the parts I did. I might post the whole versions in here sometimes, and yes they're kind of emo-esque.
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shortstoriestragicendings
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Posted: Sat Nov 04, 2006 9:17 pm
....these arent half of your poems
I know who the first is about
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