Welcome to Gaia! ::

ok... this is for those of you out there who have a step parent and you absolutely hate them. just last night i was joking around and accidentally wised off to my stepdad. then he whacked me over the head with his checkbook(long story, PLEASE dont ask) and then he said something like " i can do that because im your father. NO HE ISNT!!! i almost yelled at him all the way across the table NO UR NOT MY FATHER YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO TOUCH ME SO SHUT UP! *sigh* i feel better now that i got that out... im 15 and i have to live with this guy for 3 MORE YEARS! any advice on how to handle it?

i suppose your right... its just that sometimes its so hard to love certain people, in this case my step father. ill pray constantly and maybe something will happen, depending on God's will.
thank you

So I may not have a stepfather, but my biological dad is enough to handle. He is seriously one person that if I were not related to I wouldn't bother knowing but he is my father.
1)Prayer (like Hikari said)
2)im not good on exact verses but there is a part in the bible where it tells you if you are persecuted or similar to persecuted then you should just go back and endure it because greater will be your reward in heaven....i think it was a story in the old testament but im not sure. The point is sometimes the bible doesnt tell us what we want to hear.

I know I struggle everyday dealing with my dad but I also do pray about it.

You should still love him. In the bible Jesus says if you hate someone it is still equal to murdering him.

so i had couple step parents....

an it was hard specailly since they all abused me so hatred grew an i hated them an my self but now i dont cause i learnt to forgive them which was hard

you know, i have always wondered, what is the point of step-parents? i have asked God several times why he stuck me with this guy, and i still dont really have an answer, and if there is an answer, then i guess i just dont see it yet... but he always just assumes a role as "dad". he threatens to punish me in rather violent ways(ex: ill beat you, boy) and i can barely control myself from saying "you cant touch me cuz ur not my father!" the only reason i dont tell him hes not my father is cuz 2 different things might happen:

1. he will back off and never threaten me again (yay!)
2. hell treat me like im not his son and kick me out of the house.

you know who's taking this the hardest? my mom. several times i will walk in on her bawling her eyes out, and several times i have been tempted to ask her "why did you even marry him in the first place?" but i dont want to at the same time, cuz that might depress her even more. what scares me the most is that my mom has been getting these books on self- inspiration that help keep her going, and it scares me that she might be thinking about suicide. it scares me to death, and i hate to see her like this, and i ask God why does he do this to us? why cant he do it to someone else? out of everyone on this earth, why would you pick us? i only have three years before i get out of the house, and once i leave, i am never talking to my step- dad again.

I am very sorry to hear that. If you want, I will keep you guys in my mind in my prayers. I guess all I can say is just be supportive of your mother and try not to cause any trouble with your dad because I bet when days are calm they make your mother smile. I think some step-parents try to act like parents because they really want to be your parents and be a part of the family...its tough to be an outsider...but then it can go the opposite way too where they just are plain old power abusers. My real dad is one of those people unfortunately but he still is my dad and I have to live with it. I pray for Him to truly accept Jesus in his heart but he is also a coward and won't admit his faults. I still pray. Afterall, asking God for the impossible is one of the greatest things you can do to make God happy.

Oh, there's an answer, but you probably don't want to know it yet. And honestly, knowing why won't help you deal with it. My dad's sick with brain cancer, actually. My parents, being deaf foreign immigrants, were rather dependent on me until the time came to go to college, as God called me to do, far from home. Now no one is doing what I was doing, which is keeping them in line and making sure they got everything done that needed to be done. I've got a truckload of psychological scars now. Here's the thing: I know why God allowed this to happen. So I could learn about His forgiveness (I got angry with Him and hated Him for what he allowed to happen to my father, but God was still my reason for existence and the energy I needed), so I could be prepared for the mission field (God's calling me away from my family, the ties of duty to them need to be broken), and so something could be righted in our family structure (we were never vulnerable with each other. We love each other dearly, but we often hide our emotions). Knowing this doesn't lessen the scars I have in the least degree. Only going to God and just crying with Him, and telling Him everything that's on my heart has really helped to do that.

You do need to embrace suffering. As a good friend from the Congo said (which if you don't know about the situation over there, let's just say Africans know about suffering), "Suffering is God's way of preaparing you for a blessing."


I don't know enough about your situation to give you specific counsel on that, except to say throwing that "you're not my father" bit around isn't going to help any. In his view, he has become your father. In marrying your mother he took on that role, in his eyes. I imagine he could learn a lesson or two about being good father.

But you be a good son to him, too. It sounds like he's actually abusive (like, follows through on the threats to beat you up, not just a spanking or a whap) so you need to be careful there. Being a good son to him may provoke him to be a better father, unless he's one of those psychotic power-trip people. You'll never know until you try. Being a good son to him will be loving your enemy in this case.


That's incredibly sad. I'll keep your family in my prayers.

Stop blaming God for this. And if you know how horrible it is, don't wish your pain on someone else. Because I blamed God for my father's sickness, there's this rift in our relationship that's still healing. Go read Job. Honestly, you have no right to talk back to God. Did you create the world simply by speaking? Did you put the sun in its place? Can you add even one hour to your life, which Jesus said is child's play for God? Can you hate the God who does not count your sins against you because He made that possible by the sacrifice of His only son?

When I read Job, I wept, like, a 3" long snot line coming out of my nose, tears streaming down both sides of my eyes, body convulsing kind of weeping. Needless to say, I don't blame God anymore. I realized I had no right to. I don't have the right to hold on to my father. I don't have the right to be angry with God for putting me in the family He did. You don't have that right either.

Sorry for being a bit harsh here, but I think that what I've learned from my own suffering gives me the ability to say that and not say it in an empty manner. I tell you the truth, things are so much better now that I don't blame God anymore and I admitted I was angry with Him. My father's still sick, I've still got pain, but my lines of communication with the One who can help me cope are open again, and it's wonderful.